Thursday 18 June 10:08 pm University College Hospital Accident & Emergency

Tommy

He wanted to claw at his neck but he could not move his hands. He was struggling to breathe and he doubted that the plastic mask pushed tight over his nose and mouth helped. He tried to look for Barbara but his vision was limited by bright lights and the concerned faces of young men and women who were prodding and probing him. He felt them put a drip in his right arm and then the world went soft and fuzzy as a wave of relief, almost pleasure, rippled through him. He closed his eyes and waited.

His body was being controlled by others but his mind was free to roam. He was clearly injured. He remembered being shot and then a fight with Millan. I'll will need to recuperate somewhere peaceful, perhaps at Howenstowe. I'll insist you come with me. We can talk and spend time away from the office and become comfortable being together as more than colleagues or good friends. Oh Barbara, I want that more than anything in the world. I want to feel you in my arms and have you want me as much as I need you.

He quickly dismissed any creeping fear that she might not reciprocate his feelings. This was his fantasy and she would comply. You care for me. You haveshown time and again that you care, the way you supported me before I married Helen, while I was married, when I was separated, and after Helen died. You were always there for me, quietly -well not always quietly - picking up the pieces and putting me back together. Now I want you to be with me; to share everything. We can tell the world to like it or lump it. I don't care about my title or what Mother thinks. We can live a simple life if that's what you need. If only I had told you that I love you.

There was a noise and fuss over to the side. "Hang in there Sir. Don't you dare die and leave me." Barbara! He tried to open his eyes but they would not co-operate. He was being wheeled away. Barbara said something else but he could not hear her clearly although he recognised the tone. She did love him. He drifted back to his reverie.

Barbara

She fumed impatiently and snapped at the doctors as they checked her for injuries. They washed Tommy's blood from her face and hands and tried to disinfect her. "Leave it! He doesn't have any horrible diseases and if he does then I'd rather share it than have you wash him away."

"She's in shock," the doctor said, "give her a sedative."

"I don't want a sedative. I just want to know how DI Lynley is!"

"They're prepping him for surgery. They'll have one team on his neck and another trying to save his hands. It doesn't look good but he's fought so far, I don't think he'll give up easily."

"I have to see him!"

The doctor frowned but then took pity and led her to his cubicle. She stopped dead when she saw him. He was bruised and streaked red. She could see where they had wiped through the blood to insert the tubes that drained his wounds and replaced fluids. She called out to him. "Hang in there Sir. Don't you dare die and leave me."

They pushed her gently out of the way and started to wheel him down the corridor. She hesitated for a moment but what did it matter? "I'll be waiting Sir," she called out then added more quietly, "I love you Sir."

Friday 19 June 4:37 am Ward 407 University College Hospital

Barbara

For the first three hours she had paced nervously up and down the corridors wearing a channel in the grey linoleum floor while she waited for word about Tommy's operation. Hillier and Winston had come by about midnight to let her know they processed Millan. He had confessed to attempting to murder Lynley which simplified everything but denied them all the chance to interrogate him.

A nurse had ushered them into the single ward that was to be Tommy's and they had all waited impatiently, superficially talking about the case to mask their fear. About two o'clock Winston agreed to drive Hillier home but Barbara refused to leave. "No, I'll wait until he comes back here."

"Are you going to sit by his bed the way he sat with you?" Hillier asked.

Barbara frowned. "What?"

"When you were shot," he replied evenly, "Lynley sat with you for nearly thirty hours until you woke from your operation. Then he came back to work and rang the hospital every hour until he was sure you'd be okay."

Barbara was astounded. She had always assumed he had gone after Helen because she had never seen him at the hospital. "He never came to see me until I was discharged," she said disbelievingly.

Hillier shrugged. "Guilt I think. He blamed himself for everything that happened. Once he was sure you were safe he kept his distance but he was terrible to be around. Anyway I understand if you want to stay. I don't expect you in tomorrow...today...regardless of what happens."

"He'll pull through Sir," she said confidently. He has to!

"Right, of course he will." Hillier patted her hand patronisingly then left her to ponder his words.

Barbara sat in the hard plastic chair by the small window and stared out at the night. Light rain was falling and misty drops obscured her view. She pulled her feet up onto the seat and hugged her legs to her chest. Her chin rested lightly on her knees. She sighed then let her eyes close. All she could see was Tommy's face as they stood in the woods. He had looked serious as he had tried to tell her something that had been important to him. She wished now that he had simply told her. His expression had been, if she had not known better, almost loving. He had grinned at her in that sentimentally mischievous way that cut through her defences and stirred her like no other man ever had. She wanted to hold the memory as long as she could.

Tiredness overwhelmed her and she dozed fitfully. Tommy had been in theatre over four hours and when she woke with commotion in the room she hoped it was Tommy being brought back. Instead his mother and brother had arrived. "Why is she here?" Peter demanded.

"Peter please," his mother chastised him, "Barbara is Tommy's friend." Dorothy Lynley crossed the room and hugged Barbara. "Oh my dear you've been hurt!"

"No! No, I wasn't hurt Lady Asherton. Hello Peter."

His mother stepped back and stared at her. "That's Tommy's blood? Oh goodness."

Barbara stood and allowed Dorothy to sit. She was at a loss to know what to say. "He'll be all right Lady Asherton. I waited. I...I didn't want him to come back and have no one here for him." Dorothy smiled up at her.

"Well we're here now," Peter said dismissively, "so you can toddle back to Camden and have a shower."

"Peter! I won't warn you again."

"Sorry Mother but you heard the doctor, family only."

Barbara did not want to leave but she knew her place. "They assumed when I said I was his partner that I meant...well, you know. I'm sorry but I let them think it because I didn't want to leave him alone."

"That's fine Barbara, really. You are like family to Tommy. Almost like another sister. I want you to stay. He'd want you to stay."

Sister! Barbara found the word devastating. Of course he would probably feel that way. How silly of her to assume, or hope, that he might have a romantic interest. She felt foolish and wanted to run. She did not want to be with his family and have to try to hide her feelings. "Did they tell you how he's going?"

"The doctor told me he will be in surgery for another hour at least. His larynx has been badly cut and they need to reconnect the tendons in several of his fingers," Dorothy said sadly.

"They're going to leave him in an induced coma for a few days so you may as well go home," Peter added bitterly.

"Not until I see him," Barbara replied not caring if she was rude.

Peter went and retrieved two more chairs from the hall and they all sat in awkward silence and waited.

Dorothy

She had been told that her eldest son had only a thirty percent chance of making it through surgery. She had been staying with Peter near Canterbury and they had raced into London fearing the worst. She had been relieved to hear the doctor say that Tommy was fighting hard but surprised to hear him say that her son's girlfriend was waiting in his room. Tommy had not mentioned a new woman in his life. When she saw Barbara she was confused. Her son would never date his dowdy, argumentative colleague who was socially awkward and lacked the sophistication that Tommy always looked for in his women. She was momentarily annoyed that Barbara had misled the doctors but when she saw all the blood that had stained her clothing and the worry on her face she understood Barbara's need to see he was alive. It must have been traumatic seeing your colleague wounded. She remembered how distraught Tommy had been after Barbara had been shot.

"That's fine Barbara, really. You are like family to Tommy. Almost like another sister. I want you to stay. He'd want you to stay."

And there it was; a momentary flicker of unimaginable pain. Barbara masked her feelings quickly but Dorothy had seen it - poor Barbara was in love with her son. She could understand it. Tommy was tall and although the last few years had aged him badly he was still an attractive man, and of course Barbara had known him when he had been younger and classically handsome. He had his title and was financially comfortable although she doubted that would matter to Barbara who seemed to revel in her working class roots. Dorothy understood that they shared a bond. She had assumed it was like siblings but now she was not sure. As they sat silently waiting she trolled through her memories trying to decide if perhaps Tommy might be in love with Barbara. No, she decided, that was not possible. She knew that Barbara was not malicious or scheming but her son's judgement wasflawed and he could easily become dependent on Barbara and mistake it for something else. Dorothy decided she would need to protect him from Barbara while he was so vulnerable. After tonight she would ban her from visiting.