Hey everyone! I'm sorry about this update. Work and school have been crazy busy. How is everyone? I hope you like the chapter. Please comment and review. I appreciate all your support and feedback :)

Okay?

~Wallflower95

14

There was a light set of rain, a drizzle coming down when we were dropped of at the hotel. Lidewij drove away in her little fiat. We stood at the side of the road in front of the hotel. I'll admit it. I wanted to kiss Hazel Grace again. I really did but I didn't want to force it if she wasn't comfortable.

"You probably need some rest." I said.

"I'm okay." She said, without looking at me.

"Okay." I paused.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You."

"What about me?"

"'I do not know which to prefer, / The beauty of inflections / Or the beauty of innuendos, / The blackbird whistling / Or just after.'" God I love her. I want to melt every time she opened her mouth. I wanted to take her into my arms and kiss her. I love Hazel Grace.

"God, you are sexy."

"We could go to your room."

"I've heard worse ideas."

Would I, Augustus Waters, ever make out with a girl in one of the most amazing cities in Europe? Maybe... well, yeah. We are in the elevator, heading up to my room and I am nervous because I realize she will see it. What was once my leg but is now a stump. What if she didn't lve me back because of it? Should I prepare her?

She leaned towards me and kissed me. I smiled against her lips and that's when I noticed her reflection in the mirror. There were so many Hazels in the mirror. I pulled away and pointed at her reflection.

"Look, infinite Hazels."

"Some infinities are larger than other infinities." She said, lowering her voice to mimic Van Houten. I shook my head.

"What and assclown." The elevator lurched to a halt and the doors slid open. I pushed the elevator doors open, then I suddenly felt pain in my arm. A sharp and screaming cancer pain. I tried not to yell out. Instead I winced and I lost grip on the door. I don't want her to know yet. I know I should tell her because I'm not sure I can make it through this time. But I don't want her to know tonight. Tonight... I want it to be her night. I want it all to be about her... not me.

"You okay?" She asked me. I breathed slowly. Ignoring the pain.

"Yeah, yeah, door's just heavy, I guess." I will tell her soon. I pushed again and I got the door open. I let her walk out first. I don't want her to see the pain written on my face. I tried to mask it. To hide it. Pain will always demand to be felt... but not tonight. Hazel Grace stopped and looked back at me.

"Okay?"

"Just out of shape, Hazel Grace. All is well." We both stood in the hallway. We were both probably wondering if this was a good idea. If this is really what we should do. I don't want to scare her so I opened my mouth.

"It's above my knee," I said, telling her what my stump looked like. "and it just tapers a little and then it's just skin. There's a nasty scar, but it just looks like-"

"What?"

"My leg. Just so you're prepared in case, I mean in case you see it or what-"

"Oh get over yourself." It too her two steps to reach me. Two steps for her lips to be against mine. She kept kissing me as a I fumbled for my room key.

We crawled into. I pulled off my shirt and she put her lips against my skin.

"I love you, Augustus Waters." To hear her saying that... that's all I need. I may not make it through this. I may perish in this battle but at least I can say that I have truly loved someone and someone loved me. I relax. I reach down and try to pull her shirt off, only to get it tangled in her tubes. Her laugh echoed in the room and it was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard.

"How do you do this every day?" I asked as she untangles her tubes. She wearing pink underwear and a purple bra. I love how they don't match and she doesn't seem to care. She crawled back under the covers. I took off my jeans... and then my leg.

We're lying next to each other on our backs. She reaches for my thigh and lets her hand trail down towards my stump. I flinch. There is a little bit of pain but I flinched mostly because someone was touching it. The place where my leg used to be. Caroline never did that.

"It hurts?"

"No." I said. I flipped onto my side and kissed her

"You're so hot." She said, her hand still on my leg.

"I'm starting to think you have an amputee fetish." I said, still kissing her. She laughed.

"I have an Augustus Waters fetish."

I'm not sure how it's supposed to feel the first time. Is it supposed to hurt? No. It didn't. It was slow, patient, different and new. Maybe it was hours later or maybe it wasn't. Her head is resting against my chest. Her breathing is slowly. I can feel my heart pounding and I am so so tired.

"Hazel Grace, I literally cannot keep my eyes open." I didn't want to fall asleep. I wanted to stay awake with her. I wish I had more time...

"Misuse of literality."

"No... so. Tired." Darkness took over my vision. My head fell to the side and I still felt her head against my chest. Her fingers laced through mine. I wish moments like this could last forever. I wish I had forever to love Hazel Grace.

When I woke up the next morning, Hazel Grace was gone and a piece of the hotel stationery lay on the bedside table with the same diagram that I once asked her to draw.

I laughed and lay back down. My chest was hurting. It felt tight, as if someone was standing on top of me with stiletto heels on. I winced and closed my eyes. Sometimes bad things just happen to people who don't deserve it. I wish I had never had cancer. I wish I could have been a normal guy. I wish I could live forever. I wish I could love Hazel Grace forever. But I don't have forever. I need to tell her. She deserves to know.