Wednesday 29 July 6:50 am Howenstowe
Barbara
The frustration was etched on his face. Despite clearly wanting to continue kissing her Tommy had quickly become breathless and tired. She eased him back against the pillows and smiled reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere. We can continue later if you'd like."
Two blinks and a tired grin. "Thought you'd say that. Now we have to focus on getting you stronger. Are you going to start eating again?"
Tommy blinked twice. "Good. You'll need soft food and not too much at first but you also need to drink more. I'll go and organise something while you get some rest." Tommy frowned but nodded. "I'll be back in five minutes."
Barbara opened the door and saw Dorothy lingering in the hall. "Dorothy," she said quite deliberately, "would you like to sit with Tommy while I organise his breakfast?"
His mother nodded her agreement and Barbara smiled warmly at her. "He needs us both. I suggest you use the time to make your peace. I love him and I think he feels the same way. I'm not leaving him again so you had better get used to that too."
Dorothy looked momentarily shocked at Barbara's forthright directions. She recovered quickly. "Of course. I meant what I said last night. I was wrong and I only hope you can forgive me."
"I have. At least now we know that what we feel for each other is real but he's still so weak."
"Tommy has craved someone to love him unconditionally most of his life. He won't give that up."
Barbara watched his mother cautiously enter his bedroom. Maybe if you had loved him unconditionally he wouldn't be like this! She shook her head and sighed. Families were messy creatures. Dorothy looked world-weary and almost beaten. She could only hope Tommy would forgive her.
Dorothy
Peter had promised to drive down that afternoon but he had not promised to welcome Barbara into the family. In the end she had slammed the receiver onto the cradle and cursed her youngest son. She had spoilt him after Tommy had left, trying to make up for the loss of his father and older brother but she had created a self-centred, self-righteous and self-indulgent young man who had never really grown up and accepted that everyone had failings. Now she feared that her sons would be at war and she and Barbara would be caught in the middle.
Barbara came out of Tommy's room. "Dorothy would you like to sit with Tommy while I organise his breakfast?"
In that one line Dorothy knew that Barbara was perfect for her son. She may not have intended it to be so overt but Barbara had taken over control of Tommy's well-being. She nodded once in acceptance. "He needs us both. I suggest you use the time to make your peace. I love him and I think he feels the same way. I'm not leaving him again so you had better get used to that too." Whoa! Yes Countess! Dorothy was amazed but she was pleased to discover Barbara's strength. She had assumed she was subservient to Tommy but Dorothy could see he had met his match. It was likely these two would argue and bicker but she had seen that kiss; the sun would never set on an argument. She tried to assure Barbara that she knew she was wrong. She had a feeling she might need her for support.
"He's still so weak." Barbara was still worried and vulnerable and her candour to someone who had fought to keep her away from him touched Dorothy. Now it was her turn to bolster Barbara's morale. "Tommy has craved someone to love him unconditionally most of his life. He won't give that up."
Relief washed across Barbara's face followed by sadness. Dorothy knew she could become friends with the woman she was sure will surely soon become her daughter-in-law and who understood their family better than any of them.
Her son watched warily as she crossed to his bed. Dorothy took a deep breath. "Barbara has forgiven me. I'm hoping that you can understand and do the same Tommy. I did not intend to be cruel. I thought she was being opportunistic." Tommy glared at her. "No, I think I feared that she was able to love you so single-mindedly when I still carry the pain of you leaving us. I know that at the time it seemed wrong but I still loved your father, it's just that he couldn't fill a void that I needed. You can love two people at once Tommy but I think you've come to understand that haven't you?"
He lifted his hand to her and she accepted. "Am I forgiven?" Her son sighed and nodded. Dorothy could not hold back her tears and hugged her son to her. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
Tommy
The morning's event had exhausted him but he was happy. It was not superficial gladness but a deep serenity and hope that he had not had for years. As he lay back thinking about the way she had kissed him he tried to understand what made it so different, so special. Physically probably nothing but it was the bond they shared that transformed the kiss into magic. He could only imagine how wonderful it would be when he was well and they could be alone to explore each other's desires. The thought made him shiver.
Barbara was fussing but he secretly enjoyed her attention. Any excuse he could find to spend time with her was welcome. He wanted to get better quickly and he was happy for her to order him about and feel useful. "I'll be back in five minutes," she said as she left to get breakfast. He smiled at the thought of her trying to cook and hoped that Mrs McCredie had not yet left for her daily shopping run to Nanrunnel.
Barbara had promised she was not going to leave and he was determined that he would never let her go or allow his family to drive her away. Over the last few weeks he had incubated a hatred for his brother. He could not imagine how Peter could ever make it up to him. He was only marginally more forgiving of his mother but he understood he had already caused her similar pain by tainting her love for Trenarrow. It was not a game but it felt as if the score were even and it was time to move on.
When his mother came in he was not sure he could face her. He might have forgiven her but that did not mean he was not still angry. "Barbara has forgiven me. I'm hoping that you can understand and do the same Tommy." Tommy felt the bile rise. "No, I think I feared that she was able to love you so single-mindedly when I still carry the pain of you leaving us." Ah, there it is! I'm always the one in the wrong. What about the fact I was only seventeen? You were the parent. You should have looked out for me! I never recovered either Mother! "You can love two people at once Tommy but I think you've come to understand that haven't you?"
So his mother knew he had been in love with Barbara for years. They were alike, mother and son; both craving love, both torn between desire and duty and both miserable because of their choices. He was determined to break the cycle and he could only do that by rebuilding his relationship with his mother. He raised his hand and she seized it anxiously."Am I forgiven?" He nodded and used his one good arm to hold her as she cried. He knew her sobbing apology was not about the last month but about that day twenty-five years ago when his innocence and faith had been shattered.
Wednesday 29 July 7:20 am Howenstowe
Barbara
She had secretly hoped that she could charm Howenstowe's faithful cook into preparing something but the kitchen was empty. Damn! She looked around in the cupboards and fridge then had a wicked idea. It was calorie dense and easy to swallow she reasoned, perfect for this morning and then when Mrs Mac returned she would ask for soup for lunch.
She grabbed a spoon and was about to return upstairs when she spotted Winston sitting forlornly on the couch in the living room. "Hi Winston. How's it going?"
"A bit boring but okay. I'm just updating Facebook."
She peered over his shoulder. He had his tablet balanced on his knee. "Feeling bored. Stuck in a castle with a mute king and grumpy queen."
"Who's the queen?"
Winston looked embarrassed. "It was just something to say."
"Can you type on a blank sheet on that thing?"
"Yeah, like this," he replied swiping open a new programme.
"Perfect," she said as she grabbed the tablet, "the king is about to speak!"
Barbara raced up the stairs and into his room. "I've found the solution!"
Tommy and Dorothy looked up at her in alarm. Dorothy looked at the tub in her hand and frowned. "Chocolate ice-cream?"
"No this. We can give Tommy back his voice." She sat on the bed and handed it to Tommy who grinned like a child on Christmas morning. "You can use your good hand to type messages."
Tommy used the middle finger of his left hand to clumsily type a message then handed it to her.
I love you Barbar. Marry me?!
She leant over and kissed him tenderly. "Barbar says yes but only when Tom Tom is better."
"Barbar? Tom Tom? What are you two talking about?" Dorothy asked. Barbara laughed and handed Dorothy the screen. "Oh, I knew it! I'm so happy for both of you. Will it be a big wedding? Do you want to hold it here?"
Tommy grabbed the tablet. When WE decide we'll tell you.
Barbara started to feed him the ice-cream. "It's full of calories, easy to digest and should be cool on your throat." It looked good so she ate the second spoonful and chuckled at the look on his face.
Tommy
"I've found the solution!"
Tommy wondered if she had solved world hunger or found a cure for malaria. He loved her passion. She had always been enthusiastic about work but when it was about him it felt even better.
When she passed him the tablet he agreed. It felt awkward but he quickly typed what he had needed to say for weeks. I love you Barbar. Marry me?!
"Barbar says yes but only when Tom Tom is better." Her kiss had been soft but loving. For several moments the world seemed to stop. He and Barbara were in love and she had agreed to marry him! It was not the restrained correctness of his first marriage but an organic love with many complex nuances that seemed almost contradictory. It was easy and familiar yet new and full of opportunities. It was solid and grounded and yet he was floating within an ethereal joy that threatened to overwhelm him.
His mother had started to plan a massive wedding in her head; he could tell from her face. He was not subjecting Barbara to the whole Asherton circus. He would introduce her to his formal world when, and if, she was interested. He needed to assert control. When WE decide we'll tell you.
Barbara fed him a spoonful of ice-cream. It slid easily down his throat. He waited open-mouthed for the next spoonful but Barbara ate it, completely forgetting it was for him. He pouted his best sad-puppy face and hoped she would take pity. She laughed, gave him another mouthful then kissed him. Oh yes, when I'm stronger we're going to have such fun.