Disclaimer;;

I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, or any other character that might show up in the resulting story. They all belong to the lovely J.K. Rowling.

Author's Note;;

Looong chapter. Enjoy.
And I think a bit of Remus ooc-ness. but is there really any canon to a sirius/remus fic? ;D

Despite his promise to Lily, another two weeks passed before Sirius began to truly want to talk to Remus. He had taken to putting a Silencing Charm around his bed at night, just in case, and more or less avoided the werewolf in case his mouth suddenly decided to spill. The Anamagi terribly missed his friend but still couldn't figure out how the other would react, let alone whether or not it was going to be possible.

Now, the four Marauders sat in the Gryffindor Common Room, plotting for the night's escapade to the Shrieking Shack. Moony sat curled up on a chair by the fire, the light flickering over his pale features. James and Peter had been arguing over a game of Gobstones and the tipped over set now lay on the floor between them.

"I'll go down early with Moony and you two can come down later," Sirius said. Remus opened his eyes in surprise although a bit of fear flickered in them. Sirius wondered if he had actually seen the fear or if he was just imagining things.

"Yeah, yeah. I think I've got a bit of Potions to finish up," Peter said, wrinkling his nose. He disappeared to the dorm room, leaving James to clean up the set. Sirius watched for a few moments, eyes occasionally straying over to Remus' face. He had closed his eyes again. His eyes flickered under his lids, restless. Sirius wondered what he was thinking about for surely he hadn't managed to fall asleep so quickly. He hoped to talk to Remus before his change, which was why he had asked to go down with him without Wormtail and Prongs.

Remus yawned and sat up, glancing out the window, "We better go. The sun's nearly down and I'd like to be there early tonight." Sirius nodded, not questioning his need. Normally they didn't leave until after dark; less chance of anyone spotting them.

"Want the Cloak?" James asked. Remus shook his head and walked out of the Common Room without a word. Sirius shrugged at James' glance and followed the werewolf. Their footsteps echoed hollowly in the empty corridors, not even a teacher out on patrol. The full moon had fallen on a Saturday this month and most students were already in their dorms, doing last minute homework or simply enjoying a night off.

Sirius followed Remus, keeping himself a step or two behind rather than at his side like they once walked. He was afraid that walking that close to the werewolf would invoke his need to hold the other's hand, grip his warm flesh. And that was not needed right now.

Another person's footsteps made Sirius and Remus jump, the former scrambling for a place to hide. Dumbledore had informed all the teachers about Remus and that he was permitted to leave the school on full moon nights. Sirius ducked behind an old statue, ignoring the old witch's muttering complaints.

Dumbledore, Sirius thought in relief as the Headmaster came around the corner and spied Remus walking along as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"Evening Remus Lupin," Dumbledore said, smiling fondly at the young man.

"Evening Professor," Remus said, nodding and managing a small smile in return.

"Heading down to the…" Dumbledore trailed off, smirking slightly. Remus nodded.

"Full moon, y'know," he said, glancing out one of the many windows that lined the hallway. The sun could barely be seen over the horizon.

"If you don't mind Professor, I wanted to get down there a little early tonight. I need to think alone for a bit," Remus said, eyes glancing at the floor for a moment.

Dumbledore nodded, "Of course. I was just heading off to the kitchens for a bit of tea and to visit with the house elves. They are quite a delightful sort of folk. I'll see you in the morning then. I have some more ideas about your illness." Remus nodded again and continued on. Sirius waited until Dumbledore's footsteps had faded away and scurried after Remus, falling back behind him again. Without a word, the two slipped out of the school and down to the Whomping Willow. Sirius had quite conveniently forgotten about the tree and sighed. Wormtail normally darted under the swinging branches and froze it. Remus glanced at him and shook his head.

"You guys rely on Wormtail too much," he muttered, finding a long sturdy stick and creeping close to the Willow. The tree froze moments later and Remus scrambled into just seen entrance. Sirius raised his eyebrow but quickly followed, not wanting to get caught in a tangle of branches.

"How'd you figure that one out?" Sirius asked, not because he wanted to know but because he wanted to hear Remus speak. The two were finally alone again and he had decided that now was the time. He would tell Remus.

"How did you think I got to the Shrieking Shack before you three? Dumbledore helped me with it y'know. Brilliant man," Remus replied, emerging into the Shack. The main room wasn't as badly torn up as the ones further upstairs. A few scratches lined the walls, a few bite marks and blood stains on the sparse furniture were all that marred this room. They headed upstairs to Remus' favorite bedroom, the one he transformed in. He liked it mostly for the large bay windows that were easy to see out from but if a person was standing near the shack (which most only did in the daylight and only on a dare) they couldn't quite see in. The Marauders had brought up a few ever burning lamps for when they used it as a personal hangout and one sat in the middle of this bedroom.

Other than the windows and the lamp, no other source of light was apparent. A bed was shoved in the corner, the mattress ripped and torn, its wooden frame more scratched and bitten than its occupant. The room had also once contained a dresser but an overenthusiastic Padfoot and Moony playing had taken care of that bit of wood in one night their fifth year.

Remus collapsed upon the bed, making Sirius frowned. The lamp flickered slightly, casting weird shadows upon the werewolf's face, making him seem sicker. He curled up in a ball, eyes squeezed shut, fingers mashed tightly into fists. It was as if the last moon was happening all over again. Sirius sat by the bed, cross legged and facing his friend.

"You look awful," Sirius said, making Remus open one of his eyes slightly.

"I always feel awful on the full moon Padfoot," he muttered, closing his eye again.

"Yeah, but this is more than usual. You look as if you're either going to be sock or as if you're restraining yourself from transforming too soon. Something," Sirius said. A moment or two passed before Remus made any sort of movement. He sighed deeply, thin sides expanding and pressing against his thin shirt.

"Remember when I told you that Dumbledore was helping me figure out my illness last moon? That it was sort of werewolf related?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well…we found out what it was. And apparently it's something that every werewolf goes through. There isn't a cure for it either. I guess you could call it an instinct, one of the wolf's instincts," Remus said, now watching Sirius carefully. He was careful to keep his face blank, causing Sirius to wonder what the fuss was about. If it was just a werewolf thing, fine then. He was still going to worry about his friend but at least the cause made sense.

"So, basically you get sick because of the werewolf?"

Remus nodded.

"So why did this start up only recently? You were sick last moon and now this moon…"

Remus sighed again.

"How old am I, Sirius?"

"Rem…"

"Seriously. Tell me how old I am."

"You're seventeen, eighteen in March."

"Right. Most werewolves 'mature' when the human is about eighteen," he pulled himself tighter into a ball if such a thing was even possibly, closing his eyes again as if he was afraid that something in them would betray him.

"Rem…I still don't get why the wolf is making you sick," Sirius said, although he was beginning to put a few things together. Let no one say that Sirius wasn't the sharpest unicorn horn in the Potion.

"I'm not…sick really. It just takes a lot of effort for me to control the wolf around this time. I must look terrible. You know how it is for me normally, forcing Moony's instincts down. And now that he's begun to mature, Moony's decided that he wants a mate."

The last sentence was a bit rushed and garbled and Sirius spent half a moment puzzling out the words and his eyes grew wide at his conclusion. Ah. A mate. Lovely. There was no way in hell that Remus would even be slightly open to a relationship with Sirius. He already loathed that his three friends came down to help out with his transformations. Sirius doubted that now that Moony wanted a mate he would want to risk Sirius with dating.

"I'm sorry, Moons," Sirius said, dropping his head onto the bed slightly, making Remus cringe. He didn't catch the reaction though, his own eyes closed in despair.

"Do you mind…" the words were whispered and followed by Remus' hand stroking Sirius' face. Sirius sighed, content at the touch and leaned into it, oblivious as to what was truly happening here. Remus jerked back and scrambled to the other side of the bed.

"Remus," Sirius murmured gently, sitting up properly, eyes studying the seemingly struggling werewolf. Remus put his back to the corner, legs pulled to his chest.

"I'm sorry Sirius, but I don't think you should be here tonight. Moony isn't strong enough," he said, practically mumbling into his arms. Sirius felt his heart break slightly. Rejection in a very strange way. He climbed onto the bed anyways and took the werewolf into his arms. They still had a few more hours before the moon fully rose and Remus would want to change. This was still safe for a bit longer. Remus trembled in his arms and Sirius pulled him closer, tucking the werewolf's head against his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius, so sorry," Remus began to inexplicably cry, burying his head into Sirius. Sirius, confused about this sudden change, simply held the werewolf, rocking slightly. Wasn't he supposed to be the one apologizing? Wasn't he the one who was supposed to be confusing the other?

Seconds turned to minutes which turned into an hour before Remus could pull away still muttering 'I'm sorry' and sniffling a bit. The two sat Sirius' arms still around Remus, backs to the wall. Remus seemed to be a bit calmer now, despite Sirius burning with curiosity and confusion and utter glee that the werewolf seemed quite content within his grip. How he wanted to kiss those tears from Remus' face, make a silly noise against his cheek just to feel him smile beneath his lips. Merlin, he hated it when Remus was upset and the Marauder rarely ever got upset.

"Now," Sirius said, feeling somewhat foolish and little bit like a teacher, "Are you going to properly explain to me what this is all about?"

Remus shook his head, leaning against Sirius' chest, sending the latter's heart all a flutter again.

"Promise me you'll leave before Moony comes out tonight," he whispered into Sirius' shirt, "I'll explain it properly if you leave. It won't be right if you stay." He suddenly grasped the black haired teen's hand, fingers entwining easily. Sirius looked at him, studying the top of Remus' head carefully and sighed. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay. He wanted to stay all night and then take Remus to the hospital wing like always. He wanted to stay right here with Remus in his arm, feeling confused, lost and as if he was about to bust from happiness. He wanted to stay because even though he hadn't told Remus, this felt right.

"I promise," he murmured, squeezing Remus' hand gently, rubbing his thumb against the other's hand, "I'll leave as soon as James arrives." Remus sniffed and nodded.

"Thank you."