CHUCK VS. THE MONKEY PANTS
CHAPTER THREE
Sunlight was a cruel joke after a night of drinking. I fought to go back to sleep. Then I heard the sound of banging doors and pots in the kitchen.
"Karen's here and she's making breakfast," I thought. This was a very rare occasion. I knew that I better get in there before she changed her mind. I made a quick trip to the bathroom. I thought maybe I was still asleep when I walked into the kitchen and saw Chuck standing at my stove making scrambled eggs.
What was Chuck doing here?
Then it hit me—karaoke—Karen, Ryan, Vince, and Chuck driving me home. So he had stayed over from the night before? And he was cooking eggs in my kitchen. The Twilight Zone music started playing in my head.
"Good morning, Sunshine!" Chuck said, full of perkiness, like everything was perfectly normal. He looked down right comfortable, actually. He put a cup of coffee in front of me.
"Thanks, Chuckles," I said, calling him the pet name I had for him. I took a sip. "Mmmm, hazelnut, extra cream...Perfect. So what happened last night?" I asked.
"You don't remember?"
I shook my head to say no. "I remember karaoke and you driving me home. That's about it. How did you know how to get here, by the way?"
"I've driven Morgan over here a couple of times. How's your head?"
"Not too bad."
"It worked then. Good. Remember the hangover remedy?"
"You could have drugged me, for all I know," I said, yawning.
"Let's hope that doesn't ever have to happen." He laughed a little too loudly.
He put down two plates of food and sat across from me at the breakfast bar. We were quiet for a few minutes. I wondered if it was my imagination or if he really was looking at me in an odd way? What did happen last night?
"Thanks for cooking. It's good. I didn't know you could cook."
"Ellie wanted me to know the basics. You know, eggs, mac and cheese, the occasional chicken dish... She has been preparing me for when I live on my own. With the engagement and all it may be sooner than later."
"You have nothing to worry about. You guys work well together. So whatever happens I'm sure everyone will be happy," I offered.
"You're probably right."
"Speaking of Ellie, she probably thinks I'm a lunatic after Thanksgiving. Another thing I'm choosing to blame on The Asshole."
"You saved my life. It's safe to say that you're off the hook with my sister. However, Morgan will be getting a restraining order against you after your, uh, passionate performance of "You Oughta Know". What is it about that song that seems to unite the female population?"
"And scare the male species. I sang that?" I said laughing.
"You thoroughly succeeded in scaring him."
"Ha! Really? Good for me. He should be scared."
I gave myself a little pat on the back.
"You really don't remember anything else about last night?" Chuck asked.
"Nope."
But later, more information started coming to me. The Asshole did a lame version of "Open Arms." Devon and Ellie did "I Got You Babe" and it wasn't as awful as it should have been. And Chuck? How could I forget his performance?
"Oh My God! I do remember your inspiring and life changing version of "Baby Got Back". I gave him a standing ovation at the breakfast bar. "I can appreciate a man who likes some junk in the trunk." I love making Chuck blush. But he recovered quickly this time.
"Thanks. And speaking of backs...After we got here you went to bed. I slept on the couch. And that's about it." He got up and put his plate in the sink. "Except for the me seeing you completely naked part."
I nearly spilled my coffee. "The who, saw what?!"
"You know, let's not even talk about it..."
"Chuck." I said firmly.
"I was only trying to help."
"Okay. I have no clue – please just fill in the blanks for me."
"Well, I turned my back for a minute and I find you lying in the hallway in your underwear," he explained.
At least someone saw the pink and red lace lingerie that I had worn in honor of Valentine's Day.
He continued, "So I get you into your room and under the covers, and I leave. Later I go in to check on you and you were...in the buff, and you kept talking about monkeys. Finally, I figured out that you wanted the monkey pants that were on the chair."
"Monkey pants? Oh, you mean these?" I said pointing to the red pajama bottoms that I was wearing that featured dancing monkeys. It was capped off with a black tank top. "Well, they are my favorite."
Chuck was way more bothered than I was.
Did I shave yesterday?
Yes, I did, I remembered. Thank God for small favors.
"Nothing happened." He assured me.
"Well, good," I should have been relieved but I felt strangely disappointed. I didn't know why at the time.
"I appreciate you being such a decent guy about everything. Thanks for taking care of me."
"Anytime," he said quickly. "Well, not that I expect that to happen on a regular basis," he stammered though he seemed relieved. I guess he didn't know how I would react.
"You know, I don't feel too good. I think I should go sleep it off. Thanks for breakfast." I went to plant a kiss on his cheek but misjudged and got him right on the lips instead. I was going to apologize but ended up just saying, "Thanks again."
Then I went to my room, got into bed, and tried to figure out why I felt so giddy.
The Buy More gang was seeing me off in classic style; with "Congratulations" signs, balloons and spiked punch.
The job offer had been a total surprise to me. I had applied months ago and just out of curiosity. The NBC (Nailed By A Chick) is a professional all-female gamer group that competes in video game tournaments around the US and in the UK. The goal is to prove that women could game just as well as guys. Unfortunately, they got a lot of flack from men and woman and were dismissed as just "booth babes" (models who were picked for their looks but could not actually play worth a damn).
My US group was kicking butt at various competitions. Our sister group in The UK was not doing as well. So they were putting together a team to travel there and help out.
It was perfect timing. I needed a change and being paid to travel and play video games sounded pretty damn good to me. Though I had not been looking forward to explaining it to my parents.
The previous few weeks had been interesting. I had not only managed to ignore Morg—Senor Asshole at work, but had also been avoiding Chuck, as nearly impossible as that was. But now there was nowhere to hide.
"So Anna, I get my chance with you when you come back, right?" Jeff had been saying.
"Do you really want me to answer that?" I said with a smile. "And no," I said quickly to Lester before he could repeat Jeff's question.
Then I see Chuck heading my way.
You care what he thinks of you.
No, I don't. I'm just a little confused.
No you're not. You know exactly what's going on. You're just in denial.
Okay, he's sweet and I appreciate what he did.
Maybe he's too sweet. He needs a little spice in his life.
Hello, he has a girlfriend. And having feelings for my ex-boyfriend's best friend would not be smart.
You mean the guy who cheated on you and treated you like crap? Yep, you owe him a lot.
"Oh just shut up," I said out loud.
"But I didn't say anything."
I snapped out of the mental war I was having with myself to find Chuck staring at me.
"Hey, are okay?" he asked, looking worried.
"I'm fine. I'm good."
"You don't seem like yourself lately."
I don't know if it had been his worried look or the tone of his voice or his puppy dog eyes, but I was ready to spill.
"Could I talk to you?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"Here's my problem, I'm still a little embarrassed about going all Victoria's Secret Model on you," I said.
"Is there anything I can do?" he asked.
"Well, it's not the actual seeing me naked part I'm upset about at this point. I've been having these silly and irrational thoughts questioning why you didn't hit on me," I explained.
"What? Really?" He said, obviously flustered.
"Mmmhmm..."
"Well, there's the Morgan factor and let's not forget that you were totally out of it. I wouldn't take advantage of anyone in that state."
"I told you it was silly..." I said. "What if I had been Sarah?" I added quickly.
"If I had sex with you and Sarah I would want you to be awake and you know, conscious," he said, not realizing that he had probably just proposed a threesome (Or revealed a fantasy, perhaps? Hmmm...).
"If you had sex with Sarah?" I asked.
"You and Sarah are back together?" The Asshole asked Chuck, appearing out of nowhere.
"Back together?" I asked, looking from him to Chuck.
"We broke up. That's why the gang took me out for karaoke that night, to cheer me up."
"So what's up with you two here?" The Asshole asked.
"Nothing. We were just having a little small talk," Chuck said quickly and I nodded in agreement.
"Actually, I'm glad I have you two together. I have something important to say that concerns both of you," Mr. Asshole said and then turned to me. "Anna, just because you hate me doesn't mean that you have to take it out on my man Chuck here."
"What are you talking about Morgan?" I said calmly, in spite of my growing need to punch him in the face.
"Come on, I see everything," he told me waving two fingers in front of his eyes. "You could cut the tension here with a Ginsu."
"I think there's more grape soda by the punch bowl," I said, trying to get him to leave.
"You know what I like, don't cha? I will be back," he said, hurrying away.
I turned back to Chuck when The Asshole was safely out of earshot. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. You talked to Sarah while you were at my house.
"We're still friends" he said evenly. Then he looked like he was freaking out. "Did you hear what was said?"
"No. I just heard you say her name. I was too wasted to make out anything else. Not that I was trying to..." I added lamely, feeling a little guilty because I heard something that I couldn't remember at that point. The alcohol must have pickled my memory cells.
"So why did you break up?"
"It's...complicated," he said. I could tell that it was hard for him to talk about it. "So are we okay? Friends?" He asked. "I don't want any awkwardness because of what happened that night...or because of Morgan. And he apparently agrees with me."
We looked over to see Morgan raising a grape soda filled cup to us.
"He doesn't know, does he?" I said.
"Know what?"
"The fact that I hung out..." I shook my chest towards him. "...With you that night?"
"No, I didn't," he said, grabbing my shoulders gently to stop my little shimmy.
"Everything okay over here?" Casey said, apparently having just witnessed our little scene.
I turned to him. "You know what? I'm so rude. I still haven't thanked you for "rescuing" me from Morgan with that headlock. That was really sweet of you." I felt a little silly calling Casey "sweet," but I meant it. "And just for the record he actually didn't hit me. I just wanted to get back at him."
"It was my pleasure," he said with a smile (yeah – I made Mr. Serious smile). "And I figured that out pretty fast. From what I've seen I think you can handle yourself."
TO BE CONTINUED...