Chapter Three

I don't think I'd ever been more excited- or more scared- than I was as I boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time. It wasn't just school that had my nerves twisting, though; I hadn't seen Antonin all summer due to a vacation he took to see family in Derbyshire, and coming face-to-face with him again was equally if not more frightening than the start of term.

I couldn't help but feel that things between us might have changed, or what he wouldn't want to be friends with a puny first year. From the minute we got to the platform, though, I was distracted by Amycus being obnoxiously overly protective of me.

It was expected that I be in Slytherin, just like him, and as such, he took me under his charge. This lead to him introducing me to all of his friends aboard the train- the smug Nott boy; the pale and sinister Rosier; the burly fifth years, Crabbe and Goyle; the composed, blonde ringleader, Malfoy; and finally- wonderfully- I saw the dark and wonderful Antonin Dolohov, who regarded me briefly before his lips curled into an almost predatory grin.

"Pleasure to see you, Alecto," he muttered, his voice as smooth and rich as the Honeyduke's chocolate my parents had given me the previous Christmas. My eleven-year-old self blushed to the roots of my hair.

I barely was able to stutter, "Pleasure's mine," before Amycus grabbed me by the shoulder and steered me to my seat, obviously sensing that I was about to embarrass myself. For all the grief he's given me over the years, my brother's always been one of the only ones capable of determining my emotions accurately. Well, most of the time, anyways. I was silent for a while; the boys all exchanged stories of their summers.

Lorraine Wilkes turned up a few minutes after the train began to move. Her eyes flickered over the company I was keeping, she smiled in a knowing sort of way, and I- sensing what she wanted- moved over so that she could take a seat next to me.

"Which one is he?" she hissed into my ear.

I decided to play dumb. "Which one is who?"

"Dolohov," she spat, as if it were some sort of bad word.

I barely jerked my head in Antonin's direction. She appraised him as one might look over something for sale in an apothecary.

"He's decent looking," she admitted finally, as if seeing my point after all these months of trying to talk me out of admiring him. "But that says nothing for how he acts, now does it?"

"You don't know him," I snapped, a bit too loudly. Everyone fell silent and looked at us; Amycus restarted the conversation quickly, covering up my blunder for me. I sensed that I was embarrassing him, but I was too embarrassed myself to care.

Lory cast a glance at Antonin and replied in a hushed voice, "He's still watching us."

"No," I corrected, irritated. "He's watching me. He knows I'm talking about him. He always knows."

She rolled her eyes. "You put too much faith in him."

"Maybe," I admitted, looking away from her. I didn't want to think about that. Faith was putting trust in someone who was too weak to be trusted, my parents had always insisted. Trust yourself, and no one else. Ever. End of story.

Sighing exasperatedly, she asked, "When are you going to realize that you're wasting your life on someone who probably is just going to break your heart in the end, anyway?"

"It's not wasted," I countered, "If he is my life."

Had I honestly just admitted that? I blushed and turned slightly so I wouldn't have to look at her. I'd have to watch my tongue in the future- I was positive that in Slytherin, saying things like that could only get me into trouble. And besides, I sounded like a stupid romance book or something. My mother would be livid if she found out those words had even crossed my mind, let alone been spoken.

I could hear her snort with laughter. Antonin caught my eye and smirked at me. I felt my face grow still hotter, and it had nothing to do with the temperature of the compartment.

"Had a good summer, Ally?" he questioned. My brother had engaged Lorraine in conversation, and Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Rosier, and Nott were all discussing something in low voices in the corner, obviously not for the ears of younger students. Antonin and I were, in effect, open to have a private conversation.

I nodded, suddenly feeling a bit shy. "Yes," I allowed politely.

He raised an eyebrow. "You talked far more than this in your letters."

"You got them?" I asked. Then, suddenly, something struck me. "And you didn't write back?"

"Sh." He was across from me, and he leaned forward slightly, his eyes so dark that I couldn't help but get lost in them for a moment. "Ally, it wasn't personal. I didn't have much time for writing last year. But now we'll both be at school, so it'll be easier to talk. Okay?"

I couldn't help but trust him; his face was so sincere, and in spite of the fact that I knew him to be an expert liar, there was something about the way he was assuring me that forced me to nod my agreement. "Okay. I was just really bored all year, and had no one to talk to, so I wrote." Of course it had nothing to do with the fact that I missed him more than I even missed my own brother.

He didn't believe me- it was evident in the way he smirked, glanced at Lorraine, and then looked back at me as if challenging me to defend the lie he'd easily seen through. "I'll warn you, though," Antonin added, almost as an afterthought, "it's far different than when we were running around in your nursery together. You have to be careful with what you say."

I wondered if he'd caught what I told Lorraine earlier, and scowled slightly. "I know." That was probably one of the kindest things he'd ever told me- advice, after all, would indicate a caring for my wellbeing- but I figured as I mulled it over that he just wanted to save himself from embarrassment at my hands. "You know, you might as well have just warned me that if I ever slip up and say something stupid, you won't speak to me again."

He chuckled, leaning back in his seat, but he didn't deny it.

---

Being at school with Antonin was far different from growing up with him. The most dramatic change was that there were a lot less one-on-one chats. Most of our meetings were brushing shoulders in the Common Room or running into one another over breakfast; seeing as my expectations for the renewal of our friendship had been higher, I was sorely disappointed. It was lucky that I had classes to distract myself from thinking about him constantly.

Lorraine, who had claimed the bed next to mine, was my constant companion. We somewhat made friends with the other girls in our dormitory, of course, but most of them I had already decided weren't worthy of our company. They all giggled too much, and besides, I hated the way they all discussed how "sexy" Antonin was. As far as I was concerned, he was mine, and they'd better stay away from him.

Apparently, that particular owl hadn't reached him, though. Even at age twelve, he was quite the ladies' man. He would flirt with anyone- more than once I even caught him chatting up a Ravenclaw- which, in my opinion, was treason against his own house. I could never bring myself to mention it, though, to him or to anyone else. What he did was none of my business, as much as it pained me to see that he wasn't going to pay me any attention in the foreseeable future.

Slowly, though, I started getting a tad bit bitter. I would glare at any girl I caught looking at him, and I even hexed a Hufflepuff who had the audacity to do so. The detention I earned as a result was well worth it.

Lorraine thought I was just a bitter person by nature, and never reprimanded me for my infatuation- I don't think she ever put two and two together on that matter, really. Antonin, though, noticed after a while. Apparently, I'd been right- he really did know everything.

"Ally," I'd heard his voice in my ear as I studied in the library. "Can I have a word, please?"

I could feel my eyes go very round. There was something nearly sinister about his request, as if there was an underlying threat behind his politeness. Almost against my own will, I nodded, closed my book, and gestured to the seat next to myself. "Sure."

"I thought you'd overcome your little crush, love," he started silkily as he slid into the chair.

"I- you- what are you talking about?" I was really bad at playing dumb, and he laughed softly.

"You act," he informed me, "as if you own me. I'd rather like it if you stopped."

I scowled. "What are you even on about, Antonin? I do no such thing."

"Ah, but you do, Ally. And it's quite annoying. I'll decide who I talk to and what I say. And you... if I'm not mistaken, you need to focus a little bit more on your Transfiguration grade?" He tapped the book in front of me, smiling slightly.

I gaped at him as he got up and walked out of the room. Actually, Antonin didn't walk. He sauntered gracefully, looking for all the world as if he owned the school and everything in it. I flushed with a combination of fury and embarrassment, and tried to return to my studies.

Needless to say, I didn't have much luck retaining information that evening.

---

Of course, even though he was completely mean sometimes, there were moments in which our friendship would become apparent. Usually it was when a particularly insufferable group of Gryffindor boys in my year decided to pick on me. I was never really sure why they would choose me as a target, besides my house. One of them was one of the Black boys, who had been to my house a time or two. I never understood how someone from such a good family could go so wrong, but apparently, he had. It was disgusting, really.

The worst thing about them was that they were reckless- they seemed to find punishment funny, and to retaliate against them would only make things worse. It's beyond me that they were never expelled.

One blatantly horrible thing they did happened in late November of my first year, when they decided to be "funny" and hex my hair blue- and icy. It was already freezing outside from the late autumn winds and early snowfall, and the inside of the castle was drafty, so it was insufferably cold. They stood there, howling with laughter, as I tried desperately to reverse the spell's affects.

Then, just my luck, Antonin turned up to witness my shame (some blonde second year hanging off his arm, of course). Surprisingly, he didn't laugh- he immediately shook off his girlfriend of the week, whipped out his wand, muttered something under his breath, and shot a flash of orange in the direction of my tormentors. They stopped laughing as they became covered in green blotches, which seemed by their reaction to be very painful; they were hardly able to scamper before being hit by another hex.

Antonin whispered something to the girl, who practically swooned at being addressed by him and then left, and he approached me.

"Ally, how many times must I tell you to stay out of trouble?" he questioned, as if I was an inconvenience.

"I didn't ask for your help," I shot back.

He smirked. "I know, but you were about to when I went ahead and did so."

Shivering- I still had ice in my hair, after all- I glared at him. His soft chuckle did nothing to improve my mood.

"Blue is a bit dramatic for you," he grinned.

"Shut up before I hex you," I countered. He seemed to find my attempts at threatening him funny, and laughed. "Can you fix it?" I asked him, which just made him laugh more.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask... though you haven't exactly been very nice to me, so I'm not sure if you deserve my help."

"Antonin, please," I pressed; I hated being cold.

"Oh, fine, Ally, but only because blue really doesn't suit you." He flicked his wand lazily, and I instantly found myself warmer. "Now get back to your dormitory before I have to rescue you again."

Rolling my eyes, I did as he'd told me. It half crossed my mind to thank him, but I was almost positive he would use the event as leverage to get what he wanted from me later on, so I didn't bother. The only bit of satisfaction I'd gotten from the encounter was that, regardless of motives, he'd stood up for me without being asked. That was worth something, right?

It wasn't until later that Lorraine informed me that my hair was green.

---

The year didn't really go as well as I had hoped, but regardless, by the time summer vacation rolled around, I was looking forward to the next one. That summer, Antonin came over a few times to hang out with Amycus; I made a point of avoiding the two of them. I think I was in a bit of a rage that he continued to spurn my affections, but regardless of the cause, I promised myself that I wasn't going to waste my next year waiting for him.

Unfortunately, making promises to oneself and actually keeping those promises are two completely separate entities.