The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters is running around somewhere. Just some madness that came out of my tiny little mind. Takes place before Trevor's Body.
The Room Hopping Incident
"Good news!" Sam said to the ghosts in the living room. "We're getting guests for our Romantic Getaway weekend package!"
"I shall strike up the band," Isaac remarked.
"We have two couples staying with us for two days and three nights," Sam explained. "Chester and Carol Charleston and Randy and Mandy Bakersfield. They're here to do some sightseeing and look for bargains at the local antique shops."
"Randy and Mandy?" Isaac blinked. "Gadzooks where do people come up with these names in this modern world? Whatever happened to plain old Eliza, Ezekiel or Jedidiah?"
"So what's wrong with these people?" Alberta asked.
"There's nothing wrong with them," Sam told her.
"You say that but almost every guest we've had so far has been either demanding, weird…" Hetty counted off. "Extremely weird, annoying or problematic."
"Not all of them!" Sam protested. "The Halleys were a very lovely couple. They were normal. Mostly."
"They talked to each other in bird calls," Trevor pointed out.
"They were birdwatching enthusiasts!" Sam defended.
"They were nuts," Alberta remarked. "Not as nuts as the Wintons."
"They got even crazier when Flower walked through them," Sasappis added. "But quieter."
"What about the Smiths?" Sam asked. "The hiking couple. They were nice and quiet and polite."
"So quiet you didn't even notice they were lost for three days," Alberta pointed out. "The fact that they didn't come back from their hike wasn't a clue?"
"Well, that was when we had that incident with the cult," Sam protested. "That distracted us! And by the time we realized they were lost the police already found them!"
"In someone else's house!" Isaac pointed out.
"They got lost in the woods," Sam defended. "It was dark…"
"The cops found them watching movies and ordering pizza," Alberta told her.
"The owner never charged them with breaking and entering!" Sam added.
"That's because the cops discovered the owner had a secret marijuana growing facility in the basement," Alberta added.
"Which explains why the Smiths didn't come back right away," Trevor quipped. "And why they were ordering pizza non-stop."
"Look they were quiet and liked our place and the check cleared!" Sam snapped. "The point is these people are probably nice too!"
"Oh, this is going to be a disaster," Alberta remarked.
"It will not be a disaster!" Sam told her. "Why are you so negative?"
"I wasn't being negative," Alberta told her. "I'm positive something is going to go wrong!"
That night the two couples were at the dinner table feasting on Jay's food. The ghosts were there as well smelling it. "Oh, Jay outdid himself tonight!" Pete grinned. "Hmmm…Smell those potatoes!"
Nigel was there as well with Isaac, visiting. "Oh my! They smell scrumptious! And that chicken! Divine! I haven't smelled food this good in ages!"
"I may question Samantha and Jay's dynamic but I can't deny that Jay is a wonderful cook," Hetty remarked as she looked at the attractive couples that seemed to be in their early fifties going on thirty. "These guests aren't as dowdy as I expected them to be."
"This food is wonderful," Carol said to Sam. "I heard this was a good place to go. Yelp was right."
"I'm glad," Sam said as she poured some wine. "So how do you all know each other?"
"Well Mandy and I were roommates in college together," Carol explained. "And I dated Randy for a short time but nothing serious. And he introduced me to his friend Chester."
"We were both on the rowing team together," Chester explained as he flashed a handsome smile. "Made State finals. And after college Randy and I went to work at the same company."
"And I ended up marrying Randy," Mandy explained. "And before you know it, we're living on the same block and our kids are best friends. And now they're in college."
"And we can finally get away once in a while," Randy added. "We all got out of the rat race together and now we own our own antique store."
"Found Things," Carol said the name of their store. "We've been in business for six months and we're doing quite well. That's the fun of traveling now. We can look around and see things at other shops or yard sales we can sell."
"Too bad they weren't here when the Farnsbys had their yard sale," Isaac remarked. "I can only imagine the things they were selling."
"I can imagine the food Jay's cooking," Trevor smelled and went into the kitchen.
"I'll join you," Hetty nodded. "To oversee of course."
"And do what exactly?" Sasappis asked.
"I can tell Samantha if something is amiss," Hetty waved as she went into the kitchen with Trevor.
"See Alberta?" Pete said. "These are nice, normal people. Having a nice weekend. Nothing weird about them."
"I don't know," Alberta remarked. "There's something about these people that just isn't right. I can't put my finger on it. But I know it's something."
Speaking of something….
Hetty and Trevor were alone in the kitchen. Well not alone. Jay was there cooking but he couldn't hear them. "I need you tonight," Hetty whispered to Trevor as she pulled on his tie.
"I thought you said what we did was a one time thing?" Trevor looked at her.
"It was," Hetty paused. "And this will be another one time thing."
"I'll take it," Trevor shrugged. "We'll sneak into my old room after midnight. It's not being used and everybody should be asleep by then."
They pulled away a minute before Sam walked in. "It's going well!" Sam said cheerfully.
"It should," Trevor told her. "The food smells delicious!"
"Hetty and Trevor are in here," Sam told Jay. "They love the smell of your food."
"Hetty is supervising more likely," Jay told her. "And No-Pants is looking for trouble."
"Hey!" Trevor protested. "I don't always look for trouble!"
"True," Hetty remarked. "Sometimes it just finds him without any effort at all."
"It's just so nice to see some couples that are friends after all these years," Sam said as she helped Jay in the kitchen. "I wish we could find a couple like that to do things with."
"Instead of a couple dozen ghosts that do things to us," Jay remarked. "No offense."
"None taken," Hetty sighed.
"Yeah, that's fair," Trevor admitted at the same time.
"We had a couple like that," Hetty remembered. "The Dubanks. Devon and Alexandra. Lovely couple. We did everything together for a long time. We would go to each other's dinner parties. Attend social events together. Our children played together. That sort of thing."
"That sounds nice," Sam nodded. "What happened to them?"
"Elias ruined Devon in a business deal and slept with both his sister and his favorite maid," Hetty explained. "Devon shot himself and Alexandra had to sell their home, a lot of their belongings and leave town to live with her mother in some god forsaken backwater in Massachusetts. Had to drop completely out of society. Never heard from her again."
"Oh my God," Sam was shocked.
"I'm amazed Elias didn't sleep with Alexandra," Trevor remarked.
"Not that amazing," Hetty shrugged. "If you'd ever seen Alexandra. A kind-hearted soul but she had a face that would win third prize at a pig judging competition. Plus, Elias was not into facial hair on women. Especially if their sideburns were longer than his."
"How many women did you know have facial hair?" Trevor asked.
"More than you think," Hetty explained. "Oh, that dresser in your bedroom Samantha! That used to belong to the Dubanks. I got it at the sale at a steal. And some lovely silver salad forks. Which I actually did steal."
"What?" Trevor and Sam said at the same time.
"Well, she had that set marked at a ridiculous price that no one was going to pay for," Hetty explained. "Not to mention she left it on the table unguarded. What did she think was going to happen? Plus, she was extremely rude to me when all I was trying to do was help her."
"You don't think her husband being dead and her family being broke because of Elias might have been the cause of that?" Sam asked acidly.
"Well yes but still…" Hetty paused. "One must not lose their manners as well as their fortune."
"What happened?" Jay asked.
"I'll tell you later," Sam sighed. "Let's just say we may have some stolen silverware and leave it at that."
"Okay then," Jay blinked. "It's not those really fancy salad forks, are they? The ones that look like they're better than the rest of our silverware. On second thought, I don't want to know."
"It's them," Sam admitted.
"I said I didn't want to know!" Jay told her.
"Neither did I," Sam rolled her eyes.
"I so not regret blacklisting her family from society," Hetty sniffed. "As well as stealing some extra silverware. And one of her broaches."
"Oh God…" Sam groaned as she grabbed some more food to bring out to the guests who were laughing and having a good time. "I have more food. Is everything to your satisfaction?"
"And then some," Randy said. "This is one of the best meals we've had in a long time."
"And such charming and eclectic cutlery," Carol looked at the silverware. "Especially these charming salad forks. So beautiful and well made. Where did you get them?"
"Oh, I heard one of my ancestors got them at an estate sale," Sam said innocently. "For a steal."
Thorfinn spoke up. "Oh, you know then that Hetty actually did steal those forks?"
"Hetty and Elias stole a lot of things from the Dubanks," Isaac remarked. "Silverware. Jewelry. Their business. Some land. Almost their entire fortune."
"Their maid," Sasappis added.
"Would anyone like more wine?" Samantha said quickly.
Later that night shortly after midnight…
Trevor quietly walked the hallway and stood in front of his room. "Hetty?" He whispered. "Hetty?"
Hetty poked her head out of the door. "I'm right here! Keep quiet you half naked nitwit! Do you want the whole house to know?"
"Whoa!" Trevor gasped when Hetty yanked him backwards through the door. "Wow you really want it bad, don't you?"
"Watch your mouth," Hetty growled.
"Maybe you should watch it for me?" Trevor smirked.
"Did you really think that stupid line would work on me?" Hetty asked.
"Did it?" Trevor asked. He got his answer when Hetty kissed him passionately.
"I thought we'd never get a moment alone," Hetty moaned as Trevor kissed her neck. "Oh yes Trevor! My nape! Kiss it! Kiss it!"
"I'll kiss anything you want," Trevor kissed her passionately on the lips.
"Oh I…" Hetty then heard something. "Did you hear something?"
"That's my heart racing for you," Trevor purred as he kissed her neck. "Figuratively obviously."
"No, you fool! I think someone's…" Hetty began.
Just then the door opened. Into the room two figures were passionately kissing. "Whoa!" Trevor gasped as he pulled Hetty and himself out of the way just in time. "HEY!"
Then Hetty saw who it was. "It's Carol! And…Randy?"
"Oh Randy!" Carol gasped as they kissed. "I thought we'd never have a moment alone! Kiss me! Ohhh!"
"Excuse me!" Hetty snapped as she pulled away from Trevor. "We were here first! You have your own rooms! Go back to them!"
"I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon," Trevor smirked.
"What are they doing?" Hetty gasped as Carol and Randy kissed each other.
"I think you know what they're doing," Trevor remarked. "Looks like Carol and Randy have thing going on."
"Scandalous!" Hetty gasped. "To have such an illicit affair in my house!"
Trevor looked at her. "I get the irony Trevor!" Hetty replied. "I suppose we should leave."
"Are you kidding me?" Trevor smirked. "This is hot!"
"Trevor! Samantha doesn't want us…" Hetty began. Then Randy removed his shirt revealing his sculped chest. "Then again Samantha doesn't have to know."
"I'm not gonna tell her," Trevor agreed. "Are you?"
"Noooooo," Hetty's eyes widened.
"Oh Randy!" Carol purred.
"Oh Carol…" Randy groaned.
Just then Isaac and Nigel practically fell through the door, passionately kissing. "Oh boy…" Trevor snickered.
Nigel and Isaac realized they weren't alone. "Uh…." Isaac gulped as he and Nigel untangled themselves.
"Hello there," Trevor grinned. "Nice to see you here."
"What are you two doing in here?" Isaac asked.
Trevor challenged back. "What are you two doing in here?"
"Uh…" Isaac coughed. "Uh..."
"We were…" Nigel said quickly. "Spying on this couple! This adulterous naughty couple!" He pointed to Randy and Carol.
"YES!" Isaac nodded. "Nothing else! Just spying on them!"
"That's what we were doing too!" Trevor added.
"Yes! Spying on the goings on of these adulterous peasants!" Hetty said quickly.
"What else would we be doing?" Trevor snorted.
"What else indeed?" Hetty covered.
"Oh my…" Isaac looked at the couple. "I think I know where Randy got his namesake."
Randy stopped kissing Carol. "Did you hear something?"
"I think someone is coming this way!" Carol gasped. "Quick! In the closet!" The two ran into the closet and closed the door behind them.
"Carol and Randy are in the closet," Isaac remarked. "Wait you don't think they heard us, do you?"
Just then the door burst open. Chester and Mandy were kissing each other passionately. "I'm going to guess no on that one," Hetty remarked.
"This is a popular room," Trevor remarked. "We should have made a reservation."
"Oh my…" Nigel's eyes widened as Chester and Mandy started removing their clothes.
"Oh dear," Isaac blinked.
"Oh yeah…" Trevor grinned.
"Oh Mandy!" Chester gasped as they kissed.
"Oh Chester!" Mandy gasped back.
That was the exact moment when the closet door opened and Carol and Randy emerged. "Oh boy…" Isaac remarked. "Randy and Carol are out of the closet!"
"Chester!" Carol gasped.
"Mandy?" Randy gasped.
"Randy?" Mandy gasped.
"Carol?" Chester gasped.
"Mandy?" Carol snapped.
"Carol?" Mandy was shocked.
"Chester?" Randy blinked.
"Randy," Chester growled.
"Janet! Dr. Scott!" Trevor quipped. "Brad! Rocky!"
The other ghosts looked at him. Trevor explained. "I know none of you get that reference. But trust me, it fits! Eh, I'll tell it to Pete later. He'll get it. I think."
"How long has this been going on?" Carol pointed to Chester and Mandy.
"Well how long has this been going on?" Chester pointed to Carol and Randy.
"How long have you been sleeping with my wife?" Randy snapped.
"How long have you been sleeping with my wife?" Chester snapped.
"I think this line of questioning might be fruitless," Isaac remarked.
"You bitch!" Carol glared at Mandy. "I bet this started on that weekend in Vermont, didn't it? When you and Chester just had to go to that stupid stuffed bear place!"
"I'm guessing the bears weren't the only things that got stuffed that weekend," Trevor quipped.
"He, he…" Nigel giggled. "I admit, that was a rather amusing quip."
"Who are you to talk?" Mandy challenged. "You started sleeping with my husband during that weekend in Charleston, didn't you?"
"No!" Carol told her. "It was the weekend in Maui."
"We had sex during that weekend too," Chester realized.
"Guess everybody got lei-d," Trevor quipped. "Get it?"
"Trevor!" Hetty bristled.
"What?" Isaac and Nigel blinked.
"I'll explain the reference later!" Trevor groaned.
"How could you do this to me?" Chester asked Randy. "After everything we've been through!"
"I could ask you the same question!" Randy told him. "I am asking the same question!"
"I knew you still had a thing for my husband!" Mandy snapped at Carol.
"Well, you apparently have a thing for my husband!" Carol shouted. "A man you once described as…And I quote…Ick!"
"He shaved the mustache!" Mandy snapped.
"Yeah, that thing was wrecking my game for years," Chester admitted.
"How many women have you been sleeping with?" Carol shouted. "At least Randy and I were exclusive!"
"Not that exclusive!" Mandy pointed to herself. "Hello? Remember?"
Just then Pete and Sasappis emerged from the walls. "What the H. E. Double Hockey sticks is going on?" Pete asked.
"We could hear the yelling down the hall," Sasappis explained. He saw the livings' state of undress. "Hello!"
"Randy is sleeping with Carol and Mandy is sleeping with Chester," Hetty explained quickly. "Behind each other's backs and they both decided to use this same room…"
"WHAT?" Pete was shocked.
"Got it," Sasappis grinned.
"You've always wanted everything I had!" Carol shouted. "Because I've always had more than you! I have the bigger house! The bigger car…"
"At least my breasts are real!" Mandy shouted. "And aren't made from silicone!"
"Like that matters," Trevor remarked.
"First of all," Carol glared at Mandy. "They're not silicone! They're all natural excess fat deposits from a donor!"
"Oh, I thought your ass was a little smaller lately," Mandy quipped.
"That's it!" Carol launched herself at Mandy and the two women started to fight.
"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Trevor and Sasappis cheered.
"Gadzooks," Isaac groaned.
"Is it always like this?" Nigel asked.
"No, sometimes it gets a little crazy," Isaac admitted.
"Oh, the scandal!" Hetty said dramatically. "Which admittedly is better than Bodices and Barons lately."
"Should we do something?" Chester blinked.
"I know what I'm going to do," Randy remarked. He punched Chester in the face.
"GASP!" Isaac and Nigel gasped as one.
"You said you were only sleeping with our assistant manager!" Randy shouted at Chester.
"WHAT?" Mandy and Carol stopped fighting and glared at Chester.
"Ramona?" Carol shouted. "You're also sleeping with Ramona?"
"That bitch?" Mandy screamed.
"The plot thickens," Isaac grinned maliciously.
"She's half your age!" Carol shouted at Chester. "And half of Mandy's waist size!"
"He was sleeping around and you didn't tell me?" Mandy shouted at Randy.
"He swore me to secrecy!" Randy shouted. "I obviously had no idea about who else he was doing! And who else you were doing!"
"Wow Chester really did up his game after the mustache," Trevor remarked.
"I'm done with putting up with you!" Carol shouted. "You cheating bastard! I want a divorce!"
"You can't divorce me!" Chester shouted. "Because I'm going to divorce you!"
"WANNA BET?" Carol shouted. "Randy and I will be thrilled to get rid of both of you!"
"Hold on!" Randy shouted. "Who said that? I don't want to divorce Mandy!"
"WHAT?" Carol shouted.
"Now who has something you want?" Mandy mocked. She then looked at Randy. "Wait a minute, you cheated on me! Why should I keep you?"
"What? You're gonna run off with Chester?" Randy shouted.
"Obviously not now!" Mandy shouted.
"Yeah, nobody wants Chester," Sasappis quipped. "Except maybe Ramona."
"But you were thinking about running off with my husband!" Carol shouted.
"You were just saying you were going to run off with my husband!" Mandy shouted.
"Which I never said I would," Randy added.
"SHUT UP RANDY!" Chester growled.
"You shut up!" Carol shouted as she then punched Chester in the nose. Then all the couples started to scream at each other the same time.
The other ghosts started to emerge from the walls. "What is all the racket here?" Alberta snapped. "Can't a ghost get some beauty sleep?"
Carol and Mandy started to fight each other again. "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" Thorfinn cheered.
"You know I had my doubts when Sam and Jay opened this B and B," Sasappis grinned as Randy punched Chester again. "But I'm starting to see the upside of this arrangement."
"I feel sorry for the travel agent who has to deal with tomorrow's phone calls," Pete winced.
"Wait until the boys in the shed hear about this!" Nigel grinned.
An hour later…
"Well, our guests are gone," Sam grumbled as she looked at the ghosts in the foyer. "They went home."
"Which is a brief stop to divorce court by the looks of things," Pete remarked.
"I can't believe both couples were having affairs with each other for years and didn't know about it," Jay groaned. "They'd get along with the Farnsbys like a house on fire."
"From the way Carol was talking I wouldn't be surprised if she set someone's house on fire," Hetty remarked.
"I knew it," Alberta crowed. "I knew there was something wrong with them! Called it!"
"She did," Sasappis nodded. "She called it."
"Alberta's gloating about how she predicted something would go wrong," Sam groaned.
"At least they paid for the rooms," Jay grumbled. "And they added a few extra hundred for us to not talk about it so…"
"Yeah, well we're going to talk about it," Trevor grinned. "For a long time!"
"I'd like to talk about the ghosts' contribution to this mess," Sam gave the ghosts a look.
"How is it our fault those two couples were cheating on each other?" Pete asked. "Which obviously has been going on for some time!"
"Some people are just so sneaky," Trevor remarked.
"Yes, skulking about doing…" Hetty paused. "Unspeakable things."
"Sneaky skulkers the lot of them," Isaac nodded.
"Very sneaky," Nigel nodded.
"Speaking of sneaky…" Sam looked at the ghosts. "You were spying on them!"
"Well, uh…" Isaac coughed. "Not purposely…"
"And not all of us!" Alberta added.
"Well Trevor alerted me to the goings on and I had to see for myself," Hetty defended. "As the lady of the house…"
"You're not. You're dead," Sasappis quipped.
"I must know of what's going on under my roof," Hetty ignored him.
"Not your roof," Sam sighed. "Again, you're dead."
Hetty went on. "And Isaac and Nigel came to witness the affairs as well."
"Yes, that's exactly what we were doing!" Isaac said quickly.
"Definitely," Nigel added.
"How did you know?" Sam asked Trevor.
"Trust me Sam," Trevor smirked. "If there's something going on, I'll know about it. I saw the signs."
"And you didn't think to tell us?" Sasappis shouted.
"Yeah!" Alberta shouted.
"Hetty was the first one I saw!" Trevor protested. "Then Isaac and Nigel. It just happened so fast!"
"Okay once again I have to explain this," Sam groaned. "What other couples do under this roof is none of your business! Or our business!"
"Unless of course we're talking about a Die Hard situation," Jay spoke up. "If they happen to be terrorists and…"
"Jay nothing in real life is a Die Hard situation!" Sam interrupted.
"You don't know that for sure Sam," Pete pointed out.
"Just don't spy on the couples having sex!" Sam was exasperated. "I don't want to know!"
"Again, we didn't tell you," Trevor pointed out. "Those people were screwing around and making a racket all on their own!"
"They could wake the dead!" Hetty remarked. "So to speak."
"They literally did," Sasappis pointed out.
"Just everyone go back to sleep please?" Sam groaned.
"Fine," Isaac waved. "Nigel, I'll walk you to the shed. Good night all."
"Good night. What a night!" The ghosts remarked as the others went upstairs.
Once upstairs Trevor and Hetty deliberately waited until the other ghosts were in their rooms before meeting each other in the hallway. "Wow! That was wild!" Trevor whispered. "And a close call."
"I think the others might start to suspect something," Hetty remarked. "Like what we were really doing in that room!"
"Only Isaac and Nigel and they're not going to tell anybody," Trevor scoffed. "Because they think we'll probably tell on them. Besides when they came in, we weren't doing anything. They were!"
"Still, that was close," Hetty let out a breath. "It was terrifying to be almost discovered like that."
"That's for sure," Trevor looked around. "Did you find that as much of a turn on as I did?"
"More," Hetty growled. "And since there's no one around now…And no one else finds out."
Trevor raised an eyebrow. "Who's going to tell them?"
Hetty kissed Trevor passionately and they phased right into a nearby empty room. "Oh Trevor…" Hetty moaned.
Meanwhile outside the mansion.
"I'm telling you I think Hetty and that chap suspect something," Nigel told Isaac as they stood in the driveway. "Like what we were really doing! Or going to do. I mean they saw…"
"First of all, I don't think it matters," Isaac waved. "I think we covered ourselves sufficiently. And even not, Hetty won't tell anyone. And Trevor was too interested in what was going on in that room to notice. Or care."
"Odd that those two were in that room so fast," Nigel thought aloud.
"Not really considering Trevor's the one who found out first," Isaac remarked. "Trust him to sniff out any sexual shenanigans."
"So, you don't think those two…?" Nigel began.
"Oh no! Oh God no!" Isaac laughed. "Hetty? And Trevor? Can you imagine?"
Nigel laughed. "Right. What was I thinking? That is rather ludicrous."
"Quite," Isaac snorted. "Oh, what a night!"
"It's not dull around here since the bed and breakfast opened," Nigel remarked.
Isaac nodded. "No, it hasn't. More has gone on here in the past two years than in the past two decades."
"Shame it spoiled our plans," Nigel sighed.
"Yes. Unless…" Isaac noticed the car.
"What?" Nigel asked.
"Both Trevor and Stephanie mentioned something to us about parking…" Isaac had an idea. "What living teenagers do when they can't afford a room."
"Wait you mean…?" Nigel pointed to the car. "In there?"
"Why not?" Isaac raised an eyebrow.
"Because…" Nigel paused. "You have a point. As long as the others don't find out."
"Who's going to tell them?" Isaac pointed out. Right before he kissed Nigel and they phased into the car.
"Oh Isaac…" Nigel moaned.
Meanwhile back inside the house…
"Okay they're gone," Sam let out a breath in the foyer. "We can talk. That was some night."
"You don't think the ghosts were suspecting anything?" Jay asked. "Like what we were really doing in the kitchen!"
"Oh no, they were too distracted by what the other guests were doing to focus on what we were doing," Sam waved. "And Isaac and Nigel. Not that they knew what we were doing. I mean I know we're married and all…"
"But getting a moment alone in a house full of ghosts is tricky," Jay remarked. "And kind of hot."
"Back to the kitchen?" Sam whispered.
"Oh yeah!" Jay grinned as they left.
Two seconds after they left, two Cholera Pit Ghosts poked their heads out of the hallway closet, Burt and Catherine. "That was close," Burt remarked. "If those livings and upstairs ghosts found out we secretly make out here…You don't think they suspect anything, do you?"
"Nah that group is so self-centered they haven't figured out us Cholera Pit ghosts have secretly used this closet to make out for over a hundred years," Catherine remarked. "Besides this is really a turn on for me!"
"Me too," Burt agreed before they phased back in.