December 5, 2014
Week 11, 281 AC

I am in so much trouble.

At this point, according to Lord Hoster, I have "developed unusual notions, turned rebel, assisted thievery, started playing knight-and-maiden with Ser Marq, encouraged the servants to take their overlord for granted and decided to grant favors to vassals with allegiances to half the keeps in the Seven Kingdoms." Some of these accusations are not entirely wrong (while sorely exaggerated) but others are so ridiculously assumed and phrased that when I heard them I couldn't help disputing them. Unfortunately, when a woman makes a mistake, her other actions are miraculously turned against her and soon there is nothing for her to defend herself with.

It started a month ago when Edmure and I came across two of the guards rounding up a sole crying woman. She was clad head to toe in rags, visibly shivering, and she had a squalling, malnourished boy in her arms. The scene was cringe-inducing and pitiful, so I asked the guards why exactly they were trying to arrest her. She had been caught trying to steal bread from the supply cart arrived from Maidenpool. "Prim, m'lady," she told me her name. "No husband to house me, no coin to feed m' poor Pate."

How was I to know that my compassion and forgiveness would prove to be my undoing? I asked the guards to leave, and took Prim and her child to the kitchens to provide them with a meal for the evening. I found her to be a truly impoverished woman and as a result I asked one of my maids to house the two of them in the servants' quarters for the night. When the sun rose the next morning, Prim and little Pate were gone, and with them every coin provided to the maids as salary the previous week.

Never have I seen Uncle Brynden so furious. He screamed and raged, seeing as how every maid had been deprived of her savings due to the guards' carelessness and mine. It all fell upon him, as the castellan of Riverrun. Each of those maids, the ones I had always been kind to, looked upon me with contempt in their eyes and disregard in their behavior. The guilt and regret I felt has not faded away since.

Some guards that manned the gates were fired. Some that weren't faced punishment. The one who stood by the servants' quarters was imprisoned to be sent to the Wall. The money stored by each woman may not have been much, but altogether combined with the other maids' bags of coins, it should have been noticeable on the person of a ragged female with an equally ragged boy. A considerable amount; considerable enough to have caused so much trouble.

I was handed out punishment, too, for interfering with the guards' judgement the first time Prim had been caught for stealing. Edmure, Cat, Shirei and Marq were forbidden from seeing me for as long as ten days. "You did a careless thing by trusting a woman who had already stolen once before," I was told. I accepted all the chastisement with grace and spent my confinement without protest in the company of a single volume of the series Black on Red.

Soon after Uncle Brynden deemed that I was filled with enough remorse and allowed freedom of the keep, a knight named Ser Hosteen Frey arrived at Riverrun. He wore the sigil of the Twins, a castle located on a bridge across a river in the very north of the Riverlands. A sixth son of Lord Walder, he came bearing an invitation for a feast in his home celebrating multiple births in quick succession - of Petyr Frey, a grandson of the heir, Olyvar Frey, an eighteenth-odd son of the lord himself and two more girls of lesser members of the House.

Unaware of the tensions between Riverrun and the Crossing, I told Ser Hosteen when we ran into each other that I would most assuredly come to his home. I didn't know that I had made a mistake then. "You look rather elegant today, my lady," he complimented. "I sure do hope you shall attend the feast in our modest castle." "Certainly I shall," I smiled. I knew he was only being courteous with his words but I did not know that Uncle Brynden planned to snub the Freys. A satisfied Ser Hosteen left Riverrun to a disappointed (with me), perpetually frowning (at me) castellan.

As soon as the Lord's retinue arrived home, each of us got a shouting. The steward's lashing could be heard on another floor. Catelyn and Septa Myana were next, for not watching me. Marq came out of his uncle's solar quieter and more solemn than before, telling me that I would know the reason soon enough. Uncle Brynden's fight with Lord Hoster lasted far longer than the first three taken together. Edmure was greeted only with smiles and pride, thankfully, but then soon it was my turn.

If Uncle Bryden's anger was bad, Lord Hoster's was even worse. "You are not the girl I raised," he said, not knowing how right he actually was. "You are not the girl who I watched Minisa play with as a child."

I reminded him that not long ago, House Tully had once been mere vassals, too, and if an overlord is not gracious to his bannermen, then how is he to hope for their support? Clearly Lord Hoster was unprepared to face a sound argument and snapped at me for being "Brynden come again as a daughter". I admitted my part in the woman Prim's thievery, and told him that I was truly humbled by it, but that enraged him further. "Sorrow and pity for the smallfolk will hardly get you anywhere, girl," was how he put it. "I have no need for Aegon the Unlikely in my own family."

He is a harsh man. Cat says he wasn't always like this; that while Minisa Tully had lived he had been a hearty, loving lord and father. That is not so any more. That person died with his wife and it is only a shell that remains.

Furthermore I was lectured about Marq. Marq! Lord Hoster said that we were "deluding no one, not with those prolonged visits to the library and the godswood". That really riled me up and I ended up arguing that not only is Marq five years older than me, but he is also my cousin. "Do you think that makes a difference?" my 'father' wished to know. "I will not have you fooling around Riverrun with him. I have let Brynden have his way around here long enough; the boy leaves for Harrenhal at the earliest."

I spoke out about how unfair the entire incident was, and asked if Lord Hoster really thought so lowly of me. Yes, I had made a mistake with Prim and her son Pate. Yes, I should have consulted Uncle Brynden before saying anything to Ser Hosteen. But why does Marq get punished for that? He is a good man, a good person. I have never so much as thought of him differently than one should think their family. I'm no Targaryen. I made that very clear, at which once more I was warned to discard every treasonous thought I had in mind.

Lord Hoster was eventually so angry that he nearly slapped me. Then, in a slightly calmer voice, he barked, "Get out. Now. Leave. I have no patience left to talk to you right now. Go." I was more than happy to obey that command.

Three days ago I was called to his solar after a week or so of silent treatment. He told me that he had come to a decision. I would follow through with my promise to Hosteen Frey and attend the feast at the Twins; by the time I was back at Riverrun he would know for sure what to do with me. Uncle Brynden (who is more blunt and less cautious with me now) hinted that I may be sent as a lady-in-waiting or cupbearer to another keep. That came as a surprise, and a hollow defeat - I actually love it here in Riverrun. Dear god (or gods, as the Westerosi say), what have I done?

Everything around here is undergoing alterations. Shirei was reassigned by the steward and she barely has time to spend with me. Catelyn is busy often too, engrossed in her duties and whenever we are together, she seems more… refined, less Cat and more future Lady Stark. Her turn getting scolded by Lord Hoster sure affected her. Petyr is the same as before, but he's not the breath of fresh air Shirei always is or the quiet reassurance I always feel with Marq.

I cried when he left. I may not have known this brown-haired, blue-eyed Whent for long, but it sure feels so. Lord Hoster utterly disliked the scene, but held himself together clearly with the satisfaction that Marq was leaving and if he had his way, we would not meet for many years. My cousin - more a brother, really - left me with a list of war books I must read (all the volumes of Black on Red included) and a list of questions I should ask myself after I am done. He insisted that it will help change my outlook about certain things and help me understand realities of the world better. I am some parts skeptical about this endeavour of his, but curious enough to do as he said.

Edmure was sad to see Marq go, too. A lot of us were. He just has that kind of personality. Even if you are not a friend of his, you can see how nice a person he really is. I will miss him. I hope Lord Hoster is wrong and I see him earlier rather than later. Letters are great, but nothing to compare with the man himself.

Uncle Brynden and I leave for the Crossing soon enough. I would say that my uncle is unhappy to leave Riverrun, but then I would be lying. He admitted that "Hoster Tully is a man best taken in small doses." He's looking forward to leaving, and avoiding the shouting that happens daily in the lord's solar. I have to admit it will be enjoyable to see the rest of the Riverlands, but sometimes I want to hold on to the last few months and just stay in Riverrun. Lord Hoster will have made a decision about my future by the time the Freys' feast ends. I don't really want to go, now that I consider it - not if it means that once I am back, I will have to leave again. I hate change. Unfortunately, that's all that seems to be happening around me now, and I have come to know that it is inevitable. As inevitable as the unease left by the realisation that I am right at the center of it.

notes: Hey! So, Lysa's in a mess now, and about to meet one of the most despised men in Westeros by the time the 4th century rolls in. Trouble. I loved the responses on the last chapter, about who Maria/Lysa ought to be paired with - everything is still in the air regarding that. I have some ideas but nothing concrete. Still there's some time for that, she'll first gave to survive the, ah, excursion.

Thank you for the reviewsas always, and do comment on this chapter too if you have the time. I'll likely update tomorrow or the day after, so toodles!