A/N thanks you for all the reviews hopefully the wait will be worth it.
Grissom sat flicking through the leaflet they had been given on the types of scans Sara might need while they waited at the hospital for her to be taken for a Positron Emission Tomography: a PET scan, which, Sara had to admit was not one she was familiar with. Grissom by now was probably an expert because for him knowledge and understanding was crucial; if he didn't know what was happening, he couldn't help.
"If you'd like to go and change into a gown. No jewellery, nothing metal can be worn," said a nurse in lilac scrubs pointing to behind a curtain. Sara stood, then looked at Grissom, who looked unclear on what she wanted.
"Come with me," said Sara barely above a whisper.
Sara sat on the edge of the gurney as she slipped her t-shirt off, then the horrible white hospital gown on. Sliding her jeans off, Grissom picked up her clothes and neatly folded them for her before tying the green strings on the back of Sara's gown. It felt alien, the material was scratchy and hung off her slim frame. Grissom's finger grazed her skin as he did the last bow. Sara couldn't meet his eyes as she slid her engagement ring off and gave it to him; no jewellery was allowed. Once she had taken her ring off she stood and stepped from behind the curtain and followed the nurse down the corridor to the scanner. Her feet made a soft slapping noise as her bare skin touched the cool flooring. Grissom was in step behind her his arm gently touching above her elbow guiding her closer.
"If you'll just wait there," the nurse pointed at a chair that Grissom was to sit in. He looked at Sara before sitting down finding no words of comfort in his vocabulary. Sara was led into the large room and instructed to sit on the shelf sticking out the scanner. The PET scanner looked similar to a MRI scanner she'd been in as a child when she fell climbing a tree to get away from her parents arguing. Sara wasn't claustrophobic but as she laid on the bed and it began to move back she found herself scared as everything closed in around her, because in that tiny space, with the nurse talking to her through speakers, there was only Sara, and she finally had to admit that she was sick and needed help.
The radiographer and doctor had seen the scans and Sara was now waiting for a CAT scan in what appeared to be a queing sytem. She and Grissom sat in the middle of five rows of chairs outside where the scans took place. Most of the other chairs were taken . Sara tugged at her gown self consiously even though she had Grissom's jacket on over it she was shivering: it was cold; that's what she kept telling herself was makign her hands shake. Not what both she and Grissom feared. Neither one had asked why Sara was having a second scan, though she could see the question on Grissom's mind and watched him bite it back.
"Do you think this means it's worse?" asked Sara never one for being anything but forthright.
"I think it could mean a lot of things: they couldn't get a clear view, they want a comparision..." he paused meeting her gaze."Or it's worse," he finished knowing he couldn't lie to her because she already knew it, no amount of telling her everything would be fine would make it better, no matter how much he wished it could..
"Sara Sidle," the nusre stood hanging off the doorframe Sara's chart in hand.
"Sara," Grissom spoke in a tone Sara rarely heard. To anyone else Grissom might have sounded serious all the time, but she knew the subtle changes in his tone. "I'm proud of you," he said looking her striaght in the eyes with an intenisty that made her want to break down in tears in the middle of the waiting room. Instead she slipped Grissom's coat off, dropping it back onto his lap, and turned away from him but not before untering a single, whispered word into his ear.
"Thank you." Sara turned and followed the nurse in feeling over exposed in her hospital gown. The CAT scan looked a lot like the earlier one only this hole was a tiny bit smaller. Sara concentrated on her breathing as she laid down and then slowly disappeared into the white hole, all the time begging her mind not to wander, to consider the worst: all she had to do right now was keep breathing.
"Okay, you can sit up," the nurses voice startled Sara from her throughts, she had managed to stare at the same patch of skin on her right hand the entire scan. Slowly she stood and followed the nurse through to a room where she was finally allowed to put her own clothes back on, making her finally feel human again. Now all she had to do was wait for the consultation.
Grissom met Sara in the corridor and walked back through the halls with her. He led her as if she was in a dream and had no idea where she was going, because once again she was concentrating on breathing. As they sat down outside the office, she just had to keep breathing.
"Hi, if you'd like to come in Miss Sidle." The brunette doctor who flung the door open was far to cheery for Sara's liking, in her experience it meant they were compensating for something. Sara and Grissom took up the seat's opposite the desk which was adorned with various files.
"Right, I'm Dr Pycott," smiled the women,. "We met at the clinic, but most people tend to block that out."
Sara didn't make eye contat with Dr Pycott as she continued to speak. Instead she busied herself wringing her fngers over her hands.
"I prefer to be less formal, so Sue is fine. I've had a look at your scans and what you have is a stage three melanoma." Sara visably stiffened as Sue continued. "What that means is that the tumor is more than 2 mm. thick. Yours isn't ulcerated, which gives a higher risk to it spreading," she paused allowing both Grissom and Sara to take this in. Grissom glanced over to Sara whose hand was resting on her knees. When he places his own hand on hers she immediately responded placing her other hand on top of his.
"However, from the CAT scan, we found that it has spread to your limph nodes in your armpit."
'What does that mean?" asked Sara, her voice unusually shaky.
"Well, there are no signs of tumors else where, which is obviously good, so the plan is to remove the tumor and the limph nodes via surgery." Sue was obviously used to giving this sort of news she had the expresion of a seasoned officer telling a relative bad news.
"Will I need chemo?" asked Sara, her grip on Grissom's hand tightening.
"To decrease the chance of reoccurance a short course of chemotherapy will follow. Now, obviously that's a lot to take in, so I have an information package for you, and a follow up appointment tomorrow afternoon where we can talk once you've absorbed everything."
"What time frame are we in for the surgery?" asked Grissom tacking the brown paper envolope Sue was holding out.
'The end of this week." This shocked Sara, but then again, it wasn't something they could put off for months but the end of the week made it sound so urgent, then again, she guessed it was because there was something inside her body that, left alone, would gradually kill her.
Grissom had led Sara from the office and they were now sitting in silence in the front seats of his car. Though Sara was trying not to let Grissom see by looking straight ahead he could see the red splotches on her face and the wetness to her checks as tears flowed down her face. If Sara had turned to him she would have seen the two tears that traced a path down Grissom's face before he regained his composure, because he was going to have to be the emotionally strong one, which for once, meant he couldn't deny his own feelings.
"Would you like me to phone?" asked Grissom. Sara nodded glancing over at him before placing her hands on his and allowing their fingers to unite as Grissom dialed Catherine.
Catherine nearly flattened Hodges as she dived for her ringing phone. Both Hodges and Nick watched Catherine's face fall as the conversation advanced. Warrick and Greg had seen her pick up the phone and came to see if there was any news on Sara. The four men watched as Catherines's hand came to her mouth and tears began to fall as she hung up. Warrick immediatley stepped forward pulling her into a hug.
"It's spread to her lymph nodes, they're going to remove them and the tumor, then she's got to have chemo," sobbed Catherine unable and unwilling to hide her emotions. Through she may not say it that often Sara was a very good friend of hers, one of the few female friends she had. The five of them stood in the middle of the trace lab each dealing with the news in their own way.
Warrick comforted Catherine, Greg focussed on holding back his tears, Nick was over sand papering a serial number to get his frustration out and Hodges had sat down at the computer and began to look up the details Catherine had given him, because the one thing he had learned from Grissom was to help one had to have the right information.
TBC…………………..