Bury all your secrets in my skin, come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins. . .
Warmth. Love.
It embraced and snuggled around me like a fuzzy blanket. I felt so safe like this, like nothing could hurt me; something I haven't felt since I was with Ichigo. I winced at his name slightly, but only slightly. I suppose I was learning to live without his love, it was after all like a drug that consumed my being and corrupted my mind; one good way to look at it.
My black canvas of a dream suddenly became lighter and lighter. It was like I was submerging from the bottom of this black ocean to a crystal clear white sky. Everything around me began to blur darkly and soon take the form of a bedroom. My eyes flutter open to a darkly lit blue bedroom. I glanced around, confused. I felt something tug at my waist, pulling me closer to them and bury their face into my neck. It was disgusting. I took a deep breath and gather up enough courage to look over my shoulder. . .
Then events from last night hit me like a ton of bricks.
The air around still feels like a cage, and love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again. . .
I threw the blue haired man's arm off from around my waist and kicked him in the leg harshly; waking him up.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" He shouts as I shot up from the bed, searching the room for my torn clothes. "Ayame, wait-" I ignored him as I leaned down and picked up my tops and my panties. Grimmjow stood up and raced over to me.
"Please, just let me explain-"
"What is there to explain? You fucking raped me! I hope you're happy," I say coldly before turning my back to him.
"I know you're mad, and you have every right to be, but just hear me out-"
"I'm not gonna listen to a goddamn thing you have to say." I whimper out as I threw on my skirt, trying desperately not to let out my tears that were waiting to burst behind my eyes.
So if you love me, let me go, and run away before I know. . .
"Please, I'm sorry," I glance at him-big mistake. My heart shattered into a million pieces when I looked into his eyes. He looked like he was about to cry, good. Serves him right.
"No you're not," I started to make my way towards the door.
"No! Don't go, please. I fucking love you! Don't ever leave me. . ." Grimmjow drops down to his knees and hugs my waist, sobbing into the waistband of my skirt. I couldn't hold back. . .
"Why would you do this to me?" I cried out, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Aizen ordered me to," he claims, I suck in my breath haphazardly, what?. . . No. Aizen would never do that to me. He would never. . . "He said it would make you stronger and separate you from that Kurosaki kid. I'm sorry. I didn't want to do it-"
"YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR!" I grabbed him by the shoulders and ripped him off of my body. "You seem to enjoy punishing me last night. Or did Aizen order you to play S&M with me? Hmm?"
"I FUCKING MESSED UP! Can't you see that what I did hurt me just as much as it hurt you? I said I was sorry, isn't that enough?"
"It'll never be enough to repay for what you did to me."
"Then what the fuck to have to do?"
A smile curved on my face, I know what you could do... I leaned down and threw him a pair of boy shorts.
"Put those on, if you're sorry you're gonna prove it. HURRY THE FUCK UP!" I yell at him to speed it up. After he pulled them where they belonged, I drug him by the wrist into the training hall. Hopefully, everyone is there since we already missed breakfast, I figured.
My heart is just too dark to care, I can't destroy what isn't there. . .
Everyone's head turned as me and Grimmjow entered the training room. I threw him down to the ground, morally pissed off. He fell like a rag doll.
"If you're truly sorry, then don't fight back." I spat venom at him as I kicked him in the gut. Over. And over. And over again.
"I-I-" he managed to breathe out before puking up blood. The other Arrancars circled us in our little "lovers quarrel" I suppose it could be considered, with looks of confusion and questioning glances shot towards us. I started aiming towards his face and began bashing it in with my heel. I gritted my teeth, and grabbed locks of his blue hair in fistfuls; pulling his face up to face the crowd.
"TELL THEM WHAT YOU DID TO ME!" I demanded, not feeling any sympathy or mercy towards my rapist. He released a low growl before saying, loud and proudly:
"I raped her,"
Everyone's eyes grew wide before worried whispers and glances broke out. Suddenly, someone from behind grabbed me and locked my arms behind my back.
"What the hell?"
"Quiet fracción!" Ulquiorra's boomed in my ear. "Your reckless behavior will soon be punished." God I hated that word now. What am I being punished for? This is ridiculous! I'm the fucking victim here! I struggled against Ulquiorra's vice like grip as I watched as Tōzen grips Grimmjow the same way as me. What?
Deliver me into my fate, If I'm alone I cannot hate. . .
"What's going on?" I asked.
"A week in solitary confinement for both of you," Tōzen declared. "Actually, both of you could share a cell. I think the two of you troublemakers would benefit from it."
"Wait, what? Why am I being-"
"Having sexual relations with a subordinate without permission, and picking fights with said subordinate. Punishable by solitary confinement." He coldly replied.
"I didn't give my consent to him though,"
"Doesn't matter." He shooed us away with a simple gesture. Then they took us away, down a long corridor and made a right before they threw into a white padded room that you would usually find in some abandoned asylum. I heard them latch the door from behind as the walked away.
"Ulquiorra! Please don't do this!"
"Take the punishment like I would, you'll get out this. Eventually," he murmured his advice to me through the barred window on the door before walking away.
No. . .
I slam my fist into the padded flooring out of pure raw anger. This is all Grimmjow's fault, not mine!
I don't deserve to have you, my smile was taken long ago, if I could change I hope I never know. . .
My anger faded and was replaced by sudden sadness. I had to know something. . .
"Tell me, why did you do what you did? Be honest."
"If you're asking me I raped you out if desire, no I didn't. At least not completely. I did it because I couldn't refuse Lord Aizen."
"I hope you realize the severity of what you did to me. What if I end up pregnant? What then? I highly doubt you have the patience to raise a child-"
"Either way, that kid would have your beauty and brains but my good looks and leadership. That kid would be awesome!"
"If I end up pregnant, I'm aborting it." I flatly say. "I'm not having my rapist's baby-"
"That's a little too far, princess. If you're pregnant right now, I would guard that baby with my life. And I'm not letting a bratty stuck up princess like you ruin a child's life. Even I'm not that cruel." He grabs my chin, and forces me to look at his deformed face. "I won't let you, you understand me! I'll kill you before I ever kill my own child."
"You'll be a terrible father anyways,"
"At least I wouldn't kill a baby! Look who's the asshole now,"
"I'm realistic! I couldn't possibly support a child in today's world."
"Oh boo! When are you gonna wake and smell the roses sweetheart?! You're never going back to the world of the living!"
"Well when Ichigo saves me-"
"ICHIGO IS NEVER GOING TO SAVE YOU! You're mine and mine alone. I'll kill him before he'll ever lay a hand on you. He's not coming for you,"
"What makes you so sure?"
"We fucking covered up your disappearance as suicide!"
I still press your letters to my lips, and cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss. . .
W-what?
"When are you fucking gonna stop lying to me?!"
"It's the truth! We used a spiritual body double and hung it up in your closet. . ." He chuckled.
"Why would you say that?" I backed myself into a corner.
"So it can just be you and me. And our soon to be child. We can be a family, the one you didn't have. One that doesn't mutilate the living hell out of your back or one that doesn't commit suicide when things got rough. I'm here for you, baby. I love you," he takes my hands and kisses my knuckles. I wanted to puke.
"I will never love you! Get it through your head, I love Ichigo! You can rape me all you want, my heart will always belong to Ichigo."
"You'll change baby."
I couldn't face a life without your light, but all of that was ripped apart, when you refused to fight. . .
I was about to protest, when suddenly my abdomen rumbled and churned. I fumbled over in pain, what was going on?
"Ayame, what's-"
"Either I'm starving or my stomach just doesn't like me right now," Grimmjow just smiled.
"Looks like our little one is growing,"
"I'm not fucking pregnant!"
"I'm pretty sure you are."
"What are you implying?!" I shot him a warning glance.
"Nothing, nothing!" He threw his hands up in the air, surrendering.
"Plus, if you know a goddamn thing about pregnancy, you would know that babies don't grow this fast. Unless they're half fucking vampire. Ahh!"
"Do you want me to call someone?" I could see the worrisome glaze in his eyes. I hated it.
"No, I'm fine. Probably just hunger pains, I'll live."
So save your breath, I will not care, I think I made it very clear. . .
I shuttered, feeling a sudden cold sweat chill my body quickly. Something that Grimmjow took notice of right away.
"You cold?" He asked, I had to admit I was freezing! So I nodded. I hesitated before he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his strong muscular arms around my delicate fragile little frame.
That feeling of warmth and love consumed my being once again. I snuggled my face into his chest and smiled. For once, everything felt complete. Like I truly was safe in my padded room with my rapist and possibly a child I didn't even want.
Yeah this situation is so fucked up.
I apologize for the quality of the story, lately my depression has been so bad lately. And with my ADHD taking over sometimes, it makes it harder to concentrate. I'm sorry.