"To honor those who have fallen, we are gathered here today to unveil a Commemoratory Wall so that we all may remember their sacrifice for a noble cause."

I pretended like I could not hear the soft sobs from mothers. I pushed out the tiny wails of children. This was not something that I could deal with.

But I made myself stand in the grass, waiting for the names forever memorialized in brass to be uncovered for those gathered to gaze upon. I willed myself not to cry. I froze my face in a mask of indifference. I needed this so I could move on like the rest of the Wizarding World.

"Henria, are you all right?" a dignified Scottish cant interrupted my concentration.

"I'm fine, Minerva." I replied softly. My soft Alaskan accent nearly lost from decades of white American breeding. Sometimes I just wished I could have an Eskimo tongue so no one would look at me oddly when I talk. It would make conversations much less awkward.

"You know that it is all right to grieve, right?" Minerva placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I don't like grieving." I shrugged her offering of comfort off. The shift of my shoulder brought a stir out of Kadie. Her head came off my other shoulder to look up to Minerva and me.

"Henny, stop." she ordered in a watery voice. I sighed before I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. I brought my left hand up to wipe away her steady flow of tears only for her cheeks to become wet once again.

"I'm sorry, Rosie. You're right, I shouldn't be so cross." I murmured as I kissed her again.

"Miss Hunter, it is fine. Everyone grieves in their own way." Minerva offered a peaceful smile, but it was shadowed with sadness.

I turned my attention back to the unveiling. My father was lucky. He could not make it due to some pressing matters concerning the state of Alaska. I cursed his name when he told me. He just smiled sadly at me. He had been doing that a lot since I told him my middle name was Aislinn and not Celeste. I think I might have destroyed his heart when I told him I was moving to London. Well, Kadie and I were moving to London. I heard soft sobs later that night, but pretended not to have heard them the next morning. I had my own cry later that day when he was at work.

I sighed as the constant drabble coming out of the Minister Shacklebolt's mouth just garbled together. I could not concentrate on his words as Kadie's quiet sobs filtered into my ears. Every sound she made cracked my resolve slightly. It was heart wrenching to know she was hurting. No one hurts my Rosie. But this was the first time I could not hurt the one hurting her.

The second assault wave had Mark standing between Death Eaters and Kadie. Now, I know it sounds like we make Kadie out to be an incompetent witch, but that is just who Mark and I are. We are natural defenders and do not tolerate it when people threaten Kadie. She can hex you three times over before you ever lay eyes on her, but if someone has the misfortune of either of us standing next to her, you are fucked. She is powerful, but she is still tiny. It is a height thing.

So, being Mark, he placed himself where he should not have and an aimed beam of green light hit his chest with deadly accuracy. And you know how I told you that Kadie can hex you three times over before you lay eyes on her? She did that standing over his still form, crying and screaming in rage. You think that it is a bad idea to touch Kadie? You should try to touch on of us. You will wish you were in Hell.

Kadie was not very specific, but I gathered that the Death Eater that killed Mark felt a few uncomfortable and debilitating hexes and jinxes before she showed the man mercy and froze him with a Petrificus Totalis. Well, it was not mercy since he was still conscious and could feel every hex and jinx she bestowed upon him. She cradled Mark's head in her lap and hummed 'Rock a Bye Baby' while dad stood by and kept her alive.

She has hardly stopped crying in the four months since it happened.

I, on the other hand, have kept dry eyes and tight lips.

Everyone grieves in their own way.

I have to do it a different way.

I took to going out to the garage and kicking the shit out of the punching bag. I attacked it relentlessly. In the span of four months since I had left England, dad had to buy fifteen new bags. He quietly replaced a bag every time I made the insides of the new one burst from the seams. I could not tell you if it was magic or just sheer force of will, but I could not keep one whole for more than a week or so. I would come back to the house after a five or six hour session bleeding and sweating profusely. I always refused magical treatment. I needed these wounds. I needed the pain.

They kept my body from blowing itself up.

I could feel the magic humming right under my skin. I felt like a rubber band stretched to just before the point of snapping. At times it felt like I was going insane. My heart ached. My head ached. My soul still ached. And I had nightmares. The faces of those in the war would flash behind my eyelids and I would wake up, smothering a scream with my hand and droplets of sweat rolling down my back, head and chest. It would feel like I was drowning and I could not swim to the surface to breath. I only felt in control when I could hear skin slapping against the vinyl of a punching bag.

Kadie tried to worry about me, but she was suffering just as much. Where I did not wake her up in the middle of night screaming, she would wake me up screaming. Since I had been back, we slept in the same bed together not because we wanted to. It was because it was necessary. We had tried to sleep in separate beds, but I would wake up, chest heaving and heart racing in a blind panic. I had this awful sense that someone had snuck into the house and killed my sister in all but blood. So, to quell my fears, I had to enter her room and shake her awake for proof that she was fine.

Never wake a sleeping Kadie, no matter how much you needed her.

While it was better when we were together, it was still difficult. On the nights where she would wake screaming and crying, I would be jolted awake like someone electrocuted my heart. Some nights, her screams would be so loud that I would wake up hexing the door. There were scorch marks on the pale purple paint covering the wood. My dad was sporting a new burn scar on his forearm. He had heard her scream while passing my bedroom door and wanted to help. He was so surprised that I woke up casting; his only defense was to shield his face with his arm. He only comes in when the sobs are reduced to sniffles. I think he is beginning to feel useless.

Movement around Kadie and I brought me out of my own head. I watched as people made their way over to the monument. I felt Kadie tense up next to me. We both told each other we were ready for this. Obviously we lied to each other, which we knew. It was difficult to think that Mark's name would be only remembered on a slab of bronze. Most everyone in attendance had never met Mark. He would be a faceless name amongst known heroes. Knowing that hurt, but knowing he would never hug me and kiss me better when I have had a bad day hurt the most. Kadie was not worried about if anyone knew her best friend. She was mourning the loss of a third of her. She would forever have an empty place in her heart known as Mark Arrows. And it was killing her.

I sighed and realized I would have to play the bad guy. I wove my arm around her arm and threaded my fingers into her fingers. Her hand was cold. I hear that is a sign of emotional turmoil. I always run hot because I am more than likely pissed off about something. Today, my hands were hot because they were slightly swollen from the punching bag session I had the day before we traveled back to London. We were currently staying at the Leaky Cauldron. Sharing a bed. We had to put silencing wards around our room to prevent anyone thinking I was killing Kadie during the night.

"Come on, Rosie." I whispered into her soft hair. I placed my forehead against the side of her head, "Love, we need to do this. He would never let us wallow like we have been. He would scold us for how badly we were handling this."

"I c-can't, H-Henny!" her tear soaked tone was crushing my heart. I ignored the protest from my knuckles as I squeezed her hand.

"Please come with me." I begged in a pained voice, "I need you."

"I'll take her to the Hospital Wing, Henria." Minerva stepped up to the pair us broken ninnies. I took a lungful of frost, birch bark and lilacs. Her smell calmed my racing heart. We really had not spent much time apart in four months and it caused me anxiety to think of being split.

"Thank you, Minerva." I loosened my grip on Kadie's hand. I kissed her hair, "Calming Draught makes her cranky and don't give her any tea. Just try a cup of water. And if that doesn't work, stun her and then slip Sleeping Draught down her throat. That will help."

"I am right here, you stupid whore. I can hear you talking about me." I cringed as her watery tone drifted to almost rage. Yeah, she definitely needed to calm down. Her emotions were all over the place.

"Of course, my apologies, love." I said in a placating tone.

Minerva led Kadie away with a few quiet words and life learned knowledge. I watched them until their heads disappeared. I could feel the panic simmer in my chest, but I forced it down. I knew she was in good hands and she would be all right. I knew that. But she was not in my direct line of sight and I could not see it. I shook my head to realign my thoughts.

Kadie is all right. Kadie is all right.

I squared my shoulders and balled my hands into fists. I was going to look at this monument and I was going to read the names and I was going to...I was going to...Well, I do not fucking know what the hell I was going to do but it would be something because I am tired of feeling like shit. I am tired of waking up screaming. I am tired of feeling constant pain because I need it to stay sane. I am tired of feeling like I need to walk on eggshells everywhere I go. I need to move on.

But I do not want to move on.

I want Mark, right here, standing next to me and holding my hand. I want him whispering into my ear how brave I was for doing this. I want him to smile at me with a proud twinkle in his eye. I want him to see me grow stronger as I learn from this experience and wield it to my own use. I wanted Mark here. I wanted him next to me. I missed my best friend. I missed my brother.

I unfortunately was not completely there. I bumped into someone on my way to the wall. Black, billowy robes blocked my vision. I looked up into the beady ebony eyes of Professor Snape. He was sneering at me. I did not have the heart to even feel a twinge of anger in my chest. It must have been surreal to watch the Polyjuiced form of Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody slip from the mortal realm in Severus' body. But he never complained about it. Mad Eye and Severus had discussed at length what was going to happen. They never factored in the vile snake, Nagini. None-the-less, Moody's sacrifice will never be forgotten and Severus can try to find peace with himself and hopefully try to live a normal life. However normal you can make it while residing in the dungeons of a castle.

"Miss Sownbinder, how wonderful for you to grace us with your presence. England has been entirely too quiet in your absence." Snape drawled sarcastically at me. I blinked at him with a blank stare.

"I didn't realize you would miss me so much Professor." I dipped my head respectfully, "Maybe I should turn down the Minister's offer and come and work for Hogwarts full time this coming term." I felt my eyes twinkle with mirth, "Then you would never miss me."

"How...unappealing. I really wish you wouldn't, cheeky girl." his lip curl told me he really wished I would not come back to Hogwarts.

"You wound me. But never-the-less, I am planning on accepting the Minister's offer to join the Aurors. Although, I might change it to joining the Hit Wizards. I can't seem to make up my mind." I babbled.

"As amusing as it is to hear about your inner turmoil, I must find someone who will not give me a headache merely with their voice to talk to. Excuse me." Severus quickly made his escape. I smirked at his retreating back.

I think that was the most fun I had had in four months.

And it was at the expense of Severus Snape.

I felt something flutter in my chest. And I do not think it was happiness. Mischievousness? Debauchery? I do not know, but it felt better than suffering and depression.

I continued my walk. I concentrated on the bodies in front of me this time. No need to have any more conversations with witches and wizards who have grown to despise me. It left for uncomfortable feelings. And I really wanted to avoid most uncomfortable feelings while I was here. I had two important tasks to complete. One was getting to that wall and looking at the names and having the courage to feel something for them.

I took a tentative step forward and stilled my body. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. I let it out slowly and opened my eyes. Letters formed names and names formed images of faces.

Albus Dumbledore
Alastor Moody
Lavender Brown
Molly Weasley
Arthur Weasley
Terry Boots
Michael Corner
Mark Arrows

My heart lurched and I felt like I was going to retch up bile. I had left my stomach empty for that specific reason. I did not want to lose my cookies in front of the press and be a laughing stock of the Wizarding World for months. I could honestly picture it and it had scared me.

So, I swallowed what spittle I could and continued down the list of names. I needed this to live.

Zacharis Smith
Bathilda Bagshot
Hestia Jones
Amelia Bones
Fabian Prewett
Gideon Prewett
Dedalus Diggle
Cedric Diggory
Amos Diggory

My head began to spin. So many families split apart. So many families with holes. So many people who had only hoped for a better life. I almost stopped, but I knew I needed to continue.

I need this to live. I need this to live.

Sirius Black
Marlene McKinnon
Mary McDonald
Lily Potter
James Potter
Benjy Fenwick
Dorcas Meadowes
Regulus Black Dobby

And my heart hurt. It was in agony. Seeing the names and picturing the faces that I could remember was torture. I wanted to break down. Or, I thought that is what I wanted to do. I felt the pain with every heartbeat. I felt the sting with every pump of blood that was still running through my body, but not theirs. I wanted to cry. I really did. But my eyes stayed dry and I stood tall. I had done it. I had read the names. I looked them bold faced and I thanked them for their sacrifice so I could breath. I thanked them for allowing me to survive.

I kissed the cool metal lightly and pulled back.

I needed it so I could continue to live and not be reduced to nothing.

And I was going to live.

"Miss, these gentlemen here are going to confiscate your wand and restrain you with magic hindering ropes." the cool voice of the female Auror tried to placate me so I would cooperate. I hated it.

I was at the Ministry of Magic waiting to attend Draco's trial two days after the unveiling. I had been questioned and a deposition had been performed whilst in Sitka. I had some memories borrowed and they were reviewed. I was obviously no Occlumens, but it still had taken days to thoroughly examine and test for any falsehoods. I rolled my eyes every time I received an owl from the investigators informing of how it was going. They were not subtle in their mistrust. Honestly! I was only placed in Slytherin to protect children! And a little because I was cunning and I liked power.

Yes, that had come up. And it was fucking humiliating to be reminded of my misstep. I was not in school anymore. My House colors mean nothing to me. The supposed bond I was to form with the other Slytherins did not take. It helped that I had been cursed in their Common Room.

"Try not to break it with your clumsy hands." I said with some venom. A fierce glare was my only answer. I hated being parted with my wand. It made me uncomfortable.

I understood the confiscation and the binds. I had openly attacked an Auror after the battle. Granted, it was with my hands, but it was still an attack. Kadie was standing next to me getting scanned and her wand was being inspected. I could see her eyes watching every move carefully. She never let anyone touch her wand. I hardly ever handled it. Mark hardly ever handled it either. She and her wand were like soul mates. They just belonged together.

I winced when the ropes became too tight. I shot a glare to the silent Auror, but it was promptly ignore. I considered using some very choice words to talk about his ugly face, but a nudge from Kadie quieted the words before they came to life.

I sometimes hate how she is able to read me.

We were escorted down to a circular room with many rows of benches. Harry, Hermione and Ron were already present. Harry shot me an odd look when he noticed the ropes. I just sighed in returned and took my seat.

Sometimes I really hated that I never think my plans through.

A sharp crack of a gavel brought my attention away from my thoughts.

I scanned the room and my eyes fell on Draco Malfoy. He was thinner than the last time I saw him and his pallor was ashen again. Dark circles had replaced his eyes. I drew in a sharp breath, but refrained from any other movement. I was trying to keep the Aurors assigned to me in the dark. I had to stay strong so Draco could finally be free. I wanted him to continue to live like he should. Albeit, that meant he would be a pompous asshole, but that is more a personality disorder than anything else.

Plus, I wanted to get him some food and a comfortable bed. I really hated seeing him so malnourished.

"Miss Sownbinder, do you swear that all your answers are truthful?" I blinked at the unfamiliar voice talking to me.

When did I get down here? When did they start questioning me again?

"Yes." I rasped in my horrible voice. I was starting to get used to it. But I knew I would never like it.

"And the memories that we have collected, those are also the truth?" the voice asked.

"Yes." I clenched my hands into fist in my lap. I already answered all these questions!

"Very well." the voice drawled, "You may go." a silent command had the two Aurors lifting me from the chair.

"Wait! Aren't you going to listen to what I have to say? Do I get to watch you peer into my memories?" my voice was raised as I struggled against the two men, "Do I get to even hear the outcome?" my efforts were for naught since they were burly and I was still small.

"Have a good day, Miss Sownbinder." I literally growled in frustration.

"NO! I need to be here for the rest of the trial!" I raised my voice. I caught Harry standing from his seat, eyeing my struggling form.

"Get her out of here. She is disrupting my court room!"

"Henria, come on." Harry urged me, "Calm down and take Hunter to the Leaky for a pint." he whispered. I glared at him.

"Henny, I'm hungry." Kadie stated quietly. I snapped my attention to her, "Let's get some early lunch."

"Fine! But I want to hear what the fuck happens when it is over." I growled at Harry, "Get your fucking hands off of me! I can walk all by myself! I learned when I was barely a year old!" my snarl sounded feral to my own ears that I aimed at the offending Aurors.

"Gods be good Henria, you are going to get us killed." Kadie smirked at me as I was set down on the floor by the Aurors and I ceased my struggles.

"All in a day s work love." I cooed as I strode out of the court room ahead of everyone my head held high in arrogance.

I fucking hate being man handled.

A/N: This is the first Epilogue. Don't hurt me. Please still love me. I just don't think Snape, Remus, Colin and Fred should have died. Their deaths were highly unfair. I also think Sirius should have lived, but my 16 year old self didn't want to stray from the books too much. I have since grown up. :D

I hope you enjoyed the first one. More to come!

Happy reading!

Henny, that lucky Penny!