Eren
Kill them all.
I feel a surge of rage pump through my veins as I strike my opponent.
Every last one.
I drive my feet into the ground, squat, and in one calculated movement send Armin flying above my head. He lands on his back with a thud, his face twisted in pain. I suck in a breath.
"Sorry Armin. I didn't mean to-" I start but Armin cuts me off.
"No it's fine." His voice sounds pained, as he gets to his feet. "I don't need you to go easy on me. Go ahead, give me everything you got."
I look at him with concern. Armin has the heart of a lion, true, but he bruises like an over-ripe banana. That's why when he said he wanted to be a cadet I was shocked, but not really. We had always said we were going to join the Scouts, I just always thought Armin was entertaining my fantasy. I always saw him growing up to be a teacher or something. I guess this isn't so bad, though. For all his vulnerability Armin is by no means weak. He's just human, like us all. Still, I don't like to be the one delivering him the beating.
"Why don't we take a break?" I offer. Without answering he goes to grab his towel and starts wiping sweat off his face. I sit on the dry dirt ground, Armin does the same and for a moment we sit in silence, watching our classmates training. It's super hot and there is not a single cloud in the sky. I pull on the collar of my uniform- a brown jacket with the symbol of the Trainees Squad on the back. I wish I could take it off, but the Commandant would have my ass if I did. I look up at the sun, blinding and bright, so bright I have to shield my eyes with my hand. And then Armin says:
"Where's Mikasa?"
"She's somewhere around here." I say nonchalantly, "How am I supposed to know? I'm not her keeper."
Armin looks away like he had a retort, but thought better of it. We sit again, watching our classmates.
"There were never this many kids in Shiganshina." He says finally.
"Yea." I say, remembering what my father said about me not being an outcast.
"Can you believe it's been three years?" He picks up a weed and starts to strip it. "Sometimes it feels like forever ago. And sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday."
I open my mouth to say something but I'm cut off.
"Hey what's that?" Armin points to a group of cadets gathered in the middle of the field. They're shouting something but I can't hear from over here. Armin and I exchange looks before racing towards the scene.
There are too many people, Armin tries to jump and see over their heads but he's too short, there's no point. I start to push through towards the center to see what's going on. It doesn't take long for me to realize, I don't even have to see to be sure. Whoever's in the middle of this crowd is either getting their ass beat, or beating someone else's.
Sure enough, I'm right. When I finally break through the crowd, in the center there is a big girl- short red hair, broad shoulders, and tall- standing over another girl. This girl is tiny- probably shorter than Armin- with black hair, dirty pale skin, her jacket has been discarded exposing her bare shoulders in a black shirt. She is on the ground, covering her face with her arm but I immediately recognize her. She's the girl that stormed out of the caf on the first day. The other girl who was there That Day. What has she gotten herself into?
"Get up!" the girl with red hair says. Cyrena crawls away from the girl, her hair covering her face. She must've gotten hit pretty hard.
"Come on!" the girl persists and kicks sand in her direction, "You said you were a soldier!"
I clinch my fists. She looks so helpless, like she's in a corner. I want to do something, but I can't move. I'm frozen in a world alone with only me and her and the red head girl.
"I think you were lying." The red head puts her face close to Cyrena's. "You're so weak. Look at you. You're nothing but some bureaucrat's trash." And she kicks her side with a bone crushing force. Cyrena screams, and with that I'm moving towards the center, or rather my feet are moving me. I rush towards the two girls and I pull the red head back, moving in front of her, in between her and Cyrena. I don't know what to do now, I've never fought a girl. Do I have to fight her? Let's try not to. I put my hand out like I'm taming an animal.
"What's going on?" I sternly, all the while I'm thinking: What would Armin do? She frowns when she sees me.
"Who the hell are you? Get out of here. Mind your own damn business." She snaps.
"She is my business." I say and turn around to see her reaction, she is shocked and defensive but overall submissive, "And I'm not going anywhere."
I don't even know what I'm saying but I'm sure it's not the right thing. Her scowl gets deeper.
"You must be really stupid-"
"Leave 'em alone!" I hear Armin call from the sidelines and then he's rushing to my side. I feel a wave of relief at the sight of him.
"Unless you want to know how it feels when I break all of your bones." Mikasa appears to my left. I didn't even know she was in the crowd. But she's here now and I see a look of hesitation cross over the red heads face, quickly replaced by a resolute demeanor. She looks between the three of us.
"Well, what's this Ci Ci? Are they your body guards?" her voice becomes high pitched and condescending like she's talking to a child. "We were just playing- right, Ci Ci? Why don't you tell your friends they don't have to worry-"
"Cut the shit." I remove all the patience and reasoning from my voice because Armin's here now and that's his job. She frowns at me again and tilts her head dangerously. Her eyes are yellow like a snakes. I turn my attention to Cyrena, Armin is already bent down trying to assess her but she's looking at me. I can't read her face. Is she grateful? Offended? I can't tell.
[PAGE BREAK]
We help Cyrena to the cafeteria. She insisted we take her there rather than the nurse. She was able to stand so I doubt anything is broken, and that fact alone is the reason why I agreed to skip the nurse.
Cyrena
Eren helps me onto the table. His body is so warm, hot actually, that I freeze when he lets me go. Armin breaks away to find some ice and bandages in the kitchen, and Mikasa leans against the doorway silently, arms crossed. I think she might be annoyed. I would be. I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed. I feel angry. I feel pain. And I feel like I want Eren to touch me again. It's an unwelcome thought but it takes over, and as grateful I am I want to punch him in his stupid, hot as hell face. He made me look weak, like a damsel, just as Rowan portrayed me to be, but he made it real. And I hate him for it. And that's why when he examines me face I avoid eye contact with him.
He pushes my hair behind my ear and moves my face around with his hands. The contact sends chills down my spine and turns my stomach into water. I like this feeling way too much, and when he tries to move my head to the left I stiffen my neck.
"I'm fine." I say and look down, "she only hit me once."
I can feel his skeptical eyes on me but I pretend not to notice.
"What about your rib cage?" he asks. His voice is sexy.
Stop it.
I put my hand on my rib cage. It hurts where I touch it but I won't let him know that.
"It's just a bruise." I say nonchalantly. But it hurts so bad I want to cry, but tears are for the weak.
You're so weak.
Eren tries to lift my shirt slightly to see the bruise but I clutch my shirts hem in my hands. I left my jacket on the field, of course. I'm always making mistakes.
Look at you. You're nothing but some bureaucrat's trash.
My lips tremble and despite my most adamant denials giant tears start to spill from my eyes.
I thought you were a soldier.
I thought so, too.
"What happened out there?" he asks.
The truth: She saw me beating up the dummy and started commenting on how weak I was. I ignored her initially but then she started talking about how I didn't belong here, how I belonged in the interior getting fat with the bureaucrats and my lazy mother and I just snapped. I hit her first. The whole thing was my fault. But I don't tell Eren this, I don't want him to think that he helped the wrong person. I just sit there and cry. I breathe heavily and whimper. I feel like such a little child. That thought makes me cry harder, but not louder. After a few seconds Eren puts a hand over mine and I'm overwhelmed with a comfort I haven't felt in a while, and I stop crying.
For the first time, I look into his eyes. Actually look into his water blue eyes and it feels like world disappears as I try to read them. He's not sure if he can help me but he wants to, he really does, but why?
Before I can ask Armin returns. I hear his heavy footsteps stop in the doorway to the kitchen. I didn't realize how close mine and Eren's faces were. I could kiss him, or slap him, but I don't do either (though I want to do both) I just move my head back and turn to Armin. I smile when I see him, he's holding a tray with an ice pack and a glass of water and some herbs on the side. His face is unreadable, something frail but he recovers quickly.
"Sorry I took so long. I just went to borrow some herbal remedies from the infirmary…I thought you might need them." He says shyly.
"You stole from the infirmary?" Mikasa sounds incredulous.
"That is bad ass." I say supportively, and impressed. He lights up at my recognition. Mikasa scowls, but again, I choose to ignore it.
Armin hands me the tray and we get to work on my wounds. I tell them my story, they tell me there's. We all leave out very important details, I know, and the three of them clearly have a lot of history together. But that's okay, I don't feel like an outsider at all. In fact, I actually feel…good. And that's different for me.
It's good.