Wednesday 29 July 4:50pm Howenstowe

Barbara

After breakfast Tommy had been exhausted so Barbara had insisted he sleep. He was restless and reluctant to let her go so she had snuggled next to him and they had held each other tranquilly. She had never dreamt in her wildest fantasies that it would ever feel so normal being wrapped in his arms. This was Tommy! Her boss; and yet it felt as if they had been together for years. She still wondered if she would wake and find this was all a macabre but magical nightmare.

Tommy would not sleep without a kiss but it had rapidly escalated into something frustratingly fiery. She felt guilty for having wicked thoughts about his body when he was still so ill. With effort she kept her hands on top of his pyjamas and explored no further than his chest. Finally they slowed and settled into a cuddle but not before he had grabbed the tablet. I want to make love to you so much it hurts.

Barbara laughed softly. Oh yes it does! "Think of it as incentive to get well," she said not so innocently brushing his hand with her breast then blushing at her wantonness.

GROAN! Very soon I promise. Kiss me again!

When they woke it was time for lunch. Mrs Mac had made thick, creamy chicken soup. Barbara fed him a large bowl and an hour later he asked for more and a cup of tea. Being able to communicate had done him as much good as the food and she was confident that he would recover. Kathy had removed his drips and taken the cannulas from his arms. The nurse had been wary that he was still dehydrated but Barbara had managed to get him to drink so much water and tea that Kathy had been kept very busy. Tommy had been charmingly coy and had refused to allow her to help him.

Kathy had given her instructions about exercises for his hand and ankle and during the afternoon Barbara had gently massaged and stretched his damaged right hand. The scars were hard and fibrous and restricted his movements and his muscle tone was poor. She could see it hurt him more than he let on but he insisted on doing as much as he could bear. Keep going. I don't want to be left-handed!

"Are you going to be okay when Peter arrives?" Tommy nodded but could not look at her. "Can I tell you a story?" Tommy seemed curious with an expression she knew well from their work. He raised his eyebrows in a 'tell me more' gesture. "When I small, about twelve, we were on holiday down the coast, in that caravan. I was teasing Terry and showing off in front of the kids at the park. Dad took me down to the beach with three buckets. The first he filled with water, the second with sloppy, wet sand and the third with dry sand. He had me put my fist into the water and pull it out. 'What do you see?' he asked me and I told him I saw ripples then the water settled. He did the same with the next bucket the impression my fist made slowly filled with water then the sand settled in. With the third bucket my fist left a hole. Some of the sand slowly trickled in but the hole stayed. Do you know what he was trying to tell me?"

Tommy shook his head but she knew she had his attention. "It was about life. He told me the first bucket represented schoolmates and associates. As adults it would be workmates I suppose. When you leave there are a few ripples for a short time but soon everything returns to normal and it's as if you were never there. They forget you. The second bucket is your friends. They miss you longer but eventually someone takes your place and you fade into a pleasant memory. But the third bucket is your family and the friends you treat like family. When you're gone the hole you leave stays forever. It softens over time and gets less but it's always there."

Barbara stopped as Tommy typed. We're each other's third bucket.

She kissed him lightly. "Yeah, we are but Peter and Judith and your mother are also your third bucket. I don't have Terry anymore. I miss him every day. Peter is still alive and you need him. You can spend your lives hating each other but what you both want is love and respect. I get that you were only a boy yourself Tommy but he was just a little kid who probably idolised his big brother just like Terry did me. Don't wait until it's too late. I said sorry to Terry, you can say sorry to Peter. That little word can change so much and I worry that unless you sort it out it will hang over you and I too. I'd like us all to be friends."

Tommy hugged her and she knew that it was his way of composing himself while she could not see his face. She held him protectively. "It'll work out Tommy, I promise."

Barbara heard a car on the driveway. She walked to the window and steadied herself. "Peter's here."

Tommy

He knew it was illogical but Tommy had come to believe that he was only recovering when he was with Barbara. The thought of being separated, even for a few minutes, was unbearable. He could indulge his dependency for a while but he knew Barbara loved the man he had been. She would expect the old Tommy back at some point but the last few weeks had changed him. In many ways the silence had been good. It had given him time and space to think, to see things with a clarity that speech never afforded.

He held Barbara close scarcely able to believe that she could love him so openly and freely. Since he had realised months ago what his feelings for her actually were he had imagined wooing her slowly. Now circumstances had conspired to show them both how much they needed each other and all the worldly excuses had dissolved before their need to be together. He kissed her in a way he hoped hinted at future intimacy. He might be too ill for his body to respond but his mind was well ahead. When her hand gingerly explored his chest he knew she was as frustrated as him but now at least he could tell her. I want to make love to you so much it hurts.

"Think of it as incentive to get well!"

Incentive! I don't need sex as an incentive I just need you! GROAN! Very soon I promise. Kiss me again!

Barbara drifted to sleep before him and he thought about Peter. He did not want a war with his brother but he knew Peter was not going to rush in with open arms and welcome Barbara either. He sighed and blocked out the thoughts. He would deal with that later.

As a nurse Barbara was surprisingly caring but there was no way he was going to allow her to help him with his toilet. He would not mind after their relationship developed but when the day finally came to enjoy each other he wanted her to think of him as strong and virile rather than withered and impotent. A man has to have dome dignity!

The afternoon vanished in rehabilitation exercises and drinking fluids. His ankle was a little stiff but the gentle circles Barbara rotated it in hurt far less than he expected. Walking would be good. He set a goal to be able to walk to the old fallen tree behind the house by this time next week. They could sit and watch the ocean and he could start to woo Barbara more traditionally.

His hand worried him. He knew he should have used his ball to roll along his hand and squeeze to force movement back into his fingers but until this morning he had not wanted to live or do anything. He tried not to wince but even her gentle massage hurt more than he anticipated although her soft kisses on his scars were so erotic he almost forgot the pain. She stopped before he was ready. Those kisses could cure anything. Keep going. I don't want to be left-handed!

"Are you going to be okay when Peter arrives?" So you feel the tension too. He nodded reassuringly hoping to avoid the topic but he could tell she had something important to say. He listened carefully to her parable about the three buckets. Her voiced cracked with emotion talking about her brother and father. He wanted to hold her and protect her forever. We're each other's third bucket.

"Yeah, we are but Peter and Judith and your mother are also your third bucket. I don't have Terry anymore. I miss him every day. Peter is still alive and you need each other... Don't wait until it's too late. I said sorry to Terry, you can say sorry to Peter. That little word can change so much and I worry that unless you sort it out it will hang over you and I too. I'd like us all to be friends."

Tears welled in his eyes when he thought of his own father and events so long ago. He knew he had hurt Peter and he had never made it up to him. He had just told him to harden up and get over it. He thought back to the months after Helen died. he and his brother were really no different and Tommy felt ashamed of his insensitivity. Barbara was what his family needed to heal old wounds. He had discovered new strengths in her today and he loved her more with every minute they were together. He held her as hard as he could.

They heard the crunch of tyres on the drive. Barbara went to the window. "Peter's here."

Tommy picked up the tablet and started to type.

Peter

It had been a long drive from Canterbury but he had obeyed his mother. Despite what his family sometimes thought he was neither a fool nor uncaring. He loved his mother and sister dearly and he wished he could say the same of his brother. Just once! Just once did you have to say you were wrong Tommy. He also knew that Barbara was exactly what Tommy needed. He was jealous of her and her easy relationship with his brother. She could forgive him things he never would and still pop up ready to accept more. Peter could not understand why she did it but he knew they connected in a way no one else would ever fathom. I would kill for just a small part of that.

For the last half hour he had been watching a car that seemed to be following him. It was several cars behind but each time he turned it turned too. Peter had detoured from his usual route but still the car stayed there in the middle distance. He debated whether he should drive to Nanrunnel and fetch the police but as he approached the drive the car pulled over. He was convinced it was Millan. If he went into the village he might be too late. Peter pulled into the drive and raced from the car. He warned the police constable on the door who radioed for back up. Winston was in the living room. "It's Millan, come on," he called to him as he raced up the stairs and into his brother's room.