Disclaimer: I don't own twilight and yes I hate Edward...

All hail Jacob! Team Jacob all the way...

This chapter is dedicated to jacobfan216, connect2tjb, zdra8351, jul5857, liv2read2luv,IdaAreIda,Zayide,Spikes-Kitty-Kat-Tiff,Ctulee06 and Vaneesa85

Hi guys, and before you start yelling...i'm sorry for not updating sooner, i'm having my final year exams soon so my mom banned me from using the computer so yeah, once again I am very very sorry.

A very special thank you to my wonderful beta, she's been kind to me and willing to help me although i'm kinda of a troublesome.. love ya Dazzler916 :)

The words in italic and bold are from the chapter "Lost Love, Lost Sun"

The words in italic are jacob's thoughts to himself.

Jacob's pov

Beep...beep...beep..

It was all that could be heard in the room. It isn't just the sound of the machine next to me. It's almost as if Bella is trying to repeat herself to me yet again...

"I'm sorry Jake, but it's over. They aren't coming back so neither am I!"

Since that dreadful day till now, the pain is still there and it still aches, it still come it's over? Does it not exist anymore? How is that possible?

Didn't you feel it? When you left me, didn't you feel as if the strings that kept us connected were being stretched away so far that they finally snapped? It's liked emptiness is taking over our place in the world.

Do you feel that?

I wonder, but that's impossible because you don't even know if it exist do you?I blame myself for not letting you know sooner.

Maybe then you wouldn't have left me

But then at the same time I am glad that I didn't.

You might hate me for that very reason too...

"How is that possible?" I whispered in her ear before sinking into the chair. I grabbed Bella's hand and pressed it against my cheek. I wanted her to feel the warmth of my skin. I wanted her to know that I was still here.

"How? Bella please tell me how?" I pleaded. I was beginning to break down.

"Our bond is stronger than that. You can't give up on me no." I stammered. I didn't hold back my tears this time, I let them spill over...so they roll effortlessly down my cheeks.

I was immobile for awhile while, crying my heart out for the woman I much beauty, so much life...so much for getting my hopes up.

It still hurts Bella…

"Best for us? Best for you more precisely..."

I thought you loved me..

"Shut up Jake I don't want to hear anything you have to say! I've heard enough. I'm leaving! Don't you dare come to forks and don't even think of calling"

How did even have it in your heart to say those things?

"Sorry Jake? Is sorry going to bring them all back? Is a sorry going to undo all of your mistakes? You put me in this condition! I didn't ask you to knock me up! I was supposed to have a child with Edward not you.."

What am I suppose to do? "Like a person who doesn't know me, as if nothing ever happened. If you forget everything what do I do" I said, as my eyes were shut tight.

There's a continuous ache through my body and it won't stop.
Please wake up and tell me that it was just a bad dream.

Please...

The distance between you and I has grown since then.
Why did we fight?
Why were we like this?
Did the lights go out?
I thought we loved each other.

It feels like the walls are starting to cave me, time froze the moment you left...I know my presence here may just be annoying to you but I can't help it.

I'm sorry...I'm sorry, but I can't.

I can't erase you from my life. I keep thinking about you.
I need to see you so bad. I can't even sleep at night
I miss you so much.

I just can't keep going on without seeing you.

"Yes you heard me right. I can't control myself from not being able to be near you. You have no idea how hard I've tried but I just can't." i said as my voice was getting weaker.

"Since the day you left I have been constantly paying you a visit secretly despite I know it will upset you. I can't live a without you, Bella. It's like a whole is burning in my chest when you're not around. Things are getting out of hand. But I had to be here not just for you, but for the sake of our child too." I continued on.

"The child we created together is the only existing thing that is proof of our..no..my love for you. And yet, I failed again. Our child won't have a normal life because of me. I have failed as a father and a lover... but then I can't help but wonder if I was ever considered a lover to you?" I said while tracing the outline of her hand.

My head rested on the hospital bed. I didn't realize I've been talking to her this long, but I know it must have been the longest time Bella and I have ever talked. Not that we haven't had a long conversation,we had...but it was more of her talking and me listening to her but this time, its the other way around. It feels good.

It feels good to finally get it all out.

If only it was this easy when you were awake. If only you stopped yelling and took the time to listen to me that day. If only I was in your heart and not him..then maybe...you wouldn't be like this right now.

"I want you to know that I promised myself that I won't, even for a second cause you any pain but what I have done was only to protect you, it wasn't a choice. I really hope you can understand that."

You don't need to apologize to anyone or even come to back La push. Just let me be with you. Don't let go of our string.. Don't resist our bond. You know it's still there...just comeback. Come back to me. It's all okay now, we can start over I promise...it will be as this big mess was just a really bad dream. Please Bella.

My head snapped up when I heard the door open. To my surprise it was Seth, followed by was a long pause before either of us spoke.

"What brings you here Seth?" I asked, taking the time to regain myself.

"Well, Bil.." Sue cut him off before he could finish.

"It's Sam, he sent us to bring you back home." She said.

"Home? Why now?" I asked unsure of why they came here to tell me that. "Didn't Embry inform him that I was going to the hospital?"

"Well.." before he finished it Sue interrupted again.

"There were sightings of the cold ones and... well Sam wants you to go and be with Billy until they hunt them down"

"Wait, what? How long ago did this happened? How come no one told me about this sooner? Seth, do me a favor and ask someone to move my dad to Sam's place." I said.

"No! No! no...I mean you can't" Sue seemed very hesitant.

"What are you talking about?" i asked , as heat started rising within me.

"I mean..Sam specifically asked you to be with Billy. Right now." Sue said in a very cautious tone

"No that can't be possible Sue. You're lying. Sam would never go hunting without me. Now spit it out! I should have known something was wrong when you started interfering Seth." I shouted at her with full fury.

Seth looked away being careful not to catch my glare.

"Let me remind you that I won't be leaving her! No matter what." I told them.

"Mom...lets just tell him" Seth insisted

"Tell me what?" Now that's what i want to hear this.

"I wasn't planning on telling you this way but you made me." She looked back at her son before looking back at me.

"What is it?" I stressed every word.

"The cold one got to Billy before Sam even realized and..." that was the last thing I heard Sue before I sprinted out the door.

My heart was racing as fast as my legs were running. As soon as I got in the woods and phased, I continued to run back to home. The place where I haven't been in an awfully long time...not that I wanted to but it was easier for me to handle myself when I'm away from my dad. I didn't want him to be worried about me. He was already in bad shape way back when Bella and I were still together.

Bella! An alarm set off in my head the moment Bella cam through my mind
"Bella! Oh god I left her. Why now! Of all the times why now? I can't be able to protect both them at the same time."

It was a battle between my mind and my heart. My feelings and my consciences. My Bella and my dad.I can't choose between them right now. Not now! "Arghh! " I howled in my shape-shifter form. I kept thinking of going back to Bella.

"I'm sorry Bella. I promise you i'll be back as soon as i'm sure that my dad is safe." I whispered to wind in hopes that it would give her my message.

I slowed down and shifted back when the image of my house came into view. There was someone here just now. I was starting to pick Charlie's scent. I was very strong, and then there was ... HER! I can smell her scent too. "filthy leaches." I hissed under my breath as I ran into my house before shouting my dad's name. I was beginning to get scared when I didn't here him reply, but then after calling him for the fifth time, he answered back.

I ran towards him when I saw him making his way towards me, " Dad.. are you ok? Did she hurt you?" I asked very quickly.

He didn't say anything. He just kept staring at me.

"Dad?" It came out as a whisper.

"Dad? All of sudden now I seem like your Dad?" he said in a low but stern voice. I knew exactly where this was going.

"Dad...I don't have time for this—"

"DON'T YOU CALL ME THAT!" he yelled. I heard him yell at me for the first time in my life. Even when I was a just kid messing around he wouldn't do that. Him saying that made me speechless.

"You lost your right to call me that the second you chose her me. What were you thinking?" He asked me.

The ties are broken, no more father son talk. I'm not sure if this could be fixed.

"Choose her? That wasn't even an option. She's my imprint. She's my life." I told him.

"Imprinting works both ways, not one. You all know that..but.." he paused and took a deep breathe "Why do you choose to ignore it Jake?"

He caught me. It was like he hit the bull's eye, right where it shouldn't have gone.

"Look dad, I came here to make sure you were alright, not to come and get lectured. But since you're fine, i'll be leaving." I tried to sound as calm as possible, but my nerves got in the way and it ended up sounding like I purposely meant to shout at him. I was already on my way out of the door with my hand on the door knob when spoke up.

"So you're leaving? Is that it? After all these years of raising you on my own without your mother..-God rest her soul-...it ends like this? Coming to check to see whether i'm still alive? Well you know what Jake, the minute you close that door, don't worry about seeing me alive ever again."

"Oh so you're threatening me now?" I asked him.

"No Jake, it's not a threat, its a promise." He said it as if he was putting his fate in my hands.

Finally, I loosed my grip on the door. "Fine. What do you want from me?"

The next thing he said, it almost hurt as bad as it did when Bella left. "I want my son my back." He was on the verge of tears now.

I was speechless yet again, so I just stood there staring down at the floor and for some reason my mind went blank. I felt numb. It was as if I was just a walking and talking figure...no emotion or soul.Isn't that what the cold ones are.

"Where's my son? I'm not asking about the one who left his family for some girl who doesn't even appreciate him. Or the one that acts and looks like he forgot the meaning of life. No! Not him, I want the son who was there for his taught us that the world revolves around the people you love and not yourself and the one who was there when I needed him the most."

I stood there a while... just replaying what he had just told me in my head—almost like a broken 's when I realized I really have changed. All of this yelling and fighting. How did it all come to this?

I began to question my own identity. Who am I now?

One of the pack members?

"Dude we were just trying to help" Quil said calmly.

"I don't need help." I said sharply.

A son?

"Look dad, I came here to make sure you're alright, not to get lectured. But since you are fine, I'll be leaving"

An imprint?

"Yeah? Then what is he to you?" Leah asked intently.

"He's...he...well he's my best friend." Bella stuttered out

A father?

"I'm sorry Jake. We did our best. I'm so sorry!"

I was speechless and my mind was filled with mind numbing pain.

"Sue what is it? Spit it OUT!" Sam growled.

"The baby well I'm afraid it's paralyzed permanently." Sue whispered out.

Nothing. Just completely nothing. I'm just Jake. No longer one of the pack members after what I did that day. I don't think Sam's going to let me come back into the pack. My dad stated it clearly just now that he doesn't have a son anymore. Bella also made her point very clear about where I stand in the relationship.

Nothing more than a best friend.

Then there's my unborn child...I've already let it down even before it came into the world.

The second I thought about our unborn child's condition I broke down. I was on my knees, crying my heart out over my mistakes. I wish I could take it all back.

Just then I felt my shoulder being rubbed soothingly. I looked up to see his face. Grey hairs were started to grow even more here and there...a few more wrinkles had formed around the eyes that I always saw—first thing every morning when I got out of my bed. The more I stare at him, I realized he has changed a lot physically. I also noticed some sagging in his cheek-bones along with his red puffy eyes...he looks like he's been crying all day.

The man once never shed a tear even when his wife passed away and now is crying all because of his son. His useless and ungrateful son.

"I'm sorry Dad" I trembled

"It's alright Jake. You can fix it like you always do." He assured me.

" I can?" i asked hopingly.

"Yeah, you always get the cars fixed right?" he asked with a smile.

"Dad" I chuckled with him.

We both went into the kitchen and sat down, each of us with a cup of coffee in our hands. At first the only thing that broke the silence was the sound of putting the cups back down on the table after taking a sip.

"So it' true then...the baby is yours?" He asked me.

Way to go Dad, nice ice breaker. "Yes, and we're planning on keeping the baby." I told him.

"Is that why you keep going back to her?"

"No Dad, it's because I love her." I corrected him.

He let out a deep sigh and started talking again "Jake—"

"Dad stop it—okay? Just stop right there...now i'll admit I have changed a lot since then, made a few mistakes here and there and ignored all of you. But, nothing is going change my mind over Bella—who is the mother of my unborn child and after having said that, could you please stop bringing her up."

"I can't Jacob. She's the reason for this whole mess...and there's you..."

"Dad! " I yelled as my fist hit the dinning table.

" DON'T BLAME HER FOR THIS." It came out like an order.

He stayed silent for a long time and we were just stared at each other for the whole time until he spoke up.

"Fine, I won't talk about your imprint. Happy?" he wasn't happy about this though.

"Thank you." I replied him.

"Jake, can I ask you something?" he asked me, after taking a moment.

"Go ahead." I nodded.

"Let's say, if I died—" the question hang right there.

"Dad! Don't say that." I cut him off.

" Just listen son, let's say if I died and if sooner or later you get to know the person who caused my death...would you avenge me?"

"Of course I would! I love you just as much as I love her." I said.

"You would do that in honor of your old man?" he asked as if he wasn't expecting that answer

"Of course dad, why doubt it?" i asked as it was the most obvious thing.

"Because you let the person who caused Harry's death go. I thought he was a father figure to you. Have you forgot about your heritage?" He assumed.

"No I haven't! I'm still hunting for that leech!" i raised my voice a little.

"That's good to hear, Jacob. Harry will surely rest in peace once that is accomplished." He said that while staring at the floor.

"Don't worry Dad. I promise I will." I assured him.

"Don't make promise you can't keep." He said it under his breathe.

"What do you mean? You don't have faith in your own son?" my voice got serious at that very moment.

"No it's not that. I think you can take the leech down in no time, but the thing is, will it solve anything?" he asked.

He lost me there. What is he trying to say? I just stared at him waiting for him to continue.

"The cold one wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her." He raised his voice towards the end of the sentence.

I should have known, he just wants to blame Bella.

"Dad, it's not her fault"

"Damn right it is! If she would have taken my advice in the first place, none of this would have happened!"

"Why do you keep talking as if Bella's actions have affected everyone? The ones involved are me, her and them"

"You don't get it. " he shouted in frustration.

"What don't I get—" he cut me to it.

"How could you be so blind! Can't you see all these problems she's had caused?"

"If it wasn't for her, Harry would still be alive. Seth and Leah would still have a father. Things wouldn't have to be this way of she never even messed with the cold ones in the first place!"

"Emily wouldn't have to go on living her whole life with a severely scarred face!"

"That was all Sam's fault." I replied back in fury.

"No, the cold ones came to get Bella because she got the red head's mate killed. If not because of that, Sam wouldn't have phased. You and your brothers would be living normal lives! She took that from all of you! It wasn't her right to do so."

Not now dad.. please not now.

"And Leah wouldn't be the girl she is now, if not because of Bella. Tell me it's not true if I accused her for being the cause for all of these problems. After all that's happened, we still accepted her into our lives and try to protect her but what she does she do? Run off with the leech, even after carrying your child she still chooses him over you! Do you need a woman like that in your life?" he had his dead-serious tone on.

"I can't dad, i'm sorry. I can't do anything about that. Sorry to disappoint you." I told him.

"You have the chance to undo your mistakes." He whispered to me.

"Dad, this is the last time I am going to say this... I am not leaving her." My voice showed how annoyed i was .

"Then don't." He stated.

"What do you mean?" i asked.

"Don't leave, just let her go and see what happens then. If she comes back then keep her. Fight for her till death if she doesn't then just accept the fact that she never was yours in the first place."

Did I really just hear him say that? "Dad, how could you say that? Let me remind you that she's my imprint."

"But she doesn't think of you that way does she?" he asked again.

"I can't—" was all that i could say.

"Believe in yourself. Your brother, sisters, mine and everyone else's life are in your hands. You could choose to ignore us and be happy or you can take your old man's advice and save the ones you love from getting hurt. Choose wisely, I have faith in you. "

Why does he always give me an ultimatum?

What he said hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been selfish, but why not? All my life I have lived for my dad, then the pack and now for my future family.

So just this once, why I can't I be selfish.

"jake.. you are my son and it hurts me to see you this way. I want you to be happy jake." He said softly.

"then leave me alone, don't blame her" i spatted at him.

"jake..how do i... ok fine. Lets make a deal"

"dad, not now please."

"just hear me out ok?"

I nodded to his will.

"In a week's time after bella conscious again, we'll see.."

I waited for him to continue and he did. "We'll see, if she is truly your imprint, if she feels the same way towards you , if she does care for you and if she does comeback to you then my son you have my blessing and i promise to not interfere in any of your issues unless you allow me to help you." He said but it didn't end there.

" but if she doesn't, i want you to stop everything. I don't want her in your life. Do we have a deal?"he continued.

" that's just too.." i was about to tell him, how stupid this thing sounded but he ...

" you don't have faith in your imprint? Is that what you are trying to say ?"those words he said. It was as if he was testing me. oh god. I beg of you oh lord, why test me so much? Haven't i prove to you, my love towards her?

"i do have faith in her. She will. Come. I know she will." I said in full confidence and faith.

"it's a deal?" he asked with a smirk.

" yup." I said sealing the deal.

R