Tear Soaked Confessions

"Miss Snowbender, can you explain to the class some of the uses of Pomegranate juice?" Professor Slughorn called out joyfully. I cringed at the butchering of my name. I really hate fucking Potions.

"Miss Sownbinder, and no. Except I've been advised not to eat pomegranates if I am trying to stay baby free." I corrected him sharply. I heard some snickers from the other Slytherins in the classroom. Professor Slughorn did not even miss a beat at being told in his own class.

"My sincere apologies, Miss Sewnbender." he did not sound sincere and I cringed again at the even worse pronunciation, "But you were told right. Pomegranate juice is used in fertility potions."

I tuned him out. I really fucking hate Potions. Why Minerve stuck me in this hell is beyond me. I barely tested high enough to take this course. I suppose I was making life for her very difficult, but honestly! I was trying to do good things too!

I glanced at Draco and startled. He was blatantly staring at me. He had dark bruises under his eyes and the corners of his mouth were pointed down as opposed to his usual smirk. His grey irises looked watery and so very sad. I felt my heart stutter at the sight of sorrow. And the fact that he was still just staring at me had me worried. Draco never gave any physical sign of any relation we ever had. Except the one morning when I was dragged out of the Great Hall. He did kiss my temple in public, but it easily could have looked like he was whispering something into my ear.

I pretended to take notes for the rest of the class period. I was really doodling on a piece of parchment that I kept for just this reason. If a lecture does not interest me, I doodle on the piece of parchment. I was currently working on drawing intricate butterfly wings. This was my preferred topic to draw. The symmetry of both sets wings just appeases my OCD side. I also love drawing geometric shapes. I just enjoy doodling in class. I am such a rebel.

The soft bell sounded and I gathered my pretend notes and my untouched books. I was in no hurry. I had a free period to spend by myself in the library. I have found that the library was peaceful. No one bothered me there and I could read ahead or I could read for pleasure. I mostly read for pleasure since I was not trying to excel in anything. I had no plans for after school. I still had a thought that out of everyone, I would be the one to end up dying. The odds were in favor that outcome. I always selflessly throw myself into the line of fire. That kind of thinking is bound to catch up to you at some point. Hero complexes were not for anyone with a weak stomach.

My usual table in the back was empty. Not too many people end up this far back behind the rows of bookcases. I did stumble on a kissing couple one time. I cleared them out with a severe glare. I am going to guess that word got around that the cold hearted bitch goes to the back and studies there because I had not seen another couple back there since.

I had just settled in with my muggle fantasy book, when I felt the air around me shift. The air hummed with privacy wards. I snapped my eyes to the opening between the shelves. A white blonde wizard stood just inside the hum of magic. I felt my limbs stiffen at the sight of him. But I could not bring myself to draw my wand. His features were twisted into suffering and defeat. His eyes made him look tortured. I stood and made sure the chair was between our bodies.

He stood silently, hardly seeing me. I watched him intently and silently. We were statues, facing off for eternity in a silent vigil. His expression never changed. The same tortured look was in his eye and I started to worry that he was an empty shell like I was before the break. His skin was ashen instead of pale. I could not bring myself to talk to him though. He may be suffering, but he used pain to try and teach me a lesson. A lesson I still did not absorb. I like to defy direct orders. Other's anger amuses me, except when I am on the floor screaming.

I cleared my throat and Draco flinched at the sudden sound.

"Can I talk to you?" his voice was gravelly like he was tired. The bags under his eyes told me that was a correct assumption.

"Depends." I answered stubbornly. He sighed tiredly.

"On?" he inquired quietly.

"Does our talk end with another lesson?" I asked coldly. He winced at my words. Gods! Why can I not stay angry at him?

"I-I'm not sure about the only life I've ever known. I'm not sure about my one set of beliefs. I'm not sure about my side." he sounded broken. Something happened to him that broke his spirit. I felt my chest tighten, "Henria, I-I don't know what to do."

I sighed before I pushed the chair away from my person a little, inviting him to sit down.

"Let's first start with who kicked your puppy." I stated as he sat down. I finally got a flash of emotion when he turned angry eyes to my face.

"Don't even joke about that." he said hotly. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him and shifted my weight to right leg with a cocked hip, "Don't say things like that ever again." he hissed angrily at me. If I wanted him to keep talking, I would have to play by his rules. He looked too much like a wounded animal not to at least give him that.

"I am sorry. I don't know what you are going through and that was insensitive of me." I bent my head slightly in respect. Remember? I can be respectful. I also have a bleeding heart for those who have been hurt, "What is wrong, Draco?" I padded quietly to the table and gently sat on the edge.

"Everything. Everything is wrong. This world is awful and disgusting." he began muttering, "I-I got so sick after it happened. I-I haven't been able to sleep. The whole was terrifying and horrible. I-I've never been so scared in my life." he paused to take a shuddering breathe. I put a soft hand on his shoulder and he jumped. I retracted my appendage in fear that I had frightened him off.

"Draco," I began soothingly, "tell me what happened. Because you aren't making any sense."

"Nothing makes sense anymore, Henria!" his eyes turned wild and I felt the first prickle of fear. Caged animals are quick to attack, "I know I've said some awful things as I was growing up, but I never thought that I would ever see them come to fruition!" he sounded frenzied. My pulse sped up. I was beginning to become steadily more afraid.

"Draco!" I snapped, "Calm down or I will stun you and send you to Madame Pomfry!" he took another shuddering breathe. I realized that he was holding back tears. His near hysterics were him holding the offending moisture in. His mask was cracking quickly.

I decided that I would throw off my own discomfort because he was suffering. And no matter what you have done in your life, if you are in need of help, someone should always grab your hand and keep you afloat. I positioned myself in front of him with knees my spread out. I carefully smoothed my skirt down and made sure that all my naughty bits were covered. I caught him watching me carefully with tears lining his lids and I motioned for him to scoot closer to the table.

"Why?" he rasped out. I rolled my eyes at his reluctance. Honestly! If I had any other plans, do you not think I would go about this differently?

"Because I am telling you to sit closer." I responded blandly.

"Fine." he retorted with a shimmer of heat in his tone. At least we are making progress with the expression of feelings.

His chair scraped along the floor as he wiggled it closer. He stopped with his shoulders barely a hair's breathe away from my knees. I rested my forearms on the upper part of my thighs.

"Tell me what happened." I said firmly. He took a breath to steady his emotions.

"Potter, Weasel and Granger were caught by Snatchers over the break. We already had Lovegood, Ollivander and Griphook in the dungeons. Lovegood's good for nothing father was printing articles that didn't favor the Dark Lord. He was saying some shit about Potter being on top or something as stupid. I couldn't tell you why we had the wandmaker and a stupid Goblin." the tears in his eyes became bigger, "Potter's face was all fucked up, but there was his stupid scar on his dumb forehead. Granger had tried to pass herself off as Percy's Weasley's dumb girlfriend and Ron couldn't get away from his real name. My fucking lunatic of an aunt caught on that Granger was Hermione Granger and a muggleborn."

Draco paused to scrub at his eyes. I sat calmly while my pulse was racing. Oh Gods, what happened to Harry's quest?

"I pretended like I couldn't identify Potter because of his deformed face. My aunt started raving about how I had to be sure before they called the Dark Lord. She was almost spitting with anger at me until she spotted a sword in the grasp of one of the Snatchers. She turned her rage onto him and went into hysterics. It seemed like that particular sword was actually from her vault. When the dumb fuck wouldn't give it to her, she killed him and turned on Granger. Her face was twisted into some sick mask of glee." I shuddered because I knew that look. He had it on his face the morning that I had been Crucio'ed. I did not say anything though, "She sent Potter and Weasel to join our other guests.

"They were pulled from the room yelling and screaming. Their own damned Hero Complexes were making their presence known in trying to protect Granger from Aunt Bella's twisted claws. She started the questioning off by way of the Cruciatus Curse. Sweet Circe, Granger's scream of pain stirred the whole Manor. I hear them every time I close my eyes, Henria. Her writhing form haunts my dreams and I can't sleep because of it!" tears lined his eyes once again, but he made no move to wipe them away, "My aunt was adamant about getting out of her where they had gotten the sword. Granger kept screaming that they didn't get it from her vault. Aunt Bella didn't believe her. It felt like an eternity before she lifted her wand. And it just got worse." a choked sob pushed itself from his throat and I felt my heart start to tear, "Henria, my aunt is so vile. I can barely stand her!

"She took a cursed blade from her boot and started to carve into Granger's arm. If I thought that her cries of pain were bad during the torture, they were nothing compared to the cries of pain as my aunt cut her flesh. Oh Merlin, Henria there was blood everywhere! I was almost sick right there. And Granger didn't stop crying. Her tears soaked my mother's rug along with her blood. I-I can't get the image out of my head and I so desperately need it gone!" I am not sure if he could feel them, but his tears were falling freely at this point. I resisted the urge to clean them away to let him have his last shreds of dignity, "She carved the word 'Mudblood' into her skin. She would have to look down at her arm, in the same place as this evil mark on my arm, for the rest of her life! She will never be rid of the stigma of the Dark Lord's words." his head bent down and silent sobs shook his frame.

I swallowed the bile that was rising in the back of my throat. I slowly and lightly brushed my hand from the front of his neck to the back. He hardly noticed my touch. I brought his head forward and pressed the crown of his forehead to my abdomen.

At first he just cried. I curled my torso around the top of his hair and held him tightly to my body. His sobs sent light waves through my stomach. My chest ached for him. It hurt me to see him so broken and uncensored. His misery clenched my heart. He was too young to have to go through this. He had been too innocent when he was branded with that vile man's mark. I felt his arms circle around the top of my hips, desperate for real human contact. I held him as his tears drenched my uniform shirt.

While one hand pressed him tightly to my stomach, my other began to run slowly and deliberately through his soft hair. I found myself humming the lullaby my mother used to quiet my tears. I felt it vibrate through my chest to my middle and then to his head. In the beginning, his sobs did not slow. But as I kept repeating it, his body began to still. His shoulders lost tension and his head grew heavier in my hands. His back stopped shaking. The tears did not stop falling. I could feel them still soaking my shirt.

I stopped humming.

"Did they escape?" I asked quietly. His slight nod had relief flooding my veins, "My dad told me once that bad things happen to good people. He also said that we have to push on and keep being good. We have to learn to accept that it has happened and move on." my voice was still soft and tender, "In order to survive and thrive, we need to know that yes, this horrible thing happened, but I have come to terms with it. I survived it and it is now a part of who I am."

"I'm not good, Henria." came the watery statement. I smiled lightly to the top of his head.

"Everyone is good, Draco. It all depends on the choices that we make in life as to whether or not we keep being good. He-Who-Knows-Nothing made the choice of associating himself with a group of people and twisted that group of people into hurting other people. His twisted standards of what make a person a person, make him evil. His call for genocide makes him evil. His radical thinking of no one is created equal and those not his equal needing to be banished from this world, makes him evil." I swallowed my rage, "At one point in time he was a little boy who cried for his mother just like every other child. At one point, he was a curious kid who wanted to find out the wonders of the world.

"But along the way, he twisted that good part of him into darkness. He fed that darkness to people around him. Those people didn't start off wanting to murder Muggles and muggleborns. They were manipulated into believing that killing them was the only way to eradicate them." I kept running my hand through his hair, "You were born a good person. You were an innocent baby once who knew nothing but the comfort of your mother's arms and that you were happy to be alive. You have been brainwashed into believing that there is only one pure people. You have been instructed to hate a group of people. Their only crime is that they were born."

"I'm not good, Henria." he repeated, his voice muffled by my body.

"No. There is still good in you. You wouldn't be feeling so guilty and you wouldn't have come to cry into my shirt if you didn't have any good left." I bent even further down to lay a soft kiss on his fine hair, "You have a piece in your heart that remains untouched by darkness. I know it." I placed another kiss on his hair, "You just have to decide if you want to live by that one piece, or discard it and follow evil down a dangerous path."

I heard him sniff a couple of times as we sat in silence. We sat for hours like that. His head nestled in the curve of my torso. One hand holding his head to my abdomen and the other stroking his hair. Every once in a while, I would lean down and lightly kiss his hair. He did eventually stop crying, but I suspect that he did not want to leave the warm comfort. I was enjoying having his arms around my body. Their desperate clinging loosened to gentle embrace.

After he was done mourning his shambles of a life, he gently tugged his body from mine. His eyes were bloodshot and dry. I leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss at the crown of his head. He leaned into the contact. After I hopped down from the tabletop, I gathered my belongings and he walked me out of the library. Actually, he walked me all the way to the Head's dorms. We walked in silence. It was comfortable silence.

Before he murmured the password to enter, he turned to me and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. A soft 'thank you' breezed past his lips before he entered his Common Room. I watched the portrait swing closed before I made my journey to the Gryffindor Common Room.

My thoughts swirled around the boy that I felt I needed to save. Because he was given one of the shittiest lots on life and it was not fair.