Sara sat at the kitchen table nervously chewing on a biscuit, while a brown manila envelope stared back at her. It was the package they had been given containing all the information about the operation Sara was going to have. The envelope had been on the corner of the counter taunting them for hours, waiting for them to open it and face the reality of the situation. Sara was waiting for Grissom to finish in the bathroom before she dared touch break the seal for fear she might not be able to operate her hands.
They were going to meet the rest of the night shift team later that day at Catherine's to keep them all updated, which, sadly, meant at some point today Sara was going to have to face up to what was happening. And, although she would never show it, she was scared. Suddenly Sara found herself tearing at the envelope unable to wait. She tipped it and several pieces of paper and booklets fell onto the table with a foreboding thud.
Sara was surprised to find she was breathing heavily and unable to understand what frightened her so; all they were, were bits of paper it didn't matter if they were there or not the cancer still was.
"Did I take too long?" asked Grissom, who, if truth-be-told, had taken longer than usual to compose himself. He never let his emotion affect him, and he wasn't about to start now.
Sara needed him to carry on because he knew the moment he cracked so would she.
"Where shall we begin?" Grissom went straight in, after all this was information; something he could deal with: cold hard facts that comforted him.
"This ones about the actual surgery. What they're going to do. Do you want to see it?" he asked knowing not everyone wanted a detailed description of what was going to happen. "Ignorance is bliss" could come in handy occasionally.
"Doubt knowing is going to make it worse..." replied Sara sounding deadpan.
"Well, I've got tumor surgery and lymphadenectomy," said Grissom attempting to get a smile from Sara.
"You sound like you're dealing," said Sara as the corner of her mouth twitched. "Grissom will you promise something," she added suddenly, her brown eyes fixed on his blue.
"That depends," replied Grissom bracing himself for what Sara was going to say.
"Promise me you won't let me waste away. I don't want to be the person people look at and say
'Oh, she's brave because all that's left is a shriveled shell'," she paused forcing back tears. "Don't let it get that far. Where it isn't me anymore but a ghost."
"Sara I…" he trailed off not knowing what to say.
"I can't be that person Grissom. I can't stand the way people at work look at me now, like they pity me. I know they don't mean it but I had that when I went from foster home to foster home."
"Sara I promise," said Grissom reaching out and taking her hand that lay on the table his own, "I couldn't live while you were like that. But you've got to let people help. You can't do this alone."
"I know, I just find it hard."
"Me too," smiled Grissom turning back to the leaflet. "So let's start with tumors," he said flicking it open. "Your doctor will remove the cancer and some of the normal skin surrounding it. The amount of normal skin will vary depending on the type of cancer and how deep it is in your skin. It can be one to two centimeters around where the cancer is."
"So basically they're digging out part of my arm," said Sara.
"That's a crude way of putting it," sighed Grissom turning to the page on aesthetics. After thirty minutes of reading they had figured out she was going to feel terrible, which they both already knew.
"How are you feeling?" asked Sara as she and Grissom pulled up in front of Catherine's already packed driveway.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" replied Grissom.
"You're going through this as well as me. Just without the actual cutting," Sara met his eyes.
"I'm okay," Grissom nodded as they got out the car. "You ready for this?" he asked, noting that, from the cars, everyone but Sofia, who was in court, were waiting in Catherine's living room.
"Ready," replied Sara linking hands with him for a second before striding up to the door and letting herself in brushing away from Grissom's fingers, letting him know she wanted to take the lead on this.
"Hi, let yourself in," said Catherine sarcastically as Sara walked into the room where everyone was gathered looking a bit too formal for her liking. Her friends were all seated around the coffee table, drinking coffee and snacking on a plate of goodies in the middle of the table.
The next hour was spent with Sara talking through what was going to happen and answering a few questions. Then it was time for everyone to go to work, except Sara who had the night off.
Grissom got a ride from Catherine and Sara took the car home, tired from going over everything several times.
When Catherine and Grissom arrived at the lab they found Hodges waiting for them with a large file.
"I hope that's not the backlog from days," quipped Catherine as they walked into the break room.
"No," replied Hodges. "It's research, for Sara," he explained handing the file to Grissom. "It's got things that will help with pain, getting mobile again, sickness and a few things Doc Robbins gave me about alleviating the side effects of chemo," with that Hodges turned to exit leaving a stunned Catherine.
"David," Grissom stopped him, "Thank you. I'm sure Sara will appreciate this," said Grissom as Hodges gave a little smile and left. Grissom was becoming fascinated by peoples reactions to the news Sara had cancer: Hodges had surprised him with the amount of compassion and practicality he had shown, Catherine, as always, was impossible to read, but as far as Grissom was concerned that was because she was a women and he found them almost impossible to understand at the best of times. Greg was trying to be strong, as was Nick, but he could see their composure waver as Sara talked them through the operation. Warrick and Brass were, as ever, rocks; seeming to take it all in the stride, even if that was only on the surface.
"Gil, can I have a word before the others catch up?" said Catherine shutting the door. Grissom didn't respond, but waited. "Sara asked me to be there when she has the operation. I don't know if she's talked to you about it or not," Now Grissom interrupted Catherine.
"She has," replied Grissom, "I think she wanted someone other than me to talk to. I know she needs you as a friend more than she lets on." Grissom finished as he saw the others arriving.
"I'm not sure how much use I'll be," sighed Catherine.
"Me neither," replied Grissom
TBC…………………………….. thank you so much for the review I really enjoy reading them.