Guess who's been a terrible person? And not merely for not posting a chapter in almost a month, but because I've spent the last 2 weeks marathoning The Walking Dead on Netflix and as a result completely neglected this fic and can you guys guess how bad I feel? I feel awful about this honestly, but that show seriously sucked me in like a black hole and I have no excuse. That said, I have plans for the next couple weeks of my writing life.

Also I apologize for the shortness of this chapter (my shortest chapter yet, oops). It could honestly be combined with the previous chapter (hence the title), but I suppose it will just have to remain as is. The reason for the shortness is due to the way events will play out, and how that will affect the tension of the story. If I reordered some things, it just wouldn't be the same.

TLDR: I'm a terrible person but here's a quick chapter to tide you all over after that long month of nothing.

Shout out to Sloane Raine, Poodle warriors, alltheteainchina, americanlatinajapanesegirl, CLTex, xxyangxx2006, and guests for your reviews and feedback. Super appreciated as always :3

Chapter 44 – Vorfreude (Reprise)

The end of July came and went, with no word from Khan other than what McCoy knew to be true: that his return to cryosleep was canceled as long as Starfleet officials kept their word that a search for a planet was ongoing. In her quiet hotel room across the street from Starfleet Medical, Madelyn did not sleep well. An inkling of regret gnawed at the back of her mind. She should have insisted on staying with Khan longer, just to be sure. Apparently more than just the security guards had seen some camera footage from the cell, but that fact alone wasn't what pissed her off. It was the fact that she was no longer allowed to communicate with him. Whether she was now considered a threat, or merely a nuisance for being so close to him, she would never know. But doubt whispered to her in the deep stillness of the night and there was no way to ignore it. Even McCoy's reassurances did little to assuage her.

"Ya do realize that the logistics of puttin' Khan back on ice are only worth it if we're certain there's no place for him to go, right? At this point, a search is underway. It'll only be a matter a time."

Madelyn slowed her pacing, turning on her heel so she faced him. He was standing on the opposite side of the lab, fiddling with a new kind of medical reader twice as small as the one she was familiar with seeing in his hands. She wouldn't have been surprised if it was technology excavated from the remnants of Section 31. The Federation had done an extraordinary job covering ground and picking up the pieces, both literally and metaphorically speaking.

"Isn't there anything else you're allowed to tell me?" she pushed, lowering her voice so she could mask the frustration quickly threatening to break the dam in the back of her mind. "How's the search progress coming? And what about his crew? Are they—"

"I can tell you a couple things if ya promise not to repeat me."

She nodded vigorously.

"A woman who claimed to be the wife of Joaquin Weiss was brought into custody yesterday. Name of Suzette Ling. Ring a bell?"

She inhaled slowly and tightened her arms across her chest. "Rings a lot of warning bells. Does Khan know?"

McCoy cocked an eyebrow. "Course not."

She was able to let out a longer breath, nodding carefully. Suzette could be dealt with later as long as Starfleet kept as tight leash on her as they were on Khan.

"She was put into cryosleep this morning, along with three others we found on the Io Station back in April. I assume you remember."

"What about Kati?"

"She's goin' on ice tonight."

This news alarmed her, or maybe the fact that she was only hearing about this now. From McCoy. "Why?"

"She's one o' them. Same as Khan. Same as Cecelia—"

"According to Khan, she was far more cooperative than she should have been when she worked here. Why is she getting put away?"

"McCoy shrugged. "It's not my decision—"

"You put Captain Kirk into one of those tubes. There are not a lot of people who know how to do that safely because it's obsolete technology. Don't act like you don't know what's going on, Bones."

"Madelyn, you're this close—"

"Just tell me that I'm not being lied to, because I have a very distinct feeling… and you're the only one here who still wants to listen to me."

"What the hell are you talkin' about?!" McCoy set the device in his hands down on a cluttered silver table. "I've put my entire career on the line for you, but I'll be damned if I lose everything I've fought for."

"And so will I! And if I have to fight more, I will!"

She took a breath as her voice filled the room and bounced off the walls. She blinked at the edge she still felt inside. If she looked at it long enough, it turned into desperation. Hopefully no one else could hear them. Her words could be misconstrued by the wrong person.

"I'm sorry, Bones."

"As your friend, it's my duty to tell you the truth. And the truth is that Khan is a criminal, and you're the only person I know who doesn't wanna see him—" McCoy trailed off and broke her gaze.

"See him what?"

He shook his head, his brow going soft. "We'll find that planet. I promise you."

The silence that lingered between them was almost too much. Finally, he turned his back and picked up his new device again.

"I've got some things I need to take care of," she said quietly. "I may need you for one more thing, if it comes down to it, ok?" She caught his eye as she made her way across the room. "Don't worry, it's got nothing to do with Khan. Well, mostly."

"I ain't goin' anywhere, Madelyn."

She managed a hint of a smile and hurried out the door. She had assets that needed moving so Starfleet couldn't stick fingers into them anymore, as though her belongings were some kind of cookie jar. McCoy was right. They'd both fought for so much, for so long, and she would be damned if Starfleet tried to take anything else from her.

In the weeks that followed, she'd managed to secure the last remaining accounts under her name and her grandfather's name, moving them into different holdings that would be transferred into the original foundation she'd created for the victims of Khan's attacks, as well as a second foundation. This one was meant to assist families in Britain who couldn't afford higher education for their children, a growing trend brought on by increased economic gentrification that was trickling over from the east as China's influence continued to tear through the international market. It was the least she could do, and it would leave her with little, but this way no one except the authorized educational authorities she'd handpicked in London could stick their hands in the cookie jar after she was gone and couldn't keep the jar locked anymore.

The news finally came through a text message forwarded to her from McCoy. A suitable world had potentially been found on deep space sensors: Ceti Alpha V. Slowly, her impatience and frustration with the Federation's red tape lifted, enough for her to find it within herself to actually enjoy the report on the planet she received the following morning.

It was a smaller than average, uninhabited Class M world, located in the Ceti Alpha system, just outside of the Federation-controlled Mutara sector: quite far from just about everything in interstellar terms. The next closest system was a three-day trip at warp speed, and civilization was even further.

It was perfect.

She buzzed McCoy, hoping to see Khan and inform him of the news. The doctor was too busy to chat, so he directed her straight to the head of the secure facility in which Khan was being held. The curt voice that met her ears was discouraging almost immediately.

"You're Madelyn McGivers?"

"Yes—"

"Ma'am, I should inform you that I've been authorized to refuse you anymore access to the prisoner until further notice. He will not be seeing anyone or speaking to anyone until this changes."

"I don't understand."

"There's nothing more I can tell you. You may not see the prisoner."

"Who is your superior officer?"

"I answer to the heads of Starfleet, ma'am. You'll have to take it up with them. Admiral Morrow—"

"Just give me an explanation and stop wasting my time."

There was a pregnant pause on the other end that made her wonder if she should have bit her tongue.

"Ma'am, there was some controversy over the… the interactions that took place between you and the prisoner during your previous visit. Certain people believe it would be best if you remained separate from him for the time being."

She felt her grip on her communicator tightening. "Certain people," she repeated. "What sort of controversy?" She could almost guess at this point and it made her anger grow.

"Allegations that you and the prisoner are dangerously close. Not my words, ma'am."

She ground her teeth together and almost hurled her communicator at the wall. Instead she pressed it firmly to her face. "Please tell your superior officers that I am very unhappy with their decision, which I believe was made out of sheer ignorance and fear. Had they bothered to talk to me in person for longer than the brief few minutes that they did, maybe they wouldn't be so worried about the fact that I and the prisoner are so dangerously fucking close. And if that weren't the case, they never would've had someone like me come along to get him out of their hair in the first place. Have a good fucking day, officer."

Her communicator made a dent in the wall just as McCoy appeared in the doorway.

"Woah there—"

"I will be so happy to get off this planet, Bones. You have no fucking idea the shit I have to put up with. No fucking idea."

"What's goin' on?"

"They won't let me see him because we're 'dangerously close' to each other. To be honest, I'll take that as a complement, but the balls on these people!"

"Well, what'd you think would happen if you went in there?"

His question hung in the air as she let her anger seep through her. She didn't have an answer. It should have been an obvious consequence to her disregard for the lack of privacy in Khan's cell. She knew she hadn't thought through it clearly; she'd been so wrapped up in him.

She would have to let it go. This was a speed bump, not a barricade. Starfleet was just flexing its proverbial muscles, letting her know who was still in control. It wouldn't matter soon anyway.

She went over to the wall and collected the pieces of her damaged communicator. The cracked screen flickered and faded, but still worked. Feeling less red in the face and more focused, she looked up at McCoy. "Remember when I said I would need you to do one more thing for me?"

He nodded. "On the condition that it doesn't directly involve Khan. You know I'm about done taking risks."

She nodded. She knew. "It doesn't involve him. I need you to come to India with me."

She couldn't help but grin at McCoy's reaction when he was faced with the wealth hidden in the vault beneath the vine-ridden palace in Shimla. After she explained exactly why they'd come here, there was cursing and sputtering, and then more cursing, until he finally pulled himself together and faced her.

"This is batshit crazy! What do I look like, some kinda beggar? Madelyn, I can't take this from you."

"You have to. It can't just sit here, inaccessible to anyone, collecting dust until the land changes and exposes it a million years from now when no one will even be able to imagine why it's here or know what it means. Khan gave it to me, so I'm giving it to you. You can do whatever you want with it. You can give it away! But there's no point in my holding onto it if I'm not going to be here."

"There's gotta be upwards of a million credits here—"

"About 3.25 million."

"Holy hell," he murmured, running a hand through his hair. "He—he gave this to you?"

She nodded.

It was the only thing she could do. She had no other family. She barely had friends, and the ones she did still have hardly trusted her or vaguely disliked her. Phone calls weren't a common occurrence anymore. McCoy was the only one who deserved this, who could do something good with it and not make a fool of himself.

She probably should have forced him to sign a contract stating that he actually would do something with it as soon as possible, but it was enough to watch him place his hand on the security console and scan his prints into the two hundred year old system. When he was done, he cleared his throat and turned back to her, as though he felt safer looking at her than at the wealth she had just given to him with no strings attached. There was nothing more to say, so she hugged him gently, wordlessly, and nodded with affirmation.

On their flight back to San Francisco, she worked silently on a PADD, compiling lists of supplies that she thought would be important for survival on an uninhabited planet. It was slowly beginning to sink in that this was really happening, and she wanted to be as prepared as possible. She knew this was what Khan would have done, to some extent anyway, though she had a suspicion he'd be far more open to going in empty handed than she was. That was what gave her confidence.

He always knew what he was doing, and she imagined all of his people did as well. Still, she couldn't merely sit back and wait for things to happen anymore. The more she involved herself in the details of this venture, the more secure she would feel, with or without him beside her.

August grew late and September loomed. A more detailed report of Ceti Alpha V passed through her hands, trading places with her detailed manifest of supplies that had grown exponentially in the last month. Due to certain human rights protocols and other statutes tucked away within Federation law, Starfleet was required to furnish anything she requested. They'd already guaranteed Khan and his crew transport to Ceti Alpha V; they couldn't back down on supplying provisions.

Starfleet was the only thing remaining dependable for her right now. After two weeks straight of nausea compounded on exaggerated mood swings, she realized something about her symptoms felt familiar. She wracked her brain in an attempt to figure out how this could be possible, since she'd been sure to take the regular injections she was supposed to. She'd paid a lot of money for those injections too, as they were some of the strongest and most reliable on the market. Waking up the next day with yet another round of stomach emptying nausea, she cursed at herself and made a beeline for McCoy's office across the street.

"Exactly how many of those shots have you given yourself?" he asked with a severely arched eyebrow. She'd gone through the obligatory tests and now he had results.

"One every four days. I'm just following the package instructions—"

"And how long have you been using them?"

"Since mid-July."

Now both of his eyebrows shot up. "Either you were doing something severely wrong, or they just didn't work on you. Your tests came back positive. Congratulations, Madelyn, you're pregnant."

She wasn't sure whether it was the severe déjà vu creeping up on her, or merely reality. She had to sit down. She pulled a stool over and relaxed into it for a moment, rubbing her forehead, letting the truth sink in.

"Bones, are you sure?"

He held out his PADD for her to see. "The results don't lie."

She stared at what was onscreen, not making much sense of the complex diagrams and formulas. "But how? I was so careful to stick to the injection schedule. You know what those shots are advertised to do!"

"Well, clearly your body had other ideas. Frankly I thought you'd be happier."

She worried on her lower lip as she thought through her reaction. It was a shock. She hadn't been planning on this happening for a long time. She'd wanted to wait until they were settled. She and Khan hadn't discussed this at all. The time wasn't supposed to be now.

She would have to make it work.

"I wasn't prepared for this to happen so soon, but… I suppose it was going to happen sooner or later."

McCoy's firm gaze was comforting, but god, she missed Khan. She needed to see him more than ever now, because this was almost too much to handle alone. Almost.

She'd handled much worse before.

She considered making a call to the security officer she'd torn down before, but thought better of it. It would be better to leave things as they were, let Starfleet know she'd backed down, help them all feel comfortable about the decisions being made. She'd be able to see Khan as often as she pleased once they were out of there.

That evening, she walked back into her dark, silent hotel room tired yet satisfied. Her days on this planet were dwindling and the few remaining strings still hanging around her had been tied up, except for one. Running her thumb over the smooth metal band around her finger, she picked up her damaged communicator and dialed her boss.

Now her former boss.

With the fulltime teaching position in Hastings turned down, she was free to devote all of herself to what she hoped was the beginning of the rest of her life. She could let a pregnancy complicate that, or she could embrace it as something wonderful. She couldn't lie to herself and act like it was going to screw everything up. She'd wanted this, but it was something she hadn't planned on happening so soon. At this point, she should have expected just about everything she planned to get turned on its head. At least they had a planet to go to, and that was something.

Because when it came down to it, she could feel it in her bones that it was finally time to start over, time to begin a new life in a new place where the only person who would still know every detail of her past would one day be her husband. Time could forget the rest, and she hoped, as a result, that the people she left behind would forget as well. She didn't want to be the person whose memory lingered on merely as the woman who sided with the criminal. It was so much more complicated than that.

Not that she cared if people still remembered her or not, but there would always be a bad taste in her mouth for the way the world had treated her because of events that she'd had little control over. Now that she finally had control over where she—and Khan—were both going, she could afford to forget about those things. They were both on the fast track to a new life, and she had new life growing inside her.

Things could not have been more perfect.