a/n: While I was writing this story, every time I saw a Jones brothers gifset on my tumblr dash I would try to find a way to save Liam. Ultimately though, a miraculous recovery would undermine the contrast between Killian's turn to piracy on the show and the choice he made in this fic when he still has Emma and her love. So here, have some self-loathing and some Captain Charming! There's just the epilogue left and it's already written so look for that in a week or so once I've finished editing it. Almost finished!
It was the warmest day of the year so far, the first time it had truly felt like spring since the weather had begun to change. Emma stood beside her parents, almost uncomfortable in her black mourning clothes under the bright sun. With the treaty unsigned, the Jewel damaged, and the Nautica's legal status still uncertain the Lady Eva had been quietly launched and now carried Emma's family and the combined Southern Isles officer corps out to sea as they lay Captain Liam Jones to rest.
Liam's lieutenant was reading from a book of prayers but Emma's eyes were on Killian as he stood, hands clasped and head bowed, beside the plank that Liam's body was laid out on. One of a pair of blazing torches obscured her view of him and she wished that she could see his face, wished that she could hold his hand through this and know what he was thinking.
Her father had been waiting for them with a retinue of knights when they had finally gotten back to the docks the day before and from there it had been an endless series of telling and re-telling of events. They'd been swept up into emergency meetings that left barely any time for worry or grief. By the end of the day, Hans had been imprisoned and both ships cordoned off and placed under guard pending an investigation. There would be more meetings in the coming days as her parents decided how to proceed diplomatically, but with the immediate crisis handled the funeral arrangements had become their next priority.
She'd been surprised, then, to turn around and find that Killian was no longer at her side. They'd had to go to his lieutenant to learn the Southern Isles funeral protocol and despite her efforts she hadn't seen her captain again for the rest of the night. All she knew was that despite a prepared room and an invitation from her parents, he'd not slept at the castle.
She couldn't help but wonder if it was her; if he blamed her for Liam's death like she blamed herself. She wondered if he regretted coming here, if she would lose him not to death but to bitterness and grief. If she'd just been more careful in rejecting Hans, if she'd not flirted with Killian onboard the Jewel...
The lieutenant finished his reading and moved to stand on the side of Liam opposite from Killian.
"We all come from the sea," he called out.
Emma's heart ached as the response went up from the Southern Isles officers, "And to its depths we must return."
The two of them lifted the plank and Emma wrapped her arms around herself as Liam's body slid into the ocean. With the late afternoon funeral ended, she knew that the Lady Eva would soon turn to take them back to port. Her presence would be expected at the wake her parents had planned, though more public performing was the last thing she wanted to do. She couldn't help but resent the fact that the wake was just as much to monitor the sailors' political chatter as it was to honour their fallen guest.
While the rest of his countrymen had scattered about the deck, Killian stayed leaning against the rail, staring out across the sea. Her parents had already started making the rounds with personal condolences and under other circumstances Emma might have done the same. But the thought of passing among the Southern Islanders as though she did not share in their grief felt false and she gave in to the nervous ache in her gut, joining Killian at the side of the ship.
He let out a deep breath as her arm pressed against his, glancing over at her but not speaking. Cautiously, she reached over and took his hand, lacing their fingers together as she had so many times before. He didn't pull away but didn't pull her closer either so she stayed quietly next to him the entire way back to port, tracing circles around his knuckle with her thumb. He squeezed her hand when they finally docked, letting go and stepping away from her. Emma wanted to reach out to him, to follow, but the hurt in his eyes stopped her in her tracks and she watched helplessly as he left the ship, disappearing into the crowd.
"You should go after him," her mother said, joining her at the side of the ship and waving serenely to the people gathered on the dock.
Emma shook her head. "I don't think he wants to be around me right now. I can't really blame him," she shrugged.
"Listen to me, Emma," Snow White said firmly, grabbing her daughter by the arms and turning her to face her. "I know you feel guilty, but this is not about you. Liam's death was not your fault. If you love Killian, then you need to be there for him. You need to fight for him."
"I didn't know you were such a big fan of his."
"I don't need to be. You're my daughter, and I'm a fan of you. You love him, Emma. Go."
She could feel the tears threatening and sniffled to try and keep them at bay. "I don't even know where he went."
Her mother pressed a familiar tiny velvet pouch into her hand and gently wiped away her tears. "I have it on good authority that despite the guards he spent last night on the Jewel of the Realm. I would start there."
Emma threw her arms around her mother, hugging her tightly before pulling away to slip into the bowels of the ship. When she emerged to quietly disembark with the rest of the mourners it was with the glamour charm around her neck. Nobody questioned her presence or why the princess was suddenly missing and she breathed a sigh of relief when the group turned towards the castle and left her behind.
The Jewel was one berth over, set to be moved to Depeford later in the week for repairs, and she easily found a tucked away corner to remove the enchanted necklace. Killian may have been able to talk his way onto the ship, but she knew Princess Emma would have an easier time of it without her disguise. Sure enough, the guard let her pass without comment and she kept her gaze away from the damaged bow as she descended below deck.
The door to the captain's quarters was shut and she took a deep breath, reminding herself that this was for Killian. If he didn't want to see her then she would wait somewhere else but she was not leaving the ship until he did. She would stand vigil for him… even if he said he didn't want her anymore.
Killian opened the door when she knocked, his body blocking her entry with one hand on the edge of the wood and his shoulder pressed against the frame. His mouth was set in a firm line and he didn't seem surprised to see her at all, taking a pull from the open flask in his left hand. Emma opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it.
"You shouldn't be here," he said. "It's not proper."
Disdain laced his last word but she refused to flinch. "Killian, you just lost your brother. There's no place else I should be."
His hand tightened on the edge of the door but he didn't open it and she sighed.
"Look I… I understand if you don't want to see me and I'll give you your privacy if you tell me to leave. But I wanted you to know that I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."
"You should. I almost murdered someone in cold blood right in front of you. I'm not fit to be near you, let alone love you."
For a long moment it felt like she just stared at him, her mouth hanging open with words she couldn't string together. She'd thought he blamed her, but now realized that his absence was for another reason altogether. They were each so wrapped up in their own pain and guilt that it was pulling them away from each other when they should have been drawing closer.
Emma pushed at the door and Killian didn't resist, letting it open all the way as she immediately closed the space between them. He stayed stock still until she pressed her lips to his for a brief kiss and when she drew back he all but collapsed into her arms, burying his face in her neck and holding her to him tightly. She combed her fingers through his hair, swaying with him and murmuring assurances — that she loved him, that she would always see the best in him — the way he had for her when he'd pulled her from the water.
When he finally let go she took his hand and led him into his quarters, closing the door gently behind them.
For the second day in a row Killian stood and watched as repairs were made to the Jewel of the Realm. It felt wrong to see her out of the water. The damage from Hans hadn't been extensive, but Emma's parents had ordered every inch inspected and the Depeford shipyard crew had immediately been pulled from building the Lady Ruth to see to his ship.
His brother's ship. Ever since Liam's death he'd had a hard time thinking of the Jewel as his own. Liam may have been captain of the Nautica when he'd died, but the Jewel had been his ship before Killian had ever been assigned to it and it was because of his brother that the ship had been more of a home than any other he'd served on through his youth. The years he'd spent sailing with his brother... before Emma it was the happiest he'd ever been.
He was always going to lose the Jewel. He knew that choosing Emma would mean giving the ship up. He just hadn't expected to lose his brother as well.
He should have lost everything, he brooded. It baffled him that his princess still wanted him. He'd nearly given into the dark need for vengeance, nearly ignored her pleas and gutted Hans right in front of her. He could have plunged their countries into war and chaos with the press of his blade and he couldn't even say for certain that he'd have regretted it.
Having Hans so near... the urge to take revenge still chafed at him, the knowledge that his brother's murderer was under the same roof, within reach. It was enough to make Killian regret caving in to Emma and agreeing to stay at the castle.
He knew he should leave. He'd all but renounced his king and commission onboard the Nautica and hadn't worn his uniform since Liam's funeral. The treaty wouldn't be signed, and even if it were he had no rank to transfer. Hans would be returned to the Southern Isles and he would doubtlessly sully his brother's memory in an attempt to cover his own misdeeds. His country would judge them as traitors, as even worse than the father who'd abandoned ship and deserted him as a child. They'd bring glory back to the Jones name, Liam had said once. Instead he'd shattered it forever. Emma deserved better than what he'd become.
Yet he couldn't make himself leave. He always had had a bit of a selfish streak.
He could hear someone approaching but didn't bother turning to greet them, expecting it to be Emma come to draw him back to the castle. She had come to the shipyard with him the day before but he had managed to evade her that morning. She had responsibilities and he... he just had her. And the Jewel, for a little while longer at least.
"I hear my daughter stole your ship."
Killian startled at the king's voice and turned to give a hasty bow only to have it waved off. "Borrowed it, she claims," he said, straightening. "I appreciate you pulling men from the Lady Ruth to have her repaired."
"My mother was a patient and generous woman. I see no reason why her ship should not follow her example."
The king crossed his arms over his chest as they both stood watching the crew work and Killian let the conversation lapse until he realized just what Emma's father had said.
"I'm sorry, your... mother?" Every account that he'd read said that King George had married Queen Gertrude and that she'd borne him a son before falling victim to a smallpox epidemic.
King James chuckled. "I take it Emma didn't tell you that story." At Killian's frown, he continued. "Well, you already know about the glamour charm and the curse. I don't see what harm you could do knowing that James was actually my twin brother and that I was raised as a shepherd."
"The king did not want a fight over succession," he supplied as understanding dawned on him. "So he gave you up."
"It was the other way around, actually. My parents gave my brother up because they couldn't afford to keep us both and survive. I didn't even know I had a brother, let alone that he was a prince, until I had to step in and take his place." He paused, then, "I can't imagine what these past days have been like for you."
The sad thing for Killian was that before this he could have. After all, it was not the first time that he had lost his family. When he'd been a lad of only eight years, he'd spent months on the street until his brother had taken an unauthorized leave from the naval academy to track him down. Liam had saved his life then too, and Killian would never be able to repay the favour.
"He was going to be made admiral," he said, his voice breaking. "Liam, I mean. And now he'll never..."
The king clasped his shoulder firmly. "We honour them by what we make of ourselves. My brother was a thief and a liar, and King George a tyrant. It's my mother who I honour with the way Snow and I choose to rule, even if history will never know it."
Killian shook his head. "How would you have me honour him? I have no rank, no ship, and no country. In the Southern Isles my brother will be called a traitor rather than a hero."
"But not here. None of those things are true here. Join us, and be a part of something else."
It was more than he had hoped for or felt he deserved given his actions onboard the Nautica but while Killian may prefer to languish in self-loathing he was not so deeply mired in it that he would refuse such an offer. Perhaps the king was right. There was nothing he could do to change what had happened. The only thing he could change was what it would make him become. When Liam had risked his naval career to pick him up off the streets Killian had dedicated himself to becoming worthy of such a sacrifice. Now, when his brother had given up his life to save him, the gnawing guilt had made him want to throw it all away. Liam deserved better than that as a legacy, he resolved.
Killian had vowed to never again serve treacherous royalty, but a shepherd who had fallen in love with a princess? That was a banner he could follow.
"What's your name?"
The king's brows pinched together. "I'm sorry?"
If he was going to do this, then he was going to do it right. "If it's not James, what is it? Not Charming, I hope."
"It's David."
Killian nodded and dropped to one knee. He would have to do this again before the court, he knew. Oaths of this sort required witnesses, but for now his brother's ship would have to do. Killian took a deep breath, realizing he didn't know the Enchanted Forest's proper words, but he plowed ahead anyway, his voice thick as he spoke.
"I swear that I will bear true allegiance to Their Majesties King David and Queen Snow White and all their Heirs and Successors. From this day forward I will faithfully observe the laws of their land and fulfil whatever duty they set before me."
The king regarded him for a long moment before he finally offered his hand. "Stand up, Captain, and tell me what you think of renaming the Jewel."