Sorry it's been taking me so long to update- finals and school work and my social life are making life so crazy I can hardly take time to breathe. I'm putting up two chapters today, and expect more soon, probably Wednesday- but no promises!

Chapter Fifteen

I expected him to write, to want to make things all better. Truth be told, I really wanted him to. I was certain that if he loved me half as much as he always claimed, he wouldn't be able to last a day without repairing our relationship... But three days later, when he still hadn't written, I was getting increasingly depressed.

"Have you ever considered the fact that maybe he wants you to write him? You're the one who did the leaving, Alecto," Lorraine pointed out, which was becoming something of a mantra for her.

"If he wants me back, he'll act on that. If not-" I could feel tears burning behind my eyes for what felt like the millionth time and fell silent.

Sighing impatiently, she patted my shoulder in a gesture of comfort, though I could tell she was really just fed up with me. "If you want him so badly, stop sitting around doing nothing about it."

"He probably hates me, anyway. It's not going to do anything."

"The way you go on about it, I'd almost think that you actually love him."

I frowned. Had that fact ever been in question? "Of course I do," I dismissed her statement. She fixed me with a very serious look.

"Alecto, you know my mother is a big supporter of the Dark Lord, right?"

I nodded. Everyone in the Wizarding world, basically, knew; Dalia Wilkes was a highly social woman and none too discreet.

"She's told me more than once that love is weakness, and that it's part of the basic philosophy of the Dark Lord and his supporters. And, well..."

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"So long as Antonin's a Death Eater, he's never going to love you back. Actually, I was under the impression that you were going to become one yourself."

I would have protested that I knew for a fact that he loved me, but there was an even more important piece of her proclamation that took precedence over that. "He's a Death Eater?"

"I thought he took you to meetings." Obviously, she didn't see how that could be news to me.

"He did, but I never knew he'd actually been marked," I answered, lowering my voice so the other girls in the dormitory couldn't hear. Even if they did all have their loyalties in the right place, which I wasn't certain of, it was best not to go parading that sort of information around.

"Well," Lorraine shrugged, "I'm not sure if he really has. I've just heard... things."

So it may or may not have been true. Shaking my head, I decided it was time for the conversation to be over and got up to move to my own four-poster.

"Alecto, just be careful with your feelings. They make you vulnerable."

Crawling under the sheets, I ignored her. If Antonin really had taken the Dark Mark... wasn't that the sort of thing he would have told me right away?

---

Time blurred together as I spiraled into a state of severe depression. I missed him. Everything reminded me of him. I wanted to beg him to forgive me, to take me back, to hold me and kiss me and make me forget how much it had hurt when we'd been separated.

Instead, I put on a brave face and pretended to be alright. There was no use crawling back, and it was quite obvious from his lack of pursuit that he wasn't in any way interested.

His face haunted me, his voice rang in my ears when no one was around, and I couldn't do anything without somehow connecting something with him. I did my homework, ate, slept; I was completely "normal" so far as outsiders were concerned. Inside, though... it was as if my heart had disappeared and been replaced with a black hole. I was void of anything that mattered. And, quite honestly, I didn't care anymore. Lorraine fussed and always brought him up somehow and made it worse, so I avoided her until she began ignoring me. Simple.

No one really looked in my direction, and I was fine with that. Or so I pretended.

On day five, though, I heard someone say my name- and for once, it wasn't the ghost of Antonin's voice haunting my memory. I whirled around, taken aback. I wasn't even sure when the last time I'd had a conversation was that hadn't involved Lorraine telling me how stupid I was being.

"Alecto," the speaker repeated, now that he'd captured my attention. It was one of the Rosier boys- his name was something like Markus or Matthias or something, I couldn't keep them straight.

Seeing as he was in Slytherin with me, I decided to be decent. "Yes?"

He glanced around, as if to make sure no one was listening, and then leaned toward me conspiratorially and practically whispered, "Do you know where Lorraine is?"

"Nope."

"If you see her, could you tell her I'm looking for her? We were supposed to meet up, but I can't find her anywhere." he looked so earnest I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Lorraine was probably off snogging some other boy, her appointment with Rosier completely forgotten. She'd never been able to master that whole "commitment" thing.

"Isn't she a bit old for you?" I grinned cruelly. It was just too easy to take my angst out on this poor boy. Besides, I was no one's messenger.

"A year," he countered evenly, though there was an element of surprise in his eyes. I laughed again.

"Don't get your hopes up that she'll ever make good on her promise to meet you. Lorraine does have standards, you know." With one last smile, I left him standing there shell shocked. Whatever he had expected from me, I was pretty sure that wasn't it.

For one second as I left, I thought saw a flicker of motion down a corridor to my left, but I quickly pushed it out of my mind. It was too impossible that I had seen who I believed I had. Being apart from Antonin, apparently, was causing me to go insane.

More angst! Hurrah! You know you love it. Or at least, I know I do. (: Alecto's such a meanieface to little children. Muahahahaha.