Chapter 12: A Dream That I Can't Hold

(Top Of The World – Greek Fire)

Laughter filled the space. Voight's expression didn't flinch. He kept his gun trained on the head on the woman laughing, but Atwater grew uneasy.

"Jay Halstead," Essa cackled. "Tell me, did the bitch die? Are you fighting for her memory?"

"That's not an answer Essa," Voight snapped.

She laughed. "No. It's a question. You answer one for me. I answer one for you. That's how this is going to work." As she spoke, she rose to her feet and turned to face Voight.

The sergeant just shook his head. He fired a shot that just missed Essa, grazing her left temple. Blood ran down her face as she stumbled back.

"I'll tell you how this is going to work. You are going to tell me where my detective is, or I'm going to kill you."

"You think I'm afraid of dying, Hank Voight?" She whispered sinisterly, pressing her forehead against the pistol aimed at her. "I lost the man I loved. I nearly lost the only memory I had of him. I've seen so many people in pain and in agony as they struggle through life...I'm not afraid of it ending. I'm afraid of you getting what you want. I'm afraid of you being happy, not me not being happy."

"Then let me grant your wish-" Voight barked. He was about to pull the trigger, but stopped when his phone went off. "Watch her," he demanded to Atwater.

"Voight," he answered as he walked out of their earshot.

"Hey Hank," Olinsky greeted. "Ruzek and I are heading back to the station, we've got some new information from our doctor friend."

"Fire away."

"Valerie Marshall was a witness to the death of her brother when she was still in high school. Because of this, she started helping out at the Stein Homeless Shelter. That's where she met Essa. They sympathized with each other because they'd both lost people they loved. The two became friends. Valerie met Lee through Essa."

"When did she send her to our doctor friend?"

"Apparently, Essa was with Lee one night, when he got shot by a mugger. Essa snapped. So, Valerie sent Essa to an old friend."

"Dr. Courtney."

"Exactly," Olinsky said. "As for the connection to Dante, Essa found him all on her own. The therapist sent Valerie to check on Essa's living environment. I'm assuming that's Valerie jumped on board with Essa's crazy ideas of revenge."

"So, now they're working together."

"Perhaps, but it's unlikely Essa plays a big role. Valerie is good at hiding her plans. You told me that when you met her seemed polite and gentle, even invited you to stay."

"Yes," Voight confirmed. "But, I didn't really think twice on it."

"Because she's a master manipulator. Essa, on the other hand, is a woman with almost no control over her emotions. Valerie wouldn't let that kind of recklessness ruin her plan."

"But it's Essa's revenge."

"That's the thing. What if it was only made to look like Essa's revenge? I mean, sure, her husband was also a friend of Hansen, but he seems to have moved past it. I find it hard to believe Valerie would just jump into this kind of deal with someone as unstable as Essa. She's met plenty of other unstable people and sent them to Dr. Courtney. So why Essa's plan?"

"Al, you're throwing a serious curveball if you're right. We almost have this organization figured out."

"But what if we don't?"

Voight sighed. "Looks like we're going to need Essa to talk. I'm going to require your help."

"Just tell me what you need."

Voight approached Essa and Atwater once again.

"That was Olinsky," he explained, the tone of his voice giving away a feeling of disbelief. "Ripper and Dante- they turned on Valerie."

"What?" Atwater exclaimed.

"Valerie's the head. Ripper and Dante are the two who work under her," Voight explained.

Essa shook her head. "That's not true."

"They shot her, Vanessa."

She shook her head. "No," she mumbled. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

"She lost the baby Essa."

"Shut up!"she screeched.

"Lee, he's...they took him. They're going to hook him up to a bomb vest too."

"I said shut up!"

"You want him to end up like Hansen?!"

"Don't you dare!" She cried. "He was a person, a human being! I cared about him! You don't get to bring him up after what you did! Especially not while lying to me! He's not just some name you can throw around to make me talk! He was a person!"

"You're right. He was a person...and so is Lee. Are you going to let your friend become just name? Because that's all Hansen is now; a name. He's just a memory Essa, but Lee's not, not yet. You can help us save him."

"How..." she whispered. "How do I know you're not lying?"

"Come with us to the hospital. We'll show you Valerie."

Essa nodded. "But if I find out you're lying to me, you better just shoot me, because I won't tell you a damn thing if you are, in fact, lying to me."

They arrived at the hospital just a little later. They approached a man sitting at the desk.

"We're here to see a Valerie Marshall," Voight explained as politely as he could.

"I'm sorry," the man said. "You're here to see who?"

"Valerie Marshall," Voight repeated.

The man hit searched through his computer for a moment. "You must be at the wrong hospital," he confessed. Essa gave Voight a dangerous look. Atwater gave his boss an uneasy glance. "I don't see a Valerie Marshall..."

"Oh no," came a voice of another man. "I just operated on her."

The group turned to see Dr. Richard Blanc, the doctor who had tried to kill Lindsay, standing before them in full scrubs. Atwater stared at his boss in horror, but Voight gave him a look that clearly read trust me, which caused him to calm down before Essa noticed the exchange.

"Apparently, no one thought it was important to record the fact that Mrs. Marshall was brought in. I just found out, so I thought I'd come clear up any misunderstanding. Good thing I did," Dr. Blanc said with a smile. "How can I help you three?"

Essa spoke up right away. "Is she okay?"

"Hard to say. She's still in surgery, the second part anyways. I just finished, fixing up the main injuries, but the doctor working on her now still has a lot of work to do before she's anywhere near out of the woods...and...we lost the baby."

Essa made a small whimper.

"I'm so sorry. We did everything we could."

"When- When will she be out...of surgery?" Essa asked sadly. "When can we see her...if...if she..."

"I honestly can't say. Every case is different. There are so many things that could go wrong. But I'll tell you what. I can have someone call you as soon as we're done operating."

Essa forced a weak smile. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Voight turned to Atwater, "Could you take her to the car? I'll be out in a moment." The younger detective nodded and did as told.

Once they were out of earshot, Voight turned his attention to the doctor. "I appreciate what you've done here. You really helped us out."

"Whatever helps lower my prison sentence," the doctor replied, in what may or may not have been a poorly executed and timed joke.

Voight nodded. "I haven't forgiven you," he stated. "Let's make that clear. You tried to kill my detective and I'm not ever going to forgive you for that, but, that being said I know why you did what you did. There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect my family. Nothing."

"I'm sure."

"So, if you agree to keep helping us whenever we need your assistance, I think we'll be able to talk to the judge on your behalf. Maybe, make it so you don't have to go to prison."

"If it means getting to stay with my family," the doctor explained. "I'll do whatever you ask."

Essa was sitting in the interrogation room, waiting for someone to go talk to her. The entire unit (expect Halstead and including Roman) was gathered in the main room of intelligence.

"Well," Lindsay said. "I'm glad we're letting Blanc walk. I don't blame him for what he did."

Voight nodded. "I figured you wouldn't."

"Just to double check," Atwater said. "The Marshall family is fine?"

Ruzek laughed. "It was just to get Essa to agree to talk to us...and it worked so don't let her know that we were lying or she'll stop co-operating."

"She's messed up," Atwater admitted. "How do we know that any of what she says is true? Wouldn't it be better to go after Valerie?"

"With what evidence?" Lindsay pointed out.

"Like that's ever stopped us," Ruzek muttered under his breath, earning a glare from Voight.

"You want to go beat up a pregnant woman?" Lindsay snapped.

"If it gets us Halstead," Ruzek remarked defensively.

"She's the mastermind," Lindsay barked. "She won't talk anyways."

"Don't you want to find Jay?!"

Lindsay made a motion to get out her chair and punch Ruzek, but Dawson held her down, so she didn't tear any stitches.

"We all want to find him Ruzek," Dawson snapped. "I know emotions are running high, but let's not lose our heads. Keep in mind who the bad guys are. I'll give you a hint. They're not in this room."

Ruzek and Lindsay sighed. "I'm sorry," the male confessed. "I was out of line."

"You think?" she snapped back.

"Enough," Voight demanded. "I'm going to go interrogate Essa. I want Lindsay watching, but you are by no means, allowed to come into the room with her or talk to her. Is it that clear?"

"Crystal."

"All due respect boss," Atwater interjected. "She hates you. Maybe someone else should go in."

"Fine. You do it. Take Ruzek with you. Can you keep your head on?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Don't you dare blow this."

"I won't. Don't worry."

As Ruzek, Atwater and Lindsay made their way to the interrogation room. Ruzek grabbed Lindsay's arm.

"Are we good?"

Lindsay smile lightly and sighed. "Yeah. You were just worried. I get that."

Ruzek smiled. "Good thing there's a remedy for our worry."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Finding Halstead and burning anyone who gets in our way."

Lindsay's smile grew. "Just try to keep the heat down while talking to Essa. She's agreed to help. You don't have to 'burn' her."

Ruzek laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You two coming?" Atwater called. "Or are you going to stand there forever?"

They both nodded and entered the interrogation rooms, Atwater and Ruzek in the room with Essa and Lindsay on the other side of the glass.

"Olinsky, you said something about a bigger plan earlier," Dawson mentioned, as he pulled the older detective aside.

"I did," Olinsky agreed. "I thought that Valerie must have another motive than the death if Hansen Kane. Dante and Ripper, they're just hired muscle, but she's the ringleader. She's got to have a better reason than an old grudge of her mentally unstable friend."

"Lindsay and I, when we watched the video of Halstead we thought he might have a plan."

"I'm listening."

"We thought he might...let the bomb go off, if he thought it would take out his captors, especially if they had something bigger planned."

Olinsky froze.

"If we're both right, and Halstead find out..." Dawson trailed off for a moment. "We might have even less time than we thought."

"We need to talk to Voight. We have to find Valerie now. If she reveals her plan, (is she has one) to Halstead..." he trailed off.

The two detectives gave each other a knowing look then raced over to Voight's office.

"How did you meet Dante?" Atwater asked.

"I know I was seeing a therapist and somedays, it seemed like it was helping, but every time I closed my eyes I saw Lee getting shot or Hank Voight leaving Hansen to die and...and I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted revenge, but I didn't know how. I needed someone who could help me. I was afraid of asking around, of getting caught.

"But, one day, I was looking through this small neighbourhood newspaper and saw an ad for a room mate. I was with an acquaintance at the time and he told me to ignore the ad. He the guy who was looking for a room mate was a criminal known as Dante. This intrigued me, so I did some digging online at a library, about the guy. I found some news articles about his arrest. He was the real deal. I knew he could help me get revenge so I decided to throw on the feminine charm and go meet the guy.

"We met up at his apartment. He was going over how much rent I'd have to pay when I proposed another offer. I told him I'd pay the entire rent as long as he did me a favour. He agreed, so I had him look into your team. He introduced me to his friend, a guy called Ripper. He said Ripper was going to help us out.

"We weren't sure how to get to him, until Ripper got caught up in some affair involving to our your detectives, Jay Halstead and Erin Lindsay. When Ripper told Dante and I about the cops, Dante told him to end the investigation."

"So he killed the man who hired him in a hit and run," Ruzek remembered and pointed out.

Essa nodded. "After that incident, we knew what we were going to do. We were going to shoot the girl, just like Lee was shot. And we would strap a bomb vest to the guy and see is Voight could find him in time to save him, or if he'd leave him for dead like he did to Hansen. Ripper was good with bombs, so he'd be able to make the vest."

"Then Valerie showed up and met Dante."

"I panicked," Essa admitted. "I was certain she'd rat me out, but then Dante pulled her aside. I don't know what he said to her, but when they came back Valerie agreed to be our leader and organize the whole ordeal. She told I wouldn't have to worry about anything."

"So, you don't know where they took Halstead?" Atwater asked.

"Or Lee?" Ruzek added.

Essa sighed. "Lee was never supposed to be a part of any of this. That was the promise we all made. I can't believe Dante and Ripper would do this to us." She began to cry. "She was so happy about having a baby."

"Essa," Atwater asked. "Did they ever take you to see Detective Halstead? That might be where Lee is."

"No. They never told me anything about his location, but Valerie promised I'd be there for the big finale. The part where they'd make them all pay for what they'd done."

"Them all?"

"That's what she said. She said 'they'd all pay. Every last one.'"

Suddenly, The door flew open and Lindsay made her way into the room. Both detectives protested, but Lindsay shook them off, sitting down in the chair across from Essa.

"Hi Essa," She greeted coldly. "My name is Erin Lindsay. Your friend shot me, just like Lee. I bet you're really happy now, aren't you?''

Essa looked at the two male detectives, confused. "I don't understand...why are you-"

"You know what Essa. I don't think you want us to find Lee. I don't think you care about him. I don't think you ever really have, not since Hansen died. I think, deep down, you've always hated Lee because Hansen's death didn't destroy him. It should have, they were best friends, but it didn't, and you've always hated him for that."

"No. That's not-"

"But you don't even realize it because when you see Lee, you see Hansen and you feel all the love you felt back before he died. But you don't love Lee, not anymore. You hate him, so you won't tell us where he is, because, deep down, you want him to die. You want him to pay for not falling apart after Hansen's death."

"No. You're ly-"

Lindsay cut her off again. "But Valerie...Valerie gets you. She agreed to help you. She lost her brother and it destroyed her. You feel like she understands you better than Lee ever could. You were scared when you found out she was shot, but you were happy when Lee got taken because you knew Dante and Ripper, they'd make him pay."

Essa shook her head. "Lee is my friend..." she mumbled, trying to convince herself of it.

"You want to know the truth Essa? We lied to you."

"Erin!" Ruzek snapped.

She ignored him. "Lee, he's fine. Valerie's fine too. That doctor was just helping us to fool you. I bet she's with my partner right now, cutting him up, tightening his vest, preparing her big plan and not only will you be there to see it, but neither will she."

"What..." Essa gasped.

"Halstead, my partner, he's not going to let Valerie just walk away. She won't achieve her plan. He's going to let go of that button and he's going to blow them all up. Ripper. Dante. Valerie. The little baby in her stomach. Himself." Lindsay found herself holding back tears as she spoke. "They will all die before he lets them carry out their big plan."

Ruzek and Atwater stared at Lindsay in sheer horror.

"That's no lie," she promised. "They will all die. You'll lose another friend. You'll probably lose your mind and get locked up. Lee, he'll probably go nuts too, losing his fiance and his unborn child because of the naive vendetta of the girl he foolishly thought of as his friend!"

Tears were streaming Essa's face by the time Lindsay spoke up again.

"You'll have your revenge. Jay Halsted will be dead and this entire unit will be torn apart because of it. Atwater will probably be awkwardly silent, try to avoid the topic whenever it's brought up. Ruzek, he'll try to turn to his girlfriend, but in the end, he'll blame himself too much and their relationship will crumble. Dawson's grief will ruin any chance he had of getting his family life sorted out, probably ruin his great relationship with his sister. Olinsky will want revenge, and it'll tear him away the family he was trying so hard to heal. I'll probably tailspin out of control. Who knows, maybe I'll end up next to you and Lee in the loony bin. And Voight? He'll blame himself, you'll have won. He'll try to avenge Halstead, but he won't know how."

She looked straight at the sobbing Essa. "But you'll have won. Isn't that all that matters? Who cares about the collateral? Who cares about Lee and Valerie and their future? You'll have won. I'm sure Hansen's spirit will be proud of you."

Essa broke down in tears.

"She can't help us," Lindsay snapped. "Let's go."

Ruzek moved to his friends side to give her a hand making her way out of the room. "You really believe that's what'll happen?" he whispered as they moved to the observing room.

"I don't know, maybe. I was just trying to get her to talk," Lindsay admitted. "I'm sure she doesn't really want Lee dead, not entirely, but she's too unstable to know for sure how she feels."

Ruzek whistled. "As cruel as that was, Erin Lindsay, it was kind of badass. Let's not tell Voight."

Lindsay laughed, as they watched Atwater put a hand on Essa's shoulder.

"It's okay. You don't know where he is. There's nothing you can do."

"There is..." Essa whispered. "There is something I can do." She looked up at Atwater with teary eyes. "That detective was right. I haven't been entirely honest with you.

I don't have a lot of time for an author's note today, but I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm happy with it. Next chapter will be up next Sunday and the team is so close to finding Jay. They might even find him in the next chapter. Ooooh. Please let me know what you'd like to see and what you thought of this chapter so I can make the next ones even better for you.

Next Chapter:

Chapter Thirteen: Hold On & Hope That I'm Dreaming