Sunlight streamed in through an open window. Fresh air flowed in and rustled the papers on a desk, the plant on a table.
Grimmjow looked around. He saw a closet, the doors open, a few t-shirts hanging inside. He saw a desk and chair and a glass of water. He turned his head and saw the window, a fan above his head, a poster on the wall. None of it was clear, as if he looked at it all through warped glass.
He had no idea where he was or how he'd gotten here.
He was on top of the blankets on a bed. His eyes adjusted slowly as they shifted left and right. Maybe he had a concussion, maybe that's why he couldn't remember the last place he'd been.
He tried moving but found it difficult. Everything felt heavy and slow. Something tugged against his skin. He looked at the needle in his forearm then up to the bag of fluids draining into his arm.
He stopped moving and took a breath. Something was really wrong. He felt worse than he had back when he'd been in the glads or other fights. Maybe he'd been drugged by whomever had him. He should get up, assess the situation, but even sitting seemed impossible.
He braced both hands against the mattress and gave it a try. He let out a pained breath as he achieved a few inches. He got his elbows behind him just enough so he could see the rest of his body and assess his injuries.
He stared down at a tee-shirt, no obvious signs of bandages beneath it. He looked to his legs. One was bare, a sweat pant leg rolled up to his knee. Below the knee something poked out above his skin.
When he squinted, he saw it was a series of needles protruding from his flesh.
"Wh…" What the Hell is what he tried to say, but nothing came out. His voice was gone. His breaths came fast and short. He looked all over now, for signs of where he was and what was happening to him.
They came to rest on a photo across the room. It was hard to make out at this distance, but he saw orange and black and brown. Three heads of three kids. Three Kurosakis.
His arms gave. He fell back against the sheets. He heard something, caught the motion of the door opening, but that was it. He couldn't hold on any longer. The room returned to dark oblivion.
The next time he woke, the needles were in the other leg. He tried to move it, but it was no good. He couldn't get either of his legs to do anything. He hadn't thought he'd been able to move his hands either until he realized they were tied down, on either side of the bed.
Who was doing this to him? Why? What the fuck was going on?
"Grimmjow!"
He started at the voice. She'd gotten in the door without him even noticing. It was hard to hang onto consciousness. He fell back against the pillow but a hand grabbed hold of his jaw and held tight.
"Don't you dare black out again!" someone screamed. She shook him hard. He tried again to speak but nothing happened. "Grimmjow, keep your eyes open."
He tried. He blinked but she was just a blur. She must have realized she was losing the battle because she stopped shaking him and pressed herself into his chest.
"It's me, Rukia. Do you know who I am?"
He couldn't answer. He was already lost again.
How many times did he wake with no answers, nothing but more confusion and pain? He was tired of straining to see, straining to speak, straining to stay awake.
"They're so your muscles don't atrophy," someone said, maybe Rukia, when he'd pulled at a needle in his arm. He looked then to his cuffed wrist. "It's so you don't move and pull them out when we're not watching you."
We. Who was we? Where was Ichigo, Yuzu? Wasn't this their house? He'd tried to make sense of it at all, but information came in bits and pieces he could barely hold onto. His voice didn't return for a long time. Even then words, were even slower to come back. And every time he woke it was like for the first time, his memories a jumble, information impossible to process and retian.
Then one day he woke up, for real, for good.
He felt the difference at once. He sat up straight. There were no needles in him. He was dressed. One wrist was secured but he was able to release it with his free hand. This proved difficult. His fingers wouldn't cooperate much. He got himself free after much struggle. He swallowed and reached for a glass he somehow already knew was there. When his fingers closed over it and he saw it was partially drunk, he wondered if he'd been awake for a while. His body certainly felt like it had been moving. His legs weren't dead weight anymore. But he didn't remember anything.
He tested his theory and tried to stand. The pole with the bag of fluids was now unused but tucked between the bed and the desk. He used it to help him. His feet didn't seem to want to stay straight. He grasped the pole for dear life a moment. He took a step and grabbed hold of the desk. It offered more solid support and he ended up leaning against it. He looked to the papers there. He tried to pick one up but again his hands weren't cooperating, so he just squinted and read them from where he was.
It was a list of dates and times with notes beside it.
Woke up, five minutes.
Woke up two hours.
Did exercises.
Lapse.
"Lapse," he repeated and heard his own voice for the first time in a long time, though glancing at this sheet it seemed he'd been using it. There were other notes about conversations he didn't remember having.
He wondered if maybe the "lapse" had to do with memory.
He stood again. If he'd been exercising that meant he'd been moving around, thinking straight. He just had to hope things would get clearer the longer he was up.
He made his way over to the wall. From there, he was able to move step by step over to the door.
Once out in the hall, he heard voices. There were two or three, floating up from the top of stairs. Grimmjow moved that way. There were other shut doors in the hallway. He didn't stop to check them. His grip was wavering around the pole. He made it to the top of the stairs but had to stop there, holding the rail to stay up.
"You think Kenpachi is up to making the walk down south?"
"It's hard enough on two legs."
"It's Kenpachi."
"Yeah, I guess."
The conversation was mundane. Grimmjow lost the thread of it quickly. He knew he heard Rukia. He thought maybe a voice was Soifon. It was surprising that she would leave the pillar up North and the other soul reapers there.
"Is Ichigo back yet?"
Grimmjow gripped the rail harder. He leaned against it, straining to hear.
"They're coming back tonight."
Ichigo. The kid had made it afterall…Grimmjow strained his memory. He saw Ichigo's face, such pain in it as he stood at that pedestal, but the memory was unclear. He wasn't sure what had happened, but things must have gone as planned.
Except he thought he'd been supposed to die. He didn't remember anything but a blur of blue energy. He assumed his current condition must be a result of it all.
"I'm going up to check on him." A chair scraped back. Grimmjow waited where he was. Rukia got half way up the stairs before she noticed him.
"Grimmjow!"
She ran up to meet him. Her arms closed around him but not in relief, or happiness, just to take his weight and help him stand. He got the feeling at once this was not the first time she'd had to do this. At the bottom of the stairs he saw a stern face. He'd been right, it was Soifon. Behind her was the third voice he hadn't recognized but now saw the reaper with the 69 tattoo on his face.
"Do you need help?" he called up.
"I've got it," Rukia grunted. "Come on, Grimmjow help me out."
He looked to her and tried to straighten himself. She got his arm across her shoulders and took him back down the hall.
"Were you dreaming again or do you just need to take a leak?" She paused before a door. "Grimmjow?" He shook his head. She moved him past the bathroom and back to the room. "Then what are you doing?"
They made it back to the bed. He dropped heavily on it.
"Grimmjow, you gonna answer me?" She was returning the pole to the corner but when he didn't answer, she turned back to him. He watched her face change, her actions slow. "Oh no…you've lapsed again."
She reached out and gripped his shoulder, lowering herself to eye level and checking his pupils.
"Will it come back?" he asked as she examined him. "My memories?"
"I don't know. It keeps happening. It's confusing."
"No shit."
"I'm sorry." She drew back and took a seat next to him on the bed. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"This room. Being in and out of consciousness. Not much else."
"Okay. And before that?"
"Being outside the shop, trying to restore the balance with Kurosaki."
Her face tensed. He already knew, based on the brief memories that a lot of time had passed. He didn't really care. He'd expected to die, after all.
"How long ago was that?"
"More than a year now…thirteen months."
It was longer than he'd thought. He didn't think someone could survive being unconscious for that long.
"A coma?"
She nodded. "But not a regular one. Your body wasn't injured. It was your spirit. Ichigo was like that after Aizen. But this lasted even longer. You woke up for the first time about four months ago."
"That long?" It felt like only a few days he'd been drifting in and out. That meant he'd lost more of his memories than he'd thought.
"You only woke for brief periods of time at first. It stands to reason you wouldn't remember all of that."
"But more than I do now."
"Yes."
"How many times have we had this conversation?"
"This would be five."
He let out a breath. "Shit."
"I thought maybe we were past it, you were okay. It's been a few weeks since the last."
"Well you know what I'm going to ask then, right?"
"Yes. I can also see you're exhausted about to pass out."
He was. He could feel sleep coming despite the urgency to get answered, but he had to know this. "Rukia, tell me."
"The Kurosakis are fine."
She rose then. Grimmjow tried to catch her wrist but his hands were clumsy and slow. She did stop, though and when she turned he saw something in her eyes, fatigue, but maybe sadness too. He didn't feel relief.
"Rukia, I'm fine. Tell me what's wrong."
"I'm sorry, Grimmjow, I just don't think we should push it. You need to rest."
She pushed on his shoulder and easily overpowered him. He knew if he could see himself, how weak he'd look. He knew the moment his arms had been around her and she'd helped him stand how bad it was, but somehow that one look in her eyes made everything feel worse.
"Rukia?"
"Grimmjow, there's nothing for you to worry about. Just…stay in bed this time. No wandering anymore, okay?"
She withdrew quickly, heading for the door. He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing and just watched her leave.
He shut his eyes moments later. He drifted into dreams but his mind wouldn't quiet. What had he forgotten? What hadn't she wanted to say?
His dreams became a twisting mess of memories. He saw wrecked cars on an endless, broken highway. He saw swords and blood in the glads ring. He saw fire in the woods, lightening in the night.
Then he saw the circle of blue light, the darkness of Hueco Mundo.
His eyes shot open. He sat up, barely able to catch his breath as his chest was heaving so hard. It was night and his clothes clung to him in a cold sweat. What had happened after he crossed over? What was he forgetting?
"Yuzu."
He turned sharply. The door was open but all he could see was a dark hall beyond. Someone was just out of his sight.
"He'll be asleep now. You might as well wait until morning."
"It's not like I'm going to wake him up, brother. I just want to check on him."
Grimmjow sat where he was, frozen by the voices in the dark. His breaths still hadn't evened out, and now they quickened again. He felt his heart beat faster in his chest as he waited for them to enter.
She was exactly the same. Even if a year had passed her round face and bright eyes were just as he'd last seen them. She stepped lightly into the room, eyes glancing to the family picture on the wall before returning to the bed. She started at the sight of him sitting up. She suddenly seemed as shocked as him.
"Yuzu," he said finally.
"Grimmjow…" her voice barely escaped her. She took a step forward, her eyes locked on his. "You…can you…" She shook her head. She must not have seen him since he'd fully regained consciousness, in the times that he'd forgotten.
"I'm fine," he reassured. "Well, better at least."
"I can't believe it." She ran forward then and pulled him against her. He held her back.
"Ichigo," she called as she hugged him. "Get in here."
"What?" He hissed back, clearly trying not to wake the other residents of the house. "Is something wrong? Should I get—" but he stopped short as well, the same shock coming over his face when he saw Grimmjow up, hugging his sister. Grimmjow grinned past her shoulder.
"What? You didn't think I'd kicked the bucket, Kurosaki."
Ichigo shook his head, only half smiling. He still seemed stunned that Grimmjow was up.
"Seriously, was I that close?"
Ichigo just nodded and moved over to the bed. Yuzu withdrew. Ichigo stood before Grimmjow, and gripped Grimmjow's shoulder. Grimmjow watched him back. It looked like Ichigo was trying to reassure himself this was real.
"I'm glad you're okay now," he said softly and he and Yuzu each took a seat on the side of the bed next to Grimmjow. It was dark but the moon was bright enough he could see their faces.
"How much do you remember?" Ichigo asked.
"Not much after that day in the shop yard. Just bits and pieces of waking up here. Don't worry, Rukia told me it's been thirteen months."
"That's it? That's all she told you?"
"She said I lapsed again."
"Oh."
"Why? What is it?" He glanced out the window a moment, reassuring himself that the moon was there, the sky still intact. "It did work, didn't it?" He felt that nagging fear return. What was he missing?
"Yes. The balance was restored. Heuco Mundo, Soul Society and the World of the living all exist."
"Fan-fucking-tastic, now tell me what the fuck is wrong."
"Nothing. It's just…you've missed a lot in a year, Grimmjow. And we've waiting so long for you to wake up."
"Why weren't you here before? I heard Soifon saying you were coming back. Coming back from where?"
"We've been travelling, taking care of things. Everything didn't just go back to normal. This world is still like it was when you fell asleep—well, mostly. We actually got some electricity running here, because Karakura wasn't damaged. But the sand is still everywhere else. The damage that was done can't be fixed easily."
"Oh. So the reapers are here now?"
"All over. But this place is important, Karakura always was. And especially since you couldn't be moved, some decided to stay here and watch over you. Our old house has become a second base for them. Rukia uses the clinic to help people. Shinji's been running things in the North. Soifon's been all over the place, kind of like me, but she's here for the time being."
"Okay. So now tell me this: how the fuck am I here?"
"You were rescued. When Rukia and the others got here, Urahara's old machines were still intact. Hashwald was wrong, they didn't get destroyed. They were able to open the gate and get you out again. But you were in a coma and none of us thought you'd ever wake up again."
"The process took nearly all of your spiritual pressure," Yuzu supplied. "Just like after Ichigo fought Aizen."
He absorbed this. It was all a little hard to believe, that after everything, he was alive, and so were they. That the reapers had saved him—damn he hated to owe them—but all of it seemed too much, too perfect. He supposed losing a year of his life sort of balanced things out.
"What happened to you?" He raised his eyes again and looked Ichigo over. He too, looked just as he had that day at the shop. He didn't look like he'd been in a coma of his own. Just like Yuzu, he seemed untouched by time. It felt like yesterday that the three of them had stood in that yard. Had thirteen months really gone by?
"I recovered," he said shortly.
"I saw it in your face, how much pain you were in. I didn't think you were going to survive." He let out a long breath and it came out shaky. He felt his whole body trembling slightly. Yuzu put a hand on his arm.
"Are you okay, Grimmjow?"
He nodded. "It's just a lot to take in."
"Maybe you should sleep," Ichigo suggested.
"I think I've slept enough."
"Seriously Grimmjow, this is not something you're going to get past overnight. You need to rest and build up your strength."
He stood up. Yuzu did too. Grimmjow watched them both. He had the feeling they were doing what Rukia had. They were avoiding something. It unsettled him.
"Kurosaki," he started but before he could ask what they were hiding the door pushed in and a young woman with dark hair and a spoon in her mouth entered. She was in her sleep clothes, shorts and a t-shirt that only half covered her midriff. She was digging into a bowl of something.
"Man I missed real food."
"Karin," Ichigo hissed. She stopped eating and looked up, her eyes widening at the sight of Grimmjow.
"Oh. So he's awake."
"You're alive?" Grimmjow stuttered. It was a miracle he and Ichigo were still breathing but Karin…
He watched her eyes flare slightly as if she were surprised he'd spoken to her. She glanced at her siblings like she was unsure of what to do. Ichigo shook his head slightly.
She turned back to Grimmjow and tried to smile. "Glad you're feeling better."
He continued to stare at her. His eyes wandered down her body, stopping at her bare stomach where a bullet had embedded in her gut. Where soul reapers had operated to save her life. Then to her leg which had caught shrapnel in the lightning storm.
They were both flawless.
No scars. Nothing. She was perfectly healed, but the power of such healing had been lost long ago.
And suddenly he knew what they'd been hiding.
It spread out from his gut, and into his limbs: a cold, terrible truth that made every nerve fire in panic, cause every muscle to tremble in shock. His heart beat too loudly in his ears. His fingers shook as he clutched his knees. He shook his head and struggled to breathe.
"Grimmjow!"
Ichigo was kneeling before him, gripping his shoulders to hold him steady. Grimmjow stared into those eyes that he'd once hated, and into a face that was impossibly the same as it had been that day at the pedestal.
"You…died."
His words shook as much as the rest of him, but worse, Ichigo's face confirmed the truth.
"It's true isn't it? All of you—you're all fucking dead, aren't you?!"
Ichigo still didn't answer, but his grip tightened on Grimmjow's shoulders, and his face tightened. Grimmjow looked past him to Karin, then to Yuzu. She looked on the verge of tears, her hands clenched in the front of her shirt.
"JUST SAY IT!"
"It's true," Ichigo finally whispered. Grimmjow slowly turned back to him. At some point he'd grabbed hold of Ichigo's arms. He felt so real, but he wasn't. He was dead, a spirit.
"When you came in…you weren't surprised I was awake," Grimmjow breathed, "You were surprised I could see you."
Ichigo nodded. "Your spiritual pressure was non-existent before. You've never been able to see us the other times you were awake."
Grimmjow fell silent. He couldn't stop staring at them, seeing every detail that confirmed the truth. He began to shake worse. He bowed his head as he tried to catch his breath.
"Girls." He heard Ichigo say. There was quiet, he listened to Karin and Yuzu step outside. Ichigo remained before him. "I'm sorry, Grimmjow. When we realized you could see us…we just didn't want to tell you yet."
"You're really dead…"
"Yeah."
"Even Yuzu?"
"Yes."
"Why? She wasn't part of it. She wasn't supposed to be in danger."
"It was too much for me that day. I was about to fail. The whole universe would have ended, but she came and joined me. She had the same elements in her soul as I did. With her strength we were able to restore the balance. But we both died doing so."
"No…it wasn't supposed to happen like that. It was supposed to be me."
"Like I told you, it wasn't your sacrifice to make."
"BULLSHIT!" He slammed his hands onto his knees. He met Ichigo's eyes, ancient rage building in him. "What the fuck was the point of any of it if you died?!"
"Grimmjow—"
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" He wanted to stand. He wanted to storm out the door, escape this suffocating room and house, but he was too weak. His fingers clenched in his pant legs. He was breathing way too hard and he felt light headed but he didn't give shit. "Fuck this," he stood on shaking legs. He knew he wouldn't make it far but he couldn't stand to be in this bed any longer.
"Grimmjow—"
"I told you to shut up."
He made it to the door, took a breath and swung it open. Pure adrenaline carried him forward, brought on from the shock, the rage. He didn't even look at Yuzu when he passed her where she'd been hovering in the hall and she knew better than to say anything. Somehow he made it down the stairs without toppling, and out the front door.
He dropped on the front steps, sitting hard on the concrete and breathing in night air. He heard Ichigo follow him out and shut the door. He saw the haze of dim lights come on in the house. The reapers would be awake after all that. He took deep breaths but it did no good. When Ichigo sat next to him, he dropped his head into his hands.
"How are you so calm about this?"
"I've had over a year to come to terms with it. And in that time I've regained a lot of my former power. Even Yuzu and Karin have started to learn how to use Kido from Kara and the other soul reapers who died that day.
"But you're still dead."
"It was worth it." At this, Grimmjow drew up his head. Ichigo didn't look at him. He was staring up at a clear, starlit sky. "Those were her last words to me, before we died. Because she knew we'd done it. She knew we'd saved Karin by giving her soul somewhere to go when she died. And it's the same for everyone, Grimmjow. Everyone can move on now, once their time in this world ends. People are having babies again—life restarted that day. That's worth everything."
"Fuck life. Fuck the world. It ain't why I was there."
"I know. And you'll never know how much I appreciate what you did. Even back at the start. You saved me."
Grimmjow shook his head then. "When you showed up then, after that fight, I wasn't mad. I was fucking relieved. Because before that everything was the same, every day just a repeat of the last. I knew when you showed up, things would change, for better or worse, at least my life would be more interesting."
"Really? I thought you only save me because of your debt."
"It was a convenient excuse."
"Wow."
"But what now? Now you're a fucking ghost. I might as well have let you die on the side of the road back then. And Yuzu, what was the point of all the shit we went through with Cino, or chasing her across the country, if she just died anyway?"
"You know what the point was. You're just angry, Grimmjow."
"Of course I'm fucking angry!" His voice broke. He covered his face with his hand and squeezed his eyes shut. His palm trembled where it pressed against his forehead but he kept it all in. He swallowed hard and wiped his eyes that had become wet. "I was ready to die," he said softly. "I was pissed off that I had to, but I'd come to terms with it. I wasn't prepared for this."
"I know. And I'm sorry, Grimmjow. I really did try. I didn't want to die either."
They were quiet. The night was cold and Grimmjow probably shouldn't have been out in it but they sat there for a long time in mutual silence. The soul reapers must have known to keep their distance. They went undisturbed. The stars twinkled brightly over the town. Grimmjow looked up, to a new moon, one not from his home world. He was going to have to learn this sky, live under it, until the day he died and moved on. He was going to have to go through all of it, without the boy next to him.
"How often do you come back?"
"When I can. But as more souls begin to populate Soul Society, it becomes harder to leave."
"So the three of you, you're proper reapers again?"
"Our powers are still pretty basic, but it's coming. We're rebuilding the Seireitei, but not the same as last time. I don't want it to be like it was. We're not going to separate ourselves from the people, unless spiritual pressure becomes too much for them. For now, we need to work together. I want to make an afterlife where everyone can be happy."
"Of course you fucking do." Grimmjow lowered his eyes and scanned the town before him. As far as he knew, this was the first time he'd been outside in over a year. He saw specks of light here and there, but it was dim. Whatever their power supply, people must have been using it sparingly.
"The weather isn't volatile here anymore. People have already started building farms, starting a sustainable life."
"Hooray for them."
"Other places are the same as they were. Junction City is still thriving. People are still killing people on the highway. There's a lot to be done, before this world ever returns to something like what it was."
"And this place? How'd you keep it so apple-pie?"
"Rukia and the others. Toshiro and Yachiru had a fun time down here in the early days, before they went back to Kenpachi up North. People know to behave here. It's a seed of civilization. One I hope can spread."
"Would you stop with all the zen bullshit? Would you just tell me what you really feel?"
"You know. You know I wish we all could have lived. But you know that more than anything, I just wanted us to be together. That's what matters, Grimmjow—it's all that matters."
"Yeah great, you all die and leave me here," he said it without thinking. He said it without looking at Ichigo. Ichigo nodded knowingly.
"I know. But I think you're needed here. I think the soul reapers need you, Rukia needs you. And someday, you'll come to Soul Society too."
"I ain't needed kid. I'm useless like this."
"It's temporary."
"Tell me something."
"What?"
"Was it really the reapers who went to Hueco Mundo and got me? Or was it you?"
"It was them. They really did use the machine to go get you."
"Fuck. I hate owing reapers."
"They've watched over you all this time. Give them a chance."
Grimmjow rolled his eyes but didn't protest. He shivered and pulled his arms against himself but he didn't want to go in yet. He didn't want to leave this stoop and have to face the people inside who saw him as a ruined, fragile thing, or the teenage girls who were dead and pitied him.
"How long can you stay?"
"I'll stay a few days. I want to make sure you don't lapse again."
"Do you think I will?"
"No. I think if you can see me, that means your spiritual power is finally restored. I think you're going to recover now, Grimmjow and be strong again."
"I see."
"Grimmjow, I know it's not what you wanted, but we're fine, even if we're dead. We're not gone."
"I know. I don't need you to fucking hold my hand."
"You sure?"
Grimmjow raised a hand and gave him the finger. Ichigo smiled.
"Just checking."
He stood up and reached a hand out to Grimmjow. His energy was spent, so when Ichigo pulled him up, he relied heavily on his strength. They got up the steps, but at the door, Grimmjow took the handle and stopped moving.
"Grimmjow?"
He continued to just stand there, staring down at the handle. It rattled beneath his hand. He let go and braced himself against the wall, slipping away from Ichigo.
"Grimmjow?" Ichigo asked again when the former espada bent his head against the plastic siding.
And then Ichigo heard it—a sound that hadn't escaped Grimmjow even in their most desperate moments, from Cino, to that pedestal. A pain that could not be rivaled by any of those torturous moments.
His shoulders shook. He began to lose his footing. Ichigo took his shoulders. There was resistance, but eventually he gave in, he turned, and he let Ichigo pull him into his shoulder and hold him tight.
"It wasn't supposed to end up like this."
"I know, Grimmjow. But it really was worth it, and someday you'll see that."
Ichigo got no response, except for the grasp of weak fingers in the back of his shirt, and the unrestrained sobs of a broken man.
Hardest. Scene. Ever.
I know there was no warning of character death in this story but I didn't know how I would end it until recently. So thankful for the support on this story. There is an epilogue so it's not over yet. I know some of you probably won't like this choice, but I know it was the right ending for me. Please stick around for the epilogue, and please let me know your thoughts, good or bad, it's all helpful and appreciated.
Thank you
Riza.