Prompt: Death

Author: Lotus

Summary: Kanda dies first.

Disclaimer: We do not own Saiyuki or DGM

Warning: Character death.

When Kanda discovered the tiny hairline cracks radiating out from the spell core buried in his chest, he paid them very little heed. He had, of course, had such cracks before. When the core slowed down somewhat. They had healed in the end, before.

But "before" was the key word in that statement. Before, they had healed back up. Just slowly. Now, a month after he had first discovered the cracks, they were larger instead of healed. Hidden mostly by the fanning tendrils of black that reached out to curl around his shoulder, bicep, and ribs.

He closed his eyes and prayed that he was wrong.

He knew that he wasn't.

He could feel it in his soul.

But he went on with life as usual. He wasn't going to stop before he had to, and he didn't have to yet. He didn't hurt, he wasn't bleeding.

His heart just felt like it was filling with lead.

Three months into what would likely be his final year, Kanda noticed that his hair was starting to lose its color. Silver strands mixing in with the black. Gojyo would feel triumphant that he was finally going grey. Kanda would let him have that for as long as he could.

Half a month later Gojyo found the cracks with his fingers. He asked, and Kanda couldn't admit to it. Not yet. "Don't worry, everything's fine," he'd said. And Gojyo pretended to believe him.

The sun was bright, and warm, and Kanda wished that it wasn't. Wished that it was cloudy, and cold, because it would be more fitting. But the weather bowed to no man, and Kanda couldn't wait any more.

He was half way through his final year, and his hair was more silver than black now. The cracks on his chest could no longer hide in the inky tendrils of his mark. He was running out of time.

He was scared.

"Gojyo, can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked after lunch, turning his tea cup nervously with dirt stained fingers.

"Sure, what's up?" Gojyo asked, lighting a cigarette. It was a miracle that they hadn't killed him yet. Horrible though it was, Kanda wished they had. It would be easier that way.

Then he wouldn't be leaving Gojyo behind.

"Remember the cracks you asked about a while ago?" Kanda asked. Gojyo stilled, and looked over at him, nodding slowly. There was an unsure look in his eyes, and Kanda wished that there didn't have to be. He closed his eyes, his voice barely a choked whisper. "They're not going away Gojyo. They mean I'm going to die."

There was a long silence filled with the sounds of cicadas in the trees, and a delicate glass bell wind chime. A gift from Aki's girls. Kanda bit his lip and turned his head away.

"How long?" Gojyo asked eventually. His voice was tight and rough, and when Kanda glanced at him, he looked… he looked scared, and resigned, and sad, and Kanda wanted to crush him in a hug and never let go.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Less than a year. Maybe six months."

Gojyo didn't say anything, just grinding out his cigarette and wrapping one of Kanda's hands in his. Kanda squeezed his fingers, and tried to pretend that this was just a normal afternoon.

The next months passed normally. Kanda still worked his green house and his shop, and Gojyo still went out to win money off of the younger folk. They couldn't even tell he'd once been hanyou anymore, hair too silver. But still red too.

Kanda's was completely silver by month seven of his last year.

But it was only during month nine, when Kanda needed turtlenecks to hide the cracks creeping up the side of his neck, that Kanda finally retired. He willed the shop to the boys, and Xiaodan. She had expressed interest in it in the past. She would like having her own shop.

But the shop just remained closed and dark until then.

The greenhouse he emptied of everything he wanted to keep, and sold. He planted some things in the gardens around the house, and others were left in planters by the window inside. Gojyo teased him relentlessly about being so fond of his plants. Kanda couldn't ask him to look after them after, but he smiled all the same.

Kanda could feel it when he woke up. Like his chest was filling with sand.

He got up anyway though. Because he had to pretend things were normal. Because if he didn't. If he acknowledged the hourglass trickling low in his chest. If he did that, then he would break, and he couldn't… he couldn't do that to Gojyo.

Not on his last day.

So he got up, ran through some stretches, and tended to his gardens and plants before taking a shower. He made breakfast, both of their favorites, and coffee and tea, and put on quiet music to fill the quiet, and hummed along. And he picked up the house like he normally did, and ran a load of laundry.

After lunch, a good song came on, and Kanda pulled Gojyo up off the couch to dance because. Well because that was what they did. And he danced with Gojyo, and held him close, and smiled into his shoulder, and laughed at the memories Gojyo brought up throughout the day.

And he knew Gojyo knew.

Dinner was so normal, that Kanda wanted to cry. They ate, and bantered a little bit lightheartedly. And Gojyo sat at the table and watched him do the dishes, and flirted outrageously like always. And then there were a couple cups of sake shared, and a couple more laughs.

And they got ready for bed, and Kanda laughed as he braided Gojyo's hair one last time. And smiled as he tucked himself against Gojyo's side, and Gojyo held him. And it was a little too close to be comfortable, and a little too tight to be normal, but he didn't say anything. He just held Gojyo back just as tight.

They talked a little. Very little. But Kanda couldn't resist saying "I love you" just one last time. Because he needed Gojyo to know that.

Kanda felt his body start going lax, like it was sleeping. He felt it start with his toes, and his fingers. And he so wanted to cry, but he couldn't form the tears to do so.

'I don't want to go,' he thought. And he wanted to say it, but his body wouldn't cooperate. 'I don't want to go. Please, gods, I don't want to go.'

And he barely felt Gojyo move, and barely heard him speak, but the quiet, "Please don't go" felt like it was killing him more than actually dying. And he wanted to reach out, and hold on, and cry, and scream, and stay. But he couldn't.

He couldn't do anything.

'I'm sorry Gojyo,' he thought. 'I'll wait for you, wherever I end up. I'll wait.'