Practical Parenting 3 : Baby Battles
by Shamenka
The market place was bustling with life, the shouts and cries of those with something to sell, competing with the voices of those trying to make their daily purchases. The ebb and flow of normal life was, briefly, interrupted as a group of warriors stormed through the market place, shuffling a squirming, squealing bundle back and forth between them. Always looking over their shoulders, oblivious of what was around them, too worried by what they had left behind.
That frightened, squealing bundle attracted the attention of one man in particular. The squealing bundle's own uncle. Hercules knew that baby's cry, he had been the cause of that very noise himself, when he almost killed his nephew, Strife. As a result of that incident he had vowed to protect that baby, and it seemed that he was going to have to honour that vow immediately. Not that that would be a hardship.
Hercules grabbed Iolaus' shoulder, turning the smaller man to face him.
"Do you hear that? The baby crying? That's Strife, I'd swear to it!" He saw that Iolaus simply accepted his word for it. Grateful not to have to argue his friend into believing him, he continued. "I want you to head back over the market place, go see what is happening in Ares' temple, and bring him back here. I'll follow the crying and try to get Strife back. Ok?" He waited for his friend's nod and headed off, following his nephew, wondering, and worrying, how anyone could have managed to get Strife away from the over protective Ares. It had surprised Hercules, pleasantly at that, that Ares was a totally over protective parent. Putting happy, family, thoughts out his head, the hero set off tracking his nephew, muttering dire threats against those foolish enough to have taken him.
The screaming baby heard the voice muttering, away in the distance. He recognised that voice, he'd been frightened by it once, and had had nice cuddles from its owner afterwards. He was a nice person to snuggle into, he wanted a nice snuggle, and he wanted it now! Baby Strife screamed louder, adding extra carrying 'I am frightened' subsonics that he knew that only his uncle Snugly would hear.
Hercules was following the kidnappers at a distance, getting more and more certain they had stolen his nephew. Getting more and more anxious to get Strife back. He could almost feel his nephews fear, it ripped through him with ever lungful of air the baby drew in order to scream once more.
"It's all right, Strife, Uncle Hercules is right here with you! Just waiting on Iolaus getting back with the reinforcements." Hercules projected his voice at a timbre he knew his nephew would hear. He was aware that Strife probably didn't recognise his words, but he hoped he recognised his voice and tone, and took some comfort from them.
Strife recognised the Snugly one all right. He also recognised that his screaming was really upsetting the nasty people who had stolen him from his crib. He wondered what Uncle Snugly was going to do to the bad people, he didn't have the words for the concepts floating about his baby God mind, but he sure had the pretty pictures to look at!
True to his word, Iolaus headed back to the nearest temple, it wasn't Ares temple though. It was Aphrodite's, and it was in uproar! Not least was the screaming coming from the diminutive Love Goddess, directed at her temple staff! That was what cued Iolaus in, that this was where Strife was taken from, and that Ares might not yet know his beloved little nephew was missing yet.
"... and I'm telling you, find Strife, find him NOW or I'm gonna rip your balls clean off with my bare hands! I turn my back, for five seconds, that's all, all you had to do was look after one baby, one tiny, helpless little baby, and you couldn't even manage that!" The flash of light, indicating the use of a God power lit the temple doorway. "Well, no more sex for you for the next three Olympiads.. do I make myself clear here? What you doing still standing here.. GO FIND STRIFE! Or do you want me to call Ares?" She screamed herself, not quite as piercingly as Strife was doing when he was carried past himself and Herc, but close enough.
"Dite?" Iolaus called out to the Love Goddess as he entered the temple.
"Not just now Sweetcheeks, I've got a crisis of Olympic proportions. Can it wait?" The diminutive, blonde, Goddess looked angrier than Iolaus could ever recall having seen her. In fact she looked about ready to kick some idiot kidnapper's ass!
"I kinda know where Strife is.." The hunter didn't get to finish speaking. Aphrodite had him pinned to the wall, feet several inches off the floor, and she wasn't even breaking a sweat, yet. Iolaus decided, there and then, that underestimating her power and strength was a mistake few ever survived to make a second time.
"Where is he? What have you done to him? Is Hercules involved? I know he hates Strife, always has, always will. If either of you so much as touch a hair on his cutesy little head, I swear, I'll rip yours clean off!" She glared at him, eye to eye.. even if he was up the wall, pinned there by his neck.
"Gcstaffkkss!" Iolaus was totally unable to articulate, he was almost totally unable to breathe either.
"What?" The angry Love Goddess demanded! By way of a reply Iolaus tapped her hand and pointed at his throat and face. She got the idea, she let his feet touch down, freed his throat and retook a stronger grasp on both his shoulders. The impact crater he left in her temple wall would have done Ares proud! "Well!" She demanded.
"Look, it wasn't me, or Herc, that kidnapped Strife, but Herc is following the guys that did, and Strife is screaming, fit ta' burst. The kid's terrified. We gotta call Ares and get him to help Herc get Strife back!" Iolaus took a deep breath in order to call on the volatile, at best, War God and enlist his help in rescuing the missing baby. Just as he was about to, Dite cover his mouth, dragged him into almost nose to nose proximity and snarled at him.
"Call dark and deadly and we're ALL toast! Get me here do ya' curly?" She let him go, she changed outfits, looking like Ares would have, if Ares was a blonde Goddess with ample cleavage, and that vest on.
"Don't you think you should change? I mean, black leather is a good look on you, good? Did I say good? I mean great! Honest, but you can't go out there with everything .. bouncing, you'll hurt something!" Iolaus blushed to a standstill, and stood there, waiting on Aphrodite deciding if he were to live or die, and if live, did he ever get sex again?
"Oh!" Aphrodite modified the vest to close over her chest and headed out the temple door. "Where's Herc then?" She asked, not even looking over her shoulder, she simply expected Iolaus to be there, which indeed he was. Once he recovered from her attack, and his shock.
"He's in the market place, following them, seeing where they're taking Strife. In case there's more of them. Probably wants to get them all at once, in case there's more of them that'd strike again." Iolaus was aware that he was rambling, and made a determined effort to stop talking.
"Yeah, well, that'd make sense." The Love Goddess halted, in her determined march through the market place, she cocked her head to one side and listened, straightened up and broke into a run. She too could feel the 'I'm very frightened' subsonic elements of baby Strife's screaming, and if Ares heard them, they'd all get the chance to practice those sounds.
"So, Aphrodite, why are you so determined to get Strife back? I thought you hated him?!" Iolaus winced, thinking himself dead any moment, he all but closed his eyes waiting to be fireballed, or strangled again.
"I'll have you know that I never hated Strifey! He did some of his best work for me! An' as a baby, he's as cute as a button, an' since I was feelin' all kinda' broody, an' since my Hephy can't give me babies of my own, an' since Ar said he wasn't willin' ta' hurt Hephy again, an' anyway, he's got his hands full with raisin' Strife, an' if I wanted a baby fix I could, well, borrow Strifey, ya' know?" She shrugged, and kept on walking. "Now, when Ar finally lets me take Strifey off Olympus, this has ta' happen'!"
For some twisted reason, Iolaus did know what she meant, and he agreed with her assessment of the situation, Ares would not be best pleased if she lost the baby Strife first day out with him.
"So what happened? How did those scum bags know he was with you?" What he really wanted to know was how they got close to him in the first place, but he was not that brave, or that stupid, to actually challenge a frustrated, emotionally seesawing Goddess about her security arrangements.
"One of them was in praying for success with his girl, an' when I turned up, with Strifey, he heard me call the little cutesy guy by name. He left, then came back with his bro's and they took Strifey from the temple hall. My priests were supposed ta' be lookin' after him. I was dealin' with an urgent prayer!" She glowed, Iolaus could see it shimmering around her! All that frustrated mother love had a focus, her 'cutesy Strifey' and some idiot was going to pay, and pay dear for upsetting her. He could see it in her body language.
"So, what does Hephaestus think about your mothering little Strifey? Couldn't he have spelled you with the baby duties?" Iolaus fearlessly trod out on thin ice, either he was braver than she thought he was, or he was even dumber than Ares thought he was. Aphrodite looked at him, trying to decide which it was.
"Hephy? Look after a baby? He's terrified of them! Wouldn't know which end is up!" She turned back towards the increasing volume of her nephew's crying. "Strifey? Aunty Dite's here sweety!" She spoke her words, knowing full well the baby could hear her.
For his part, Strife cried even louder.
For his part, Hercules hadn't heard Aphrodite talking to the baby, he thought the degree of danger had increased and was preparing to go into battle, with an unknown number of assailants, and rescue his baby nephew.
"Don't worry little guy, Uncle Hercules is right here!" He muttered, took a deep, calming breath, stretched out to his full height, and width, took a single step forwards and lost it completely as a voice spoke from directly behind him.
"Where's my Strifey?" He spun around and came face to face with the Aresesque clad Love Goddess, and his own companion trying to catch up with them.
"Aphrodite?" He questioned, he was sure it had to be her, no one had told him if Ares had changed sex for any reason. Though, he did think that Ares, as a Goddess, would be dark haired. That was when he knew the stress of listening to his nephew's frightened crying was getting to him.
"Shall we just get this over with?" He asked, hoping Dite would stand back and let him break some heads.
"My pleasure!" With that Aphrodite lunged into the group of kidnappers, and really let her feeling be known!
"Aphrodite!" Hercules tried to call her back from her course of action, only to be stopped by a hand touching his arm.
"She has her reasons, leave her, my money's on her anyway. She's a lot tougher than she looks.. so shall we?" Iolaus indicated the large group of bad guys, fighting the Goddess of Love, and losing, yet managing to keep the baby out of her grasp. It was only a matter of time before either she was actually hurt, or the baby was, and that was a situation that no one in their right minds wanted to face.
"Suppose we'd better join her then!" Hercules waded in to the fight, Iolaus by his side, fists and feet flying, trying to reach his nephew. "I want my nephew back, and I want him back now!" His deep voice boomed out, everyone in the town must have heard him!
While all eyes were on the Goddess, and her half brother, Iolaus snuck up close to the man with the screaming baby in his arms.
"Mine!" The blond man shouted, right before he punched the man, square on his nose, breaking it, and his hold on Strife. He turned to face his partner. "Heads up, Herc!" He shouted, got Hercules' attention and threw Strife over the heads of the men surrounding him.
The baby flew into the air, his squeals of fear becoming squeals of delight. The blond mortal knew how to play the flying game! Uncle Cuddly had to have taught him how to play the flying game! He landed in Uncle Snuggly's arms. He squealed in delight. Then a nasty, frightening man hit uncle Snugly and tried to take him back.
"Dite!" Uncle Snugly threw him into the air once more, and again he was laughing and flying! Aunty Comfy definitely knew the flying game. She caught him, held him close, squealed her own delight at holding him, so he squealed right back at her, trying to warn her that there was a bad man behind her, with a big stick!
As she was struck across the back of her head, Dite threw Strife even higher into the air, and turned to face the foolish mortal that had hit her.
"Why you..!" She punched him, he too flew, but in the opposite direction.
Strife giggled and whee-ed as he rose into the air, little legs and arms flailing about, as if to help him get higher yet. He giggled all the way down too, sure that some one would catch him, some one always did!
Iolaus saw the baby heading for the ground, picking up speed as he began his downward arc. He dove forward, up onto the shoulders of the idiot in front of him. From his added height he caught Strife first, and threw him high into the air yet again. This time, with his hands free he lifted the helmet off his victim and used it to club the man in to the ground. Just as the man fell, Iolaus caught Strife once more. He turned to run with the baby and head for Ares' temple, and came face to face with six of the ugliest, nastiest, meanest, bad guys he'd ever seen. All that remained upright of the kidnappers.
"Iolaus!" Hercules found himself in the clear and called to his companion. Seeing him, Iolaus threw Strife up into the air yet again, arcing him over the bad guys heads, and then he charged them. Keeping their attention on him!
Aphrodite saw his move and ran at the men from behind, physically picking the nearest one up and using him as a club against some of his fellows.
Strife screamed, giggled, and loved flying, especially when Uncle Snugly caught him.
"Goo ga, ha ha na pfpfpfpf!" He tried to tell Uncle Snugly just how much he loved him, especially when he played 'the game' with him, but Uncle Snuggly seemed a bit busy at the moment to really listen to him.
The fight wore on, the bad guys lay around the victors, in little heaps, the market stalls they had crashed into also lay around them in little heaps, as did the goods they had held, for the sellers to sell, and the buyers to buy! Absolute silence reign supreme.
Except for the happy sound of a baby God telling everyone how wonderful Uncle Snugly and Aunty Comfy were, and how the blond friend was great at playing the flying game! But somehow, no one was really listening to his words, just the sounds they made coming out his mouth.
"We'd better get him back, before Ar comes looking for him." Dite lead the way back across the market place, Strife firmly held in Hercules' arms, this time no one tried to impede the Godly family as they took their baby home.
As for the bad guys, the market people sold them for a handsome profit, and the tale of the Goddess of Love's daring rescue of a baby took on epic proportions.
And when Ares turned up to collect his nephew, he found Strife, sound asleep in Hercules' arms, having had a remarkably fun day out with Aunty Comfy.
"Come on, little man, time you went home!" Ares gently took Strife from Hercules and cuddled him close. "Was he any trouble?" He asked his once more pink clad sister.
"What, Strife? Trouble? He's a baby Ar, a cutesy, little baby! G'night sweat pea!" She kissed the sleeping baby on the tip of his nose and smiled up at the War God. "Later bro!" And she flashed out, back to her Hephaestus.
"You going home too?" Hercules asked his brother.
"Yeah, gotta get him sorted, bathed, fed, changed, you know the drill?" Ares looked at his brother as he spoke, not something he normally did, and saw the flash of painful memory fly across his eyes. "You wanna come help?" He offered.
"Sure, but what about you Iolaus?" They turned and found Iolaus was asleep on the couch Aphrodite had created for him.
"Cupid?" Ares called out to his eldest son. "Move Iolaus to my home palace, would you?" Iolaus dully vanished, as did the War God, his brother and their nephew. "I'm glad he was no trouble, he can be a right handful when he chooses, ya' know?.." And as the light from their moving faded, so too did Ares' voice.