A/N: Holy Shit! This is a really long chapter. I think it is the longest I have so far!
So, in the next update or two, we are going to be at WAR people! The battle shall ensue and it will be bloody. If I am willing to hurt a harmless bird, what else can I do?! Nothing good, that is for sure!
I do, however, want to take some time to thank one of the most loyal people on here, Miss dracodarlingxx. Before I started updating a couple of times a week, she used to review every update. And she keeps me in line. She is good at that! So, thank you ma'am for your undying devotion to Henria. And don't fret too much, love. Henria will always make it through. :D
Now, onto the next chapter!
Happy reading!
Henny, that lucky Penny!
You're a What?
Dead.
Hollow.
Dead and hollow.
I have been walking around Hogwarts dead and hollow for a week and a half. I am still walking around Hogwarts dead and hollow. Although, it is considerably easier now that some of the children have left for Easter Holiday. All the muggle-borns were locked away in the Room of Requirement while the loyal purebloods are away visiting their precious families. If my heart was not already torn, I would probably be angry about it.
I went through the motions of living. Patrols were quiet. After I had explained everything to Neville about the Slytherin Task Force, this is what I called it, he spread it to the other seventh years and they passed the information to their House mates. Well, score two for Henria for getting the word out to the other houses about being in their Common Room after curfew. Now, if I could get everyone to behave in the corridors and hallways, then the Slytherin Task Force would be useless and I could lie in bed for more hours every night.
I realized I was barely eating. I kept getting looks from Neville and Seamus across the Great Hall at meal times. They could tell I was just pushing my food around. The Slytherins noticed also. They had taken to trying to provoke me. Except this time, they just threw food at me and made it stick in my hair. I would normally just wave my hand and vanish the mess before I would get up and leave the table. I was too tired to deal with immaturity. I hardly slept. I would sit on the couch in the Gryffindor Common Room in front of the fire and watch it burn out with unseeing eyes. When I would feel a shiver go down my spine, I would transfigure a throw pillow into a blanket and watch the embers die.
Most of the time I would be too distracted to care about the world. I tried to concentrate on my notes and lessons. I tried to look out for other students when I was walking between classes, but I always managed to bump shoulders with one or two other kids. I really did try to wake myself from my own nightmare. But the circles under my eyes just got darker and my clothes were progressively getting bigger. I was turning into an empty shell.
Where was the fierce Henria Aislinn Sownbinder that most of the student body has come to fear?
Oh, that is right. She watched her baby fall out of the sky.
And now I am the only thing left of her; an empty shell.
Denali fell out of the sky.
That is what would play through my head at night. That image kept me up, looking at a fire without seeing the fire. I did not want to use a sleep potion. I did not want to get up and run. I hardly wanted to get up and go to class, but I forced myself to do it.
I think the only good thing about this holiday break was that Draco was gone. I did not get that pang in my chest that told me I was looking at him again. I did not feel his eyes watching me as I pushed food around and pretended I could not hear the chatter around me. I did not have to sit close to him in class and smell his cologne. I did not have to accidently meet his eyes and see the myriad of emotions that swam in the silver pools.
I will say, I did hurt less since the holiday began.
Until one morning, after I finally fell over from exhaustion, I woke to find a black owl feather lying on my pillow next to me.
I did not move. I was hardly breathing. I was confused. I looked at the feather lacking comprehension. And then I did something stupid.
I moved my hand slowly. My fingers grazed the soft vane of the ebony plumage. A certain familiar quality had me cautiously picking up the suspicious item. I looked closely at the feather. I stoked the side of my cheek with it and gasped at the lightness. I smelled it and for the first time since I saw the black dot fall to the ground, I felt something stir in my belly.
I became furious.
In a whirl of blankets and sheets, I stormed from the mattress and snatched a pair of muggle jeans. I crammed my legs in them and shoved my bare feet into a pair of trainers. With my wand in hand and the dark feather in the other, I slid down the stair slide to the Common Room and took a quick inventory. Innocent looking eyes turned to give me an evaluation. The children here were not my targets. I had some in mind.
In a flurry of flying hair and stomping steps, I rushed from the Common Room and made my way to the Room of Requirement. There is only a select few who can get into the boy's dormitory in the Gryffindor Tower. I had an idea who left me the feather.
After furiously pacing my way to making the door appear, I slammed it open and I could feel everyone's eyes land on my panting form.
I must have looked like a right mess. I had sleep rumpled hair, a tank top on that I did not check to see if it was straight and covering my bra. I had my wand shaking in one hand and a black feather in the other, also shaking. My breathing was heavy and my eyes were narrowed.
Yes, this is what a mess looks like.
"Where is he?" I said quietly to the older students who had stood up at the sudden noise and movement I made upon entering.
"Who?" one of them asked just as quietly.
"Where is Neville?" I tried again. Convey your wishes with more words, Henria.
"I dunno." he replied with a casual shrug of his shoulders. I narrowed my eyes.
"DEAN?!" I bellowed. Some more heads whipped around to acknowledge my presence.
"You are making the others nervous, snake, so you best quit your shouting." a sneer came from my left. I ignored it and took a step further into the room.
Two sets of hands grasped my arms. I gasped at the sudden bodily contact and felt confused. No one usually touches me unless they are trying to harm me. No one touches me unless it is accidental. The forced contact felt odd on my skin. The lack of sleeves and shoulder coverings meant that it was skin to skin and I felt a distinct need to self-preserve. The rough handling did not quell my need to be free either.
"Let me go." I ordered quietly. The pressure from their grips did not lessen, "DEAN!"
"Look, you need to calm down." one of my captures murmured in a somewhat soothing voice. I tried to pull my arms free.
"Let me go!" I snapped. I could feel my stomach tighten with the beginnings of my panic.
"Not until you settle yourself down." the other set of hands replied. I tried to jerk my arms free again to non-avail.
"DEAN! I need you!" I shouted. I realized that most of the room was now crowded around the three of us. I could feel my heart beat faster, "DEAN!" I called out desperately.
"We don't want to hurt you, but you need to calm down." the one to my left was trying the soothing tones again.
"Since Thomas seems unavailable, where the hell is Neville?" I growled trying to squash the panic bubbling in my chest while trying to pull myself free again. Gods, if this was how strong the rest of the student body really was, I needed to work out. Maybe I will find some unsuspecting Slytherin to use as a punching bag. Or maybe Professor Snape is available.
"Longbottom went down for lunch. He has only been gone a few minutes." the calmer one of the two answered. I shot him a glare and then glanced down at his hands. He got the message and let my arm go finally, "Let her go, Finch-Fletchly. She ain't no threat to us here."
The pressure on my forearm released and I whipped around. I exited the Room of Requirement and made my way down the stairs. I was seething. I was fuming. I was praying that someone was playing a silly prank on me because if I thought of it this way, I was not getting my hopes up. I would end myself if I had any thoughts that Denali was still alive. I could not end myself. I had a job to do that involved rounding up bad people and curing the world of Darkness. But my bird was more important right now.
My feet thought quicker than my brain and I stumbled into the Great Hall. Only Headmaster Snape was left on the dais and a majority of the students were already finished with their meal. My sudden entrance caught the attention of pretty much everyone. I ignored the raised eyebrows and hurried whispers. Everyone thought I was odd because half the time I acted odd. And I could give two shits about it.
"Neville!" I hissed as I came up behind him. I caught Snape watching me out of the corner of my eye. Poor Neville jumped at my harsh tone.
"What?" he answered innocently.
"What the hell is this?" I whispered harshly as I shoved my feather under his nose.
"I thought you were smarter than that Henria. That is a feather. Looks to be owl. What else do you need to know about it?" his smirk reminded me a little of a Slytherin first year. Not quite as smooth as Draco's, but still arrogant.
"Fuck off, Longbottom. Why the hell was it in the room this morning on my pillow?" I growled quietly. Neville's smirk just widened.
"Did you finally wake from your stupor?" he retorted and ignored everything I just said. I wanted to slap his stupid face.
"No. Now answer my question!" I was using hushed tones. Snape had been trying to listen in on our conversation. I did not want to let him know anything because I was still confused about him.
"I can't tell you here. But if you calm down and eat something, I will walk you to our spot and we will discuss it. But only after you eat something." he replied before he took a sip of pumpkin juice. He set the goblet down resolutely and continued with his lunch. I took a glance at the Head Tables and then back down to Neville.
I heaved a loud sigh and sat down next to him. My first order of business was to twist my long hair up into a semi-tight bun and secure it with my wand. I slipped the feather into the bun for safe keeping and a little decoration. I had no doubt I looked every bit the Eskimo girl that I was. Thanks to my father's strong jaw, mine was a little squarer and more pronounced than my mother's. Thank the Heavens that I got her pert little nose and high cheekbones or I would have been mistaken for a boy with extremely long hair.
My next task was to put a small sandwich on my plate. I poured some pumpkin juice into a goblet and reached down for my sandwich. What I found instead, were two sandwiches. I turned to Neville and gave him a pointed look. He just winked at me and continued with his food. I looked back to my plate and my shoulders drooped. Why do I get to be mothered? That thought made me shift uncomfortably and pictures of my mother's face flashed before my eyes. I swallowed dryly before I nibbled a bite of my first sandwich.
"Honestly, we are going to be here for hours if that is how you are going to eat." Neville interrupted my thoughts with a sigh. I did not bother looking at him.
"I'm not hungry." I responded before I swallowed the miniscule bite of food. I really was not hungry, but do you think he cares?
"Yes you are. You look like a stick. Now eat faster." he ordered in a soft voice. I did look at him then and I saw concern in his chocolate eyes. I looked back at my plate and sighed in resignation. I will eat the freaking sandwiches.
So, without further ado, I ate the food like I meant it. I felt so sick afterwards, I almost begged Neville to let me go throw up. But in lieu of having him believe I had an eating disorder, I just walked through the corridors slowly and worked off the stuffed feeling in my stomach. Neville patiently walked beside me. He seemed to understand that I felt sick, so he kept his mouth shut and followed me around.
Finally, I felt less full and allowed him to walk me up to the Room of Requirement. I started pondering on our time being spent together. So far today, we have not been too cruel to each other. I think this is the least condescending and most patient with each other we have ever been. Do I detect signs of maturity in us? I think I do. Or maybe, he feels sorry for me because he knows something happened to me. Either way, I think I am pretty glad. I like this side of Neville. His features go soft and he looks every bit a seventeen year old boy. I rather like the look on him.
"Aren't you cold?" he asked me suddenly. I started at the sound and looked at him in surprise.
"What do you mean?" I asked bewildered. Why would I be cold?
"You are wearing your tank top. Normally you have a jumper on over it to keep out the cold." he replied matter-of-factly. I subconsciously crossed my arms and began to slowly rub my upper arms. I do not feel cold. It was freaking April and it felt like a furnace in the castle. Maybe that is my Alaskan roots taking hold.
"Oh, well, it's hot. The sun heats up the stone and I start to sweat like a pig." I mumbled as I dropped my hands. Neville just chuckled lightly at my misfortune. I glanced down at my clothing. I realized I was in my darkest of black tank tops. The color was playing off my tan complexion nicely. Well, tanner than pasty white complexion. I have lost a bit of color due to the lack of sun during the winter months, but I was already used to that.
Cursing myself for not grabbing a hair tie in my hurry to find Neville, I pulled my wand from my hair as I tugged the feather from my makeshift bun. My long brown tresses unfurled over my shoulders. The soft kisses of my ends brushing my elbows was comforting. I tucked the black feather into the left straps of my bra and tank top. My wand slid smoothly into my back pocket. I smiled lightly as my father's voice entered my mind.
"Knowing you, you will set your wand off accidently and burn your buttocks off." he used to say to me when he would catch me placing my wand in my jeans pockets.
I missed the playful banter painfully. I ached for his warm and soothing hugs. His rumbling voice was almost a distant memory in my thoughts. And the gleam in his eye when he would be proud of me, even if he did not say it, had dimmed from my mental pictures of him. The lonely feeling I had been feeling since Denali fell out of the sky was back in full force. My chest felt hollow and lacking in any kind of organs. I felt empty. And knowing that I would never see or hear Denali again just made me feel small.
I was small and insignificant.
Oh, daddy, I wish I could be at home with you!
"Look, the snake has returned!" a very nasty voice sneered in front of me. I snapped myself out of my thoughts and noticed the Room of Requirement was my current location. The boy from earlier, Finch-Fletchly was standing directly in my path, looking at me with a disgusted snarl on his lips. I sighed.
"Justin, why don't we practice some dueling? We have nothing else to do today." Seamus quietly offered. I saw Ginny behind the two with an encouraging smile trying to comfort me. For her efforts, I winked at her. That only made her shake her head in amusement.
"I think that would be a grand plan, Seamus." he agreed. I heard a 'but' coming, "But I want to duel her." and his finger was aimed at the center of my chest. I bit back the urge to sigh. I refuse to sound like an old lady.
"Boy, you couldn't handle me even if you went through Auror training." I directed at him softly. I saw him still as he narrowed his eyes at me. Well, maybe I am feeling better. My quick tongue is moving faster than my brain again.
"You think you are better than me? Just because you are a pureblood, and I a muggle-born, has no standing on my ability to beat you in a duel." I saw some of the children shift uncomfortably at his accusation. I think they are uncomfortable with me because I wear green and silver. I really did not think my decision through when I told the Sorting Hat to put me in Slytherin. Stupid girl, "Because I assure you, I've been here for months and all we work on are defensive and offensive spells, Death Eater spawn."
Wow! The prejudices run deep here, do they not? I am taken aback slightly by his implication. However misguided it is, I wondered if this was the general census. Does everyone here believe I have Death Eater parents? How could they? Most of them know that my great uncle is Albus Dumbledore, right?
"Before you make an ass out of yourself even more, I am going to correct a few things." I place my hands on my hips. One clear sign I am starting to get agitated, "First and foremost, I am not Death Eater spawn. My father is state employee for Alaska and has always been loyal to Albus Dumbledore no matter how many times they argued. Second, my great uncle is Albus Dumbledore, so I would think that would be enough to convince you that I am definitely not working for some crazy Dark Lord. And third, and most important I guess, I am not a pureblood. I am a half-blood. My mother was a pureblood and my father has a muggle mother." silence is what I am met with at the end of my mini rant. Most of the population has their mouths open; gaping at me as though I had two heads. Oh how I wished I had a camera to capture this moment. Shocking people is the best entertainment.
"You're a what?" comes the most ineloquent response I have heard come from Dean ever. I cocked my hips to the left as a smirk played across my lips.
"I am a half-blood. I was sorted into Slytherin because I am cunning, not because I have an invisible tattoo on my forearm. I also enjoy having power. Granted, I don't want the responsibilities of being the next Dark Lady, but I do love to have control over everything and I will manipulate the shit out of any situation to get it that way." my agitation begins to fade, so I cross my arms over my chest, "Now, if you really think you can handle me, I will duel you after I am done talking to Neville. Because that is the only reason why I am here. I really dislike childish pissing contests. I always win." I turned to Neville and he was watching me intently, "Ready to talk?" and he nods slightly.
I follow him to the back of the room so we may have some privacy. I begin to get nervous. I am nervous because I really don't want to know that they found the body of my owl. I will literally blow up this castle if that is the case. I cannot stand the thought of burying him on the grounds.
"I heard a nasty rumor that the reason why you have been doom and gloom for a week and a half is that evil bird of yours was hexed out of the air." I shifted uncomfortably and did not respond. If he wants to insult the dead, I am not going to humor him with a verbal sparring match, "Well, I know for a fact that your bird is not dead. But, and this is the most important part, you can't go see him yet." I feel like I am dreaming.
"What? I don't think I heard you correctly." I whispered. Saying it too loud will make all his words true. I cannot have that happen.
"I said; your bird is alive and I know where he is." Neville replied patiently. I stumbled backwards as his words hit me full force. I open my mouth to say something and then close it. I do that several more times and start to look like a fish out of water.
"Where?"