After our little break, we continued heading west, towards the pillars. I took the opportunity to sate my curiosity. The past few hours not only didn't give me any answers, but it only gave me time to think of a million more.
"*ahem*" I got my traveling companion's attention. "You still didn't answer my question from earlier."
"Refresh my memory." She drawled, keeping her eyes to the distance.
It felt like one of those lazy afternoons. Like we should have been lying in the grass, looking at the clouds rather than walking for several miles. Lord knows I wanted to just stop and take a nap. I wasn't the most active of people, but several years of paranoia and fantasy based scenario training told me that we had to go as far as we could before night-fall. Not only that, but having access to information about Nosgoth itself made me feel a whole lot more sure of myself.
Being that we were east of the Pillars, we were most likely heading from the forests around the Termogent, which would explain why it took half the day to finally get out. If that creature that carried me over the forest from the 'valley', the most likely place would be from somewhere around northern Avernus, which would make sense. The only thing I needed to know was...
"Where are we going?" I asked. I wasn't going to let her dodge it this time.
She yawned. "Oh. We're going to Steinchenchroe. We're making a stop in Ziegesturhl for supplies first."
"Ah." I knew who she was going to see. (It feels weird to say this), but when I created her, I made sure she had made friends in all sorts of places. As an informant (and sometimes a spy) for various groups, she was naturally friends with the local madman, Irmok. After all, people tended to be careless with their words when they believed someone to be daft.
I felt awkward, recalling the fact that she was my creation. And the way that I made her, the way her life had played out in those brief paragraphs back on my laptop, I wouldn't be surprised if she already knew.
It really started to nag me, not knowing whether or not she knew.
I edged around the question. I had my eyes on her, and she seemed to look at me a fraction of a second before I started speaking.
"I-um, feel like...I feel like I've known you- ...for a really long time." I blurted out. I was never any good at anything but the blunt, direct truth, and anything else was a poor attempt indeed. I was like a literal version of Pinocchio. Unless I really had to, I could never tell a lie, or pussyfoot around a subject. The only thing that kept me from being a bit of a sassy, rough person, was my strong sense of modesty and ingrained politeness.
'Smooth.'
"Well, that isn't a surprise, is it?" she said flatly.
"Huh?" I feigned ignorance.
She stopped, and looked me in the eyes. Her intense stare gave me the urge to start fidgeting. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Victoria Elizabeth. Or do you prefer Chocolate Thun-Da?" She was smirking now, as she walked on.
I lagged behind, a twisted, suppressed grin of fright, nervousness, and embarrassment haunting my expression. My scrunched face probably gave the impression of a scowling child.
Suffice it to say, I was freaking scared.
I didn't necessarily create her, but it was more like I discovered her. She'd always been a part of me. Had always been in my writing. The only reason I had actually managed to 'catch' her, was because I solidified her as a character for an LOK RP. In her brief little stint, all she managed to do was establish herself as an eccentric, kill one of Vorador's birds, and maybe fight off a few zombies. I had disappeared from the internet then, and so the little party moved on without her.
But looking back on all of my other short stories, I kept on finding her, over and over again. It often scared me that this presence was in my writing, uncontrolled, allowed to guide or thwart my actions however it pleased.
With this, a new revelation bloomed in my mind.
She was the very embodiment of Deus Ex Machina. Even her name 'Adonathiel', the rejected name of the fallen Balance Guardian, suggested that she was not really there. She was something that could not be destroyed or forgotten. She was untouchable.
And the scariest part of all...
...is that she was within my very mind.
To an extent, at least.
I still cannot figure out if she is me, or a part of me that became aware and took it's own form. If the latter was true, than my Dad was right in his fears that if I tried hard enough, I could become the equivalent of the Elder God. All-seeing and omnipresent. Here and everywhere. Now and always. Capable of shaping the world to my every whim with just a thought.
But there was just one problem.
I was never one to create a 'god-modded' character. There had to be something to balance her out.
So I made her magic nearly defunct, almost impossible to work with and completely unreliable. She knew almost everything. Had second, third, and even fourth sight. Knew nearly everything as if she was the one that had made it. But she could do nothing but watch as the world around her spiraled into it's fate.
She was the opposite of Raziel, in the sense that she had free will. But unlike Raziel, she knew her fate. She knew what was to happen to Nosgoth. She knew the fate of every single blessed thing in the land, and how it would affect the grand scheme. And unlike Raziel, she could not influence these events. She couldn't change a damned thing.
She didn't even want anything to do with the perpetual war waged on Nosgoth.
"We'll be stopping soon." She informed me.
I briefly stumbled, having been snapped out of my thoughts.
Adonathiel giggled.
"Oh shutup." I jabbed playfully.
"I didn't say anything..." She rolled her eyes and smiled.
I wasn't really paying attention. I was doing the 'Zombie walk', something I would do to keep my mind away from my legs and how tired they must be.
While I was zonked out, the sky had turned an enchanting amethyst, and we were extremely close to the Pillars, which looked even more intimidating the closer we got.
I did another miniature happy dance, as we broke through the trees that circled the Pillars. It was even grander than I imagined. The gold and marble remained polished and magnificent, despite it's age, reflecting and radiating the red light from the setting sun.
Disappointingly, the shine had masked the corruption from a distance, the white having already faded to dark grey, the balance pillar exuding the deep, foreboding air of a dark glacier. Black ice.
"Would you like to get closer?" Adonathiel offered.
"Do you have to ask?" I squeaked, nearly running up to it's base.
I stilled at the steps of the base, hesitating to step foot on (what felt like) hallowed ground. This was a defining moment. Not just for me, but for Legacy Of Kain fans everywhere.
If and when I got back, this would make the most epic fanfiction ever (since nobody would believe me, and I was never one to carry around a camera). Although if I ever included all of the times I've passed out, it would seem like lazy storytelling. By then I would have forgotten most of it.
Except this. I would definitely never forget this, I promised myself.
I held my breath, and slowly, gently lowered a muddy sneaker onto the first, pure marble step.
'They should have a doormat here. I feel like I should have wiped my feet first.'
I slowly, meaningfully walked along the branch of marble, carefully stepping over the gold edges.
As soon as I was fully on the platform, standing before the Pillar of Balance, it's brothers standing beside it like a circle of higher beings, as if they were judging me, judging the world with their ultimate enormity, I let my breath go.
An odd, sluggish, tense sort of energy crawled up my spine, painfully slow, making me shudder for a full minute. I could do nothing but stand and shake, staring up at the Pillars, reaching eternally, feeling for all the world like a small child. No, even smaller. Completely insignificant.
Staring at the stars on a clear night might have made one feel like a speck of dust, but they were not reachable. You couldn't just walk up and touch them. The stars weren't as real as this.
They weren't as...glorious. Momentous. Awe inspiring.
A bunch of other words and phrases that the american standard thesaurus probably didn't have.
The crushing weight of 'I Am Not Worthy' bore down on me, and I could stand it no longer.
I dropped to my knees, and bowed to the mighty Pillars.
It felt like the right thing to do.
Having gathered my nerve, crawling, I tentatively, gently, oh so softly, ran my fingertips over the pitted, corroded stone of the Pillar of Balance.
I felt it's dying power wash though me like a powerful gust of wind. The cacophony died down into a soothing hum, and I slowly withdrew my hand, the absence of it's warmth leaving me chilled, as I let go of my breath that I had unconsciously held for a second time.
After a time, I slowly got up and backed away, stumbling off the platform, not daring to get any closer.
My feet felt like they were burning.
'...I...touched...Balance...' I thought, awestruck.
I stared at my hands, truly amazed that I did something like that. I looked back at the towering monument, an indescribable sense of kinship with these ancient guardians tugged at my being.
A single tear traced it's path down my cheek. I now lived for it. And it lived for me.
Adonathiel moved to put a hand on my shoulder, but stopped, and withdrew.
"You, girl. Are far braver than I." She breathed, a new respect for me shown in her eyes.
I shook, still overwhelmed.
o0o0o0o0
I stared blankly at the fire, watching it turn colors as my eyesight protested to the abuse.
I was still feeling...odd.
"Are you well?" Adonathiel asked, handing me my piece of cooked meat.
I inhaled deeply, having paid too much attention to my breathing, and manually regulating it had occupied me while my mind had remained eerily silent.
"I'll get over it." I sighed, mindlessly chewing on the meat, never taking my eyes off the fire. I didn't quite care what kind of meat it was. I was nearly a carnivore by nature, and was willing to try any kind of flesh. I was fully prepared to eat just about anything, so long as it wasn't rotted.
This was kind of chewy, and had a vague taste that lingered after I had finished. It satisfied my hunger, and that's all that I cared.
The fire was extinguished for the night, so that it wouldn't attract animals, bandits, or Sarafan soldiers, and we settled for the night. Adonathiel lent me her blanket, and she had wrapped herself in her long cloak.
I couldn't sleep for quite a while, watching the full moon slowly pass overhead. The pure, silver disc was far larger than I'd ever seen it, and I basked in it's bright glow.
Exhaustion finally took me, and forced my eyes closed, settling comfortably into my makeshift bed of leaves.
o0o0o0o0
Mist flowed over and around the tombstones, clawing at my ankles. This place was stuck somewhere in time, twilight and early sunrise all at once. The fog colored the air blue and isolated it from everywhere else in the world. Kain was standing beside me, he seemed far older, far more tired than before. His crest had grown considerably, and the skin across his back had permanent cracks from where he struggled against his evolution to maintain his posture.
All of it seemed comfortable, familiar somehow, as though he knew me from some time before.
Strange noises filtered through the fog, roars and ominous groans of beasts and unearthly creatures.
"What's that?" I asked reflexively, squinting to try and see through the fog.
Kain simply shifted his weight, and spoke quietly, his words heavy. "The ghosts of potential pasts rushing up to meet us."
o0o0o0o0
*CLANK*
*THUNK*
I was snapped awake, and I silently thanked my father for his genetic night vision. With the moon as it was, it looked nearly like broad daylight, if I had large sunglasses on.
My eyes widened, and I stopped breathing.
There, standing over the ashes, Adonathiel grappled with an armored knight.
His sword was lodged in a nearby tree, as she was quick to disarm him, and now she stood, hands locked with the solider, one attempting to overpower the other.
They both stared at each other, evaluating their foe. One with a blank gaze of steel, the other with luminescent, earthen fires.
Adonathiel looked toward me for a split second, having noticed my awareness.
That fraction of inattentiveness was all he needed, and with a powerful heave, threw her aside, knocking her head against a tree, rendering her dazed and nearly unconscious.
He yanked his blade from the wood, and rose it, prepared to deal the final blow.
A sudden wave of adrenaline made my limbs as light as feathers, as powerful as a wildcat. In a moment of absolute instinct, I rushed at him, a hand in my pocket.
Reaching up, I quickly pulled his head back, and plunged my flip knife, still stained with the dried blood of my previous attacker, into his throat, and dug it deep behind his collarbone, violently sawing and jerking.
Gurgling, he threw me aside, where I landed harmlessly in the ashes of the fire.
His blood flowing and running across the plates of his armor gave them a glowing crimson tint. Hell knight.
Strength waning from blood loss, he sloppily swung at me, giving me a deep gash on my arm, before tripping over his own boots and falling to the ground, his sword flung away from him.
I watched him in his last death throes, a morbid curiosity keeping me from completely realizing the situation.
It hadn't caught up with me yet.
Twitching and gurgling, I was reminded of the boy in Afghanistan I think, who had split his face open. It was disturbing footage indeed, and made me painfully aware of my face and just how fragile it was.
Wheezing, he finally stilled, and I stared at the grim sight for a few minutes more. I was thankful that he had managed to keep his helmet on. I wouldn't have had the stomach to see his face.
Ignoring my injury, oblivious to the pain, I dragged myself back to bed, the only thing on my mind was rest.
I would save the horrible realizations of my deeds for the morrow.