Sara had packed her bag three times, she'd taken everything out checked it, re folded it straightened it sorted everything into compartments yet still she wasn't happy with it. She had packed her bag for her hospital stay because today was the big operation. Catherine was coming over at ten o'clock to pick her and Grissom up and take them to the hospital where Cath had agreed to stay with Grissom, apparently Sara's illness had tugged at the one heart string Ecklie had and he had relented and given Cath and Grissom the shift off, he didn't have much choice with Sara. Sara wasn't scared more nervous, the operation wasn't the thing she was dreading most because that would only debilitate her for a few days but the chemo had an unknown time span.
"Catherine's here," called Grissom from where he had been pacing in front of the window since four am that morning but if Sara asked he just happened to be in there when she got up.
"Damn," hissed Sara looking down at her watch she'd gotten so intent on checking she had everything for the forth time and it was still laid out across the bed, in normal Sara packing fashion she shoved everything in, if she' left it the first time it would have been fine. The last thing to go in was the silk short and top pyjamas that the team, through Sara strongly suspect Cath was the one doing the buying had brought her. Apparently she was going to look decent while in the hospital and according to Hodges information, been able to change out the hospital gown at first chance made you feel more human.
"You want me to carry anything?" asked Grissom still surprised by the fact Sara only had one bag, from years of Catherine been one of the only female influence in his life he come to believe women packed their entire wardrobe and then some for a overnight stay.
"No I'm ok, may as well use the arm while I still can," said Sara attempting a joke that fell rather flat. Instead she picked up the flight bag and draped it over her shoulder slightly surprised by the weight, she followed Grissom into the front room where Cath was stood swinging her car keys round her finger.
"Is that all your taking?" asked Cath.
"Yeah," replied Sara, "I'm only going to be there for a few days."
"I pack twice that for one night," retorted Cath as the three steeped out to the front of the house Grissom smirked at Cath's comment.The drive to the hospital was filled with meaningless conversation, anything to stop the silences that occasionally fell over the car.
"Right I'm assuming this place had a café, I need my dose of caffeine," announced Cath as they walked in, "you go get settled in and I'll bring you a coffee," said Cath looking as Grissom.
"Thank you," replied Grissom as Sara gave a grateful nod, having both of them hovering around while she waited was a daunting prospect,
"hey Cath," called Sara as Catherine began to walk away, "stay away from the doctors," Sara called smiling for the first time that day.
"Oh I'm going to find me a well paid one to hook me up to an caffeine IV," shouted Cath getting a few disapproving look from people around.
"Does she even know what ward I'm going too?" asked Sara not sure if she could remember what it said on the letter.
"She's an investigator I'm sure it wont take her long to figure it out," replied Grissom indicating that they needed to go to the elevator.
"So what ward am I on?" asked Sara with a half smile as they got into the crowded space."Ward G," replied Grissom without looking as he had memorised everything on that letter.
Ward G was seven floors up on arriving they came to the nurses station where a women with long ginger hair was frantically searching for something.
"Hi, one minute," she said catching Grissom and Sara out of the corner of her eye, "lost my lunch," she added picking up a sandwich and shoving it in a draw, "put things down for a second in this place and they go." she smiled."Right from the case you're an admission not visiting,"
"Sara Sidle," said Sara handing her the letter.
"Right room four it's this way, I'm Abigail your named nurse," she smiled leading Sara down the corridor to a side room which Sara suspected had something to do with Brass flashing his badge around a few days ago."Right you get settled in and I'll be back soon to do your pre med and basic information," she smiled, "don't worry you don't have to put the gown on yet," she added seeing Sara's look of disgust at the gown laid on the bed in front of her.
"Well it's not going to take much to settle in," said Sara looking around. It was a small room with the usual, a bed, bedside cabinet and two chairs situated alongside the bed decorated in a slightly all to cheerer green.
"There's surprisingly good coffee in this place," announced Cath appearing in the doorway, "nice room," she added walking over to the window and looking out onto the car park, "good for people watching you'll be fine." She finished handing one of the cups of coffee in her hands to Grissom.
"By the time I go down your going to high on caffeine," commented Sara looking at the clock outside, just two hours before she was scheduled to be operated on.
"That is the plan," smiled Cath as Abigail walked back in.
"Hi," she said giving Cath a quick nod,
"right Sara if you want to come with me we'll go get some basic information then we'll give you some pre meds," Abigail said leading Sara off down the corridor and Grissom and Catherine alone in the room.
"She'll be fine," said Cath before Grissom had barely brawn breath.
"I know," he replied, "but for once that isn't going to stop me worrying."Twenty minutes and several stories about Lindsey later Sara Abigail poked her head back into the room grabbing the gown from the bed.
A few minutes after that a very grumpy looking Sara came back in wearing the less than flattering gown. Cath snorted on her coffee as Sara sat down on the bed.
"Yes I know," Sara said giving a small pout as she did.
"So everything ok?" asked Catherine from where she was perched on the window seal watching a man try for the fifth time to fit his car into a space that was clearly too small."Well it was like having a physical at school," replied Sara, "only without he laughing class behind me."
"Have you had your pre meds yet?" asked Grissom."No she's brining them down soon," replied Sara as an uneasy silence fell over the room."Someone say something then," said Sara after a few seconds.
"I've got your pre meds," said Abigail coming in the door with a glass of water and two tablets.
"Thanks," said Sara taking them."Ok I'll be back in half an hour by then you should be pretty sleepy.
"Ok," said Sara pulling her jacket around her as the air conditioning was making her arms cool.The next fifteen minutes were spent talking about work, the only safe subject but slowly Sara drifted away from the conversation as the medication took effect she found herself feeling like she had just worked a triple.
"You still with us?" Cath asked Sara noticing her head lull to the side.
"Sure," replied Sara blinking several times then jumping a bit as Abigail and another nurse arrived in the room with a wheelchair.
"Right its time to go," smiled Abigail, "you can come down if you like," she added turning to Grissom.
"No," replied Sara sharper than she meant to, "wait here," she said in a softer tone.
"Ok we'll give you a few seconds," said the other nurse and the two women stepped outside.
"Gil I don't need my hand holding, just make sure you're the first face I see when I wake up," said Sara pulling him into a hug and kissing him.
"I love you," Sara whispered into his ear as she pulled back.
"Ok see you soon Sidle," said Cath pulling Sara sideways into an embrace and nearly pulling her from the bed.
"You done?" asked Abigail coming back in as Sara tried to stand finding herself slightly off balance but he nurses were ready and guided her to the wheelchair which she wasn't exactly thrilled about but couldn't' argue with.
"I love you too," blurted Grissom so quick it almost came out as one word.
"Bye," grinned Sara as she was wheeled off her jacket still wrapped around her.About ten minutes later the second nurse retuned handing Grissom Sara's jacket.
"There's a café two floors up," she said as he handed it over, "don't' let your mind wonder," she added giving a small smile before leaving."Come on then I need more caffeine," said Catherine who was beginning to claw at the walls and the surgery could take up to three hours. Grissom didn't move.
"They're not going to finish any time soon well get you a magazine from down stairs to occupy yourself," added Cath practically pushing Grissom form his chair.
Catherine had surprised herself by been able to keep Grissom in the café for thirty-two minutes, however they were now descending the stairs back towards the ward. Cath couldn't imagine what was going through Grissom's head right now because the images that were going through her scared her enough. Hodges had done the research on the operation Sara was going to have and shown Cath the pictures of people recovering. They had somewhat skimmed the truth when the showed Grissom leaving out the weeks it takes to get mobile and the pain Sara was likely going to be in. Cath suspected that Grissom had done his own research into the subject though.
Half an hour and two cups of coffee later Cath couldn't take the silence any longer, she had long stopped watching what was going on outside and just glazed over. Grissom was flicking through the magazine's Sara had brought, well forensic journals.
"So you ever considered getting married?" Cath blurted out, she wasn't quite sure where it came from she just needed some noise.
"Pardon," said Grissom equally confused."I didn't mean just to Sara, just ever in general did you ever see yourself married?""I suppose when I was younger I just assumed I'd get married than as I got older it didn't seem as important," said Grissom actually giving it some consideration which surprised Cath but then again he did have his defences down at the minute.
"And now," continued Cath.
"Now I love Sara and she loves me, we never seen it as been that important in proving it to the state."
"It isn't just…." Cath trailed off deciding to question further, "what about children?"
"What about them?" asked Grissom thinking Cath was still on about marriage.
"Have you ever wanted them?" Cath pushed further trying to gauge just how far she could go."I guess when I was younger I just thought I would but as I got older I never felt it was something I needed."
"And now?" asked Cath.
"Now life's passed me by," replied Grissom with a hint of sadness on his face.
"It's not too late," said Cath trying to meet his eyes.
"If I was to become a father I would embrace it and if not it wont be the biggest regret of my life," sighed Grissom."What's your biggest regret?""Holding back, I thought I was protecting myself and her, al I did was hurt us both," answered Grissom clearly refereeing to Sara.
"Hi," Abigail nearly caused Cath to jump through the ceiling, the surprise mixed with the copious amount of caffeine had made her shot three feet across the room when the nurse entered, "just to let you know there bringing Sara back up now, everything went well but she still very dosed up," Abigail added as two porters appearing wheel Sara's bed.
Grissom had to admit he was slightly shocked by the sight of Sara, he couldn't see where they had operated as a blanked covered most of her body but he could see the banged going the entire was over her left shoulder and he presumed someway down her arm. Her right arm lay over the blanket an IV going into her hand, Bp cut at the top of her arm and pulse ox on the end of her slender middle finger. Her face was pale her eyes slightly open but looking like they willed her to let them close. An oxygen mask over her mouth, her hair splayed out across the pillow behind her.
"Hey there," said Grissom gently putting his hand over her feeling the IV piercing her delicate skin, "everything went fine," he didn't' know what to say now so he didn't' say anything he just did what his heart told him he pulled her hand into his own and held it as if it was the most precious thing in the world. He felt Sara's fingers trace his own before her eyes closed and she succumbed to sleep. Then Grissom felt fingers pull at his other hand as Cath pulled it into her and just sat in silence supporting him.
Half an hour later Sara woke up again slightly more with it this time and in more pain as Abigail was checking her dressing.
"Hey it's ok nearly done," reassured Abigail as Grissom and Cath got a look at the wound for the first time. Sara's was bandaged from the top of her collar bone to about an inch above her elbow on the left hand side some bruising already evidence below the dressing, "ok darling all one," smiled Abigail as Sara made a faint moaning noise as she place the blanket over her arm. One Abigail had left Sara tilted her head towards Grissom her oxygen mask now replaced with a tube allowing Grissom to see her pale lips.
"You're doing brilliant," smiled Cath"Hurts like hell," muttered Sara her face showing the pain that almost crippled Grissom knowing there was nothing he could do.
"How you feeling? They said you didn't react well to the aesthetic," said Cath having talked with the nurse after been given some basin encase she got sick again, apparently she had become quite ill after been brought out he anaesthesia.
"Hungover," replied Sara her eyes not fully focusing, "is it meant to hurt this much," she asked her eyes silently pleaded with Grissom.
"They had to got quite deep honey," said Grissom rubbing her arm."Try and get some sleep you'll fell better," smiled Cath not wanting Sara to feel she had to stay awake for them."Ok," muttered Sara exhaustion already taking over her beaten body."I'll go call the others," said Cath leaving Grissom alone for the first time and he was finally able to let the few tears he had been holding back fall.
TBC……………………….ok for some reason this resfused to upload with double spacing just as one giant lump so i've just spent half an hour going through and seperating it, hope it was worth it. let me know thanks :)