Good-Bye
My slumber was interrupted by a warm embrace. My head ached very little and I felt relaxed. I never feel relaxed. Not since my Rosie left me to fend for myself. The tension in my shoulders was significantly lower. The tightness in my back was loose and my brain was quiet. I felt almost at peace with my life. As I slowly opened my eyes, I realized that I was not in Gryffindor Tower. I had not bunked with male lions last night.
The moonlight flooded the almost foreign room. Instead of Gryffindor House colors and emblems, Slytherin pride bathed the decor of it. Last night played quietly through my head. I was in Draco's room. I was in Draco's bed. I was in Draco's arms. And I was not the least bit perturbed by that knowledge.
I took a slow and deep breath and lay still. To feel so comfortable in his arms was perplexing to me. Was I not ignoring this boy just four months ago? Was I not so infuriated with this boy that I had beaten the crap out of him? I quietly analyzed my feelings for Draco Malfoy as I stared at the moon through the window. I begged it for the answers to our interactions since the beginning of the school year. Because I was trying to find a reason why I did not find his company revolting like I should.
When I found out that I would be sharing a Common Room and a bathroom with him, I reacted violently. The impropriety of the situation angered me only because I was not forewarned about it. No, I had practically lived with Mark and Kadie my whole life. We frequented each other's houses so much, that dressing in front of each other was hardly something to bat an eye at. Having someone observe my morning routine was not something that gave me pause.
Then he tried his womanizer act on me. Sure, it made my loins burn, but it pissed me off mostly. A pretty face does not a good fuck make. I did not fall for the flutter of his eyelashes. My mama taught me, through a letter given to me on my twelfth birthday, that I get only one chance to have a first time. She explained that keeping me to myself was important to keep my heart protected. Mama told me that it was always my choice and that if someone cannot respect that, then the experience would be terrible. I took her words to heart because they were some of the only things I had left of her. And they were written for me on the day of my birth.
After the dreadful night of the Black Lake Run, I only felt confusion. I was confused as to why I did not feel rage. His presence only made me feel lonely. I only wanted to hex him the night that I found out and when he was in the Hospital Wing with me. After I got over that feeling, pride kept me from apologizing for acting reckless, but painful loneliness kept me from being happy about it. In a way, I wanted to talk it out with him. I know that he told me that he did not really do it. I know that he said he had tried to defect from Voldemort, but those months following Harry's accusation were nothing but confusing for me.
My father had a point. My Uncle Albus would have looked Draco in the face and said that he was sorry that he had to go through this. He would have looked at the blonde wizard with pity and sadness. Albus Dumbledore knew that somethings could not be helped. If losing his life was to keep another alive, he would have laid down his wand and welcomed the Killing Curse. My uncle was a tired man. He was also fairly aged and knew that the end was coming soon. He would not care that his end was met by the wand of sixteen year old boy. Because his end would mean the continued life of a youth that could potentially keep the war in balance.
"You think as loud as you snore." a mumble brought me from my musings. His warm breathe caressed the back of my neck. I felt goosebumps rise on my skin.
"I do not snore." I replied as I turned around in his arms to look at his face.
"How would you know? You're asleep." he blinked his eyes open. I met his liquid silver eyes with my, probably, brown eyes. A light smile crept across my lips.
"Point taken." I replied, "I'm sorry I woke you. I was trying to stay quiet. I didn't move a muscle when I woke."
"It's fine. How are you feeling?" Draco pulled me closer to his chest.
"I'm okay. I didn't do any serious drinking, so no hangover." I shrugged the shoulder that was not pressed into the mattress.
"Mmm, that's good." he said as he relinquished his hold on my waist, "I was actually talking about your crying. What was that about?" he used his free hand to rub the sleep from his eyes. I watched him carefully.
"I don't really want to talk about that." I responded my raspy voice cracked. I really wish I had just let the fucking pricks take me. I would not have yelled so much and I would not be cursed with this hideous sound.
Draco paused his movements and gave me a guarded glance. I regarded him with a cool expression. A battle of stares ensued. To keep myself from breaking down first, I broke the eye contact and rolled onto my other side. I went back to staring at the moon. The nonjudgmental moon. The pale moon that will not ask me questions I cannot answer. I felt Draco shift around behind me and ignored him. I felt the tension seep into my body. I was getting dangerously close to talking about my feelings with Draco and that could lead to him finding out what Seamus told me yesterday. I was willing to let Draco coddle me until he made it clear just which side he really was on.
"All right. I just figured I could help. But if that is how you want to be, that's fine." the cool arrogance was in his voice. I mentally winced. Walls were being thrown back up between us. I felt mildly guilty since I was the one being stubborn.
"No one can really help me. I am just tired of feeling lonely." a partial truth was better than a lie, right? That is what I am going to tell myself.
"I'm sure if you dropped the frosty exterior, a bleeding lion would take care of you. Or, if you came crawling back to the dungeons, the Slytherins might hex you a little and then accept you into their good graces." his tone was teasing. I could not help the quiet laugh that passed through my lips.
"Yes, let's go against my nature and get accepted for being fake. I think I will stay lonely. Only a few months until Easter holiday." I reminded him. He snorted divisively.
"Yes, I am so very excited to go back home." he muttered bitterly. I felt the bed move under me and his arm was around my waist again, "I really don't want to talk about that." I smirked at his humor coming out again.
"Home life unsatisfying?" I inquired while I felt him bury his nose in my hair. A smirk pressed against my skull.
"Highly." he drawled, "You could help, y'know." I felt my tummy do a flip.
"Oh? And how could I do that?" I managed to keep the tremble from my voice as I realized where this kind of talk leads to.
"I have an activity or two in mind." he murmured into my hair. The vibrations from his voice made my skin all tingly. I had to close my eyes to fight off the wave of lust.
"I-I'm not sure about..." I got distracted by his lips on my neck. My blood ran a little faster. I felt my chest hitch.
"Hmm?" his questioning hum went straight to my core. I had to fight not to gasp out loud.
Draco's hand dipped under my tank top and his warm fingers made my skin twitch. As he continued to kiss my neck, he slowly made brought his hand up my ribcage to palm my breast through my bra. A soft moan passed my lips as I arched my back slightly. I felt his smug smirk on the sensitive skin of my neck as he kneaded my fleshy mound and made me squirm. So, I decided to rain on his haughty parade.
I pressed my body into his chest. I could feel his heart beat against my shoulder blades. I was nestled perfectly into his body. With a slow, excruciating movement, I ground my backside into his groin and he elicited a deep groan from his throat. Now I was the one with a smug smirk on their face. And the effect was almost immediate. I could feel his erect length poking me. Then I felt his teeth sink into the soft part of my shoulder and I gasped. Fuck that felt good!
"Shit!" I breathlessly said. Draco's hand slid down my torso. His palm sent shocks of electricity up my spine as he slowly caressed my hip and moved down to my outer thigh. I felt him start to suck gently on the love bite and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out in pleasure.
Since I thoroughly enjoyed the reaction I earned the last time, I flexed my hips against his crotch again and this time a growl came from his chest and it sent waves of pleasure coursing through my back. His lips broke their suction with a soft pop and he brought his mouth to the shell of my ear.
"Are we playing then?" air tickled my ear as he whispered huskily. I felt a shiver run down my spine and he ran the tip of his tongue lightly along the edge of my ear. A wave of heat cascaded to the apex of my thighs. I felt moisture in my underwear.
My back stiffened. I felt myself start to draw back into my mind. Draco felt my hesitation and his ministrations stilled. I pulled my body away from his and I sat up. Did I really want this? Did I really want this kind of distraction? Flirting and teasing was something completely different than the act of sex. It was a deeper level that I was not sure that I could handle at the moment. I turned my body so I could look at him in the face. His grey eyes were watching me carefully.
I adverted my gaze and lightly fingered the tender skin where he bite me. The light stinging was pleasurable and not at all uncomfortable. My tongue swept my lips nervously. Was I really ready to act upon months of random kisses and coming ons? I think my answer was plain as the nose on my face. If I have to sit here and contemplate if it was the right time, I am not sure it was. But maybe I did. I do not know if I am guaranteed tomorrow, especially since I love to provoke violent behavior in others. My fingers left the stinging bruise from Draco and gently touched the bruises on my chest from Zabini's attempt at intimidation.
"We don't have to. Although, it is a very rude thing to leave a bloke so turned on." I snapped my eyes to his face. His tone was frustrated. Hell, I would be frustrated too if he rubbed my groin with his hand and then said never mind.
The placement of my hand must have drawn him to look at my chest. I noticed his eyes narrow, trying to see what I was doing. I dropped my hand to keep his attention away from the new bruises. I did not want to have to explain that not only are teachers and headmasters trying to push me, but his own classmates are also trying to assert their dominance over me. But he was also sitting up now and getting closer to me.
"What the hell are those?" he said crossly. I winced at the sound. I licked my lips again, trying to buy myself some time to come up with a good excuse.
"I ran into a door?" I had tried to not make it sound like a question, but it was more difficult than I thought.
"The fuck you did." he brought his eyes to mine and glared at me, "Like it a tad rough, do you?" his angry question brought my own anger to the surface.
"Fuck you, you stupid bastard. I don't go around, flinging myself to the first guy who makes eyes at me. That kind of deplorable behavior I leave to actual sluts and whores." I replied hotly, my eyes narrowing, "And why does it fucking matter to you? Are you my boyfriend? Am I committed to you? I must have missed the time that you actually asked me instead of trying to force yourself on me in the hopes that I would swoon and lay at your feet so you can have your way with me." I felt my eyes sting with the oncoming tears. I was thankful that the moonlight was at my back.
"I wouldn't know if you were that kind of girl now would I?" Draco's retort had me snorting.
"And now you have made my point for me." I said cruelly, "Good job, asshole. You just proved that you only want in my pants and not in an actual relationship."
"That isn't even fair. You aren't the warmest person here, Henria." he shot back at me, "I don't even think a damned Hufflepuff could warm your cold heart. If you weren't busy being so closed off, I might have been able to get to know you for a base to have a relationship. You fucking walk around like the the outside world doesn't exist and you are complaining because I don't know enough about you?"
"If your method didn't work the first time, what the hell made you think the second or the third time would work?" I snapped, "Don't blame me for your lack of tact or propriety. If you were looking for a relationship, then you could have started by asking me about living in America or who the hell keeps sending a fucking chickadee here with letters. It is called courting, or is that lost on this generation of purebloods?" I caught the brief look of amazement before anger befell upon his features, "Oh, I know about those kinds of things, don't you worry. Being half-blood does not mean that I am ignorant to pureblood rituals or ceremonies." I spat at him harshly.
"Half-blood?" his face was twisted in confusion, "You are half-blood?" I rolled my eyes.
"Surprise?" I said sarcastically, "My father's mother was a muggle and his father was a wizard. My mother was a pureblood as far as I can tell. Just because I don't advertise my blood status does not mean I am ignorant of it. No one has bothered to find out or had the courtesy to ask. I am assuming everyone thinks I am pureblood since I was sorted into Slytherin. Which if fine by me. You can all assume that and then when I kick your ass, I will let you in on my secret." I slid out of the bed. I was done.
"Where are you going?" his eyes were still watching me.
"I am going to Gryffindor Tower. Thank you for intercepting me in the hallway and letting me stay here to sleep it off." I went to the chair containing my clothes.
"For fuck's sake, you are so confusing woman! What the hell do you want from me?" his voice was raised. I slowly turned to him and met his blazing eyes. I felt the wind get knocked right out of my sails. I felt lonely again.
"I think what I wanted was someone who would be right there. I think I wanted someone who wasn't trying to control me." I broke the stare and returned to my clothes, "I think I wanted a friend. Are you going to be on His side when the time comes?"
"What?" he snapped at me. I took a deep breath as I started to pull my muggle jeans on.
"Are you going to be on the Dark side when the battle comes? There will be sides and you will no longer be able to walk the very thin line of Light and Dark. You will have to make your choice." I zipped and buttoned up the front of my pants. I could hear him thinking it over as I pulled my sneakers on. I let him have his time to think. I gave him until I was done tying my laces, "Well?"
"I only know one side. I only know one way of life. I have one set of beliefs." he responded quietly and dejectedly. I nodded my head.
"It's a shame really. I could have really liked you." I said as I laid my sweater over my arm. I needed to cool off, so I did not want to wear it on my journey to Gryffindor Tower.
"Then don't fucking go!" his voice was still raised. I sighed as I checked for to verify that my wand was still in my sweater pocket.
"It would be a very bad idea to let these activities continue. Both of us will end up hurt and I don't really find the idea of being completely miserable here appealing. I obviously know what I will do when the time comes for me to raise my wand in defiance against He-Who-Does-Not-Know-Shit. And you have just made claim to which side you are going to be on." I softened my eyes as I looked into his, "I only know one side. I only know one way of life. I have one set of beliefs. We aren't much different, Draco. We are only separated by which person we are blindly following. It is funny though. I am on the Light side and you are on the Dark side. But your features are light and my features are dark. Opposites attract I suppose." my tone was sad. I felt sad.
I heard him sigh before I continued, "These times are confusing and so very exhausting. We should take the emotions out of it. Meeting in dark corridors should probably stop. I am not going to let myself get hurt. Because I'm not sure that if a fight broke out tomorrow, I could properly hex you. Somehow your stupid face makes me want to kiss you. For some reason, I want to apparate away with you and never return. And I was not conditioned to want to run from a war. I am a soldier in an army that wants to create equality and stability. I am a fighter, not a lover."
"Good night, Henria Sownbinder." Draco said dispassionately. I finally saw the tears well up in my lids.
"Good night, Draco Malfoy." I whispered to hide the emotions in my voice.
I made my escape quickly, so that our good bye would stay, our good bye.
A/N: I just broke my own heart. This was extremely hard for me to write. But, I think this is what Henria needed.
BUT! Shit is really about to hit the fan soon! I've already got so many ideas. *evil grin* Because I am good at fucking things up.
But, leave a review! I like discussing fanfiction. It highly amuses me. And thank you to my ever faithful dracodarlingxx for her loyalty to Henria! You are one of the reasons I keep writing, darling! :D Everyone should check out her story, Legends Never Die. If you enjoy teenagers being reckless and ruthless, that is the story for you. It is a next generation story and so very amusing. I laugh every time I read it! :D
Happy Reading!
Henny, that lucky Penny!