Two weeks later Rosalind still felt strange when she in her dormitory. She and Lauren were avoiding each other, which hurt more than she'd anticipated it would. Her emotions were all over the place, now. She often had to pause to calm herself. It got slightly easier every time but she still found herself jumping at shadows and fearing the worst when she heard a strange noise while going to and from classes. She gave Professor West an even wider berth than normal. He struck her as being entirely untrustworthy. Not to mention in her current state she might be tempted to harm him on principle if he tormented her.
She was thoroughly exhausted when she arrived home that evening. The sight of Lauren studying almost made Rosalind turn around and leave again, but she hated tiptoeing around like she had something to be guilty of. She set her books on her desk and laid out her notes, preparing to study for a test.
Lauren looked up at just the right moment and their eyes met across the room. Rosalind quickly dropped her gaze again, and Lauren sighed softly. "Rosalind, do you mind if we talked for a moment?"
Rosalind was somewhat hurt that Lauren abandoned her pet name. She nodded and took her seat, turning it so she would be facing her roommate. "I don't mind." She folded her hands in her lap, feeling a molecule of relief that they were finally talking again. It had hurt to lose her best friend.
Lauren's expression seemed to mirror Rosalind's thought and the aspiring nurse scooted closer, closing the gap between them to a few inches. Rosalind offered her hand to Lauren. Lauren accepted it and they sat in silence for a moment, looking at each other's expressions.
Lauren seemed troubled. Rosalind didn't like it. The look did not suit her face at all. She'd always been so cheerful before. Finally the blonde woman spoke. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. It was unkind of me to say that you would be no help. I couldn't have done what I needed to do without you. Thank you for your help, and for being so understanding." The words seemed sincere and heartfelt. Rosalind squeezed Lauren's hand softly.
"I apologize for being less than helpful. It was unfair of me to worry about my reaction to what happened when there was someone more deserving of your concern. I felt quite helpless and it bothered me. You were very capable. I admire that." She said it with no reservation, grateful to have the chance to apologize.
Lauren's expression lightened to a shy smile. "I can't believe we did that." She shook her head, sighing softly. "I have a confession. I didn't want to tell you at the time, for fear that you'd judge me for it. I see now how foolish that is, and it serves as proof that I was not thinking straight. You were quite careful not to ask what I gave the woman. Do you want to know?"
Rosalind pressed her lips together. She did want to know, but more than that she saw the hungry, somewhat desperate expression on Lauren's face. Lauren wanted to admit what she'd done. Whatever it was Rosalind resolved not to judge her for it. "Please tell me."
Lauren nodded and then opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She sat up straighter, taking another deep breath. Rosalind kept holding her hand, trying to make her expression as understanding and neutral as possible. "I gave her drugs that would induce a miscarriage. I informed her when she awoke and remembered-" Lauren's voice cut off. She took a deep breath, clearly on the verge of tears.
Rosalind stood and gathered Lauren in her arms, hugging the girl tight. "Oh, Lauren. You dear woman. What you did was for the best. She'd have been expelled if she'd been found to be with child."
Lauren cleared her throat and tried to speak again. "I gave-" the words were high and her voice broke, forcing her to restart. "I gave her another dose a week and a half later. She started her monthly afterward. We'll never know if we altered anything. I may have killed a child, Rosa."
Rosalind stroked Lauren's hair, holding her tight. "You did what was right and what the woman wanted. You didn't force that decision upon her, or harm her in the process. Don't you dare feel guilty about your part. If you must feel terrible feel angry on her behalf that she should be put in the position where she must choose between the brothel and a home. The only thing you provided her was a hand in her own destiny and badly needed care."
Lauren held Rosalind in a death grip, and soon began weeping openly. Rosalind held the blonde, content just to be there. She thought she might cry in sympathy, but luckily her resolve was enough to conquer her emotions. She stroked Lauren's hair until the tears dried up, then kissed the blonde's forehead.
They parted by degrees, each straightening their clothing. Lauren dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief and Rosalind smoothed her hair, though it was still pristine. When they had no more pretense for silence Rosalind spoke again. "I cannot bear to be around Franklin after that. I know you disapprove of my demeanor. I know you had hope that I was losing my resolve to remain unwed. I'm sorry to disappoint." The last words came out a soft mumble. She wasn't used to apologizing, especially not for that. When it came to Lauren, though, ROsalind was always sorry if she disappointed the woman.
Lauren chewed her bottom lip for a moment, then nodded. "I've been more careful with Thomas." They let the implications of what that meant sink in for a moment. Laure was the first to speak, and she did so cautiously. "I wish you would not hold this against all men. I will forgive Thomas for the sins of his gender. Please do the same for someone, if not Franklin." Lauren didn't look at Rosalind when she spoke. Rosalind felt guilty that her potential reaction would cause her friend to avert her eyes.
"I- I enjoyed how I felt with him. I'm not sure if I have the strength you do. Looking the fact of human cruelty in the eye everyday is a far cry from the sterile laboratory where I hope to unravel the universe." Rosalind felt weak for even thinking all that, much less saying it aloud. She felt she was betraying Science, in a way. Implying it was less vital or less useful.
Lauren took her hand this time. Rosalind was grateful for that. "I hope you will be open to human kindness again. There is so much of it, Rosa. I must believe that it outweighs the cruelty, but that we take it for granted." The passion in Lauren's voice made Rosalind's heart stir in unfamiliar ways. She found herself looking at Lauren in a new light. The woman's passion and humanity could not be damped by the requirements of interacting with male society. Rosalind wondered how such a woman could come to exist and felt guilty for not being like Lauren.
Rosalind took a deep breath and decided she disagreed as she spoke. The hope Lauren held was likely foolish and liable to cause her harm. Rosalind would have no part in it. "I hope you're right, my dear." If Rosalind's theory was correct the world was not going to be a kind place for anyone to live, man or woman alike.
Robert was a bundle of problems after his breakup with Michael. He felt guilty that he'd attacked his teacher, ashamed that he'd been so badly mistreated, and afraid of retribution. He wasn't sleeping well and his concentration was worse than it had ever been in his life. He spent a lot of time moping around his dormitory, trying to read. Mostly he stared at the pages of his books and worried.
Finally his roommate great tired of treading carefully around Robert. It was a Friday evening when Franklin drew Robert's book out of his limp fingers and brought Robert back down to Earth. Robert blinked and frowned, looking over at his roommate. They'd spoken very little. Franklin was another physics major, but they had different schedules. Robert didn't know what to say, so he sat there and frowned at Franklin.
Franklin huffed and snapped his fingers in front of Robert's face. "Hey, you didn't answer my question, Lutece. What's going on?" Though the words were somewhat abrasive the young man's tone and expression reflected only worry.
Robert shook his head and gave the other mana a sheepish look. "My apologies. I was lost in thought." He cleared his throat and looked up at the man. "I broke up with my girl." It was such an inadequate explanation. He missed the relationship he'd had, of course, but he also regretted that he'd been driven to violence, that he'd so badly misjudged West's intentions. He hurt so much he wasn't sure he'd ever recover.
Franklin gave a sympathetic look and sat down at his desk. "Me too, man. It's rough. Feels like you got worked over pretty good, huh?" Franklin put his hand on his chest, to indicate where it hurt.
Robert nodded, his eyes falling to the floor. "I feel a fool." His chest did indeed feel tight. He was skipping West's class to avoid looking the man in the eye. News of the beating the man had taken got around, but he claimed he was mugged by a "simpering coward". Robert didn't care what names he was called. The man had deserved it for his threat and for his attitude. Robert never cared for that kind of talk about women, and he certainly had no intention of being taught any kind of romantic lesson by the likes of that jackass.
Franklin nodded, nudging Robert's shin with the toe of his shoe. "Hey, look up at me. You're not a fool. Girls got their ways of lying, but you couldn't have known. We all get our hearts broken somewhere down the line. Was it worth it?"
Robert mulled it over. That was a question he thought he knew the answer to. He was hurting and sad, his pride bruised and his knuckles sore. Was there any good side to this? He thought about it for a while. The evenings together, the advanced lessons, the bliss he'd felt at finding someone who understood him. "I'd say it's a draw. I hurt in equal measure to the joy I received."
Franklin whistled softly. "Damn. That's too bad." They were silent for a moment. Robert eyed Franklin, who appeared to be lost in thought. Robert was wary of this conversation. If Franklin came to understand the real problem he might out Robert, which would be disastrous. Finally the other man spoke again, with almost exaggerated care. "You seem like a good guy. You got friends, good grades, you're smart and you're not a prick about it. You'll find someone real nice who'll be good to you. Even if you don't, at least you got your friends, your research, and your health, right?"
Robert thought that over, then nodded slowly. He was hurting, but it might be temporary. He was safe and the school year was nearly over. He'd never have to see West again if he didn't want to. More than that, he now knew what he wanted in a lover. That knowledge was something, even if it had come at a high price. "You have a point." He conceded it slowly, with a nod of his head. "I wish we had parted on better terms. I badly misjudged her character."
Franklin sighed. "We've all been there. You know better now, though. You'll find someone, don't worry." Franklin shoved Robert's shoulder lightly, which made Robert blink in confusion. Franklin smiled and stood up. "Hey, let's go take a hike, huh? It's nice in the spring and you'll feel good after some fresh air. We can get a pint or something after."
Robert nodded, seeing the value in that. He stood and smiled at Franklin. "I think you're right. Some fresh air would indeed do me good. You are a gentleman and a scholar, Franklin." He would do no good sitting around feeling sorry of his situation. He couldn't undo what he'd been through, but he could alter how he was reacting to it. He felt just a little bit lighter. Though he'd had to lie it felt good to talk about what he'd been through, to be able to admit that he'd been hurt. The fact that Franklin was being so mature with his advice was also helpful. He wasn't doomed to a life of solitude or abuse. He could find someone to love. He just had to look with more caution.
Franklin grinned at Robert. "That's the spirit." He stood and grabbed their coats, tossing one to Robert. "Out we go then. I'll see a real smile on your face today no matter what it takes."