Chapter 4 :D I really enjoyed writting this one and I'm also finished with chapter 5 c:
Playlist : Run - Snow Patrol :) I'd listen to it after Cam's scene on the library, just in case you feel like listen to it :)
Nice reading !
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize it's not mine! I do not own Fallen :)
"Giving up"
They weren't allowed to go outside during the recess, but it has been a long time since the last time she took orders: she had been out since it had started to rain. She had lain down on her back, facing the sky and feeling the wet grass around her.
They weren't allowed to go outside during the recess, but it has been a long time since the last time she took orders: she had been out since it had started to rain. She had lain down on her back, facing the sky and feeling the wet grass around her.
A swallow reached out for her, approaching to her face and staring at her. Izzy held the swallow on one hand and petted it gently. The swallow stared again for one last moment, before spreading the wings and fly.
James' brown eyes appeared on her head. If only she could jump like he did… She'd be wherever she felt like her to be, whenever she wanted and then come back. She doubted anyone would notice, she had been outside for over an hour enjoying the little rain drops and the cold and she hadn't seen sights of Daniel, Arriane nor Gabbe.
She hadn't heard from Cam, either.
Cam, who somehow managed to crumble the thin wall it cost her so much to build up between them every time. She hadn't had the chance to apologize to him for pushing him and quite frankly –after seeing him with Luce on that Hammond kid's memorial-, made her not want to apologize anymore. Luckily for her, James use to show up at the right time.
She closed her eyes for a minute and took a deep breath. Had it been really necessary bringing up Woodstock? A burning set on her chest as she remembered, surprising her. So much time trying to let go of Cam and all had been in vain. The only thing that got her to forget for a while was James.
Sixteen year old with messy hair and strong arms James.
She'd never forget the night she met him. James had recognized her from one of his classes in Shoreline. She felt a little uncomfortable knowing that Francesca and Steven talked about her, but all her discomfort went away as she started talking to James.
Regardless how comfortable and at eased she felt around James, he wasn't Cam. Not that he didn't try to. She had promised him to always speak to him with the truth and James took advantage of that every now and then to know things about Cam.
"Is anybody there?"
Cam.
She opened up her eyes and met Cam's face standing really close to her. He was lying next to her, with his head leaning on one of his arms and with his emerald green eyes set on her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Why are you always so defensive?"
"Why are you always spying on me?"
A tiny smile appeared on Cam's face. "I just went out for fresh air."
"You're not supposed to leave the building because of the storm." said Izzy turning her head back up to the see the sky.
"That's why I assumed you'd be outside."
"So you were spying..."
Cam let go of his breath and, as she did, lay down on the grass facing the dark clouds above them. "Who was he?"
Izzy turned and saw Cam sitting and looking upset at her. "Who?"
"You want to play it like that?" Izzy sat up. "The jumper."
Had he seen James? "I thought I was alone…"
"I'd say you had company."
"He's a good friend."
"Just a good friend?"
Cam turned back to face her. Izzy noticed the pain coming up on Cam's eyes… probably the same look she had on her face every time he saw him with Luce. She glanced away and stood up at the same time it began to rain thunderously.
"I don't see how that can matter to you, Cam."
He stood in front of her. The pain on Cam's eyes seemed to increase with the rain. "Is he just a good friend or not?"
"Now? Yes." she answered upset.
"Now?"
"I don't get where you're going, Cam."
"You reach out to me and talk about that time in Woodstock, making me feel like an idiot, just so that I found out that you mess around with a Nefilim?"
"You forget why I left in the first place."
Izzy swept away the hair she had attached to her skin with one hand, brushing it back.
She glanced up at Cam. His dark hair was wet and his skin was paler than usual, a tuff look appeared on his face.
"You forget that you never told me why you left."
She held her breathe for a minute.
Cam was right: she never told him. She had just walked out.
"Fine…" she started as her voice failed her. She closed up her eyes for a second and took one step back, away from Cam. "What did you expected from me? To just stay there after Luce died and your interest for me came back?"
"It's much more than interest…" She wasn't expecting that. Cam put his hands on the front pocket of his black jeans. "You left because of Luce?"
Was it that hard to get? "I left because I'm no one's second course, Cam…"
"Isabel…" Cam reached out for her and leaned one hand on her cheek. Just that simple touch made her heart beat faster. "You've never been a second course for me or anything like that."
Izzy could feel Cam's eyes looking for hers, but she just didn't dare to look at him.
"Iz…"
Cam grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. She realized she had done right by staying away… having him around just messed her up. She just wanted to rest her head on his chest and let him hugged her and hold her tight, but there was a side of her that didn't let her surrender to her feelings.
He seemed to realize her sudden vulnerability when he slowly placed both hands on her shoulders and caressed her arms as his hands descended. Cam took one step closer to her, shortening the distance between them.
"No." Izzy turned away fast to get rid of Cam's arms.
"Why don't you trust me?"
She couldn't even trust herself with him around. "What are you going to do after?"
"After?" Cam stood up in front of her and looked at her with confusion. "After what?"
"After this." She opened up her arms alluding to where they were. "After this conversation… Are you going back on flirting with Luce and forgetting everything?"
"Izzy, what else can I do?"
"Leave my brother and Luce alone."
"You know it's not that simple…"
She knew that "Is it that it's not that simple or that you just can't stay away from her?"
Cam didn't answer as fast as she wanted him to.
"Great…"
Izzy started walking back to the building with hurry, she shrugged her shoulders to keep her warm from the rain that crushed strongly on her skin and clothes.
"Wait!" Cam walked taking big steeps that sounded really loud against the wet grass and the mud "Just take a second to think about things, Iz!"
"Think about what?!"
Izzy turned back angrily to face him, crashing with Cam. Both stood still for a moment with their hearts racing.
"There's nothing to think about, Cam." she said taking one step back. "Things are going to be just the way there are and—"
"Izzy, nothing has ever happened between me and Luce."
"Not that you haven't tried."
"What about you? Because the 'just a good friend' thing, I'm not really buying it."
"What do you want me to say?" Izzy noticed how Cam's eyes turned dark of anger. "Do you want to know that no matter how nice, tender and faithful James was, I never stop thinking about you? That no matter how many times he kissed or how he—"
"How far."
"What?"
"Did you sleep with him?!"
Cam held her in his arms and pulled her closer to him, skimming Izzy's nose with his and looking directly into her eyes.
"That's not of your business, Cam…"
"Don't dare to tell me that it's not of my business, Isabel!"
"Back off!"
Izzy pushed him hard and got rid of him. He gave her one last annoyed look before walking back to the school, entering through the glass door.
oOoOoOoOo
He went to the library after dropping by his room to change the wet clothes. He felt so angry, he broke the mirror hanging behind his door but it didn't matter. He also tore apart one of his favorites shirts and didn't care… well, almost.
He had decided to give the list of books he had to read for classes a try in order to shut down his feelings for a moment with those boring books he probably had already heard about. He must've been like twenty minutes struggling with the mental image of Izzy kissing the Nefilim that insisted on coming up in his head, before actually focused on finding those books.
He dropped them on the shelf so the librarian could write them down on the system as he pulled out his Ipod from one of his pockets. He passed his earphones underneath his black sweatshirt and turned up the volume.
"You have one week, Cam." said the librarian and he pulled out one of his earphones to listen to her. "Are you sure you'll have time for all of these?"
"Yes, thanks." he said roughly as he grabbed the big pile of books.
He should've paid attention to what he was listening to before doing so, because listening 'dig' at that very moment wasn't what he needed. He had enough remembering Izzy on his own, he didn't needed a song to help him do it.
He hadn't realized that classes were over until he found himself caught in the crowded hallways. He continued to walk towards the entrance and thanked himself for wearing the hood before grabbing the books. He approached the corner were a window door allowed him out when he crushed harshly against Luce. He hadn't even realized that it was Luce, until the pile of books fell loudly at his feet and he glanced up to see who had he run on to.
Luce's eyes seemed sad and he guessed that there was something she was trying to avoid.
"Are you ok?" he asked, caressing Luce's back with one hand.
"Yes, don't worry."
He turned off the music on his Ipod and pulled out his earphones. Seeing Luce had brought his good mood back. "Well, now that we have crushed and dropped our books, shouldn't the next step be touching our hands by accident while picking them up?"
Luce gave him an honest smile before bending down to help him pick the books up. Cam managed to hold her hand when she gave him one the books.
"How do you say 'embarrassed' in French?"
"Eeeh… gêné." said Luce with a weird look on her face. "But, wait… wasn't you the one that got an excellent on the French test?"
That did embarrass him a little. "You noticed?" He noticed the little raindrops attached to Luce's dark hair and realized how a few of them slipped down her cheeks.
"Cam, are you all right?" asked Luce.
He approached Luce and gently wiped away a raindrop that slipped down her nose. "I've been thinking about you." he stated. It was true and maybe Luce was just what he needed to left Izzy behind. "I wanted to see you. I waited for you after the funeral, but they told me you'd left." and after that, he got distracted with the view of Izzy hugging the jumper.
"I'm sorry." said Luce at the same time a thunder scared both of them. He noticed that Luce's clothes and his own were all wet. He hadn't care with Izzy, because she couldn't catch a cold, but Luce could and that wasn't what he was trying to get with her.
"Come on, let's get away from the rain." he said, reaching out for Luce hand to walked her back to the building.
"I can't."
"What about later? Or tonight?"
"Sure, I'll see you later." Luce seemed so convinced that it made him smile. All he needed were a few minutes alone with her.
"I'll stop by your room" Cam pulled her closer, slightly holding her hand and passing his free hand at the back of her head to kiss her in the forehead. He stepped back, offering Luce one last smile before walking fast back to the Augustine.
Suddenly he had found something better to do than reading books.
oOoOoOoOo
It hadn't stopped raining and she hadn't stopped thinking, either. She went to the library searching for some quiet time to draw, but she wasn't able to keep her eyes away from Cam's drawing.
Why hadn't she answered him? She knew Cam had misunderstood what she was trying to say, but deep inside… she wanted him to do so. More than a couple of minutes kissing on the beach with James it hadn't been. Not because she didn't feel like going on with it, but because she really didn't want to hurt James. She had felt the urgency of having Cam as close to her as possible, that she wasn't able to picture herself with anyone else in that position. James, of course, had managed to break down her wall a little bit… but she only wanted to love Cam that way and if it wasn't possible with him, then it wasn't possible with anybody else.
If only she had told him that… if only she had admitted that to herself earlier.
She had hidden in one of the many hidden corners on the library that were dark at that time. Sitting on the carpet and with her back leaning against a bookshelf, her notebook rested on her legs and she held the charcoals box on her hands. It was raining so hard outside and a few lightings lit up the whole place, letting her capture the view.
"I think we have the same thought." said Daniel sitting next to her. Izzy turned to look at him with his backpack and his notebook on his hands.
"Apparently." she said, offering him a little smile.
Daniel leaned his head against the bookshelf "Cam?"
"Luce?"
Both stared at each other for a minute, conscious of the pain both felt. Izzy leaned her head over Daniel's shoulder and he hugged over her shoulders.
"I didn't tell you…" started Daniel. Izzy noticed how he took a very deep breath, so she held his hand. "She says she can see 'shadows'…"
Izzy sat up straight with a confused look on her face. "The Announcers?"
"Yes…"
"Are you kidding me?"
"That's what she said—"
Daniel stopped talking when both overheard people talking behind them. Izzy glanced over to the hallway and she managed to see Luce and Penn.
"No matter where I go, she always shows up…" said Daniel, grimly.
Seeing Luce reminded her of Cam and the sickness in her stomach -which she had tried to stop- came back.
"I think I'll go back to my room."
Izzy grabbed her backpack and crossed it over one shoulder, she then grabbed her charcoals box and her notebook.
"You don't have to." Daniel leaned back against the bookshelf.
"Unfortunately, wherever she goes, Cam comes up and I just… well, I need to be away from him right now." she confessed looking up for Luce and Penn, who walked towards the computers section.
"Izzy…"
"I'm fine, Dan." she said forcing a smile. "And you should stop running away, 'cause she's going to keep finding you."
Izzy started walking to the entrance quietly to not call the attention. The library was practically dark, because the librarian hadn't arrived yet to turn the lights on.
She turned to the left and saw her arriving hurried and with her hair all wet. When the librarian saw her, she offered Izzy a tiny smile before leaving her purse on the table. Izzy kept on walking her way out of the library, when the lights turned on and she saw him walking up the stairs.
She got freak out so badly, she let her notebook and her charcoals slip from her fingers, leaving the charcoals crushed over the white floor.
"Oh, no…" she murmured, not daring to look up at Cam. She tried to get together all of the little pieces of charcoal, but as she did she noticed that most of them were crushed.
Cam didn't stop and kept walking towards her –or to the entrance- and when she reached out to pick one the remaining charcoals, he stepped on it crushing it down, leaving a big dark stain on the floor.
She stared at the stain for a moment, thinking that under different circumstances, Cam would've bent over and helped her getting her things together and even offered her to get new ones for her.
Now she had been crushed.
Izzy grabbed her notebook and stood up, running downstairs –leaving what used to be her charcoals- and not looking back.
oOoOoOoOo
He knocked at Luce's door, but received no answer. He stared at the little red box he carried en his hand and began to juggle with it.
If he were Luce, where would he be? He shuffled a couple of options considering that they weren't allowed to go outside. By the pool? He didn't think that she could still be swimming and clearly she wasn't in her room.
Penn… a library rat should be at a library. He put the box in one of his jacket pockets and started walking towards de library.
Thinking about Luce had definitely brought him back. He has spent the last two days thinking about Izzy, forgetting why he was at Sword & Cross at the first place. He couldn't help but to noticed that something seemed different about Luce, she used to run away from him since he had crossed over to the evil side, but in this life she seemed to like him and that was more than enough to get what he needed.
He started walking up the stairs determined and he didn't stop until he heard the sound on things crushing. He stopped and glanced up, finding Izzy bent on her knees trying to pick up her charcoals.
A deep rage overcame him as he saw her, remembering what she had told him. He kept on walking and realized that one of her charcoals was actually unbroken and before Izzy grabbed it, he stepped over it and crushed it. He continued walking without looking back.
But he stopped when he heard a sob behind him. It wasn't usual on him to over think his actions, but –no matter how hard he tried not to- Izzy always managed to get the best out of him. He turned to help her pick up her things, but she wasn't there anymore. He overheard the echo of her footsteps as she went downstairs.
Cam walked and bent over to pick Izzy's box and put it in his pocket, finding the velvet box he had and remembered why he was at the library. He put Izzy's box in another pocket and went inside.
He saw Luce sitting next to Penn on the computer's section and then saw Daniel coming up from behind one of the bookshelves.
He walked determined –getting Daniel's attention by doing so- towards Luce. Penn seemed to notice him and turned back and stared at him as he reached out for them. He gave her a nice cocky smile and stood behind Luce, who was sitting on the floor underneath the table.
He leaned over Luce's chair, changing the weight of his body over his arm, but Luce didn't look back at him. Penn bent over to touch her and gave her a 'behind you' look. As Luce turned, a thunder broke in and Luce jumped frightened.
He couldn't help to relent at her reaction and he stood closer to her. "It's just a storm." he said, tilting his head. "It won't last long, which is a shame, 'cause you look cute when you get scared."
He reached out and caressed Luce's arm before holding her hand and giving her the tiny red velvet box. The fact that Luce closed her eyes as he touched her skin satisfied him. When she opened them up, he gave look a sneak of what was inside of the box so Luce could see. "Open it later, alone."
"Cam…"
He interrupted her. "I stopped by your room."
Luce glanced at Penn confused as she realized the way Penn was staring at both of them.
Penn looked at them with embarrassment. "I got it, I got it, you want me out."
"No, stay." truth was that his idea of a moment alone with Luce didn't include Daniel staring at them… actually; it didn't sounded like a bad idea. "I'm leaving, but later… you promise?"
He wanted commitment from Luce's side.
"Sure."
Seeing Luce's cheeks blush gave him a better idea. Cam grabbed the tiny box and slipped it into her jeans back pocket, skimming Luce's thigh. He winked at her and turned back as Izzy's mental image came through his head and he felt like paying her with the same coin.
"One more thing." he said.
He slipped his arm behind Luce's head to pull her closer to him and kiss her. A weird feeling sat on his chest as he did, but Luce's lips were so tender and warm hi didn't want it to stop.
Hi didn't realize that Daniel had reached out for them, until he grabbed his wrist and twisted, forcing him to stop kissing Luce.
oOoOoOoOo
She threw herself on the cold floor. Maybe one or two students walked by passed her, but no one seemed to be walking around the hallways.
That was just what she needed: sometime alone. She wasn't the kind of girl that cried all the time, but she felt that she owe herself a couple of minutes to let out all the pain she had inside. A few rebel tears escaped and slipped down her face as she sit in front of the window, staring at the rain and the dark clouds.
Raindrops kept on falling and she fell down with them.
It took her a moment to realize that two male figures had interrupted her view. She stood up fast and recognized Cam and Daniel, who seemed to be arguing.
She walked towards the window door and opened it quickly.
"Hey!" she shouted, but none of them seemed to hear her.
Cam pounced on Daniel, hitting him on the shoulder and then kicking him on the stomach making Daniel fell down.
But Daniel was right back up after just one second.
"Stop it!" Izzy got in between them just as Daniel tried no punch Cam. Izzy grabbed his armed and stood in front of Daniel, with Cam behind her.
"Get out!" Daniel spit, looking angrily at Cam.
"Daniel, it's not worth it…"
"Why don't you just get the hell out?" Cam said angrily at her from behind her back.
"I'm not leaving until you stop this." she said looking back above her shoulder. She turned to look at Daniel, begging for him to come through. "Dan—"
"He tried to kiss Luce!"
"What?!" Izzy turned at Cam with surprise on her eyes.
"Trying would mean that I didn't do it and I did."
"Are you happy now? You damn piece of shit!" Both finally stopped fighting to pay attention to her. Cam stared at her without saying a word. "What do you have to say now, ah?! You asshole!"
Izzy pushed him hard enough to make Cam topple, forcing him to take one large step back to kept him from falling.
"Izzy—" Daniel reached out for her, but Izzy stepped aside as soon as she felt his hand leaning on her shoulder.
She didn't take her eyes away from Cam, who stared at her with suspiciously. "What the hell were you thinking, Cam?!" She pushed him hard once again, pressing her hands against his chest. "Answer me! Or did you just became a descent person for a motherfucking change?!"
"Enough." Cam spit at her with cold in his eyes, clearly upset. Izzy tried to push him again, but Cam grabbed her strongly by the wrists. "Enough!"
He held her so strongly and rough that tears appeared on her eyes. "Nothing is going on between me and Luce,how could I believe you?! How could I be so stupid?"
She got rid of Cam's hands roughly and when he tried to hold her back again, Izzy slapped him hard. Cam turned back at her –clearly annoyed- grabbing her by the shoulders, making Izzy fall harsh against the ground as she tried to let go.
"Cam!" Daniel stood in front of him, getting in between. Cam tried to punch him and push him aside, getting Daniel's fist against his jaw in return. Cam lunged against him, trying to beat Daniel up at the same time Daniel tried to punch him back.
"Enough call it off!" Mr. Cole approached them walking determined. He walk passed Izzy –who has already stood up- and get in between both guys, stretching his arms and grabbing them by the neck to separate them. "You have until three! One…two—!"
Daniel let go of Cam and rubbed his shoulder.
"Anything to say on your defense?" asked Mr. Cole, looking at both of them before noticing Izzy was there "Isabel, are you all right?"
Izzy glanced down at her wrists and felt glad for wearing a jacket, because that way Mr. Cole wasn't able to see the wounds Cam must've left on them. She nodded without saying one word.
"I really hope you weren't fighting over a girl, guys, especially with her right here."
"Don't you worry, 'cause she isn't here." said Izzy, staring at Cam, who had blood in the corner of his mouth and coming out of his nose. She felt the urgency of helping him get rid of the blood, but she fought it.
"Don't try to make it seem like you have nothing to do with this." Cam spit.
"Enough," said Mr. Cole. "All three of you are on detention as for tomorrow and I don't want to see you together." he continued, serious. "Now leave, except for you Daniel."
Izzy saw Daniel's nose bleeding, as she turned to say goodbye to him. Cam started walking after her, making her accelerate in order to leave him behind. She entered the building through the same window door she got out and smirked as she saw her backpack and her notebook where she had left them.
"Iz." Cam called her upset, reaching after her.
"I don't want any more trouble." she spit at him, not turning to look at him and just walking to her room.
Cam reached her up and leaned one hand on her shoulder to stop her. Izzy turned back startled to face him.
"I don't want to hear it, Cam." she said taking a step back. "I'm not interested… I'm not interested in you or your feelings for Luce and I'm certainly not interested in what you do and how you just screw everything up because of your feelings for Luce."
"What about—?"
"Just shut up, Cam." Cam looked at her, surprised. "I'm not interested on what you have to say."
Izzy started walking, closing her eyes slightly to keep her tears from falling.
"Well, I don't care if you don't want to listen, but you are not leaving unt—"
Cam grabbed her wrist, but Izzy managed to let go of him fast.
"I hate you!" she shouted at him with anger, not afraid of raising her voice. Cam stood in front of her with his eyes filled with expectation and his heart racing just like hers. "Don't talk to me again."
Izzy wiped away the rebel tears running down her face and she began to run towards the stairs.
Cam leaned against the wall, bending his elbows and resting on his forearms. He had never seen Izzy crying because of him before. He used to be the one taking care of her.
Angrily, he pushed his fist against the cold concrete wall, hurting his knuckles.
If he had truly loose Izzy… he wasn't losing Luce.
Please let me know what you think ! Hope you've enjoyed it :)
xoxo :D