Finally decided on a pairing. Hopefully people will like it. Sorry this has taken so long-I couldn't get the chapter right. I think I've managed it now. By the way, the rating will later go up to M. You've been warned. X

They said that self-harm was an addiction, like drugs or alcohol. That once you started you couldn't stop.

To be honest, he thought that was rubbish.

He used to self harm and he'd liked it. That was before…before he'd discovered there were other ways of controlling your life. He'd read an article in a magazine about someone who simply decided 'this is how people will think of me.' It had seemed such a good idea. Create a mask. Don't show emotion and you can't be hurt.

That was rubbish too. The problem was that the mask starts to become you, or you start to become the mask until you don't know who you are anymore.

Then someone comes along, shoots your girlfriend and starts to become your lover, whilst at the same time unwrapping your personality…

Anyone could become confused.

Because, now, he couldn't tell Jack what was happening. He cared too much.

You were supposed to keep separate from them. So if something happened it wouldn't hurt.

He supposed it was his stubborn streak that refused to let him go for help. He'd got himself into this; he'd get himself out…

No, it wasn't that. It was fear.

The dialling tone rang twice before Ianto picked it up.

"Yeah?"

"Ianto, hi. It's Owen, y'know, works for Torchwood, you work there? Where the hell are you?" Owen tried to sound really annoyed which was hard when he felt this concerned.

"I'm stuck in traffic. I took a drive last night, the weather was crap, y'know how it is and I stayed the night. Now there's traffic. I would have called earlier but, you know, I lost my phone. I guessed you'd ring. It was down the side of my seat, at least I've got it now but I'll be about half an hour. Tell Jack, would you?"

It wasn't a well thought out lie, really. Normally Owen would have argued with Ianto, picking at his story but something in him didn't want to.

"Half an hour, yeah?"

"More probably, I have to go back to my flat and change and stuff. See you later."

"Is it okay if we get some stuff from your flat? Jack has the key, right?"

"I think he has everyone's keys…" Ianto said absentmindedly. "What do you need from the flat? I can bring it in later…"

"We need it now, Jack says. That's actually why I called…" Owen said, and then regretted it. "No, it's not. It's not like you not to call or something Ianto. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Fine." Ianto said guardedly. Owen could tell why. He'd let slip that it was him who was worried, not just Jack.

"Jack needed to know. Oh…apparently we don't need to break into your flat anymore, mate. See you then." Owen paused. Jack had told him not to call but Owen had been worried. Still. No need to agitate Ianto. Let him think they thought he was stuck in traffic.

"Okay. See you." Ianto ended the call. His throat was dry suddenly and he felt sick. Owen had asked him if he was okay…what did he know? Or suspect?

He tried to reassure himself that he was overreacting but Owen never let on when he was worried or anything like that.

Ianto had tried to make him show his feelings but in the end Owen had, true to form, snapped at him. "I can't control this any other way, Ianto. This is how I cope. Leave me alone."

"But you never show your feelings!"

"And you do?"

It had been a fair point, Ianto had conceded. He never showed how he felt. He'd always thought that one day he'd come in and let them see he was happy, see it radiate off him. Because he had been happy.

He didn't have the option of letting his guard down now. All they'd see was pain.

"Jack, Ianto's going out of his flat." Tosh reported as she stared at the screen. She looked guilty, worried about what they were doing. "Are you sure this is okay, Jack?"

"Trust me, it's not spying. It's for his own good." Jack reassured her. Owen watched from his corner in disgust. How many times had Jack convinced himself that what he was doing was for someone's own good?

"I'll go." Owen said. The other's looked at him in surprise. "Well, what's he going to think if he comes back and Jack's there? And Tosh, Gwen, I'm sorry but you couldn't do it. I'll go."

Jack looked at him, wondering, just for a moment…No. He was being ridiculous. He pushed the idea to the back of his mind and nodded decisively. Owen could go.

"Fine. You can go. Come into my office for a minute; I'll give you the keys…and I've got directions somewhere…"

Owen followed him, already regretting volunteering. Breaking into Ianto's flat was despicable. However much trouble Ianto was in, the needed to get him to talk first. This way, they'd never win his confidence.

"I'm not happy with this Jack."

"I know." Jack sighed. "Neither am I really…but we need Ianto. We need to make sure he's okay."

"Mmm." Owen agreed. "How long has he been refusing you, Jack?" The question was bluntly asked and Jack wriggled as Owen stared accusingly at him.

"Not that long. About a week before I came to you, why?"

"It took you a week to notice? I thought you couldn't go without sex for more then two days?" Owen accused him. Jack stared at Owen, confused.

"This isn't like you…"

"Just…maybe not noticing hurt Ianto even more. He's never going to tell you what's wrong now…" Owen snarled bitterly. Letting the mask drop for a moment.

Jack was staring at Owen. "You fancy him." He declared suddenly. Owen narrowed his eyes.

"Why would I do that?"

"You do. You don't care normally, do you Owen, you can't care…"

"I can care." Owen yelled, getting to his feet. "I care so much I can't let you see-"

"Knew it." Jack grinned inanely. "Sit down, for Christ sake Owen. I didn't want to do this before. I have to know that you do care."

"What the fuck, Harkness?" Owen demanded nervously.

"When was the last time you got laid, Owen?"

He'd lost count. "Dunno."

"You need sex." Jack's eyes hardened. "Not Ianto. Or at least…not just Ianto…" he hinted strongly. Owen gaped and pushed out his chair.

"You are sick, Harkness. What makes you think I'd want that-!" he shouted. Grabbing the keys and the directions, he strode out of Jack's office.

Furious at himself for nearly kissing Jack, he drove madly to Ianto's flat and let himself in.

When he saw what a state the bed was in his heart dropped.

Seemed Ianto had been cheating on Jack. Why did that make him, Owen, unhappy?

He scanned the room one final time before leaving. He drove himself home.

Fuck Torchwood. Fuck Jack. Fuck Ianto. Jack was right, he needed to get laid.

Ianto's only shagging. He was guilty for Jack.

So why, why was Owen still worried?

I think the ending might be a bit rushed but when I tried to elaborate I couldn't. So hopefully that was okay...