"Attention, please, everyone, please quiet down, now." Kyouya pulled the microphone up so it was closer to his mouth. He looked out toward the hundreds of people, mostly girls, which looked at him, in his beautifully designed kimono sparks practically flying from their eyes in excitement. He adjusted his glasses, causing some squeals, and raised his arms in a last attempt to quiet the crowd. It worked, kinda. "This conference will tell all of you how the Club will be run from now on, due to recent…..security breaches." This stopped everyone in a dead silence. A few quiet sobs were choked out. "It will also reveal a few new surprises. But first, I would like to introduce the rest of our Host Club." He turned and waved to us. Our cue. We were all standing behind the large stage that was positioned in the front courtyard of the school. They told me it wouldn't be a big stage, but this could easily hold a full Opera on it. I looked down at my ridiculous outfit. Then again, ass ridiculous Host outfits go, this one was pretty tame. I pulled at my belt and tie and then looked to the other Hosts. They were all looking at me funny. Right, back on stage, assassins. I smiled and nodded. I puffed out my chest and walked up the stairs, a lump growing in my throat as I did.
I wasn't scared, not really, although I did now have a reason for stage fright. This time, there was no poison, no lyrics, no "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screaming. Okay, there was lots of screaming. But I had guessed there would be. I mean, this outfit deserved some screams. I looked to Kyouya, who in one swift move had removed his kimono to reveal his own costume. He looked… really good. Everyone did. I took my place at the center of the stage with the twins and Kyouya to my right and Tamaki, Hunny, and Mori to my left. I looked to Tamaki who smiled and took his place behind the podium. He smiled a prize-winning smile and waved his arms in an attempt to quiet crowd.
"Hello to all! Welcome to the first ever Ouran Host Club Press Conference. Today, we will be instituting some new rules and regulations, as well as a few new surprises. We will also have and Q&A portion at the end for a select few who have questions for the Host Club. But for now, I would like to turn the microphone over to our new Director or Protection and Protocol, Hunny Senpai. Hunny." Hunny left our line and traded places with Tamaki at the podium. He pulled out the step stool so he could see over the podium and pulled down the microphone. Adorable as he was, now, he meant business.
"For the safety of both our Hosts and our customers, appointments will now have to be made at least a day in advance. This will allow for proper background checks for all new customers. Upon arriving at the Club, you will be checked for any weaponry or objects that could be used as such. All food and drink will be supplied by the Host Club, and the Host Club only. Any gifts you have for any of us are to be brought to a Kyouya who will place them in a room for proper screening. If you have any questions or concerns, please take it up with the Director of Detailing and Protection, Mori Senpai. That is all. Let them eat cake!" And with that, Hunny jumped from the podium and clamped onto Mori, the business façade replaced with the usual adorable giggling and smiling. I couldn't help but roll my eyes and tug at my belt. These costumes were ridiculous, and yet strangely enough, I loved them the most. Hikaru and Kouru both shot me a devilish grin and strut to the podium.
"Hello everyone!" "We are here to talk about some new changes to the Host Club!" "But not the boring security stuff," "the fun stuff!" "First off, the club will now be holding weekly competitions," "to see who will design our next costume!" "Each week, we will choose which design we like the best," "from a selection you the customers have submitted." The crowd ROARED. It was unlike anything I had ever heard. Like an ocean crashing against a thousand drums sets in an echoing cave connected to millions of bass speakers on the loudest possible volume. It was several minutes before the twins were able to yell over the commotion. "As you can see," "our costumes today differ from those we normally wear." "These are," "American." There were gasps filling the crowd. That sure shut them up. "They are to commemorate a special occasion." I could hear the disdain in their voices. "Please join us in welcoming a new member to the Host Club." Pause for dramatic effect. "Dick Grayson." The crowd erupted again as Dick strode on stage. His costume looked so natural on him. We were all wearing ones to match his. Apparently, he worked as a police officer back in the states, so to celebrate his becoming a Host, we all wore the American police outfits. Tight, and I mean tight, dark blue pants, a white button down shirt covered by a dark blue, also quite tight jacket, high black boots, an officer's hat, tilted ever so stylishly, and a stick thing attached to loose belts around our waists. We all also had badges that read HOST CLUB and then our name and "position." Because apparently, we had positions now. But, Tamaki made them, so they were all ridiculously wrong and completely made up. Tamaki was commissioner, Kyouya was chief, Hunny and Mori were both generals, Hikaru and Kouru were both agents, I was an officer and Dick had desk duty, not that he complained. In fact, when Tamaki told him he had desk duty, Dick actually laughed. A lot. And he mumbled something that included more laughter, something about a Molly or a Holly or a Wally and then something about a hat or a rat or a bat. Which to me was gibberish that made zero sense. Americans and their nonsense. Oh well.
Tamaki pulled the Cheshire grinning twins away from the podium and held his hands to quiet the crowd. Quiet never sounded so good. He smiled again and leaned toward the crowd. "Before we begin our Q&A, I would like to lay down some guidelines. One question per class to save time. Any questions that seem inappropriate or mean may be discarded with no refund question. Lastly, no asking Hosts on dates. Also so save time." He looked to the Hosts and winked. I rolled my eyes. "Now, please form a line in order of class and we shall begin." Instantly a long line was formed. At the head was my class, 1A, and of course the questionnaire herself, Renge. How she got to be in my class, the world will never know. She had a folder in her hand. Good grief. A microphone was passed to her.
"This is for Haruhi." I walked over to the podium. I knew most of the questions would be for either me or Dick. I took a deep breath and nodded. "I need something for next month's Host Club magazine. The issue's called InterHost Relations. It's gonna have different segments about different relationships within the Club. One is going to be all about Tamaki and his bear. I have loads of pictures and samples of bear stuffing and-"
"RENGE!" Tamaki slammed his fist onto the podium. Everybody stared in shock. "Er, um, get to the point." He coughed awkwardly and backed away from me.
"My point?" She paused to look through the folder. She pulled out a very small camera and a corkboard with nothing but my picture on it, tacked to the very center. "This is your page. Nothing but you. Your relationships with the other hosts are bland, except for you and me, but that's a whole other section. Anyway, now that you're in a relationship," she sighed, "that's front page news!" The whole student body gasped. They craned to see Renge and myself, all pulling out their own cameras and voice recorders. "So, my question is." She looked around her. I realized that there was actually not a very long line at all. Most everyone was just huddled around Renge, their eyes filled with excitement and mischief. This could not be good. Had she seen Tamaki kiss me? Was that the relationship she thought I was in? Was she about to out me as a girl? I held my breath as she readied her camera. "Can you kiss Dick? Just once?"
Silence. Absolute silence. The most silence I had ever experienced at Ouran. At least thirty whole seconds went by before I even blinked. What the hell? I closed my gaping jaw and looked at Renge with wide eyes. She, and the many girls huddled around her, all looked at me impatiently with their cameras. I couldn't believe this, wait, yes I could. Why didn't I expect this? Stupid Renge, stupid fan girls, stupid press conference. I looked next to me to see Kyouya scribbling away in his clip board, probably planning his own front page story about Dick and I's kiss. Hunny was whispering something rapidly to a nodding Mori. But when I looked at them, Hunny just smiled his innocent smile at me. Tamaki looked like he was about to faint, and the twins were both gripping their police sticks ready to fight either Dick or Renge or both. And that's when I finally looked to Dick. He looked at me awkwardly and then to the twins who glared at him. He looked back to the crowd with a scared look, although it seemed rather forced. Great, those two idiots probably threatened him before he joined or something. I had to think of something. I began to go over my options.
Option 1: Die. Right then and there. Honestly, I could really go for that assassin about now.
Option 2: Run. Like until my legs fell off and I just lay in humiliation in the middle of the road until trucks took pity on me and ran me over.
Option 3: Never speak to Dick or Renge ever again. Ever. That way I avoid death by humiliation.
Option 4: Kiss….. NO! Haruhi, what was that thought?! No!
Option 5: Punch/cuss out Renge. I liked that one the best.
I looked back up to see Tamaki and the twins whispering madly at each other flailing their arms, probably planning some ridiculous scheme. I sighed and walked to the podium, not sure what I was about to yell at Renge, but I figured it would come to me. And maybe that way I couldn't censor myself.
Just as I was about to reach the podium, Dick cut me. He looked at me and smiled just a little bit before stepping in front of me and taking to the podium. I stumbled in shock and slowly took a few steps backwards. Dick adjusted the microphone and cleared his throat.
"Hello. As much as I, appreciate, your, um, suggestion, but unfortunately, I am in a complicated relationship and would prefer not to further complicated." He smiled and gave a quick wave, and sauntered, yes sauntered, off stage. The crowd ERUPTED. Renge's eyes were quite literally on fire. Girls were scrapping to piece together who Dick was in a "complicated relationship" with.
And me, I didn't know what to feel.
"Ma'am, we have a dilemma. The fast one, he keeps coming to faster than the others. I think it's his metabolism or something."
"Well get it under control! We are too close to screw up now! Just keep him sedated or something! I think he may play a bigger role in this than I had first imagined. Now, bring Mesmero back here. I have an idea."