I sat on top of an old air-conditioning vent on top of the old theatre across from her apartment building. The night was dark and wet enough that nobody would be able to see me here. It was the perfect view. I could see into her apartment's living room.
I could see the large overstuffed green chair that her tiny frail body was curled up in now. I could see her shiver and wrap herself deeper into the blanket that covered her. To the casual observer she seemed very engrossed in her very tattered copy of Pride and Prejudice. I, however, was not the casual observer.
I could see the way she nervously chewed her lip and the way her eyes never actually scanned the page before her. Instead her eyes seemed far off, like she was in another world. Perhaps she was in another time. A time when everything was better.
Upon further inspection I noticed a small trail of tears glistening down her cheek. My poor angel was crying. It took every ounce of self control that I had not to burst through her window, wrap her in my arms, and tell her everything would be ok. Whatever it is, it was all going to be ok. I was there and I still loved her…
A car backfire down the street brought me back to the world I actually lived in. A cold and wet world in which I stood on the sidelines and watched her cry her sad normal tears.
Normal…this is what I wanted. Normal people cried the first night they spent alone in a new place. Right!? I wasn't sure, I had never actually been normal.
The car backfire must have startled her as well because she slowly moved towards the window and after one last long look she closed the blinds and turned out the lights.
I sat still for what must have been hours, debating on what I would do next. I couldn't go home, not that I really had a home anymore.
My home was here, guarding the girl I loved; watching over her on this dark lonely night. This abnormally cold night.
I should go but I've never really done what I should do.
I hadn't set foot inside Bella's room since I left her in the woods that horrible night that seemed so long ago. At least not while she was there. Sometimes when I was really lonely I would climb in while she was away. I told myself I was just checking the house to make sure it was safe, but I really just wanted to be surrounded by her sweet floral perfume.
I longed to smell that scent again. The see the flush of her skin and hear her heart beating steadily as she slept.
It was then that I decided that maybe on little peek wouldn't hurt. She would be long asleep by now and I would leave before she awoke. I should leave. I should go hunt or run far away from here.
I should go, and yet I followed…
I followed the lure of that sweet forbidden smell up to the third story window of her apartment and in a move quicker than any human could see I slid the window open (Why didn't she lock this!? I'd have to steal a key to the front door for future spying) and let myself inside her world again.
There were boxes everywhere, a small tan sofa, and that large chair. Everything seemed mismatched and yet perfectly complimentary. Like my love's beautiful lips. The bottom much too full for the top and yet the complimented her face and her kiss in the most perfect way.
A small trail had been made in-between the boxes through the cramped tiny apartment. I could see her sleepily stumbling over them in the morning and quietly laughed to myself at the memory of her clumsiness. I turned the corner from the living room into a small hallway. The door at the end of the hallway slightly ajar, leading me into the depths of my own private hell.
Like a druggie desperate for a hit I stepped through that door way. Breathing deeply in the smell of her, my own private drug.
There she was. This was the closest I had been to her since the night I left. She was wrapped in the same small blanket from earlier her legs twisted in the sheets, her long brown twisted in her face.
There was no place to sit, so I settled on a box about a foot from the side of her bed. I sat unmoving staring at her small motionless figure; wrapping myself in her scent and soaking up her warmth.
She breathed quietly and then suddenly mumbled something that even my acute senses could not understand.
She tossed away from me and then mumbling again turned back. Suddenly a cry escaped her lips and she gasped my name in such a way that I almost abandoned my box believing myself caught.
"Edward!" she cried again her eyes remaining closed
"I love you! Don't leave me like this!" More desperate cries from those beautiful lips
"You promised" she whispered again and again before fading into a deeper and less fitful sleep.
It was then that I noticed the tears flowing slowly down her cheeks.
I was overcome by the urge to reach out and touch her; to gather those tears up and take them far away from her, from her beautiful face.
I silently cursed myself for being the reason for those tears. Had she cried like this every night since I left? Was this just a onetime thing? Maybe she subconsciously recognized the fact that I was here and she wanted me to pay for the pain I had caused her.
I had never wanted to read her mind more than I at that moment.
One single tear remained on her delicate cheek. Glistening like a crystal in the moonlight.
I slowly reached my hand towards the bed closing the space between us and swiftly but gently caught the tear with my finger. My god she was warm and the tear burned a trail down my hand as I slowly let it fall to the floor.
My head was spinning and if I had a heart it was breaking again.
She sighed my name and I slowly slid off of my box towards her again. Bringing my head level with her and just inches away.
The heat and smell radiating off of her were dizzying. I shouldn't be here I thought to myself but since I was I might as well go through with this. I may never get another chance. After tonight I may never allow myself to get this close again.
Slowly, softly, carefully, I brushed my lips gently across her forehead. Her skin was like fire on my lips. The feeling of it burned into my brain; right through to my immortal soul. Which at the moment was both soaring and dying.
"Stay"
The words came breathlessly from her lips. As soft as a whisper and yet the shook me to my very core. I staggered back and flew out of her apartment as if I had been shot.
I ran through the cold night never once feeling the fire fade from my skin...