Find Me

Chapter Title – Forgive or Forget

Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight, or its characters.

Edward's POV

Another school day which I knew is going to be fucking long. I growled at myself in bed, and kicked the covers off completely. They had fallen off the bed, and the cool breeze from the slightly opened window hit my bare chest. I moved my body with force to get out of bed, and staggered over to the mirror. I looked like shit, and felt like it to. I didn't sleep at all. I had done something terrible, and smacked myself in disgust. I had to go to school today because I had a slight glimmer of hope that Bella would be there.

So I got myself ready opting for jeans, and a simple shirt, and throwing on a leather jacket. I had to drive Emmett, and Alice today which just tore at my nerves. Alice was being extra loud because this morning because she had been all chipper by going out with a popular guy named Jackson, or Jasper, whatever I didn't care. Emmett was being cool though. Occasionally adding in his two cents but other than that he was quiet. For once.

Bella is known for being one of the few people who came to school early. So when I saw that her old beat up truck wasn't here a part of my hope started to blow away with the cruel wind. I huffed, and got out of the car. I slammed my car door a little too loud, and caught the attention of Alice, and the people around the school who were waiting for the bell. "What?" I yelled out, and their eyes switched away from me. "Ah Edward, are you alright?" Alice came by my side, and started tapping on my arm.

"I'm fine." I said too quickly, and she just backed away knowing now not to encroach in my space. Emmett had already left, and had already made it to the doors of the school. I started walking in that direction myself when it started drizzling. "Just fucking great," I groaned, and continued walking faster. I glanced my way around the parking lot, and didn't see the one person I wanted to the most. I then flung the door open, and went inside.

Each fucking class I had with Bella she wasn't there. I became a mess with worry filling up my stomach. The bell went off in a loud thump, and signified to us that it is lunch time. I didn't go into the cafeteria, and made my way just outside the front doors of the school. I fumbled my phone in my hands, and pressed option number one. Bella's name, and number came up on my phone. With a picture she had programmed in.

I paced back in forth glancing at her picture, and putting the cell to my ear. Nothing. I tried two more times before I lost it. I ran to my car in a matter of seconds, threw myself in, and turned on the ignition with my key. I had made it out of school property in less than three minutes. My speeding picked up more than usual. I turned the final corner, and saw that old rusted red truck parked in her driveway.

She had avoided me, school, and everyone else. I stopped the car just a little further down the road to not capture her attention. What I was doing had all the signs of a stalker but I didn't care who saw me. I walked with anger to her front door. The rocks making crunching noises underneath my feet. I turned the handle composing myself, and just flung the door open. It flung all the way to the other side, and impacted the wall. I heard what seemed like glass breaking that most obviously came from the kitchen. I crept around the family room, and my big damn feet made creaking noises on the old oak flooring.

I didn't want to scare her anymore, so I made my presence known. "Bella?" Where are you? What did you do?" I noticed ice, a can of coke, and shattered bottle of Whiskey. What the fuck? I thought. I just stood there with my mouth gapping. Did she think this was a better alternative? She then came out of her hiding place. From the corner of my eye I saw her hand reaching for the counter. Her other small hand gripping a bottle of wine. She looked at me, and her eyes glazed over, and she started to shake in her own skin.

I noticed all too quickly that she was going to fall all over the broken glass on the floor. I lunged myself forward, and gripped her body away from the kitchen. I looked at her in my arms, and my heart fell. "Bella why?" I said while carrying her to the couch in the living room. I softly put her down, and grabbed a pillow to place under her head. Her hair became a mess all over her face. Although I saw her eyes peeking through small crevices of her hair to look at me. "I don't know Edward. Please not now." She croaked out. Her simple answers angered me, and I stood up, and once again I just fucking paced back, and forth in the little space I gave myself.

"Bella you can't just escape everything. Why did you feel the need to make yourself that, that drink?" I mumbled out going up, and down the small walkway by the couch. Once I had turned my back towards her she grabbed my shirt in her fist, and stopped me. She let her hand motion me to sit down beside her. So I sat. Waiting for her to explain. I ran my hand through my hair, bit on my nails, and lulled my head back on the head rest. All the while still staring intently in her direction. She then started talking. "Edward you really hurt me. They really hurt me. I guess like you said I wanted to escape." Bella mumbled all of this in between breaths. "But I'm right here for you. I love you Bella. I didn't mean any of it." I said every word longer than usual. "I know I just feel drained from it all. I spent a lot of time with you Edward. To be humiliated that way is incredibly painful. If I had done that to you, you would be furious to." She huffed out. "Bella please I," she cut me off quick. Edward I can forget about everything. But I don't know if I can forgive you."

This is the most she talked about the whole ordeal from last night. I knew now she would never forgive me. I would make her see, that she couldn't live without me.