Black it's all he saw now. It was quite calming really, it wasn't like the ice this was...different. In a good way obviously. Pulling the trigger was the best thing he'd ever done, even better than standing up for freedom. That's exactly the point, he'd stood up for justice, freedom and equality but Captain America was never free or any of those things. He wasn't human. Humans fall and have weaknesses, Captain America doesn't.

Beep...Beep...Beep.

He could hear that noise in the background. It was a steady beat and he liked it. The ice was silence, the only thing making a noise was his mind screaming for rescue. Every day in the ice he had dreams of death and warmth. Those two things he's spent decades searching for.

Beep...Beep...Beep.

This couldn't be death, it wasn't... It didn't feel right. This was just black, just black. Everything. Just. Black. The only thing except black was the beeping. Suddenly, the beeping sped until...

'STEVEN,' his mother shouted,'What are you doing? You should be resting. You might get ill. AGAIN.' When his mother used that tone of voice, it terrified poor little nine year old him,

'Sorry Ma,' he looked up and dropped his cleaning tools,' I was trying to be useful.'

Sarah Rogers elegantly walked over to Steve,

'Oh Steve,' she spoke before her voice went cold,'you'll never be useful.'

He can't even count how many times similar flashbacks occurred like that. Each time, they got more violent, he did love her though. She would slap his soft cheek sometimes but she was his mother. She was all he had, along with Bucky. Bucky was everything he needed yet all he wanted.

Then he had to fall.

He couldn't blame it on Bucky, he was the one who didn't catch him. He failed him. Yet no matter what, his face couldn't leave his mind. It was like a melody. As there's no cure for memory, naturally, he tried to get drunk. It was almost laughable, he couldn't get drunk; he couldn't even forget for just a few hours and maybe do something stupid. The serum was truly a curse and a blessing. So every time he went to sleep, he found himself wishing to stay in the dreams of Bucky. Wishing to not wake up. Oh God he wished he were dead.

There was no Bucky except in his dreams. Slowly those dreams turned to nightmares when the winter soldier happened. That wasn't even Bucky. He remembers Bucky telling him how sometimes, he changes into he winter soldier and he can't help it. Sort of like Steve and the captain. Oh who is he kidding? Steve Rogers is a completely different man. The friends he had that called him Steve were dead.

Beep... Beep... Beep.

The captains eyes opened. Bucky was sat next to his bed mumbling about something. All this time he wasn't dead, just in a coma.

'Steve! You're awake.' The man smiled, he'd had a haircut.

The Captain tried to smile, he really did but he was just disappointed.

'You flatlined once, not long ago actually. I noticed your heartbeat bit quicker and then, gone. For a minute.' Bucky's smile faded.

'I've missed you,Buck.' The man nodded in understanding and left.

The next few days were like that. Small talk mostly with silence Bucky would stay all the visiting hours. And when the nurses told him he needed to leave? He nodded in understanding and left. Every time.

Whenever that happened, The Captain- Steve was left alone with only the noise of his heartbeat. ( he had to admit, the noise of his heartbeat was beginning to annoy the hell out of him.)

Beep... Beep... Beep.

On the sixth day, it was mostly the same. Except Bucky looked uncomfortable,

'Steve, you look miserable. Can't I do anything? Is it something I've done? Please I love you.'

Beep... Beep... Beep.

He did his signature smile and spoke,

'I love you, Buck. But you should've let me die.'

Beep... Beep... Beep.

Buck- the winter soldier nodded in understanding,

And snapped the mans neck.

Nothing.

I kinda hate myself for doing this... If you hate it too i will change it. But for now I think this is completed.