Hey everyone, this was a hard to chapter to write... I remember back when I first read The Fault in Our Stars I imagined Augustus finding out about his relapse... it was awful. And now I'm writing it... I am so sorry about the feels you will endure during this chapter!

~Wallflower95

7

I don't like hospitals. Well, who likes hospitals? No one. Not a soul on this earth likes hospitals. Even the people who work there don't like hospitals. I don't like them for many reason. Seeing sick people. People suffering. Needles and all that. If you ask some other people they'll probably say the scariest thing at a hospital is getting a needle stuck in you or something like being next to dying people. To me the scariest thing at the hospital is the waiting. Waiting to hear some good news or some bad news. Waiting is the worst part. And that's what I'm doing. Waiting.

I leaning against the wall with my legs swinging back and forth and hitting the examining table. My mom sits in the waiting chair next to the bed. I knew something was wrong. I could feel it but every hope in me was praying that it was nothing. That I was fine. Unfortunately, the world is not exactly a wish-granting factory. After and hour and a half of waiting, Dr. Morrison came in.

I knew right there that it wasn't good news. I could see it in his eyes. Mom couldn't.

"I'm so sorry again for the last minute appointment Dr. Morrison. Augustus insisted. He his completely healthy we know." My mom said with a smile. Dr. Morrison didn't respond. Instead he lifted a film and put it on the screen. It looked like a Christmas tree. My mom was frozen. I was lit up like a Christmas tree. Dr. Morrison sighed.

"I am so sorry." He was explaining something to my mom. She had her hand on her mouth and she was shaking her head. I didn't hear much. Relapse. Everywhere. Radiation. Chemo. Everywhere.

I looked at the picture and I just couldn't get over the fact that I was lit up like a Christmas tree.

I stepped out of the room while Dr. Morrison and Mom talked. Probably discussing what kind of chemical drugs they'd put into my body. I didn't want to talk about it. I just felt like there was no point in fighting it. I was angry that it came back. When I was first diagnosed I was told that ninety out ten survived Osteasarcoma. Ninety out of ten. Was I really in that ten area? I took out my phone and went through my contacts and pressed Hazel Grace's number.

I didn't want to tell her that I was probably dying. I just wanted to hear her voice. The sound of crying answered.

"Hazel Grace?"

I didn't explain why we were going to Children's hospital and mom didn't ask any questions. The car hadn't even stopped at the entrance and I was already out the door. I headed straight for the ICU. There was a nurse on duty at the front desk. ICU has strict rules about family only in there. I watched as she grabbed a pile of papers and headed into the back room. I hobbled through the hallway and searched for her. She wasn't far. I entered her room and there she was.

It was quiet, the only sound in the room was the machinery attached to her. I sat down beside and I just looked at her. She's so beautiful. Really. I wouldn't bullshit this. She is beautiful. Her mom has said her lungs had been full of water. I looked at her unconscious figure. Her eyes closed. Her skin pale. Her fingers colored the blue black color. What would the world be like if we both just vanished? What if the cancer caught up to us we were no longer suffering person-hood?

What would that world be like?

I took her hand in mine and I kissed it. Above her head was a clear plastic bag, dripping into was cancer water.

And right there I wished that she would die so she would never find out I was dying as well. But then, I want time to fall in love with Hazel Grace because I really did love her and I wanted her to know that.

No, we can't go yet. I want more time. I want to leave my mark in the world. I want to fall in love with Hazel Grace.

"Excuse me, you can't be in here." A voice said behind me. I didn't answer at first.

"Will she be okay?" I asked. The guy sighed.

"She's still taking on a lot of water." He said. She's alive and that's all that mattered. I kissed her hand one more time, thanked the nurse and left the room.

It's been about a week and a half since I found out about the whole cancer coming back. I know my parents want to ta to me about the whole relapse thing but talking about it made me want to throw up. I still went to school. I still did normal Augustus things. I even emailed Peter Van Houten in my spare time.

Dear Mr. Van Houten,

Have you ever been in love? I have. I am. See, love can sometimes be difficult. Of course there are the usual arguments and drama problems. And then there are some cancer problems. I love Hazel Grace and I cannot un-love her. What she wants is to spare me pain because she is a ticking bomb waiting to explode. I have been through hell and back during my time with cancer and all I want is to be with her.

I want to love her but she pushes me away. How can I un-love someone? I know I can't save her. But I can be there for her when she explodes.

Yours truly,

Augustus Waters

He replied the next day. I folded his reply and put into my pocket.

One afternoon I was playing video games with Isaac. He had been going on and on about Monica breaking up with him again.

"I relapsed." I said out loud. That made him shut up.

"What?" I sighed.

"You should have seen my PET scan Isaac. It was like a Christmas tree." I said as I put an unlit cigarette in my mouth.

"Shit." Isaac said. He dropped his controller and my player got dropped by a dozen bullets. The words Game Over flashed on the screen. I looked over at Isaac.

"What the hell man? You're supposed to have my back." But Isaac didn't respond to that. He just looked at me.

"You relapsed?" I nodded.

"When?"

"Last week."

"Dude..." I shrugged my shoulders and went back to the game.

"It's not a big deal Isaac. Relapses happen all the time." But Isaac wasn't in the game anymore. He was somewhere else. Soon, I left to see Hazel Grace. Her parent said she was just recovering and all. I had been in the waiting room most days. Hoping to see her. Today, I got to. Mr. Lancaster lead me into her room. I felt a huge grin spread across my face. She looked like shit but I didn't care.

I sat down and leaned towards her.

"I missed you." I said. Her voice came out small and weak.

"Thanks for not trying to see me when I looked like hell." She said with a small smile.

"To be fair, you still look pretty bad." That got her to laugh.

"I missed you, too. I just don't want you to see... all this. I just want, like... It doesn't matter. You don't always get what you want." She said.

"Is that so? I'd always thought the world was a wish-granting factory."

"Turns out that is not the case." She said. God she was beautiful. I reached for her hand but she shook her head.

"No. If we're going to hang out, it has to be, like, not that."

"Okay." I said, although I was a little disappointed.

"Well, I have good news and band news on the wish-granting front."

"Okay?"

"The bad news is that we obviously can't go to Amsterdam until you're better. The Genies will however, work their famous magic when you're well enough."

"That's the good news?"

"No, the good news is that while you were sleeping, Peter Van Houten shared a bit more of his brilliant brain with us." I reached for her hand and slipped the piece of paper that had his reply on it. I gave her another big smile and left.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Before I sign off I just want to let you all know that I have finally published 'The Promises We Keep'. It is yet another tfios fanfiction of mine and it features the one and only Peter Van Houten before he became the author of AIA. It's sort of a prequel to The Fault in Our Stars. Please check it out and let me know what you think!:) Comment and review. Thanks guys!

~Wallflower95