4. Explanations

I woke, groaned and rolled out of bed, falling to the floor with an audible thump. "Argh!" I groaned again. I felt like crap and when I looked in the mirror I looked exactly like it. Never drinking again! I thought. Why do they insist of having their baseball parties on a Thursday night anyway? It's ridiculous!

When I made it to school I noticed a few of my friends were wearing similar expressions that indicated they were feeling similar to how I felt earlier this morning. Mike in particular looked more than worse for wear. I made my way over to where he was sitting in the cafeteria, his head in his hands. That's when I remembered I had left him to deal with Jess last night, I felt sick with guilt.

"So guess you've made the self promise to never drink again?" I joked. He looked up from his hands and grimaced, his eyes were red. "Mike... I'm sorry for leaving you last night.... It's just that...."

"You don't have to explain." He cut me off. "You always have to pick her up Bella, it's the least I could do. I am her boyfriend right?" The last part was more of a question, like he was unsure of what he was.

"Yeah I guess... So how is she?"

"The usual, she's not coming to school. Last... Last night, I thought I was going to have to take her to the hospital. She lost it Bella, more than usual. I didn't know what to do; I don't know what to do anymore." He shook his head. He looked close to tears. "Bella.... She's not the same anymore. She's not my Jess. She won't let me in; she won't tell me what happened. And it's getting worse."

Seeing Mike like that made me snap. What was her problem? Mike was right, it was getting worse and I was just as clueless as to what was going on as he was. She wouldn't tell me, would just shut down whenever I tried to broach the subject. Usually she would flip out and do a runner or just start screaming until you left. I tried to bring it up with her mother, but she didn't want to hear it. I decided to ditch first period and go round to Jess's, this was the last straw, I was going to find out what was going on.

I got up to leave but realised someone was standing next to me. "James is looking for you." He tossed in my direction before smirking at Mike. "So where's your little cheerleader today Mike?" Mike jumped upright and lunged at Laurent. I was just as mad as Mike was but I managed to push him back into his seat before giving him a look that meant leave it. Laurent was twice as big as Mike and Mike seemed to realise that.

"So where is he?" I spat in Laurent's direction clearly showing my disgust. He chuckled silently and indicated with his head towards James who was leaning against the cafeteria wall, his arms folded across his broad chest, he was looking at me with apparent disgust. I made my way over to where he was and looked him fiercely in the eye.

"Laurent said you were looking for me?" I was still angry at Laurent for the stunt he just pulled and it showed in my voice.

"Where did you go last night?" He asked, clearly mad.

"Home, Jess had an episode and I decided I was rather tired." I shrugged looking at him still unsure as to why he was being so cold.

"And how did you get home Bella?" He stood upright then, taking a step towards me. He appeared to be shaking and his hands were balled into fists. I had never seen him like this, well except when at a game when things got a little rough or he had too much to drink and someone pushed his buttons. He had never been angry with me and I couldn't fathom what I had done wrong.

"She got a ride home with me." A voice chirped from behind. I turned to see Alice smiling up a James, who had immediately calmed down. I noticed Jasper was now at his side and had an arm on his shoulder. "I'm Alice." She held out her hand which James shook lightly, Alice was petite and she seemed rather breakable.

"I told you it was nothing and Victoria was just making up things," Jasper said giving James a playful push. James turned back to me relief clear on his face.

"Victoria said she saw you getting into a car with a new kid, it's just that she implied it was a guy." He laughed.

Stupid meddling bitch, I thought. "It was." He looked at me confused and assessed Alice again. "Edward is Alice's brother he offered me a ride home when he saw me walking, told me his sister was picking him up." James' tensed but remained calm. Just then the bell went signalling class. James relaxed before leaning down to kiss me on the cheek.

"Sorry I forgot to say good morning but I'll see you at lunch." He called as he left the cafeteria. I turned to Alice and smiled.

"Boys?" I shrugged. She looked at me doubtfully but then smiled.

"Can I see you at lunch too?" She teased before skipping out of the cafeteria not giving me a chance to answer.

Confrontation

I made it to Jess's before ten. Using the key she had once given me I entered through the front door. No one appeared to be home. It was quiet and no lights were on. I headed for Jess's room which was at the end of the hallway. I knocked and heard a muffled sound on the other side of her door. "Come in," Jess called. It sounded like she had been crying. I opened the door and saw that Jess was on her bed curled into the foetal position and had definitely been crying, that was evident from her bloodshot and swollen eyes.

"Hey Hun. How ya feeling?" I smiled at Jess. She looked up and gave me a grimace similar to the one Mike had given me this morning.

"Same old." She answered looking at her hands which held a well used hanky. She was wearing a long sleeved top but I could still see the fresh bandages that covered her arms.

"Jess we need to talk." She looked at me with a pleading face.

"I've had enough of being lectured; Mike gave me one hell of one last night." Sarcasm evident in her tired tone.

"Mikes actually the reason I'm here." I explained. I took a deep breath before continuing. "Jess, you should have seen him this morning. He is a mess; he is so concerned about you and its killing him." I walked over to sit on her bed taking her hand in mine. "He loves you, do you realise that? He cares so much Jess, but if you keep pushing him away, if you don't give him some answers, I'm not sure he will be able to keep it up. You need to give him some answers, you owe him that much, you owe me."

She shook her head. "Bells I can't."

"Jess we need to know why this is happening, what caused you to change. This isn't healthy behaviour and it needs to stop. If you don't let us help you, there's nothing we can do." I begged. At that she started to cry.

"It hurts so much Bells, I want it to stop. I want to make it all stop. I don't want to hurt you guys; I don't want Mike to be upset. I want to go back; I want to take it all back. But it won't stop, it won't." She was shaking.

"Jess what happened? I want to know the truth and I want it now!" I grabbed her more forcedly and shook her until she looked up at me. "Did someone hurt you?" She looked down at her hands and started to hyperventilate, answering my question. "Who?" I whispered. I started running through the possibilities. Mike? No he cared too much and was as bewildered as much as I was. Her Mum? She did seem to brush Jess's problems aside but I believed that was because she didn't want to think anything was wrong with her once perfect little girl but I couldn't think of anyone else.

"It doesn't matter Bells," Jess whispered. "Just let it go."

"Jess, I can't. This is eating you up, causing you to hurt yourself. Maybe talking to someone about it will lessen the pain. We're best buds you're meant to share everything with me. Did your Mum do something?" She shook her head sharply. "Mike?"

"No, not mike." She whispered. The way she answered the question made me believe that it was a male, but I couldn't think of anybody. Jess's father died when she was young, she hadn't had any other major relationships before Mike, she hadn't any brothers or cousins and I couldn't think of any significant male in her life that could cause her this much pain.

"It was a boy though?" I asked, lifting her chin with my finger until she looked me in the eyes. She nodded. "Tell me Jess."She took a deep breath and shuddered. "Is it a guy from school?" She nodded. "Our year?" She shook her head. "A senior?" She nodded again and looked at me eagerly, conveying that she found it easier when I guessed rather than telling me outright. "Do I know him?" Again she let me know I was on the right track. "Does he play in the school baseball team?" At this she stopped co-operating and wrapped her arms around her legs before resting her head on them. I had hit the nail on the head. "Jess did James do something?" The thought made my stomach crawl, I knew James didn't really like Jess, he thought of her as just another stupid blonde cheerleader. But I truly didn't want to believe that the guy I was with and cared about would intentionally cause someone I loved to hurt

"No, not James, Bells. I would have told you. I wouldn't let you stay with him if he was the one who..." Her sentence was cut short as a violent sob shook her body.

"Who what Jess?" I was starting to get more and more concerned about what had caused Jess to act out like this. Part of me wanted to believe what James had said, that she was just being attention seeking, like the group of girls at our school that were nick-named "The Slashers". But now it was clear that this wasn't a cry for attention. This was a way Jess was using to deal with pain; pain caused by a male that I knew, a male James played ball with and was therefore inevitably friends with.

Jess shook her head. This was getting frustrating. I decided I would go back to figuring out who had hurt her and go from there. I started to list names. "Kyle? Jasper? Emmett? Ace? Laurent?" At the last name Jess re-entered the foetal position and started to cry so hard I was sure the neighbours would hear.

"Laurent was the one who hurt you?" She stopped crying long enough to whisper, "Yes." That made my skin crawl. I de-tested Laurent; he was a pig and an utter Jerk. But he was James' friend, his best friend and also his flatmate, so I ignored him and put up with him for James' sake.

"Tell me what he did now Jess!" Jess rolled over to look at the wall as if she were too ashamed to answer me to my face. She then uttered three words that caused my stomach to drop and had me running from the room seeing red.

"He raped me."

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