JANUARY 1995
We're at Uncle Bobby's. He wanted us to celebrate Elouise's first birthday in a real home, with a real cake and a real party. Oh and real presents. The party will take place in a few hours.
Bobby said that it'll be my birthday party too. I said that if that was what he wanted, I was okay with that. Really, I don't care. I haven't had a birthday party since forever. It's not a big deal. But Bobby wants to celebrate, so I'm gonna dress up nice, and play along.
Elouise and I will be the Queen and the King of this party. I bought us matchin outfits. I'll wear black jeans, a white and red T-shirt, a black over shirt and my leather jacket. Oh, and my boots. I must say that I look good. I'm going to wear these clothes, for real. Maybe when I'll go out with Rose. You know Rose is this chick I met at the store the other day, she is really hot, with those legs and that a**...Okay this is not the time to think about sex.
She is really hot though.
So yes, Elouise. She is the cutest baby to ever cute. She looks like Sammy. She has thin soft brownish hair and big brown eyes. Her cheeks are always red and she has a smile on like every seconds of the day. That's the reason we call her Giggles.
She is starting to walk too. So world get ready!
In the last months, she started to speak better: now she can pronounce my and Sam's names quite well, she calls dad, "Da" and Uncle Bobby, "LBo". Anyways, I bought her this black velvet dress, with red borders and a white collar. She is beautiful. Together we look amazing!
Sammy makes fun of me. He says that I'm a mother-hen. But really I'm not. I love Giggles, she is like a cold breeze in a summer day. She remind me of why I do my job. You know, sometimes it gets really bad, I'd like to do the thing that other kids my age do: go to parties, to the sea, to the cinema with friends. Then I remember that what I do is far most important than those little things. I can have fun hunting too. With Sammy and Elouise I have fun, we're always together. They're my family.
"Deeeeeen"
I think that Elouise requires my attention.
"Hey Giggles, are you ready to party hard?"
She just look at me and smiles. Then she starts making little noises and kind of jumping on the bed. She is ready to party.
"Okay, Okay don't get all excited! The party is not even started yet!"
I pick her up and start going down the stairs. Sammy locked us up in our room. He wanted the party to be a surprise, so Elouise and I spent the afternoon playing with Ba and reading the Grimm's Fairytales.
I don't know if she understands the stories, but she loves the pictures, especially the animals one.
"Hey, hey, hey...where do you think you are going?" Sammy b***. "I'm not finished yet! Go back in the room! NOW, Dean! It's a surprise!"
"Calm down Sammy. Take a breath, and slow it down. We're going to sit here and wait for you to finish. Me and Elouise have to read "The Donkey" fairytale. So we're good for like another 20 minutes. Keep calm and do what you have to do."
Sammy seems to calm down. He nods at me and goes back to his business.
I take the fairytales book and start reading.
"ONCE UPON a time there lived a King and a Queen, who were rich, and had everything they wanted except one thing: they had no children. The Queen lamented over this day and night, and said, "I am like a field on which nothing grows." At last God gave her her wish, but when the child came into the world, it did not look like a human child, but was a little donkey..."
Elouise really enjoy when we read to her. Our voices soothe her.
"Deeen ...Doo doo...Deen"
She is pointing the donkey drawn on the page.
"Yes, Giggles. This is a donkey. What does the donkey says? Hee Haw- Hee Haw"
She laugh.
"Eee-ooo-Eee-ooo...hihihi ...Eee-ooo-eee-ooo"
Oh God, what did I do? Now she'll continue with this sound for an eternity. Sammy is gonna skin me alive. The last time she continued to meow for hours. It was three days ago.
"Deen"
She put her head on my shoulder and starts sucking on my shirt. She is hungry.
"Hey Sammy, Uncle Bobby are you done? I think that Elouise is going to eat me if we don't give her some foods in the near future"
"Yes, Dean. You two can come in, Sam is done preparing the best party ever".
We walk into the room. On the bookshelf there is this festoon that says: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", then at the window there are other festoons and the floor is covered with balloons. But the most beautiful thing was the pie that was on the table. It was a homemade one-you can tell from the color of the crust and the smell in the air- with on top two birthday candles, one blue and the other pink.
Sammy is behind the table smiling. Near him there is Bobby. Dad's sitting on the couch. They're smiling. Elouise is making the sweetest little squeaky noises. She is happy. I think I'm shocked. I'm kind of stuck there. I can feel tears in my eyes. Sammy outdid himself.
"Hey Dean, whatcha say?"
"Sammy it's perfect. Yeah" I cough and clear my voice, "...it's perfect."
I feel a little awkward. I don't like being at the center of the attention, despite what everyone thinks.
"Hey why are y'all staring at me? Did I by chance grow b***? Isn't this a party? So let's party!"
I put Elouise on the chair in front of the table, I stand near her.
"Hey can we blow out the candles, so we can all eat this exquisite pie? Hey Sammy what flavor is it?"
"Apple, Dean... Isn't that your favorite?"
"F*** YESS!"
"DEAN, don't you swear in front of your sister!"
"Sorry, Sir. Won't happen again...Right, Sweetheart? Your big bro is never going to swear again when your little ears are near. We don't want you to grow up with the vocabulary of a longshoreman. Do we? No, we don't"
Elouise took my head in her chubby little hands and give me a slobbery kiss on the nose.
"Deen! hihih"
"Okay, Giggles. We are going to blow the candles. Look at me. "
I blow on the candle. She look at me and try do the same. She fails. She try again. She fails again.
"Deeeeen"
She starts whining.
"Ok Giggles. Sammy and I are going to help you out. Sammy come here and blow with me. At the count of three, okay? One...Two. Three.*Blow* HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIGGLES!"
"Yeah HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIGGLES! AND DEAN TOO!"
"Happy Birthday kids!"
Dad stands up and comes near us.
"Happy birthday, Son."
He pats me on the back and then he takes Giggles in his arms.
"Happy birthday, Elouise."
And he kiss her head. She laughs.
"Ok guys...Now is pie time."
We cut the pie and start eating. Me and Sammy are sitting on the floor. Bobby is on the chair behind the table. Dad and Elouise are on the sofa. She is eating little pieces of apple from Dad's pie. Then suddenly she get off dad's lap and land on the floor. She stand up, using the couch as support, and turns towards us. This isn't unusual. In fact she can stand by herself for a few weeks, now.
"Deen! Ammy!"
She stretches her arms toward us.
"Deen! Ammy!"
She start moving her right foot. Is she...
She takes a step, then another, and another one. She is walking. SHE IS WALKING.
"Come on Giggles. Another step. You can make it. Come on! YASSS"
I take her and make her spin.
"You did it! Have you seen her, Sammy?"
Sammy is making faces at her.
"Yes! She walked!" He take Giggles from me." Who is the best walker on the planet? Who's the girl who didn't need no help? Yeah It's , GIGGLES, GO!"
"Sammy are you singing Johnny be good, to Elouise?"
"No, Dean. Your mind is playing tricks on you."
We sit down again. Now Elouise is sitting in my lap, eating all the apples from my pie. Seriously, if it would have been anybody else I would have cut his\her hands off. But Giggles is the exception. She can have whatever she wants from me. And from Sammy too. She will be a spoiled little girl. But who gives a f***? Not me, nor Sammy or Bobby or Dad.

Speaking of dad...He seems sad. Why is he sad? I mean we're at this fantastic party. No one is hurt or is dying or is dead. We're all good. The pie is fan-f***-tastic - I have to ask Sam the recipe- and Giggles started to walk.
Oh...Now I get it. None of his sons take the first step towards him. Yeah, it sucks. But hey life is a b***, and why is he sad? Giggles walking means that we can defend her better, and if we are in trouble, she can run too now. Maybe not right now. But if we give her a year or two... And her walking means she her health is good. So suck it up like a real man and be happy, for a f*** moment.
Anyway, now is present time. We start open the boxes. The first one is from Bobby and Sammy. The first is a new Zippo Lighter. It's simple, but it's cool. The second are sunglasses. They're f*** cool. They're like the one in Top Gun. Elouise gets a new beanie and a pair of sunglasses.
"Thanks Guys, we really appreciate it"
Now it is Dad turn. He give us his gifts, then go back on the couch. Elouise is having fun with the wrapping paper. I think she doesn't understand the gift mechanism yet. I open my present. It's dad's jacket. The leather one. Wow. Like...wow. I've been bugging him for ages for this jacket. I'm speechless.
"Thank you Sir. I really like it."
I smile at him.
"You're welcome"
Elouise is now opening her. It's a leather jacket. It's like mine but smaller.
"By chance, did you make an agreement? Like 'let's see who wear it better'?"
They're all laughing their a** off.
"We're up to your challenge. Aren't we Giggles?"
We put on our new jackets and sunglasses. Then I strike a pose, while holding Elouise. She doesn't seem to enjoy her new sunglasses.
"Who wears it better? We're waiting."
I strike a new pose.
"This is the 'on the beach with a martini, while a sexy chick is passing in front of me' pose."
CLICK.
Sammy, like the little s*** he is, took a photo of us. I'm gonna kill him.
"Sammy, now you are going to destroy that camera, or I won't be considered responsible for my action"
"Dean, another one for the fans!"
The little brat is running and taking photos at the same time. Elouise is laughing and clapping her hands. Dad and Bobby are shaking their heads.
Half an hour later, we're all sitting at the kitchen table. The party is over. This was my best birthday, since mom's death. Elouise is now asleep in my arms. Sammy is smiling while eating soup. Dad and Bobby are arguing over a beer. It's all so quiet and peaceful.
It's in times like this that I start to think. It's so simple to be normal and happy, why can't we have this all the time?