So here it is! The second-last chapter! I really hope you all enjoy it, because I would never have gotten to chapter 25 on this story without all of your support and advice. I'm really excited to bring you the conclusion, so please enjoy the crap out of it! It's extra long too! (oh and check out this chapter's song, it's catchy as hell)

Oh, and I threw in a random date in this chapter. It doesn't matter...at all. It's the most arbitrary thing in this whole chapter. So don't give it a second thought.

Chapter Twenty-Five: When I Said: "Can't You Just Believe?"

(Last Train Home – Ryan Star)

"Where's Kim?" Ruzek asked, casually strolling into Atwater's hospital room.

The injured cop gave a weak shrug. He didn't even look at his fellow detective. He was far too focussed on the small stress bar he was trying to squeeze with the hand on his bad arm.

Ruzek sighed and walked over to the foot on Atwater's bed, putting his hands on its small railing. He nodded towards the stress ball. "How's the arm?"

"It's a little better," he confessed. "Not by a lot though."

"What're the doctor's saying?"

Atwater laughed lightly. "A lot of crap that sums up to nothing."

Ruzek chuckled. "They don't have a timeline?"

Atwater shook his head.

"Ball park?" Ruzek tried.

"Not even a guess."

Ruzek rolled his eyes. "Well then what use are they?" He joked.

Atwater smiled faintly, but it soon faded, replaced by a look of determination and frustration as he tried to squeeze the stress ball tighter. His attempt failed, however, and the small ball slipped right out of his hands, rolling off the bed and hitting the floor. The injured cop groaned in frustration.

Ruzek picked up the ball and handed it back to his friend with a smile. "You'll get better."

"See?" Atwater mocked. "That's more than the doctors have been saying! You ever considered a job as a surgeon instead of a detective?"

"Oh god no," Olinsky said with a laugh as he entered the small room. "He's not exactly a prodigy at getting bullets out of people."

Ruzek rolled his eyes, but both he and Atwater cracked a smile. "You seen him shoot Al?" The latter teased. "He ain't exactly a pro at getting them into people either."

"Hey!" Ruzek blurted, giving his friend a light smack on his good arm. "I take offence to that."

Olinsky shook his head at the two younger detectives. "How are you holding up anyways? You better be back on the job soon, so you can take this kid off my hands."

"What're you talking about Al? I've been in this unit longer that Atwater!" Ruzek pouted.

Atwater laughed, ignoring Ruzek. "I can't make any promises on my return, but there's been progress. I've gotten some of the control back." Olinsky nodded, acknowledging the response. "D'you just swing by to gather information to report back?" Atwater added.

The elder detective shook his head. "Voight finally came to visit Jay. Now it's Antonio, Erin and him...and to put it bluntly the mood is rather depressing."

"Why? Did he get worse?" Ruzek shouted immediately.

Olinsky frowned. "No, it's the opposite. He almost woke up."

"What?" Both younger detectives blurted in sync.

Olinsky nodded. "His eyes partially opened for just a moment, not even a full second, but now none of them will leave his side. It was over an hour ago and I'm pretty sure none of them have even blinked since it happened."

"So, it would be a bad time to head over?" Ruzek summarized.

Olinsky shrugged. "It's a big room. I'm sure they could squeeze you in."

Ruzek sighed. "Tempting, but luckily for me, Atwater also got himself injured. He's so graceful."

The other young cop rolled his eyes. "Didn't you step on a pressure plate a few days ago and nearly blow yourself to kingdom come?"

"You also nearly blew up!" Ruzek rebutted. "Twice, if I recall correctly."

"The first time was to save your sorry ass."

"My ass? I had it under control!"

"You were standing on a pressure plate rigged to explode if you moved!" Atwater defended before turning to Olinsky. "If that's his definition of 'under control'..."

"It would explain a lot," the older detective finished.

Ruzek groaned. "I think I am going to go visit Jay," he mumbled as he walked out.

Olinsky and Atwater shared a brief laugh before Atwater turned, dead serious, to the senior detective. "You should go talk to him," he pointed out. Olinsky raised an eyebrow. "He's playing it all off like nothing, but I feel like he really blames himself for everything that's happened."

Olinsky shook his head. "I may make fun of the kid, but he's as tough as anyone else in Intelligence. We're all playing the blame game. It's not just him. He'll be fine." He looked out the door where Ruzek had gone. "Jay just needs to wake up already."

Atwater smiled lightly. "He does like to take his sweet time, doesn't he?"

Antonio sighed, leaning back against his chair. He was sitting facing Jay's bed with Erin on the other side her hands both clutching his and her face buried in the mattress. Voight was still stand, silent as a ghost, in the corner.

"Damn it Jay. You're such a tease," Antonio moaned. "Why'd you have to wake up so briefly and then just go back to sleep? Can't you just wake up for real already?"

Erin laughed, as she pulled her head upright so only her chest dug into the mattress (and she now faced Antonio). "He needs his rest," she explained sadly.

Antonio shrugged. "Perhaps, but can't he wake up for a few minutes then get his rest?"

"Want him to tell you that you're forgiven?" Erin wondered. "That it's not your fault?"

Antonio laughed. "Once he wakes up...None of that will matter," he confessed. He put a hand on Jay's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze before letting his hand slip down to the mattress beside his shoulder. "I just...I hate seeing him like his. He looks...so weak."

Erin nodded. "It's messing with my head to see him so weak. My head- and my heart."

Antonio sighed in agreement. "Because he's not weak. He's tough as nails..This is the man who crashed a secure transport vehicle just so the bomb vest he was wearing wouldn't be brought anywhere knew a large group of civilians." He paused for a moment. "Or maybe he's just crazy," he added light-heartedly.

Erin opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by the hand in her grasp suddenly beginning to flail about like a caged animal.

Jay was awake.

He was panicking because of the tube down his throat and both of his hands immediately flew to his face to rip it out. Antonio and Erin sprung into action, each grabbing a hand and pinning it against the bed. Voight was already in the hallway, demanding that a nearby nurse go grab Dr. Rays.

"Jay?" Erin said softly. "Jay, I need you to look at me. It's me. Erin. Look at me. You're okay. You're okay, but you need to calm down. The doctor is coming. He'll get that out of your throat, but just let him come and do it okay?"

Jay calmed down, his confused gaze now locked with Erin's calming one.

"Nod if you understand," She instructed gently.

Jay hesitated for a moment before slowly bringing his head down and then back up again. Erin smiled.

"Good. Now just focus on me."

"Well look who's up," Dr. Rays sang as he sauntered into the hospital room. "Good morning sleepy," he teased as he moved over to Jay's bed. "I'm going to take that out of your throat okay? You just need to perfectly still. Can you do that?"

Jay tore his gaze away from Erin to nod for the doctor. It was only a few seconds before he looked back, but the second he looked away, Erin needed to see his eyes looking into hers again.

Dr. Rays smiled as warmly as he could as he carefully removed the tube. Jay, true to his promise, stayed still until it was fully out of his throat, when he coughed for a moment or so.

"Alright so I just have a few-" Dr. Rays paused. He turned to Erin and Antonio. "Could you two just back up a step or so for me. It'll just be a moment."

Antonio sighed and did as told, but Erin just held onto Jay's hand, refusing to let go. Her partner gave her a warm smile and a reassuring squeeze, telling her it was okay. She return the smile and let her hand slip out of his grasp and she backed up a single step.

Rays nodded. "Alright, so I just have a few questions for you right now. Can you tell me your name and occupation?"

Jay nodded. "Jay Halstead...I am a detective...work with Intelligence," he answered in a slightly weak voice. He looked at Erin. "That's...That's Erin Lindsay...she's my partner..."

The doctor smiled. "Alright. Now. Can you tell me the year and date?"

"2015. It's January..." he paused. "7th?"

Rays sighed. "12th, but close enough. Now, detective, can you tell me why you're here? In this hospital?"

Jay scrunched his eyes shut as if trying to remember. "Um..." he opened his eyes again, looking at Erin. "You were shot..."

Erin nodded with a small smile. "I'm fine now."

Jay looked at her questioningly, turning to Antonio for a second opinion. He nodded and mouthed the words: yeah. She's fine.

Jay sighed in relief, looking back at his doctor. "I think...I think I was taken..." he shook his head. "...It's all fuzzy."

Rays smiled. "Don't worry about it," he assured him. "This kind of short term memory loss is standard in people with injuries such a your own. It should come back quite shortly. How's the pain?" Jay gave him a look that explicitly said I feel like I'm inside of a wood-chipper. Rays nodded and handed the injured detective a small button attached to a cord that was connected to one of the many machines in the room. "It's your morphine drip. Hit it whenever you feel need more morphine, but know that it'll only give you another dose after a safe amount of time."

"Thanks..." Jay replied as her pressed the button. Rays then put the cord on a small table beside his patient's bed. The doctor looked around at the other three detectives. "There are some other things I still need to check, but they can wait a moment. You all have a lot to talk about...so I'll be back in a few minutes."

Erin shot Rays a look of gratitude as the surgeon made his way out of the room. As he did, she and Antonio took back their spots at Jay's side. Voight stood still for a moment.

"I'm going to go let the others know."

Jay looked puzzled as his boss left. "Where are 'the others?'"

Erin made a motion to explain, but was cut off by Antonio. "They're with Atwater. In another room."

Concern shot across the injured man's face. "Is he okay?" he asked in alarmed tone (contrasting with how tired his voice sounded).

"He'll be fine," Antonio assured him. "Just got shot in the arm."

Jay nodded, but said nothing. For a moment the three just stayed silent. The two non-injured cops just taking in the fact that Jay was awake, that he was going to be okay.

"Erin?" Jay asked. "Why are you crying?"

Antonio looked over to his friend and sure enough, she was crying her eyes out. Tears were streaming down her face uncontrollably as she held onto his hand tightly, as if she were afraid if she let go, she'd lose him all over again.

"I- I just-" she stammered. "You're awake."

Jay lifted the hand she was holding and brought it up to her cheek. He held it there, just letting her feel his warmth on her face.

"I'm awake. I'm not going anywhere."

"That's the thing Jay," she whispered. "You did go."

Jay looked at her confused, dropping his hand and turning his gaze to Antonio for an explanation. "You had no pulse Jay," he informed his friend. "You crashed that car and when we got there...Jay...you were dead."

"What? Wh-what car? I- I don't-"

"It's fine," Antonio sighed. "It'll come back to you." He looked over at Erin before looking back at Jay. Antonio put a comforting hand on Jay's shoulder. "I'm going to give you two some time okay? You need it." And with that. Antonio excused himself from the room.

Jay looked over at his partner, who forced a smile, wiping the tears off her eyes. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I don't know what came over me. I'm...getting overly emotional. How- um- how are you feeling?" She asked as she changed seats (now sitting on the side of his bed instead of in a chair).

"Like hell," he admitted. "But I'll live."

Erin nodded with a forced smile. "That's good. That's really good. I'm glad."

Jay tilted his head slightly. "Erin. We're partners. You never have to pretend around me. You know that."

Erin let out a jagged breath, shaking her head as she did so. "I'm afraid...I'm afraid if I do, it'll stop being real- that you'll be gone again. That the vest will be back on you-"

"The bomb vest?" Jay guessed as the memories slowly came back to him. She nodded. "The one...Valerie...put on me because of...of...someone called Kane?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Hansen Kane."

Jay nodded, and was silent for a moment. "Erin. Look at me." She did, and saw him smiling warmly. She broke out smiling too.

"Damn your smile," she cursed light-heartedly.

Jay laughed. "And here I thought it was one of your favourite qualities about me."

Erin laughed too, but her laughs slowly turned into sobs. She covered her hands with her face and she let her tears fall into them. Slowly, and with great amounts of pain, Jay sat up and wrapped his arms around, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"It's okay Erin."

She shook her head, as more sobs racked through her body. Jay pulled back, only slightly, allowing her to lower her arms and look at him.

"It's all my fault. Jay, it's all my fault. I didn't have have your back. I didn't have your back."

Jay shook his head, pulling her back in tight. This time she also held onto him, careful not to agitate his many bruises and cuts. "Erin. I remember you being shot. I remember the fight and getting taken away. But mostly, I remember being afraid...Not for me, but for you. I remember being so unbelievably scared that you weren't going to be okay." He paused for a moment, pulling back from the hug.

He looked down, unable to hold her gaze. "The thought of losing you...Erin, nothing has ever scared me more in my entire life. I mean it. There was so much blood...And- And I thought- If you didn't make it..." He trailed off.

"I know how you feel," Erin whispered, leaning closer to him. "That's why I'm so happy you're awake...and so sad that- that you weren't until now."

Jay nodded. "I know." He leaned closer to her, so that their foreheads were almost touching. "I know you Erin."

"You're awake!" Ruzek shouted triumphantly as he entered the room, startling Erin so much that she jumped off the bed, into a fully-standing position. Ruzek paused, taking in their locations. "Oh! Oooooh! Oh. Should I go?"

Jay laughed, "It's fine. Come in."

Ruzek did a double take. "Ya' sure?" He flicked his head towards Erin. "Ya' really sure?"

Erin growled. "On second thought...You might want to run now," she hissed.

Ruzek laughed, bursting into the room and hugging Jay tightly. The injured cop, groaned in pain, causing the younger to release him quickly. "Oh damn Jay. I am so sorry!"

"It's fine," Jay managed in a strained voice. He found the button on the bed that raised the back half up, adjusted it and then leaned back against it. "I think," he added.

Ruzek cringed, biting his lip nervously. "I'm gonna...I'm gonna...I'm gonna call Burgess...and Platt... and- and someone else...Someone else that requires me not to be here..."

Jay laughed as his friend exited the room. Ruzek, however turned around at the last minute. "You have no idea how happy I am that you're awake Jay," he added before truly leaving the room.

The rest of the day was a blur. People came in and out, saying hello and expressing their happiness on Jay's waking up. Atwater had wanted to swing by, but Burgess insisted that both he and Jay needed their rest and that she would help him go say hi the next day.

As the night began to settle in, most of the excitement had faded out, since Antonio (who'd been acting as if he was a bouncer and Jay's room was a nightclub) had insisted that Jay get some much-needed sleep. Erin curled up beside him in the bed and fell into the best sleep she'd had since she'd been shot and Antonio left the two in Voight's care as he decided to head home for the night.

Voight had sat down in his chair by the window and looked at the two of them, resting peacefully in the small hospital bed. Voight sighed, standing up and walking over to the bed. He pulled the blanket over Erin's shoulder before walking over to the foot of the bed.

Erin had been shot, so now he had to allow their romance within his unit. But in that moment, Voight decided, bullet or no bullet, he wasn't going to stand in their way. He'd seen how Erin had lost her mind trying to track down her partner. He'd seen her refusal to leave his side after they'd found him.

He wasn't going to stand in their way anymore. Hell. He wasn't sure if he could stand in their way anymore.

"You just going to stand there and stare?" Jay asked quietly, careful not to wake his sleeping partner.

Voight didn't respond for a moment, only walking over to Jay's side of the bed and sitting down in the chair beside him. "How's the pain?"

"Not as bad, but I can still feel it."

"Want another dose of morphine?" Voight asked, reaching for the small button.

"I'm fine. It's not that bad just yet."

Voight nodded silently.

"I remember most of it now," Jay confessed. "Everything up until I crashed that car."

"That was a stupid thing to do. You know that right?" Voight chastised.

Jay sighed. "I had to."

Voight nodded. "Doesn't make it any less reckless. We've had enough deaths recently. Don't you think?"

Jay stayed silent, his answer unnecessary to voice out loud.

"How much did they explain to you? About their motives?"

"Valerie and her goons?" Jay clarified. "More than I needed to know." He looked at his boss. "What you're really asking is if they told me about why it was 'on you,' correct?"

Jay sighed. "It's not, by the way. Is that what you need? For me to say it out loud. It's not on you Voight. It's on them. Does that make you feel better?"

Voight chuckled under his breath. "I'm sure you've had to say that a hundred times today. Everyone wants to blame themselves. It's far easier that accepting the truth."

"So what? You've come to terms with everything?"

"I spoke to a friend, a friend who told me to let it go. He wanted me to forgive myself. I knew you wouldn't blame me Jay. I knew you wouldn't blame anyone, except those who actually took you. That's just the person you are."

"You still blame yourself."

"I'm still to blame Jay. That's a fact. They went after you, and Erin, because of me. What they put you through was because of my choices, whether I meant for it or not. You should never have gone through what they put you through, but they did...and it's because of me. You can't change that."

"That doesn't mean it's your fault. You couldn't have stopped it. You couldn't have known."

Voight nodded. "It's still because of me and that's something I have to carry with me."

"No one's asking you to."

The sergeant of Intelligence nodded. "I'm aware," he stated simply. "But it's not that simple."

Jay sighed. "Voight. What happened to me, it's not that big of a deal."

"You were tortured and had a bomb strapped you then had to cause a car accident that lead to you being put in a coma," Voight pointed out.

"I've been through worse."

Voight stared at him, interested, inviting him to continue.

"I've been tortured before Voight...And the bomb (although there something seriously messed up about being in control of your own demise like that), it won't leave any lasting effects...Provided my hand ever stops cramping up," he added as joke. "And the whole thing with the coma, that doesn't effect me negatively. It's just like sleeping."

"You could have died Jay," Voight reminded him...and I would've have to live with that. I wouldn't have been able to face Erin...or anyone else in Intelligence."

"But I didn't," Jay sighed. "I'm fine. Erin's fine. You're fine. Everyone is fine. You have to let this one go."

"I don't well with letting go...as I'm sure you're aware."

"I was told how you killed Valerie," Jay added. "Isn't that enough? You got the bad guy. You won."

Voight remained silent for a while. So long, in fact, that Jay assumed the conversation was done and began to fall back asleep.

"I'm sorry."

Jay reopened his eyes, looking at his boss once more.

"I'm sorry," Voight repeated, wrapping his hands together in a fist and holding them against his face (as though he was contemplating something important. "This is on me...and I am sorry."

Jay looked at Erin. She was sound asleep, curled up against him. Everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to be alright.

Jay smiled lightly. "You're forgiven."

"Good morning partner," Erin greeted as Jay slowly pried his eyes open. They were the only two in the room, which, (after the chaos of unending visitors that was the previous day) was something that Jay appreciated.

"How long was I out?"

Erin shrugged, "It's mid-afternoon now: 3pm."

Jay nodded. "I take it you sleep well."

Erin smiled brightly. "Best I've slept in ages."

Jay returned the smile, as Erin sat down on the bed beside him. "Voight told me you remembered everything up 'til the crash."

Jay nodded. "I remember bleeding out in the back of that van... Then it's just me waking up here."

"You remember bleeding out?"

Jay nodded again. "Yeah...my hand was slammed in the door, it hurt a lot. I had this killer headache...and my leg hurt, but it was all blurry, like I was losing my grip on reality- Like I was slipping away."

"How long were you conscious?"

He shrugged. "Felt like an awfully long time, but it was probably only a few minutes. Why?"

"It just sounds horrible. Being alone and in so much pain...and bleeding out like that...I can't imagine."

"It's fine. I knew you were coming. I just had to hold on until then." He smiled at Erin, interlocking one of his hands with one of hers. "That's why I have backup right?"

Erin smile faintly. "Yeah," she muttered under her breath.

"Erin. I'm alright. Really."

She nodded. "Jay. Can I tell you something?"

"Aren't you already?"

She took a deep breath. "You know how yesterday we were talking about being so afraid- how you said you didn't know what you'd do if you lost me?"

He nodded.

"When you were missing...I thought I would lose my mind. I nearly went insane trying to find you and when you crashed that car...Everything stopped for me. I thought- I thought you might be dead Jay...and I- I didn't know what to do. I had to go into that ER with you. I had to watch them take the vest off and...they dragged me out kicking and screaming."

Jay laughed. "That's my girl."

Erin smiled slightly more. "I realized how much I needed you. How much...how much I couldn't lose you."

"Erin, I know. I felt the sa-"

"Jay, just me finish," she pleaded, taking a deep breath before continuing. "When you were gone, nothing else mattered, nothing except finding you. That was the only thing that I cared about. The only thing. Everything else just blurred into the background, because none of it mattered. Not next to you. I've taken you for granted because I never realized how much I need you- how much I care about you."

A single tear fell down her cheek and Jay leaned closer to wipe it off her face with his thumb. He didn't speak though.

"So I've lied to myself, over and over. I've ignored it, I've ignored you. But when I thought you might- When I thought I might never see you again, all I could think was how many things I let stop me, stop us and I tallied up what I let slide and what I traded it for...It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it. Not when faced with the possibility of never having it."

She wiped away a few tears before turning back to her partner. "I was okay with 'one day' because I thought it was guaranteed...and then I learnt it wasn't...and I'm not okay with 'one day' anymore." She leaned in a little closer. "I don't want to wait for 'one day' because I can't risk never getting there. It's not worth it."

Jay smiled, leaning in and pressing his lips against hers. They held the kiss for a moment, expressing every word that they'd left unsaid before Jay pulled back, only slightly.

"What about Voight?"

"What about Voight? I was shot remember?"

Jay smiled and they leaned back in.

Wow. This chapter was reeeeeeeeally long. I hope that's okay. I just wanted to make this the last chapter (except the epilogue which will be next Sunday) and I didn't want to leave too much out. This chapter didn't exactly go as planned, but I'm still super happy. I hope you all are too! (haha. This chapter took over 5 hours- consecutively- to write...no joke. I'm happy with the outcome so it was worth it.

NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE so please let me know what you'd like to see in it (there will be a time skip). I'm so happy you've all stayed with me for so long. It means the world. Hang on, we're almost there. Keep the support, ideas and opinions coming!

As always, I hope you enjoyed and see you next Sunday!

Next Chapter:

Chapter Twenty-Six: Today Never Happened Before