Wednesday 29 July 6:00 am Howenstowe

Kathy

She could instantly see the difference in her patient as he lay cocooned in the arms of the woman he loved. The torment that had made his body stiff and ungainly had gone. She could not help but smile as she watched them sleeping sure that it was the first night in weeks that either of them had found peace.

She gently shook Barbara awake. "Sorry but I have to wash and toilet him then replace his drips. Why don't you go for a shower and some breakfast? Lady A has put you next door down the hall. Have you spoken to him?"

"Hi Kathy. No, not yet. Yeah a shower might be good. It's going to be a long day."

She supported Tommy's head while Barbara slipped out of the bed. The policewoman looked tired and despite obviously getting some sleep she wondered how long Barbara had stayed awake cradling her dying partner. "He's weak but he still has a chance."

Barbara glared at her. "He'll be fine," she snapped. Kathy looked down. She could not blame Barbara's anger. "Kathy, I'm sorry. I know I should've come earlier. I just have to believe he will recover."

Kathy patted her arm. "Give me half an hour then come back and see him."

Barbara smiled tightly then kissed Tommy lightly on his forehead. "Thanks."

After Kathy heard the click of the door she turned to Tommy. "Righto then. Today you have to decide if you live or die."

Barbara

"Sorry but I have to wash and toilet him then replace his drips. Why don't you go for a shower and some breakfast? Lady A has put you next door down the hall. Have you spoken to him?"

The light and the voice were disorienting. Barbara opened her eyes and saw Tommy still in her arms. Everything flooded back. "Hi Kathy. No, not yet. Yeah a shower might be good. It's going to be a long day."

"He's weak but he still has a chance." The words of his nurse stunned her. A chance? No, he'll be fine. I'm here now. He has to live.

"He'll be fine!" Tommy was not going to die. She looked at him in the morning light. He was grey and frail. There were no guarantees. Oh God, this is all my fault. Guilt invaded her soul. "Kathy, I'm sorry. I know I should've come earlier."

She wanted to cry and shake him and insist he live but she knew it would take much more than that. She would need to give him a reason to live but if love was enough he would be fine. "I just have to believe he will recover."

"Give me half an hour then come back and see him." The nurse was trying to be supportive and Barbara knew that they would become friends. She kissed Tommy then headed for her room, rehearsing what she was going to say to him.

Wednesday 29 July 6:32 am Howenstowe

Winston

The old house made him decidedly uncomfortable. His room was large but the heavy oak panelling, musty dankness and narrow windows made him feel like a medieval prisoner forever entombed in the castle keep. His four-poster bed creaked every time he moved and the mattress was so soft that he felt as if he were drowning in feathers. Give me the city any day!

The DI's mother had been welcoming and friendly but seemed determined to stop him going to check on Barbara. It seemed she had self-selected the night shift which meant he would have to talk to the DI during the days. He would suggest they swap. He had no idea what to say to Lynley and with him unable to lecture everyone on the finer points of policing they would simply sit and stare at each other.

He was just finishing his tea and eggs when Barbara came into the dining room. "How is he?"

"Not good. Listen Winston I'll take the day shift and you can take nights. It'd be easier I think."

Thank you God! "Yes, good idea." Barbara gulped down a coffee and went back upstairs leaving him to contemplate a day in the house. Perhaps a long walk might be good.

Barbara

Her head throbbed and she knew she needed coffee to face the day. She scurried downstairs and poured a large cup that she drank as she spoke with Winston. The poor man looked miserable but jumped at the chance to swap shifts. She smiled at his eagerness to avoid talking to Tommy.

Kathy was just leaving the room with a basket of laundry when Barbara came up the stairs. "How is he?"

"He's holding his own. He wasn't anxious so I don't think he knows you're here."

"Well that's about to change. I only hope he will forgive me."

Kathy patted her arm. "He will love; any man who works himself into this state because of a woman is just looking for an excuse to forgive her."

"We'll soon find out. Wish me luck."

"Good luck but it'll be fine. Just be prepared for a long journey back."

"I am."

Barbara opened the door and peered in. Tommy was propped up in bed but had his eyes closed. He looked asleep but Kathy had warned her he used that as an avoidance mechanism. She walked to the end of his bed and leant as casually as she could against the table that Kathy used to hold his medical supplies.

"Hiya."

His eyes shot open and he stared at her. His first undeniable expression was joy. He smiled and looked at her in a way that made her legs go weak. Within five seconds though he had clamped his eyes shut. She had rehearsed so many versions of her apology that she had no idea which one she would use. In the end it was none of them. "Oh no you don't. You're not shutting me out too. Open your eyes Sir."

His eyes remained stubbornly closed. She could not look and unconsciously closed her own. "Right, well I would have preferred you could see me when I say this but I did it because I love you Tommy. I'd do anything for you including sacrificing being with you just so you could be happy. I thought you needed your family more than me but I was wrong. We need each other to survive don't we? Being away from you nearly killed me and you've done a damn good job of trying to kill yourself. I was wrong but don't punish us both. Forgive me and let me in."

She opened her eyes to see him looking at her with such tenderness that she began to sob. She sniffed in a way quite unbecoming of a gentleman's companion but it made him grin. She was waiting for a sign and when he raised his hand she grabbed it eagerly. His grip was weak but he was trying to pull her towards him. She sat on the bed and watched his eyes. She knew she was forgiven. Tommy reached up and stroked her face. His hands were as rough as sandpaper but she did not care. She leant forward and kissed him briefly and softly. She went to pull away but his hand found the strength to pull her closer. This time he kissed her. It was gentle and made her lips tingle. She guiltily thought she should be making him eat and build up his strength but sometimes love in enough. She let him lead understanding he had no words to respond to her little speech. The only way he could answer was through the tenderness of his kiss.

Tommy

He did not want to wake from his dream. He had been holding Barbara and she had told him she loved him. His alternative reality was far better than life in this suffocating room. His nurse seemed to be taking extra care this morning and scrubbed him hard, especially in areas he would prefer she avoided. She had also made him clean his teeth twice. "A man can never have teeth that are too clean," she had told him. Mad bloody woman! When she left he sank back against his pillows and returned to his reveries.

"Hiya." It was Barbara. That was Barbara! I'm not dreaming. He opened his eyes and there she was, standing nervously at the foot of his bed. He grinned foolishly as his heart somersaulted. Last night had been real!

He wanted desperately to touch her but she had hurt him badly by abandoning him. He closed his eyes and thought about what to do. Without words he could not tell her what she meant to him.

"Oh no you don't. You're not shutting me out too. Open your eyes Sir."

He did but smiled to see hers were closed. He listened to her speech. He had understood why she had left him. It still hurt but hearing the pain in her voice and seeing her tears made it irrelevant. She had done it because she loved him and she had called him Tommy. His damned brother had caused all this and Tommy was determined to get retribution. When Barbara opened her eyes he lifted his hand and invited her to come to him. She took it and sat beside him. He ached to tell her he loved her. He placed his shaky hand on her face and tried to get her to come closer. He cursed his clumsiness. She kissed him as if he would break then started to move away. With all the strength he could muster he encouraged her to stay. He knew his lips were rough but they were his only tools. He kissed her gently. He could tell she was nervous and inexperienced and he wanted to say it would be all right. Not having a voice had never been so frustrating.

Tommy knew the point he should stop. He paused and rested his forehead against hers as he ran his fingers lightly down her face and neck. He kissed her again. This time he coaxed her lips open and she responded eagerly. He smiled as he thought of Kathy insisting on him having clean teeth. Barbara moved away but he shook his head and pulled her back. Their third kiss was slow but by unspoken agreement it deepened into the most lovingly passionate kiss he had ever experienced.

Dorothy

She had stopped by to stay good morning to her son. She stood at the door as Barbara was delivering her soliloquy. Tommy was looking at her with such adoration that it broke Dorothy's heart to think she had kept them apart. She knew she should leave them to their private moment but she could not move. The gentle sensitivity in their first kiss enthralled her. They're not lovers! The revelation startled her and she was ashamed of her earlier assumptions. It was clear that years of suppressed feelings were about to surface. They were looking at each other with such desire and commitment that Dorothy noiselessly closed the door. A love that strong and pure deserved privacy and a space untainted by the damaged heart of a sad, interfering old woman. She went to telephone Peter and summon him home to make peace with his brother.