the scorching sun, the smell of composting leaves, the sound crackling branches and rustling 's leaves, there's only one place where i know i could find those. yup. it's La push, oh the hidden wonders of the forest and the view of beach. i could almost taste salt in the air, when i stick my head out of the cruiser. its good to be back here, the last time i drove on this road was when Jake left. I'm surprised that nothing had change since then, i noticed that when i arrived at billy's, like literally everything is exactly where it was.

i knocked on the door and waited. i could have just made myself home by walking in but i stopped from doing so when i noticed the steps of house were covered with newspapers and rolled-up flyers. there were envelopes and bills poking out of the front door, for a second there my mind almost deceived me into thinking billy had secretly moved somewhere but then that wouldn't make much sense. but the house really looked like as if the Black's had secertly moved away in the night.

i knocked on the door again, still no reply. I twiddled the door knob slowly opening the door peeking through the slowly growing crack, inside it was dark, almost black. i know, its impossible? how the heck could it be dark when the sun is burning outside. i took a few steps carefully as if i was waiting for someone to attack me suddenly. when i was convinced that it was safe, i let my guard down and i took in the surrounding. the first i noticed was, the TV set was on which means i don't need to kick billy for keeping his move a secret. second,i think billy is still in the Halloween mood, cause his current house state could definitely beat the Newton's haunted house any day of the week and three is that a spider web?

i froze the second heard scuffling noises from the kitchen. i stayed still for awhile and then shouted "billy? are you there?" and added "can you hear me?" as an after thought and stayed froze at that place. then for the next few minutes it was complete silent untill i heard...

"who's that?" i exhaled loudly when i heard billy's reply, i wasn't aware that i was holding my breath that long. "now billy, i don't think it's been that long for you not recognize me ?"i took a seat on couch after clearing the mess a bit. i started flipping the channels to find if any of it was having a game on now, when i found the remote. i heard the sound of wheelchair across the hall, it was slower then usual. but.. i kept on waiting.. waiting to see the look on his face.

"oh charlie... its you.. im sorry.. i ..i wasn't expecting you to be visiting on this time of day..what brings you here?"billy's eyes were wide open when they met mine, he looked beyond surprised and he wasn't the only one who was livid. when i said i was waiting to see the look the on billy's face. i wasn't expecting him to be welcoming me with a baseball bat. the day keeps on shocking me.

he placed the bat at the side of wall and came closer to me, his face was having the apologetic look. i didn't want him to feel bad, it's not his fault. it was mine actually for dropping by without a call, i should have expected that actually when he didn't answer me back just now. but still i cant stop myself from being shocked that he couldn't recognize my voice anymore. "err.. yeah. trust me i wasn't planning my trip either. it's just all of things happened today and.. you know what .. lets just say, i came over to have a chat with old friend" i said while clasping my hands together. i looked at him with a smile trying to let him know that i was not offended by his actions and that nothing went wrong.

i continued to stare at him. i could see a few patches of graying hair here and there and wrinkles around those black eyes. i could swear there are some sagging skin on those cheeks of his along with his tired eyelids. he is still the same old billy though he is different, i wonder if it's because he's aging.. if so.. am i going through the same path as he is? so many questions, so little time.i came back to my senses when billy shouted my name." ooh..ok.. let me grab some beer for us " billy said that with his are-you-sure-you-are-back-on-earth? tone.

"yup.. that would be nice.." i said to assure him that yup, charlie's back. hopefully not leaving again. did i sounded too cheerfull there just now?

"ah ha..?" billy said while giving me the eye. oh lord what did i do now? "billy.. is there something wrong ?" well obviously there is something wrong? can't a guy get some break? geesh..

"thats what i was about to u ask u"? he said looking at me in the eye when he placed the beer on the table. what does that suppose to mean?

"what do u mean?" i asked while giving him the i-don't-have-a-single-clue-on-what-you're-trying-to-say look. if it's about my spacing out/talking to myself thing. dammit! i knew it! stupid conscience! i should seriously stop talking to myself anymore, clearly it's causing more trouble then solving any.

he stared at me long... real long before he spoke." well..look at u charlie.. u are ecstatic.i haven't seen you like this since ... erhh.. did you won the lottery or something?" yup...definitely too cheerful .. you can stay conscience. erghh charlie get a hold of yourself. ok calm down. why was i happy again? the wheels in head starting clicking. tick..tock...tick..tock...tick..tock... BINGO! Jake and Bella are having a baby together with that Edward kid out of the picture.

although, its quite weird that i haven't had the urge to get my gun and start chasing Jacob around for getting Bella pregnant. maybe.. it''s because im overwhelmed with joy with the fact that Bella has finally move on from that Edward kid. that he's never going to get the chance to hurt her again cause i know that Jacob isn't going let that happen neither do i.

" ooh that, u noticed it huh?.. well to tell you the truth billy. i'm preety much on cloud 9 right now cause finally our wish came true and no nothing to with the lottery." i smiled widely at him before i took a sip.

"u finally proposed sue? i told ya she would accept u!"i spurted out the beer i was drinking , the second i heard that. i turned my head facing billy at the side and started shouting at him."oh god no billy!..no! no! " and added "don't ever mention her name" later.

"huh? what do you mean?" billy asked. i could sense shock from his voice, well yeah he wouldn't have expected that. nobody would have. arr...err.. how do i put it?

"i don't love her anymore" well that was easy.

" ah ha.. ?" well, so much easy? crap. metal note : never ever try to lie to your best friend, well not in his face.

" im serious billy ..don't ah ha..me.." i hissed at him.

"do you seriously think i would fall for that ? nice try charlie.. but i still cant forget you being .err.. what's that word Sarah use to use..." he pretended to think and then continued "ah yes.. smitten.. " stressing the last word.

"i w-a-s not!" i say this triumphantly, as if it was the smartest thing to do. but.. i regretted it after billy said." yes sir, you were.. and i believe still is..."

"no way billy! not after what she did. its true i was in deeply in love with her but not anymore and the chances of those feelings coming back are .. lets just say impossible."yup..not after her betrayal.. i could never forgive her. she was suppose to be my friend and friends don't keep secrets from each other.

"nah.. couldnt be that bad.. come on tell me what happend .. i bet it's just you over-reacting" billy accused me. clearly not knowing the whole story.

"she lied" i said trying to open up. i tried to collect my thoughts.

"lied? well probably cause she didn't have any other choice .." i tried rearranging my words.

" billy.. why are you taking her side? and she had alot of time to confess to me the truth "i tried to relive the moment.

"I'm not taking any sides. what did she lie about?" he sounded tense and his breathing was shallow.

"about my daughter's pregnancy and it seems everyone knows about it except me" but clearly i couldn't.

there was a long silence before i heard billy caught his breath again. maybe he thought Bella had told me about the pregnancy? maybe he feels guilty for not telling me about it? maybe ...

" Bella is pregnant?" the moment i heard that. my heart raced, faster than ever. they kept it a secret .. from us. sue didn't tell billy either? they kept it from us? sue how could you...

"Jake didn't tell you?" i asked softly.

"no.." he shook his head at first and then stopped "he knows?" he asked me, in the same tone i used towards sue. Betrayal,betrayal and more betrayal. they deceived us.

" billy... there's something u should know" he should know. he has the right to know. they deceived us. how could they? i tried my best to tell billy the whole story. i didn't take it well, i hope he does.

"answer the question first!" he shouted. that was the first time he ever did that. his eyes were red. he looked sad and yet angry at the same time. i have never seen him like this, i guess this is how i looked like to sue just now. a beast full of anger, ready to kill anyone that gets in its way.

"yes he knows ..." it came out like a whisper .

"how long has he knew this?" he sensed the guilt in my voice i guess maybe that's why his voice was softer than before but that doesn't mean he didn't look angry. how am i going to tell him? the major question is: How is he going to take the news?"

the moment i heard that Bella was going to be mother, i couldn't believe my ears. my little girl, my angel.. she's going to have a child of her own. i couldn't accept the reality that she is growing up, in my eyes i still see the small fragile girl who keeps on slipping at every chance she gets. where is that girl now? i miss her smile that makes my worries go away. i miss her laughter that makes my world go round. i miss our conversation eventhough it doesn't last long. i miss my daughter and i need her back.

when i look at her now, i don't see my daughter anymore.i couldn't recognize her anymore. bit by bit my Bella was fading away and i didn't realise it. she became a stranger right infront my eyes and i was unable to do anything from stopping.. i lost her again. i was devastated, angry, disappointed...not just in her but in myself. where did i go wrong?

"well billy I'm not sure." by then i was up on my feet and said "but I'm guessing he knows it from the start since hes the father "

" hes.. what?" there was a sudden drop in his voice. by the look on his face, it seems he is surprised by the news as well.

so did i, when i got to know that Jake was the father. i was happy, yup extremely happy to welcome Jake to the family. i would gladly accept Jake and Bella's relationship eventhough they went over the limit. i was wiling to put that aside because i know that Jacob was the one for Bella. he had feelings for her since he was a kid, and finally Bella accepted him. i was beyond relief that Edward was out of the story. that alone made my day, my week, my month. no more Edward. a Edward-less life is what Bella needs.

"yeah.. ain't that exciting?we are gonna be grandpa soon, its like just yesterday those two were toddlers and soon enough we'll be in laws.." yup.. no more Cullens. just like old times.

" no!" by now, he reached a roar. his voice echoed long and loud. the world seem to stop spinning for a few minutes. it took me awhile to understand what just happend, but still i wasn't clearly getting the whole picture.

"billy? is everything ok?" my voice went quiet and soft again. almost not wanting to know the answer eventhough i need to but ...i don't want to..

"no.. no its not charlie. it never will" he said facing the floor while shaking his head. he said slowly taking his time.

"what do you mean?" i asked blankly. as all i could see now is a plain white space.

" charlie.. i respect our friendship and no matter what we are still going to be friends" he said slowly as if I'm going crazy. or maybe he is trying to let me know something. then he stopped speaking for what seemed like forever.

"billy, i dont like where this is going?"i broke the silence that i hated. there hasn't been silence like between me and billy, never except now.

i heard another series of deep breaths and long exhales from billy before he started to speak. "neither do i but you have to know that. i don't approve Jake having a relationship with Bella but as i see its..." but i didn't let him finish

"what do u mean billy? you and i both were hoping those two will end up together. what are you saying now?"

"charlie.." he took in a deep breath and continued "that was before Bella broke my son apart..i could never forgive her for wat she had done."

i heard sound of something shattering, it sounded like glass though it wasn't glass. it was some more valuable. something that couldn't be replaced. it was actually the memories that we cherished and the future that is lost.

i swalloed the pain and said. " but billy.."

"enough charlie.. i could never forgive myself if Jake was hurt again.. do you know, how hurt he was when she chose that jerk? do you know how miserable he was when she left him?all those things she did, It tore him apart, and it was like he was a shell of his old self. he wasn't the Jacob that we once knew. " his voice erupts,it does so with more force than either of us expected.

for a secon there it felt as if the whole room gotten cold or something frozen settles over the house. like a huge cloud just passed in front of the sun.i can see it coming, everything is about to shift and change. the saddest part is, i couldn't do anything about it .

"look billy i understand that but.." i tried to let him know that i went through it as well. when heleft, Bella turned into a zombie. so i know the feeling of a father seeing your kid suffering right infront of your very eyes but all you could is watch. there is nothing you could do other than that, that feeling of being unable to help. to protect. to save. your own flesh and blood. it haunted my nights. never would i have imagine in a million years to be in that situation, never would i excepted myself to be bad father .

"no charlie u don't! u don't understand my pain.. cause u never had to force him to eat. u never saw him locked up in his room all day and having struggle to get out of bed? you didn't see the way he looked like a walking corpse for gods sake when she left! do you know, how helpless i was? he hardly ever spoke and when he did it was about that girl nothing else. he blamed himself for her departure and for all her problems. i couldn't help him eventhough he was right infront of me. i thought i was going to lose him charlie! my son.. my only son. you don't have the slightes idea how that feels. you don't have a clue how much he loves her. how much he is willing to sacrifice for her. how much she means to him. he puts her before himself , before everyone! and what does she do? runs of for that jerk! how the hell do you expect me to accept her after all she did? "

he said looking at me, i was still looking at him but ...in a state of shock. i don't get it at first, he said as if everything was obvious. i still don't get. but when i started to get it, i hear it coming the way you hear something approaching from far. the way you feel the train under before you could actually see it. at first, my view blurry so i blinked for a few seconds and i felt salty water rushing down my cheek. i was shocked, not for what billy said but the fact that all these things happened right infront my eyes and i was blind. blinded by what?

love? for sue, the very person whom i use to admire and love to be with. happiness? to have Jake be with Bella and changing her back to the Bella she use to be. hatred? for the Cullens for they stole my daughter and hurted her. why ? why wasn't i aware of all these incidents? i couldn't stand to see billy being this hurt, and to exacerbate the situation even more it's all my fault. but the real victim here is Jacob, oh god. i love that boy as if he's my own son, i was so glad and happy that he was the father of my grandchild. Bella what have you done?

"billy.. i .. i'm sorry.. for everything that Bella has done.. you know she didn't do it on purpose. she could never even think of hurting Jacob"

"not on purpose? charlie! that girl practically left everyone for that lover boy of hers. she didn't care for Jacob and not you either, if she did. she wouldn't have left all of us for him.she is nothing but selfish ever since she started being around the cullens. no matter what you are going to say nothing is going to change my mind not after what she had done all these while, she changed my son for gods sake. i cant even recognize my own kid anymore, he isn't how he use to be and its all her faut. i don't want her anywhere near my son anymore same goes for her child."

"billy..please.. think about it more rationally..it's their life we are talking, its their future with their child and im sure both of them has matured more since their last meeting. don't you think Bella could another chance. think about it billy, do you want your grandchild to not be with it's own father? do you want it to grow up that way." i know I'm pushing my out on this, after all that happened. i gotta do this if not for Bella it's for the baby.

"i would rather let it grow up without ever knowing it's father then to be a fatherless child. im not ging to take any more chances. i cant afford to lose my son again. I'm sorry charlie."a bullet through my heart, the time stopped moving so did my heart. the light was dimmed,the sky was dark, hope is forever lost.

"no.. no..

i understand...

I'm sorry for bothering you...

i'll leaving now..."

i tried my best to keep my emotions together but i failed. when i said that, it came out like a recorded speech. like a song playing from a radio or like a voice-mail that you hear on the phone.

i took my keys and left from there, i didn't even look back. neither one of us said anything to each other, guess that means goodbye for good. as soon as the engine is warmed up, i drove back through the same path i came just now. only this time, i felt empty inside. like something was ripped of out of my body. alot has happened today, i lost my best friend, the person that i believed in lied to me and my grandchild is going to grow up without a father but my mind was blank.

where did i go wrong? i thought hardly but was distracted by something that was red colour in the road. i couldn't see it clearly what it was through my watery eyes but before i could wiped off my tears...

something hit the car and i lost control.

(crassshhhh ...)