Disclaimer: I do not own twilight

All hail Jacob! Team Jacob all the way...

This chapter is dedicated to connect2tjb, zdra8351, jul5857, KiraSen89, bmthespian, j.d.y, neonchick08, Ctulee06, MzHelloKitty and 4 anon reviews from BellaBlack,No name,Kay and prettypink

First of all i can't tell you how sorry i am that i'm updating this story extremely late. I had difficulties like major difficulties. Like i mean i dont even know why all these things happen to me. i had a very bad case of manic depression attack a few times, i mean like come on how many times do i have to say english isn't my first language. i'm trying my best here. You don't need to pm with those hurtfull words, you could have helped me. i would love to have you as my beta. I need help to improve and please help me to do so. Oh yeah THE BABY IS BOY! Remember that despite what i had written in this chappie.

Bolded sentence below is from chapter 30: please comeback

Bella's Pov

It was quiet. Even though i can't recognize the place where I am but the feeling that I was getting is just soothing in a way. I can't describe it in words cause the place I am is not even a room, it's like I'm in a another state. It was like someone's embrace, even the tingly feeling in my stomach. It felt familiar but I couldn't figure out who or what though. The feeling didn't stay as long as i would have liked. It just went away as fast as it came but it left me questioning.

"I want you to know that I promised myself that I won't, even for a second cause you any pain but what I have done was only to protect you, it wasn't a choice. I really hope you can understand that."

What was that about? The harder I try to force myself to recognize the voice, the dizzier I felt. I started craving for the warm feeling again. I needed it. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed it like I needed air to breathe.I tried to grab it even though I know I can't and that's when I fell into the black hole. Maybe that's how Alice fell into the rabbit hole in the first place? The new place was still quiet but it's wasn't peaceful anymore in fact it was scary. I tried to wake up but then .. How I am suppose to wake up when I never fell asleep? It was getting harder for me to breathe and my stomach was burning hot as if it was on fire. At first I wondering why was it only my stomach when the rest of my body is cold?

It remained that way for awhile until I felt a sudden warm feeling, it was nice. In a way it was comforting and i realized that something was moving in my womb. moving ? Moving? My Baby! How can I forget my baby? the thought striked my mind, this must be nightmare, I have got to wake up. I have to save my baby, that's all I thought, i didn't reliaze that maybe that warm feeling would have been something good. I started running towards the light, I didn't care where it's going to bring me, all I want is to save my baby and that's all.

The light was getting brighter by the moment which forced me to close my eyes but not stopping me from running. Suddenly I felt as if I fell down from cliff but then the sea didn't swallow me this time because something soft caught me and I landed safely. My eyes were in pain when I tried to open them to take in the surrounding, it was a very bright light shining upon me but from where I am a I can only see a white wall facing me. I could hear a beep sound and when I tried to move my hand I heard someone calling me "Bella?" shockingly that wasn't the voice in my head.

I couldn't recognize who it was at first, tall, black hair and tan skin. "Bella? Are you OK?" the soft voice sounded concern. "hmm yeah I guess so."i replied while trying to get up from my lying position. It was so that i could get a better view of the person talking to me. "oh thank god, you got us all worried." "ermm... Yeah. Sorry." I gave him short replies well more like sputtering like a figgin tea pot. All because I was still trying to figuring out who he was. "Bella. Is something wrong?" he asked while taking short steps towards me.

"errm.. Seth. I'm good, just a bit blur and dizzy." I was talking faster when i realized who he was. It's not that I don't like having Seth around, it's just, my heart kind of felt disappointed. Although I'm not quite sure myself who i was expecting. " ooh.." he stopped and then rushed out the room. Was I confused? YES. Was it weird for not recognizing Seth just now? YES. Was it necessary to be disappointed that the man or boy turned out to be Seth? I DON'T KNOW. Am I suppose to be expecting someone else? WHO KNOWS.

As if on cue, the moment I tried to get out of the bed (BAMM!) Sue comes in following Seth right on his track " oh . Bella, you shouldn't be getting out of bed so soon"Sue said, she was in her doctor-mode. You know the ones that kinda remind you of your mom. " why not?" I asked dumbfound making it sound as if she is taking the situation to a whole new level. " Bella. You passed out for a long time"she said slowly and loud like I'm foreign. It took a few minutes for me to realize what she said. "what? What do you mean ? Is something wrong?" I asked all too fast. " you forgot? Ooh well, you were in the grocery shop when you fainted and you were brought here last Saturday."Sue continued and ended the last part almost in a whisper.

"whoa hold up. Last Saturday? What day is it today?"i asked Sue almost immediately. "Thursday, dear." She said slowly while rubbing my back. "5 days?" I shouted, I just couldn't content my shock but then " is something wrong with the baby?" all those shock was washed away by the down pour of my worries. "well, the baby is fine" she said it but the way she said it somehow sounded as if there is more to it. " Sue. How is my baby?"i asked her again, but stressed the matter more. "the baby is fine, Bella and right now you really need to rest. l'll have Seth call Emily ?" she was about to leave the room but i stopped her.

"Emily, Why her?" I asked not that i mind seeing Emily again, it's just after all that had happened i wanted to avoid her for now. "well, to bring you back home with her." She said as if it was the most logical thing. As if i should have known. Heck, she could have even put "duh" in front of the sentence. Obviously, Seth hasn't told her yet about the current situation between the pack and me . "no. Sue just call Charlie." I said while trying to make eye contact to Seth but.. "Bella.. Charlie. Well he's actually.." sue started but Seth interrupted her. "He's busy. I just got off the call with him. I'll bring him to see you later. Promise?" he said as if he's trying to convince me or was he trying to get rid off Sue?I played along with him and soon Sue left the room .

i was expecting Seth to stay but he was following sue out of the room, so much for the telephatic message. "Seth. Could I have a moment with you."i said just right before he was about to walk out of the room. "sure Bella, is there anything you want me to tell Charlie?"he asked me with his back facing me and his hands on the door knob. "no.. Actually I wanted to ask you about what your mom said." He remained silent. Which made me even more nervous.

" Is she hiding something from me?" i asked him hoping he would say "nothing. everything's fine"

"well Bella..".no.

"Seth please . Don't lie. I need to know if it concerns my baby."i was begging him. He sighed, for a moment i almost believed it was a sigh of relief.

"well actually Bella, do you remember when you first found out you were pregnant?"he said in a calming voice which makes me realise how much he has grown. He reminds me of Charlie a little "yes. Why?"i asked him, shifting my concertration into the conversation. "Well incase you forgot Sam must have mentioned that since you are not of quillete blood, the baby would be having trouble adjusting to your body temperature." I took in all he said . He continued when he noticed that I still couldn't figure it out "well the baby was fine until you left these while you were surrounded by us and Jake.." the moment he said his name. I started seeing red. " well ,what does that have to do with me fainting?"

" calm down Bella, I think you don't realize it but you left us for about a it was actually a surprise to everyone that you managed to survived that long without having us around you. That amount of time could have affected the baby and might the reason why you fainted." I was speechless for a second there.I realized then, all those headache and my belly being suddenly warm ." I'm a bad mother aren't I, Seth ? I said after a very long moment , realizing how much of a fool I had been. " It was just a small mistake, Bella. People make mistakes all the time." He said trying to comfort me, I felt his honesty."thanks Seth. You have been...kind to me" I said while trying to lie down on the bed. " You are welcome Bella, it's the least I could do for you and the baby" he said while showing off his smile by now he was seated back into the chair beside my bed.

The smile, It reminds me of J... Ooh no Bella. Not again. "Bella?" he called me as I got drifted away with my thoughts. " Sorry. I just have a lot in my mind right now. Oh yeah Seth how come I'm fine right now? Since I'm not with..." he cut me off short. " Well Bella because Ja...well I have been visiting you since you have been admitted here. Well more like staying here" he chuckled "You mean you have been here for .."I was shocked to say the least "Yes. from morning until 8 pm. I could have just stayed the whole night away but my mom doesn't want me to skip school. But then you don't have to be worried cause the pack took turns staying with you all night"he reassured me.

"Oh, no no Seth. I am actually glad that I wasn't the reason that you might have skipped school. All of them?" "come again Bella?" "I mean, all of them, the whole pack took turns?" i was slighty embrassed. "Well.."he stretched. "ermm.. It was just me and Sam actually"he gave me the guilty-smile. " Sam?" I blurted out in surprise "Yeah, well Emily forced him to" he said slowly "Ooh that explains alot,I mean the fact that they actualy came even after I have made it clear how much I hated them for ruining my life with the whole stupid treaty" I didn't realize I said it out loud. I noticed Seth staring at me, I could see his facial expression changed in an instant. I kind of feel bad for him.

"Sorry Seth." I apologized to him, and i just waited. I was waiting for him to just walk away or burst in anger just like his brothers but he acted otherwise. "No it's Ok Bella. I think you don't get it. Sam made the treaty with them for a reason and I know that you are sad because of the treaty they didn't get to say goodbye to you. I feel bad for you, I understand your anger completely." He said looking at me. I was shocked and speechless to realize that this is coming from his point of view eventhough he is their enemy, he didn't hate them nor me. "But Bella, you must try to understand our concerns too. We love you and the baby. We only did that to protect you and the baby. Think about it Bella, what if none of us stayed with you all these while. What would have happen to the baby? It would break us as much as it would for you if anything were to happen to the baby. Maybe the problem is that you see this situation as we are interfering your life, your relationship and your baby but Bella.. Since the moment we knew you were having Jake's child you were already one of us. That's why Sam and the rest tried to protect you and shelter you from the cold ones. But neither of us expect you to react this way."

" but Seth, I don't need protection from them. They are family and I love them,I love Edward. They won't harm me in fact Edward protected me from the Volturi and they did save me from James. If not because of them I would have become a vampire" I said showing him the scar. He was shocked at first but then started smiling. " Well Bella, that's a good a news. Well actually a great news" he said in a bubbly tone. " I don't get it Seth?" seriously like where did this suddenly crazy-exicted teenage boy come from? " Bella, you just told me the reasons why you find them good and a reason for you to trust them. Why don't you try explaining that to the pack? I understand now and I like them more now."he said grinning. "But Seth, you are different than the rest and plus I don't want to see them and neither do they." I said in a soft tone trying not hurt his feelings. "Aww..Come on Bella. Try to be optimistic . If you can't give them a chance to get to know more about the cold ones. Then how do you expect them to realize that maybe they are seeing it in a wrong perspective?" he said tilting his head to the side.

"But Seth.." I started but he cut me through yet again. "No more buts Bella. You wont be alone. I'll always be on your side and my mom will too. My mom is a close friend of Dr Carlisle, she knows him well. So you don't have to worry about will just be glad for you to comeback safely, especially Emily ofcourse. All these things will be just a like nightmare, and before you know it everyone would forget about this and we could happily wait for JJ's arrival. What do you say?" He said while making his way towards the door but didn't give me enough time to reply him. " I'll get going first Bella, I'm going to inform Ch.. " he paused and then continued "I'll be back soon and when I get back I expect a good answer from you" he said smiling away as he heads out the room door.

Should I? Should I not ? I began feel Goose bumps .The strange Deja-vu feeling, the familiarity but I couldn't figure out when or what was it about.I ran through quickly all the possible outcomes that I may have to face if :

Outcomes A (if I did go back them)
I would have to:
- Face Leah again and only god knows how much patience I still have left to face her before I land punch on her face.
- Listen to Paul and his friends back talk about me and pretend as if it's nothing but clearly its not.
- Seeing his face again. How am I suppose to do that? Even the sound of his name makes angry.
- Endure all these for the next couple of months

But I would :
- Have Emily and Seth to give me company
- Save my baby

Or

Outcomes b (if I did not go back to them)
I would have:
-risk my baby's life
- endure all the pain
- hurt Seth and while i'm at it might as add Emily on the list.

But I would :
- Have a peaceful and comfortable environment for the rest of my pregnancy
- Get to do whatever I want and when I want
- Have a chance to finally tell Charlie about my situation
- Maybe able to get a visit from the Cullens. Since Alice did came back for me the last time. Which would be impossible if I stayed with the pack.

"The last time they left me, was when you arrived didn't you?"I smiled as i started to reminisce my life while rubbing my tummy. Was I this heartbroken the last time? I don't actually remember it in detail but Charlie never fails to remind me that Ja..he..was the reason I came back to life when the Cullens left the last time. At least the last time he left me, he got the opportunity to say goodbye but then why do I have the feeling that he didn't completely leave me. I started forcing myself to remember back all those memories but then every one of them contains ...Jacob. From the time, I brought back bikes for him to fix, the moment we almost kissed once in my car,the time when he told me he was a shape shifter, the first time I realized his wasn't the same Jake anymore when I fell off the bike and hurt my head and the time when we made lo... WAIT... I fell off the bike. That's it!.I fell off the bike. I fell off the bike because I wasn't concentrating on the road. I wasn't concentrating because i saw Edward. I heard Edward. Not literally but he was there when I ... When I was in danger! When I did something reckless. That's it !

Something reckless. That is all that I kept on chanting in my mind as I started searching for something. Basically anything that i could use to be dangerous or reckless. That's when I laid my eyes upon a beer bottle, it must belong Sam because i realise the bottle is empty and i don't think Sue allows Seth to drink yet. Without a second to waste I hit the bottle against the side of the bed . A loud glass shattering noise was heard and without any hesitation I grab a hold of the remaining glass shard and aimed the sharp end of the shard to cut my wrist. At first i was a bit hesitant, but i knew that if doubted myself i could never get them back. I can't lose them and so i...

"Bella, stop it right now!" the same beautiful voice- velvet like shouted at me. "Edward." I breathed out softly, hoping that the voice wasn't just in my mind "Bella don't do it, please think about us. Think about our future together. You don't need to do this ."his voice was calm but then i could still sense abit of urgentness. "Edward, comeback." I shouted helplessly while raking the glass shard on the bed sheet as the tears began pour down. "Bella,calm down! Calm down" he said softly near the end. My breathing came back normal and my tears stopped. "Edward, comeback.i need you. I can't go back to the days I was broken, not in this time Edward, please"I begged him.

"..shh..stop crying. I'll comeback love. Don't worry I will, just not right now." "when?" I asked. "soon love, soon when the time is right.I'll be back for the both of you. Till then promise me that you won't do anything reckless again. Bella, please wait for me ." he voice started disappearing as i got up from the bed as if I could catch him "Edward..Edward!" I screamed as loud as possible and fell on on the floor sobbing when I realised I lost him, Once again.

"Bella! Bella what happ.. oh god! Bella why is your palm bleeding?" Seth came in rushing into the room. I hadn't realised that i grab a hold of the shard too tightly "Nurse! Help" he shouted while removing the shard from my other hand. A few moments later the nurse came and after identifying my injury called for the doctor for an emergency. After almost 1 and a half hour, I was brought back to my original room after it was cleaned and the sheets were changed and my hand was treated. I was surprised to see Emily and Seth was there waiting for me. "Bella, what had gotten into you? You could have killed the baby?" Emily started shouting at me. Emily? She came to see me? "Emily how did you..?" "trust me that is a very long story. why didn't you want me here ?"

"Emily. I'm sorry, i just thought.." i stopped there when Emily all of a sudden crushed me with hug. "Don't you dare do that again! You hear me vampire girl?" she said trying lighten up the mood but i could hear her sobbing. "I would like to promise but you know since i am Bella swan that is quite impossible." I said chuckling and she too joined me soon. Seth left the room soon saying he needed to run an errand. " How are you, Bella?" Emily finally asked me after i got back into the bed and she took a seat right beside me. "Oh you know, the usual. " i said smiling while raising up my bandaged hand to complete the joke.

I was half expecting her to at least smile at my effort to make a joke but she was serious . For a second there i was almost going to apologize for ruining the atmosphere but then she said "No Bella, i meant. Your life. How are you coping with the pregnancy?" she almost made me miss my mom for a second there. " Other than whole temperature rising , headaches and all. She's a good girl. Aren't you sweetheart?" i said rubbing my tummy. " it's good to hear that you love her." Emily said while smiling but i was taken back.

"Of course i love my baby, Emily. What makes you say otherwise? Wait.. it's Leah right? Come on Emily, don't tell me that you actually believe a word she says? "i said raising my voice a little. "God no Bella. I know she could be mean and harsh "she was going on but i cut through and said "and pain the butt" with earned a short laugh from Emily. "yeah and that too but deep down she just said all that cause she cared about you and the baby."Emily said trying to make me understand Leah more as if that's going to work after all that had happened. " Yeah well i would have respected her more if she wouldn't have butt into my relationship." i snapped at her."Bella.. listen. I'm not trying pick sides or anything because i seriously am not. But Leah.. she.. isn't the girl she use to be. This harsh and sarcastic girl she is now isn't the real Leah. And i want you to know that, i made her into the girl she is now. If only i hadn't met Sam, she would have her happiness back. " she paused and continued " you see Bella, Leah doesn't hate she wants to protect you and Jake from getting hurt." I was about speak up but got shut down by Emily " Bella... Bella. Please just hear me out. This one time. please Bella" i complied to her wishes.

" Bella, when i said that Leah wants to protect both of you. She really wants to protect both of you from all the heartache she has been through. Because Bella when you see things from Leah's point of view that's when you'll realized that she isn't actually mean. This relationship you have between you,Edward and Jake. It might have reminded her of the relationship Sam ,her and i use to have. There is the individual who loves so much that in the end gets their heart broken, then there is the one who comes in unexpectedly and steals the first individuals love away and finally there is the one that gets torn in between. The one that doesn't want to hurt neither party but can't ignore the pull, the attraction."

As i listen to her, the pieces felt into place and made . but in my case it'. she continued " well you could say she wants to protect Jacob from heartache because deep down i think all of us know that he can't live without you and Bella i think..no.. i know you know that too. I just can't understand why you would want to push the bond ..Bella." "but Emily.. she should respect my decision just as she should with Sam's decision as ! Emily! you out of all the people should know that " I said completely dodging her question. I remained silent as i looked straight into Emily's eye, reflecting back my relationship with was like my sister,like how Alice was... She was speechless for a moment , and then continued "i know. She should. but Bella i kept quiet this long because she was once in your shoe or the other way around. I'm not sure" "what?"

"Leah. She tries very hard to keep everyone together even though you don't really see her effort much. She does and Bella she keeps on trying to help you because when Sam left her. She wasn't herself anymore. She was lost, because all those while Sam was her Sun and when he left. she was lost in the was her life,her life revolved around Sam and when Sam left her. She lost a big part of herself. She needed help but none of us was able to help her. That's why she gets in your relationship, her intentions are not to make it complicated but to help you from making mistakes. The same mistakes she did. She doesn't want you to be hurt or lost just like she was." she said it staring at me while i remained silent not wanting to believe any of her words. "she believes that it's her responsibility to guide you from making the same mistakes that she wants to help you Bella. She really cares for you, she just has a different approach on helping others. " There was a long silence after she finished talking. "Bella" she called me after a very long pause. "Could we talk about something else?"i asked well actually i would have begged her. I can't believe that i am actually feeling guilty towards Leah. " sure." She replied me with a smile. "ermm.. when are you coming back ?" yep. Straight to point just like Alice.

"wow...erm.. I'm not sure. I don't think I'm going to comeback. I mean, what am i going to tell Charlie? I can't just tell him that i need to go back because of my baby. god! he doesn't even know I'm pregnant Emily?" i was shrieking by the end. "Oh Bella don't worry about that. when he wakes up, we'll tell him together. Ok? " Emily said while hugging me . "did he send you here?to check on me? how is he? Wait more importantly where the hell is he?" i asked her as was getting frustrated by the minute, i mean i know charlie can be late at times but seriously come on don't you think when your daughter is in the hospital you need to be there for her? "i beg your pardon?" she choked " Charlie? He send you here? Right?" i asked again, getting even more frustrated. Urghh stupid hormones.

" Bella. Did Seth happen to mention anything about Charlie?" the look on her face was definitely not good. " No.. is something wrong? Is he ok?" i started to panic when i heard her reply. "Calm down Bella, he is fine." She said but i could read her facial expression clearly that there was much more than that. "Emily.. i need to know. What happen?"i stressed every syllable. She took my hand in her and started slowly. " Bella you see, the day you got admitted here. Charlie came to visit you and i think he decided to visit Billy after that." "Jake ! Jake did something right? I knew it!" i was screaming with anger. He just had to ruin everything i have. Just like he told when he told Charlie that i own a bike. Can't he just grow up? "No no .. honey. It's on the way back from the black's. He.." she hesitated. " Emily.. tell . i need to know." " he.. he.. Victoria got to him." (please refer to chapter 29:black swan) " what ? what do you mean ? she got to him? Is he ok? Where is he?" the moment i heard her name i was up on my feet and grabbing a hold of Emily while shaking her. " Bella. You need to rest. Please lie back down. he's fine." She tries to reassure me but i " Where is he?" "He's in this hospital too.. Bella!" all i heard was her screaming after me as i dashed out of the room .