Memories of the Heart by Betty Bokor
Sam/Daniel. A mission goes horribly wrong while Sam's life is changed forever. Spoilers: All seasons, including 10 to the end.
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been closed his eyes. He did not want to see. He could remember enough.
Memories of the Heart
Chapter 38
"No, no, no, no…"
Sam was not sure if she had heard something of if she had been dreaming. Used to always sleeping alone, it took her a few seconds to remember Daniel was in her room.
"No, no, no, no… Please, no…"
She was certain this time. She had heard it. It was almost a whisper, pleading, begging, imploring.
"Please…"
Two words, repeated over and over, telling her so much…
She sat up in bed and turned on the light. Danny was stretched in the middle of the bed, comfortably sleeping under the covers, with his head on her lap and his feet propped against Daniel's back.
Daniel was at the edge of the bed, curled in a fetal position, his knees against his chest, his arms wrapped around them.
Sam felt her heart shrink. She had imagined that he could have nightmares, but to witness that moment was very different.
She got up, moved Danny to her spot and put a pillow by his side to stop him from reaching the edge. Then, she walked to the other side of the bed and knelt by Daniel's side.
She touched his arm very softly. "Hey," she whispered, "Daniel. Daniel, wake up; you're having a nightmare."
It took a few more seconds of prodding and calling him until he finally blinked awake. His breathing was fast and he looked disoriented.
"You were having a nightmare. You're okay now."
"Okay," he whispered.
"I'm going to turn off my light, but move a little," Sam said, making a gesture. "I'll sit here when I come back."
Daniel turned to check where Danny was.
"He'll be fine. He's on my side."
Daniel slowly moved toward the center of the bed as she went to turn off the light. Then, she walked back and sat on his spot with her back against the headboard. She put a pillow on her lap.
"Now, come here," she said. "Lay your head on this pillow."
Daniel obeyed her without a complaint.
"Danny likes to sleep like this when he has a nightmare," she said.
His breathing was calmer. "I'm a little bit bigger than him," he tried.
"I'll soon be bigger than the two of you together, so don't even try that."
"Has he already had nightmares?" He asked with worry.
"A couple of times. There are some cartoons around that would even give me nightmares. Sometimes I have trouble checking everything that comes out of that T.V."
"I'll help you whenever I can."
Sam stroked his hair softly. "Okay."
He sighed contentedly.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
He hesitated. "Not really."
"At least tell me if maybe it was a memory," she asked him.
"Yes… I'm pretty sure. I'm sorry I woke you up."
"Come on, Daniel. How many times have you helped me through my own nightmares? I still remember many missions after the Shavadai or after Jolinar… Jack used to put us in the same tent so that you'd have to deal with them."
Daniel chuckled. "I remember. After I got in trouble, he'd make me stay with Teal'c." Then, he got serious. "I'm glad you recovered from those experiences."
"You will, too. We'll all help as much as we can. I've read the whole report, so you can talk about it, if you want."
"We'll wake him up," he said.
"Danny? A Goa'uld shock grenade would not wake him up, but, if I left the room, he'd be out of bed in two minutes. I think he has a device in his head to constantly track my position," she said with a smile.
"We can talk tomorrow. Don't worry." He started moving away from her.
"Come back here," she said as he pulled him back towards her.
"You can't spend the night sitting there."
"You wouldn't want to know how I've spent some nights since the first time I got pregnant. Pain, nausea, baby colic…"
"But you don't have to do this one," he said without trying to get up.
"I don't mind." She stroked his hair again. "It's funny the feeling of your hair so short; it used to feel different," she said without thinking too much.
"What do you mean? You remember how my hair felt before?" Daniel asked with surprise.
Sam realized her mistake. "Well, for starters, it looked very different, especially when I met you. I'm sure I've touched it along the years, for one reason or other."
"It feels good," he said, settling back on the pillow. "I can't remember the last time anyone did that."
"I wish you did," Sam thought and continued her caress in the hopes of bringing back a little memory.
Daniel sighed.
"What?"
"Nothing. Just thinking."
"Tell me."
He hesitated. "Maybe I should move out of here."
Sam panicked. Thousands of ideas crossed her mind in seconds, from Daniel not loving her anymore to Daniel having interest in someone else. "Why?" She managed to ask.
"You don't know how I was before they blocked my memories. That wasn't even me… I don't want to be close to both of you if it happens again."
"If you stay close to us, it won't happen. We're here to help you. You need to talk about it. You have to talk to the psychiatrist at the base, anything to avoid getting to that point-"
"Sam, Sam… Take it easy. It was just a thought. I haven't decided anything yet."
Sam felt she was choking. She had so many things to tell him, she felt so much for him, but most of it had to be kept unsaid. "Promise me you won't leave."
Daniel thought for a few seconds before answering. "I can promise I won't leave without talking about it."
Sam was not happy, but she had to let it go. "Okay, thanks. Now, you need to rest. Go to sleep. I'll stay here."
"You need to sleep, too."
"I'll be fine. I've gotten used to sleeping a lot less in the last two years."
Daniel laughed softly. "Motherhood, eh?"
"Yep."
"As I said before, I'll help with that."
"You'll enjoy it; you'll see."
"I already do." He sighed again and closed his eyes. He thought there would be not many more chances like that one. He would enjoy every second of closeness to Sam.