Loki kept visiting, every visit much like the last, and Tony descended further into confusion and frustration. Loki acted more and more like he belonged there, trading mysterious coldness and twisted trickery for easy conversation and good company. Their original animosity was all but gone, leaving Tony unsure where he stood with the trickster that seemed content to spend time in his home. It was civil and dare he say friendly, and it was driving Tony up the wall.
It wasn't Loki's presence that was bothering him, not really. It was that Tony didn't like being in the dark about things, and he felt that way with Loki. He still couldn't possibly believe that Loki didn't have some ulterior motive, and the thought made his skin crawl. It was perhaps scarier to think that Loki didn't have another reason for being there, and that meant Loki actually enjoyed being there. Tony dithered between wanting to trust the god and knowing that he should be extremely wary. It was difficult to do anything other than engage the god in easy banter that put a smirk on his face, and Tony realized that while they may have been worlds apart in their upbringings, they were very similar in other ways. It showed during their conversations and similar patterns of humor.
One thing that Tony noted as strange was Loki's care to maintain a decent distance between the two of them, no matter the situation. There was no accidental brushing, and no pats on the back among friends. It nagged at Tony's mind until he realized that he had been attempting to initiate any sort of contact he could. And once Tony knew that he couldn't have something, he tried even harder to get it. In this case, Loki nonchalantly skirted even further away from him.
The strange dreams were becoming more frequent as well, and he was beginning to remember more and more of the content. Each night, it was the frosted plain and the presence behind him that sent a shiver down his spine. All in all, Tony figured he was probably going mad. Why else would he be befriending the God of Mischief and having strange dreams about him?
"Stark, what is wrong with you?"
Tony focused his attention on the god, realizing a little belatedly that he had been staring intently at the god. Perhaps it hadn't been the best time to get hammered. He leaned back in his barstool, tempting fate and gravity, plastering what he thought to be a suave grin on his face. "Nothing."
Loki didn't look at all convinced. "You are intoxicated."
"Good deduction, buddy. You should be a detective. Sher-Loki Holmes." Tony chuckled at his own joke.
Loki was unamused. "You are poisoning yourself slowly, Stark, and you know it."
Tony shrugged clumsily. "So what?"
Loki's mouth turned down and his eyes hardened. "You're an idiot."
"Yeah well, you keep coming back here. Why are you coming back here?" Maybe this wasn't a good time to be asking these questions, but Tony didn't have a great filter on his mouth on the best of days. Through the haze of alcohol Tony noticed that Loki had a strange expression on his face.
"Don't you have better things to be doing? You don't even like me!"
Loki's frown deepened. "Don't presume to know me."
"You sure do hang around here a lot." Tony took a swig out of the glass in his hand. "I'd say we know each other at this point."
Loki's eyes were bright green, and they danced in Tony's vision. "Yet you still seem to think I dislike you. You're rather idiotic for a genius."
Tony stared. "You like my company."
"You're entertaining."
"You like me."
That, Loki didn't respond to.
Tony stared down at the play of light on the cut crystal of his glass contemplatively. "I like your company too, Reindeer Games, and it's been freaking me out."
At some point during their conversation Loki had perched in the barstool next to him. "I wish there was some way to make you believe me when I say I have no secret plans."
Tony sighed. "I wish I could believe you. Right now, you're a better friend than some of my actual friends. I wish I could trust you." Tony pinned Loki with a serious gaze. "I like you, man, but you threw me out a window."
Loki laughed at that, and then plucked the bottle of whiskey off of the bar before Tony could pour himself more. "I would prefer you not getting sick and passing out."
Tony eyed him. "Why? You always just leave when things get…sticky."
A look of distaste curled Loki's mouth and he didn't respond, electing instead to stare into the amber liquid of the bottle he was still clutching.
"Why don't you ever want to share a drink?" Tony asked a touch moodily.
Loki didn't look up from his steady glare at the whiskey. "I'm waiting for the right moment," he replied softly, his hair framing his face and making him look very human in that instant. Tony wondered when he had started to find the god attractive and why it didn't send him into a personal crisis upon realizing it. Maybe he was maturing.
The dreams worsened, and soon Tony realized that while Loki may have been forming an interest in Tony, Tony was most definitely forming an obsession with Loki. Tony looked forward to the flash of shimmering gold that marked Loki's arrival and the curled voice that mocked him in good nature.
After that strange night in which Tony was drunk and they both confessed that they didn't hate each other, Loki didn't show his face for at least a week, leaving Tony to his thoughts and his empty house.
After tinkering in his workshop, watching as many movies as he could stomach, and acting generally sorry for himself, Tony decided that he needed to stop moping about. Yes, Pepper had left him to improve her life, and yes, Tony was alone, but he was a genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist and would not wallow in self-pity. Tony decided a night out was exactly what he needed to clear his muddled head and stop the walls of his house from closing in on him. A month of speaking to no one but the God of Mischief could make a man go a little crazy, and he had already been borderline.
So, Tony flopped himself down into the seat of his sleek Audi and drove into the nightlife of Malibu, hoping that a drink amongst people he didn't know would help to clear the fumes from his head.
He ended up snagging a seat at the bar of a favorite joint of his that had blasting music, a dark atmosphere, and good drinks. Tony felt he could blend into the crowd here, felt he could lose himself amongst the other poor saps who wanted to get away from their lives through alcohol and music that didn't reflect their mood at all.
As Tony grasped his drink and stared out at the dance floor he found himself not feeling much more than irritated at the swaths of people around him and harassed by the need to make himself happy and not succeeding. The effect of his drink did nothing more than make him feel both buzzed and frustrated as he watched the other patrons having the good time he wished he could be having. Tony wondered if he had lost the ability to have a carefree evening the moment he had discovered that humans were weaklings compared with the might of dimension-travelling gods. Along with this discovery, his sleep, his sense of security, and his unwavering confidence had fled, leaving him unsure of where he stood and a crawling panic lurking at the corners of his vision.
Needless to say, Tony hadn't been dealing with the idea that aliens were a normal thing very well, and the loud music and crowds of people weren't doing him any good. Even the prospect of actually speaking to the woman two barstools down who had been eyeing him didn't seem at all appealing. Tony just wanted to get out of there.
He finished the liquid in his glass in one large gulp that burned down his throat, unwilling to let a good drink go to waste, paid the bartender, and then made his exit as quickly as he could without looking like he was running away from something. He had never wanted to get out of a bar so quickly, and it worried him that there was a chance he would never get back to normal. Was he destined to be a hermit that kept producing Iron Man suits until there was no room left? Would he eventually be on an episode of My Strange Addiction?
Tony told himself that it would pass, just as the trauma of Afghanistan had. He was a superhero, he was Tony Stark, and he would get over whatever leftover emotions were plaguing him from New York. He would figure out how to deal with the God of Mischief.
Tony woke up early the next morning, his brain alert despite the ungodly hour. Tendrils of a dream still snaked through his mind, but he ignored them in favor of staring out at the brightening sky. Lying in bed he felt fidgety and unhappy, so he pulled on a pair of sweats and padded barefoot out onto the balcony that overlooked his view of the sparkling water.
The sun was breaking the horizon, a clean brightness that Tony was sure signified hope for many people, but when he looked out at it he just felt frustrated that another day was starting that he had no control over. His life had somehow taken him out of the driver's seat, and he was feeling the loss of control heavily.
It was a few moments longer before he sensed the presence standing next to him at the railing.
"Long time no see, Icy," he drawled, keeping his gaze directed at the shimmering water that was slowly being covered in dancing pinpoints of light as the sun rose.
"Indeed."
It was the tone in that voice that led Tony to glance his way and see the resigned tilt to the trickster's shoulders and the pinched expression on his face.
"Hey, something bothering you?"
"Nothing you need worry about, Stark," Loki replied sharply, gripping the railing in a white-knuckled clutch.
"That's alright. No need to get your panties in a twist."
Loki's posture relaxed slightly, but the weary tilt to his shoulders remained, along with the strange lack of color on his face. Tony couldn't help but wonder what was tiring the god of chaos. The question was added to the growing number of curiosities that Tony had about the god, knowing that none of them would be answered.
"It's been a while since I've seen you," Tony said casually, carefully masking any emotion but curiosity.
"I've been busy," Loki replied, a touch coldly.
Tony decided to drop the subject, not really feeling up to dealing with an angry god, not after Loki had come back after not showing his face for so long. Suddenly, a thought dawned on Tony.
"Time in Asgard is different, isn't it?"
Loki seemed slightly confused by the strange change in topic. "Yes, though I am unsure of the exact calculations."
"How do you know, when you come here, if I'll be awake? For all you know, it could be the middle of the night here."
"I do have a rough estimate of how the time works itself out, Stark."
There was something off about the statement, but Tony let it be. "So, you're not spying on me when I sleep? Because that would be weird and even more stalker-ish than usual."
Loki smirked lightly. "No, I am not watching you sleep. You probably snore, and I heard enough of that from Thor when we were growing up to last a lifetime."
Tony laughed, and as the sun steadily rose and warmed his face he snuck glances at the god standing next to him, questions piling up in his brain. Tony was extremely impatient with unsolved mysteries, and here was one standing next to him and sharing a sunrise without a word. Tony was burning to pick him apart and discover what made him tick.
"I can see you staring at me, Stark," Loki drawled, his eyes not leaving the ocean. Their green color reflected the waves.
Damn. "I'm just over here, casually wondering why you look like you haven't slept since I saw you last."
Loki finally turned, and Tony was rewarded with his full attention. "I haven't slept since I was last here, other than maybe an hour or two, at most," he stated evenly.
Tony winced. "Sleep not important for a god?"
"While we are stronger than mortals, we require nearly as much sleep as you do."
Tony stared into Loki's calm expression. "You should be asleep on your feet! Why don't you come inside and sit down or something? You can even take a nap in an extra bedroom, if you want. Seriously, man."
Loki shook his head. "That will not be necessary. I shall find my repose soon."
Tony watched him incredulously. "You are a piece of work, I tell you, and that's coming from me."
Loki smirked, but it was a shadow of his normal mirth. "We are two of a kind, then." He turned to face the view and the wind played with his dark locks. "Just standing here in peace is enough for now. It is a pleasant break."
God, was Tony curious and a bit worried, but he stood quietly and let a peaceful silence settle around them, knowing that it was what Loki wanted.
"It is good to see you, Bambi," Tony admitted softly, sensing the way Loki just barely tensed next to him, and then slowly relaxed again.
"It is good to be here, as well."
The next time Loki visited, Tony was in the process of throwing a glass across in the room in pent up frustration and watching in brooding glee as it exploded into shards that tinkled across the floor.
He glanced up to see Loki eyeing him with a raised brow, arms crossed and grin playing at the corners of his mouth.
"Did I come at a bad time?" he asked lightly, gaze drifting to the ruined glassware.
Tony huffed a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "You came at a perfect time, actually. I'm pretty sure I was about to do something really stupid."
As he finally allowed his attention to focus fully on the god, he realized Loki looked much better than he had the last time. His face had more color and he didn't look like he was about to keel over. There was even mirth playing on his features.
"I don't believe even my presence can stop you from doing something stupid," Loki replied.
Tony shook his head jerkily and clenched and unclenched his hands by his sides. "There is no way I'm staying in this house a moment longer," he said, mostly to himself. "At this point I'd probably even go to a press conference willingly without Pepper forcing me into it, or any shit like that, I'm serious." Maybe he needed to calm down a bit, but his skin was crawling and the walls were closing in.
Loki's green gaze was wary. "Are you drunk?"
Tony barked a laugh. "Sadly enough, no." He took a deep breath and attempted to slow his speech. "I'm just going stir crazy." He glanced at the amused trickster. "I have the greatest idea," he said with a grin that probably looked manic.
Loki titled his head.
"All you ever do when you come here is either watch me in my workshop or watch me as I do other boring crap. I mean, I know I'm pretty awesome and all that, but why don't we go do something?"
Loki was watching him skeptically. "What do you have in mind?"
That wasn't a no.
"Drinks? Good music? A change in scenery?"
Loki nodded. "I don't see why not."
"Awesome." He studied the god ponderously. "Even though they probably won't recognize you without your antlers on, I still think you should probably disguise yourself somehow." Tony gestured at Loki's characteristic hair and green color choice. His hair was a little different than it had been during the New York incident, softer and lacking the spikes in the back, but it wasn't safe to take that risk.
A smug smirk flitted over the trickster's face. "Say no more." With a wash of gold sparks that reminded Tony of Doctor Who, Loki's hair shortened to frame his face and his clothing transformed from a green tunic and black pants to jeans, a collared shirt, and a nice, midnight blue jacket. Loki looked like a normal human, fashion forward and distracting in his attractiveness.
"Whoa. Nifty trick," Tony muttered, staring. "That'll totally work."
"Of course it will. Nobody will look twice." Loki ran a hand through his shorter locks, and Tony watched, mesmerized, as they fell back into place perfectly.
Tony glanced down at himself and realized that he was underdressed compared to the god. "Uh, give me a minute to freshen up, and then we can go."
Loki gave him a small nod that caused a strand of his hair to fall in front of his face, which he tucked behind his ear. When he realized he had been staring, Tony internally shook himself and high-tailed it out of the room, knowing that he definitely needed to get out of the house.
"You take much better to all of this than Thor ever did," Tony commented from his spot at the little table across from Loki.
Loki cast an eye around the bar, a tasteful place with good music and fairly docile crowds that Tony had been the few times he wanted to go to a place where the music didn't rattle his skull.
"Thor is, in his nature, a warrior, not meant to blend in and not trained for subtlety," Loki explained as he observed the other patrons in their natural habitat. "I, on the other hand, am much more practiced in the arts of fitting in. It is not difficult to observe and mimic."
Tony watched as Loki turned down yet another drink offer, this one coming from a waiter.
"Come on, we're in a bar, among other drunk people, the perfect atmosphere for alcohol. Have a drink!" Tony coaxed.
"I do not want weak human alcohol," Loki countered, frown camping on his features that had been at ease two minutes before.
Tony sighed. "Whatever, but you're missing out on part of what I promised this evening would contain. And would it hurt to loosen up and enjoy yourself for once?"
"There is no rule stating alcohol is required to have a good time."
Tony grinned. "I suppose you're right, but that's just how we do things around here."
"Make no mistake, Thor and his friends would not pass up the chance to get roaring drunk together and then go start battles," Loki said with a lopsided smirk.
"You never joined in on that, then?"
Loki shook his head. "No, I much preferred to watch from the sidelines. It was entertaining, especially since it was trouble that started without my assistance." Loki looked as if he had been pulled into a memory; his eyes were distant and his expression was calm. "Thor and his compatriots became thugs when they ingested enough alcohol."
Tony thought back to the times they had gone drinking as a group. "I've never seen Thor drunk, and we've had a few too many on a number of different occasions."
"Like I said, human alcohol is like ginger ale to a god. You would never survive a good draught of Asgardian mead."
"I will totally take you up on that bet," Tony said with a wide smirk, throwing back his head to finish off the drink in his hand and grimacing at the sting.
Loki watched the move carefully. "Another act which would end in your demise," he said with an amused expression directed Tony's direction.
"I'm really not as stupid as you seem to think I am," Tony said indignity, setting his now empty glass down on the little table that felt smaller than it had before.
"Intelligence does not equal common sense," Loki replied with a light shrug of his shoulders. "You're more reckless than anything else, and I only wonder how long it will take for you to do something crazy enough that it ends your life."
Tony held up his hands, palms outward. "Whoa, whoa, I'm not that easy to kill, you know."
Loki glanced down to where the arc reactor was just barely shining through his shirt. "No, obviously not." He was quietly contemplative for a moment. "You are exceedingly good at getting yourself out of unfavorable situations with your sanity and your desire to remain on the side of the angels intact."
Tony watched Loki carefully in the dancing lights of the bar, not sure where the deity was leading this conversation.
"You could have ended up on much the same path that I did. You didn't." Loki's gaze was penetrating. "What is so different about you?" The air around them suddenly became thicker with the weight of what Loki wanted to know.
Tony could see pain lurking under the curious gaze and knew this was not one of those moments he could joke about and brush off. He would have to think about the question carefully and answer to the best of his ability.
"Without Pepper and Rhodey, I wouldn't have done as well," he eventually began. "They were the guides that kept me right and made sure I the help and care I needed." He took a steadying breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Pepper was my guardian angel and Rhodey was my right-hand man."
Loki was silent, processing Tony's response with a neutral expression. Tony was suddenly struck with the image of a younger Loki, hurting and alone while a tumultuous storm was raging inside of him. He imagined himself suffering after his return from Afghanistan without Pepper around to keep him from doing something terrible. He could feel the darkness in the back of his mind that could have been unleashed and he felt himself silently thanking Pepper again for what she had done for him and wishing that there had been someone like that for Loki to fall back on during his darkest times.
"Why is Pepper Potts not with you now? Why have you been alone since the invasion?" Loki asked, putting Tony's train of thought to a halt and bringing him up short.
Tony swallowed against the sudden burn in the back of his throat. "She couldn't take it. My lifestyle was too much, and when she started to care more and more for me she got too stressed out and decided she needed to distance herself from me. I told her she was free to leave, to take time for herself. She deserves it." His voice caught on the last word and he coughed to cover it.
Loki's expression was unreadable as he responded softly. "And you don't deserve to be alone."
Tony blinked and stared at the god for a moment before responding. "I haven't exactly been alone," he reasoned. "In fact, I've had pretty good company, and he's probably responsible for keeping me from going insane."
"Escaping insanity through the presence of another. Who knew it would come to that for the both of us." Loki's expression turned stony and his gaze dropped to the tabletop.
When Tony finally took in Loki's meaning, he was surprised. Though he was still curious about Loki's situation, he had let that drift to the back of his mind. Now that Loki was mentioning it, that curiosity was coming back.
Loki didn't elaborate though, and it left Tony trying to read the downturned face. Unfortunately his attempt to figure out what Loki was thinking was led astray by the lights playing across the thin face and the glossy hair that was framing it, by the thin nose, expressive mouth, and the bright green gaze that was currently looking at something that wasn't there.
Tony's eyes widened at his weakness towards Loki.
Loki was back to watching him, as if he could detect the wild train of thought in Tony's mind. Tony desperately hoped mind reading wasn't in Loki's repertoire of tricks.
"This is the first time in quite a while that I have the pleasure of being in the company of someone who actually enjoys my presence," Loki said simply, much too lightly for the meaning of the words.
"We're just two lonely saps, aren't we?" Tony muttered. "Well, I suppose we have each other now."
Loki's expression was thoughtful. "How interesting. It seems we have found a mutual fondness."
"Nobody told me my life was going to be this strange," Tony grumbled, staring off at the dance floor.
"You do not have to act like this is such a bad thing. You know as well as I that we enjoy each other's company and that we are both much too lonely for our own good. What does it matter that we learned to fend off the loneliness through each other?"
Tony felt his uneasiness ebb as he realized Loki was right and that it was definitely not his fault that he had taken solace in the one person that had been around. Who wouldn't have developed a fondness for the one person who had listened after that much time?
"I had no idea being a super hero was such a solitary existence."
Loki held his eye contact. "Nobody is on your level, nobody understands what it's like to live your life, and your level of responsibility is momentous. Not to mention the fact that you live life in a spotlight."
"You seem to understand what it's like to be me pretty well," Tony responded carefully.
Loki smirked. "We are very similar, Stark. Your strength and conviction kept you from turning out as I did."
The lights from the dance floor illuminated the green of Loki's eyes, and Tony found himself caught in that gaze. He wondered why they had sat at such a small table and why he hadn't noticed the lack of distance between them before.
"Everyone deserves a second chance," Tony responded. "I got one."
Loki seemed to be studying him. "You are a strange man, Tony Stark, and somehow I find your presence something of an addiction." Loki had leaned in during that admission, and his bright green eyes were much closer than they had been before. Tony held his breath.
If that wasn't a clue, Tony didn't know what was. He found himself leaning to close the distance between them almost before he was consciously aware of doing so. He watched as Loki's expression shifted to something softer and his gaze flickered to Tony's mouth.
Abruptly, Loki seemed to snap out of his daze, and he jerked back quickly and scrambled out of his chair in order to increase the distance, causing Tony's eyes to widen in alarm at what they had just almost done.
"This is not a good idea," Loki hissed, a frown marring his features. His hands clenched into fists by his sides and he closed his eyes. "I am sorry, Stark."
Before Tony could respond, Loki was lost in the crowd, probably fleeing from the embarrassment that was coursing through Tony.
"Shit," he muttered, dropping his head into the arms he had folded on the table. What the hell had he been thinking? Sure, Tony, go ahead and kiss the god of chaos with daddy issues! Tony's heart sunk at the thought that he may have chased Loki off for good. The thought of never seeing Loki again seemed to drain the color out of the world around him, and he wilted in on himself at the small little table that he was now sitting at alone.
Tony hated himself sometimes, and it was times like these, when he couldn't control his impulses, that really got to him. He had ruined something that was beginning to give him hope.
"Need another drink, man?" a voice asked gruffly.
Tony glanced up at the waiter with a dull expression.
"Give me something strong."