Memories of the Heart by Betty Bokor
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

Memories of the Heart

Chapter 35

On Monday morning, Sam woke up Daniel very early, before going to work. She brought him breakfast and asked him to take his pain medicine. She wanted to be sure that he was not in pain ─like the day before─ when she helped him with his bandage.

Daniel obeyed her quietly and with a shy smile, but when she came later to start helping him with his deep breathing, his mood had changed and he looked uncomfortable. He was definitely still in pain, though probably less, but there was something else she could not figure out. Unfortunately, she had a heavy day ahead at work and she could not stay home to find out what was happening. Daniel would not let her know easily. It would take much more than just asking him.

With that worry in mind, she went to the S.G.C., leaving Danny with his nanny and Daniel on his own.

When Jack got to the house around noon, bringing lunch, he found Daniel trying to get to the basement.

"What do you need from there? I can go get it," he offered

"I need some of my weights. There's not much Keller allows me to do, but I need to keep in shape."

Jack thought Daniel had been replaced by an alien. It had taken a lot of effort to convince him, many years ago, that if he was to stay in SG-1 he would need to strengthen his body as much as his mind. After he had, at last, agreed to start a physical training program, it had never become something he enjoyed doing, but something he felt he had to do. Why on Earth he was thinking of doing it right now was something Jack could not understand. "You need to what?"

Daniel was about to answer, but he stopped right before saying the first word. He opened his mouth and Jack thought he looked baffled. "I don't know."

Jack took him back to the kitchen and gave him a cup of coffee. "Let's see. You were going to the basement to get your training equipment because…?"

Daniel thought for a while. "I've been feeling this need to keep in shape," he started, "like my life depends on it. It was one of the first things I asked Keller, what I could do. I even kept a basic routine while I was with the Furlings." He grimaced. "I couldn't do much, but I felt like I had to."

Jack sat down with a sigh. "You haven't read the whole thing, have you?"

"No."

"Well, you had a very rigorous training in the last months you spent there." He stopped. "Don't tell anyone I told you. They are all into the "let him remember" thing."

Daniel nodded.

"You were one of the few chosen. When they found out you had ratted them out to the Furlings, they decided to teach you a lesson… more like a few."

Daniel lowered his head.

"That's why you're hurt."

"So you think I was brainwashed into following the training routine or do you think I was keeping it up to survive or fight the teachings?"

"Either way, it would make sense, but you're not in danger anymore and you look in pretty good shape. You don't have to do it, but I don't see any harm in keeping it as long as it doesn't cause more harm than good. I'd let it go for a while, though, at least until the ribs have healed."

Daniel looked at the muscles of his arm. "I don't need to be in this shape,"

"Would impress the ladies…" Jack joked.

Daniel smiled and Jack felt better. He served the lunch he had brought and they chatted while they ate. He wanted to keep Daniel from dwelling on what he had been through lately, so the rest of the day he tried to keep him talking about the book he was going to write. They remembered good times and hairy situations. Jack made suggestions about incidents he thought should be included in the book and Daniel carefully took notes.

He was relieved that he could, at least, remember all those years.

A couple of hours before dinner time, they let the babysitter go to spend some time playing with Danny. It was a new experience for Daniel. His first morning with his son he had felt the need to share something with him and he had ended up teaching him sentences in various languages. Afterwards, he had thought he had behaved more like a professor than the father of a two-year old boy. Now, enjoying as he watched Jack and Danny rolling on the floor and building colorful towers with blocks, he started to grasp the concept. He knew innumerable games that had passed from generation to generation in the different cultures he had studied and he could share them with Danny. That did not mean he would not still teach him…

When Sam came home with Cassie, they all had dinner together. Sam carefully observed Daniel during the meal. He seemed to have overcome his discomfort toward her and he was smiling a lot. She also watched him interact with Danny. It reassured her that she had not been wrong when choosing him as the father of her children. Just looking at him as he helped his son learn how to use the fork correctly, with such tenderness and care, made her feel joyous.

After dinner, Sam helped Daniel with his breathing exercise one more time and, again, she felt he was uncomfortable with her. She started getting seriously worried.

Daniel went to bed early, but he was unable to sleep. He lay awake there for hours, fearful that, if he closed his eyes, the same images he had dreamt of the night before would come back. They had not been anything bad, not even erotic if he thought about it, but his dreams had been filled with images of Sam.

It had not been an everyday Sam either. It had been a tender Sam, whispering encouraging words in his ear; caressing his face with soft hands; kissing his closed eyes; lying, snuggled up against him, under the covers.

He knew they could not be memories resurfacing after the block. If he had had something with Sam, it would have happened before he went to Astrada and the memories should be there with all the rest.

He remembered having come to accept that he loved Sam as a woman and not only as a friend, but that had been many years before and, because Sam had never showed any interest on him, he had learned to live hiding his love for her.

He could only blame his breathing exercises for the whole problem. It was Sam's tender touch every time she unwrapped and re-wrapped the elastic bandages that had brought up all the repressed desires and caused the dreams. He felt so awfully guilty about having those inappropriate thoughts about her, after so many years of avoiding them, that he decided to start going to the S.G.C. to work in his office to get the chance of a nurse helping him instead of Sam. It was going to be a test of sorts. If the dreams stopped, it would be because he had severed their cause. If they came back, he would have to dig deeper or find another solution to the problem. Dreaming every night with her would not make his living in her house easy.

With that thought in mind, he finally fell asleep.

The next morning, when Sam went into the kitchen to make breakfast, she found Daniel had already fixed it for everybody.

"Wow! What time did you get up?"

"I couldn't sleep very well, so I thought I'd come do something more useful than just lying there."

"Have you taken your medicine?"

"Yeah, but don't worry about the breathing. I'm going to the S.G.C. to get started with the book and Keller will take a look, so I'll do it in the Infirmary."

"Okay."

She sat down and started drinking her glass of milk. She watched Daniel as he limped around the kitchen with one hand on his crutch and one working on the breakfast. She was not entirely surprised that he wanted Jennifer to help him with the bandages. She had noticed how uncomfortable he had been the day before. She wondered if it was just due to the pain or if it was her touch that made him uncomfortable. If he was in love with her, perhaps he was bothered by such proximity and, perhaps, she could use that to her advantage. Maybe if she found different ways to get closer to him, he would remember what had happened between them or he would allow himself to confess, again, his true feelings for her. Telling him about hers could be another good option.

She finished her milk and asked him, "Do you want to go with me?"

"No, thanks; don't worry. Jack will drive me there. He has something to do at the S.G.C, too; something about a trip he needs to do to Washington."

Sam nodded. She knew about that. In any case, she would get more chances to be alone with him. She was not in a hurry.