Memories of the Heart by Betty Bokor
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

Memories of the Heart

Chapter 30

Sam stood behind as the others approached Daniel. She was not sure that she wanted to see him sleeping there. It brought too many memories of other times.

After everyone but Teal'c had left, Sam got closer with Jennifer. Teal'c excused himself for a moment and left them alone with Daniel.

He looked very different. The first thing she could see was that his hair was extremely short.

"Jack must be happy with the military haircut," she told Jennifer with a smile. She looked at him carefully; even under the covers and with all the monitors the doctor had connected to him, she could see how his body had changed. "He looks different. I mean, he was in great shape when he left, but now he looks so much more… I don't know how to say it; I can't find a word. Do you think it's because of the steroids they gave him?"

"No. You read the report. It's been too long since they last tried that with him. There are no traces at all in his blood, but that's logical. I'd say the physical training of the soldiers was far more intensive than we thought. He probably kept doing it while he was in the cell. It must have helped him survive the punishment. He's in very good shape in spite of all his injuries."

"So you think we can take him out of here this weekend?"

"Yes, I think he'll do fine. Where are you going to take him?"

"Jack thought he should go with him, as usual, but his new house is pretty small. We decided that he'll go to my house. You've seen those rooms that are by the library. We've made them into a small apartment, almost. He has a bedroom in the first room, the one with the bathroom, and then we put his desk, a sofa, and some chairs in the other room. Most of his other stuff is in the library. Jack and Teal'c can stay in the guest room any time they want, to help. Besides, Cassie is always in the house when she's not here, so… he won't be alone."

"And Danny will be there, too."

"Yeah. I want him close to Daniel."

Teal'c came back and the women left him with Daniel.

Jack had been in Teal'c's place for less than half an hour when he realized that Daniel had just squeezed his hand. He stood up and looked at his face.

Daniel moaned softly and then opened his eyes. He blinked several times and then he focused on Jack.

"Hey, Jack."

"Hey, Danny-boy," he answered and immediately started calling the nurses. "How are you doing?"

Daniel took a few seconds. "Okay," he finally said. "You look kind of blurry, but then, I can't remember anything looking fine lately. I don't know how long it's been since I lost my glasses."

"Well, that's something we can take care of; we have a new pair for you. Dr. Keller will bring them soon."

"Keller? What happened to Lam?"

"She left when Hank went to Washington."

"Washington, eh? There with you?"

"I'm again happily retired. This time is final."

"Okay… If you say so." He paused. "Keller… There was a Keller working with Carson Beckett in Atlantis."

"One and the same. Sam offered her the job. They're good friends and she had a good record in Atlantis. And talking about Atlantis-"

"How's Sam doing?"

Jack was about to answer when Jennifer came in and made him leave the room to examine Daniel. When she finished, Teal'c was there with Jack. They went back into Daniel's room.

"It's good to see you again, DanielJackson," Teal'c said.

"It's great to see you, too. Teal'c." He looked at Teal'c's hairdo and added, "That's new. The last time I saw you, your hair was shorter."

"The last time I saw you, your hair was longer." Teal'c replied.

Daniel raised his hand and touched his head. "Wow. Didn't realize it was so short."

Jennifer came back with the glasses.

Daniel put them on and smiled. "That's much better. So, where are the others?"

"Cam and Vala will be here soon. They don't know you're awake yet. We just wanted you to take it easy," Jack explained.

"Okay," Daniel said. "So, tell me about Sam," he added, starting to get worried because she was not there.

"SamanthaCarter is a Lieutenant General now and she is in charge of the S.G.C. She will be here as soon as she is finished with the debriefing of SG-5," Teal'c said proudly.

"Wow… I've really been gone for three years, haven't I? I mean, the Furlings told me, but it's kind of hard to believe. The last thing I remember is going on a mission with SG-1."

"Yep, three years, Danny-boy. And there's something else you should know about Sam, just in case you notice she's gotten bigger-"

"Bigger?" Daniel asked, surprised at the comment.

"Mostly around here by now," Jack said as he put his arms in front of his chest, "but the rest is coming along."

"What?"

"SamanthaCarter is pregnant, with twins," Teal'c explained.

Daniel was shocked, but did not show it. "Twins?"

"Yep, and she already has a toddler, two-year old," Jack added and looked at Daniel to see if he remembered that.

"All right. I take you're not… I mean, you keep saying she has-"

"Oh, no, no. They aren't mine," Jack said almost defensively.

"Who did she marry?" Daniel asked softly.

"She's not married. Got the kids through that bank thing-"

"Artificial insemination with sperm from the sperm bank," Teal'c clarified expressively.

"Okay," Daniel replied.

Jack made a gesture of annoyance at Teal'c's candor, but internally he started worrying. Daniel seemed too detached. Jack decided to talk about something else. "Now, going back to what I was saying before, I bet you won't guess where we have Atlantis."

"You have Atlantis?"

"Yep."

"Where?"

"What? No try at guessing?"

"Jack…"

"Okay, okay. It's right outside of San Francisco, looking at the Golden Gate."

Daniel was stunned.

"It's a long story," Jack started to explain, when he was interrupted by Cameron and Vala.

They all stayed and chatted for another while until Jennifer asked them to let her patient take a break.

An hour later, while he was resting with his eyes closed, Daniel felt a presence in the room. He opened the eyes and saw Sam, standing by his bed, looking at him with tenderness.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey, Daniel. Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine."

Sam smiled. Of course; he was always fine. She sat down by his side. She was feeling uncomfortable; she did not know what to say because she was not sure of how much he remembered. "So, how much did they tell you about what happened?" she asked carefully.

"Not much. Since I woke up after the memory blocking procedure, I haven't remembered anything at all. I know it will all come back, but, fortunately, not yet. The Furlings gave me a general idea of the events and I have the same copy of the reports from the Odjods they gave you, but I haven't read much. Just the beginning. I was surprised by some things they said about me-"

"Like what?"

"The healing, for example. I don't remember how I did it."

"It looks like it worked. Jennifer said you have no scars," Sam offered.

Daniel smiled and looked down.

"Do you know you came to see me?" Sam tried.

Daniel looked at her with surprise.

"You were with me after my first son was born," she played with the truth.

He looked sad. "I don't remember that. That's the bad part of the block. It helps not having to dwell on the bad things, but the good memories are gone, too."

"Maybe they'll come back first."

"I hope. In any case, congratulations on the three babies."

"Thanks," Sam smiled. "And what's the last thing you remember from before Astrada?" Sam asked, hoping they could talk about their night together.

"Actually, I don't remember Astrada at all. My last memory is from you and I getting ready to go there for the first time."

Sam felt a knot in her stomach. He did not remember their night, their son, or the fact that he had admitted he was in love with her. She only hoped he still loved her, because now she was certain she loved him.

"Did Jack tell you we'll move you into my house? We've put together most of your stuff. Even the piano is on the main floor and we have your books and artifacts, all in the library by your room. You'll see."

"Don't worry, Sam. I'll be okay."

"All right. Go to sleep; you need to rest." She stood and leaned over him. She kissed his forehead very softly and said, "I'm glad you're back, Daniel."

"I'm glad, too, Sam."

Sam did not leave the room. She sat by his side and held his hand as their friends had done before.

Daniel was aware of her presence and of her warm hand holding his, but he remained still, with his eyes closed, because she gave him great comfort and he was afraid that she would leave if he did not try to fall asleep.

He was tremendously relieved to be back home. When he had woken up among the Furlings, he had felt shocked. Soon after they had shown him a recording made by himself after agreeing to the memory block. His appearance on the recording had shaken him more than the physical appearance of the Furlings he had finally got to meet. His own words had worried him deeply. He understood the logic of his decision, but he felt the weight of being amnesiac again. The fact that he still remembered his own identity was somewhat of a relief, but he was getting tired of never coming out unscathed.

He knew he would have to read the documents they were offering him before his memory came back, so that he had enough time to process what had happened to him and deal with it, before the atrociousness he had hinted at during the video could hit him.

As he enjoyed Sam's company, fatigue won the battle and, soon, Daniel was fast asleep.

Sam noticed the change in his breathing, but did not move from his side. Cassie was home with Danny; consequently, she could spend the night with Daniel without worrying. Besides, it had been a crazy day at the S.G.C. Two teams had gotten into trouble off-world and she had been debriefing them for hours.

As she held Daniel's hand, Sam recalled all the times she had been there doing the same. She found comfort in the fact that this time he was out of danger, visibly recovering. Physically, that was, because anyone who had read that report could see that he was going toward hard times, as soon as his memory started coming back.

Sam sighed. Now that he was finally there with her, all the feelings he had awaken on her before going away, were slowly coming back. She moved her fingers over his hand and remembered the softness of his skin. She wished she could lie down by his side and make sure that he was not a figment of her imagination.

She pondered why, though most of her adult life she had slept alone, after just one night with Daniel, she had begun thinking of the vastness of her bed as she lay there on her own. For the first time in her life she had felt the emptiness between her arms when there was no Daniel to hold.

She suddenly realized that perhaps she had decided to have children to fill that void that had never been there before him. How many nights, in the peek of her agony, had she gone to Danny's room and held him as he slept? It had been so comforting… Now she felt guilty about it.

No; she was too harsh on herself. She loved to hold Danny; she loved to spend every minute she could with him; she loved to see the hints of Daniel in him. He was not a replacement; he was the love of her life, even more than Daniel himself. Some days she was amazed at how much she loved that little person who had changed her life so deeply. She could even imagine how much she would love the twins. So much love, for years untapped, all for them now.

And for Daniel. No matter how long it took, she was going to bring him back to health and to her life. To their life. They were going to be a family and Daniel was going to have what had been missing from his life from so early.

Early in the morning, after Vala came to replace her, Sam left Daniel in good hands.