A/N: I wrote this because a.) I'm having my own monthly visitor as well, and I feel like I suck rn, and b.) I remembered my friend who has very awful mood swings during her time of the month. I somewhat applied her situation to Riza here so I dedicate this to her (even though she probably won't see this. XD) Thanks to Heroes of Amestris (is-your-heart-in-the-cards) for checking my work before I post it! Love you Dani. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own Team Mustang. I don't own FMA.
There is a side of Riza Hawkeye that no one, except for the five men that she is working with, knows. Some days her hair is slightly unkempt, very unusual for a woman who is considered neat. On some days too, she would rather lay her head on her desk rather than do paperwork, and take note that she is regarded by the headquarters as an officer who is very diligent at work. On these particular days, she has her own version of mood swings, considering that she is a very reserved person.
Jean Havoc sighed inwardly as he notices those signs on his coworker this particular day. It's that time of the month again. He mused how time flies so fast.
During Riza's time of the month, she is a completely different person, as if she was possessed by another spirit. She is more vocal on her opinions and feelings, meaning that her sarcastic level goes from normal, to very high. After one week, she would always apologize for being snappy and bitchy, and assures them that she would not be like that again, which is a big, fat lie. Jean does not blame her, though.
As he scribbles absentmindedly on his paperwork, he observes her. Riza is holding her pen tighter than normal, her brows furrowed, and a bead of sweat begin to form on her forehead. He cannot imagine himself experiencing that pain on the abdomen (or is it in the stomach? Gall bladder? He is not really good in science) that every woman has every month. Rebecca Catalina is also moody whenever she has her monthly period, she is also whining too much because of the pain. Are all female like that? And is that really painful? Thank god he is male.
"What are you staring at, Lieutenant Havoc?" He cringes inwardly as she speaks. The agitated hawk noticed him staring, and it is not good.
To his right, Heymans Breda snickers. "N-nothing, Hawkeye." Jean feels like he is already pleading for his life. "I can just see your pain, it must hurt a lot."
Time stops, at least for him. He looks around the room. Everyone in the office stares at him with their jaws dropped, even Colonel Roy Mustang, who had this look on his face that says you don't just publicly acknowledge a woman's red river. Oh shit, he did a wrong thing. Riza presses her lips in a thin line, and it made Jean nervous.
"I don't need your pity." Riza growls sarcastically. She reminded him of Black Hayate.
"Who says I pity you?" He hopes that nervousness is not evident in his voice. A normal Riza wouldn't make him this nervous, but this isn't normal Riza.
"The look on your face says so." Riza places her head on her desk, ignoring the men who are still looking at her with concern. "This is why I hate being a woman," she says with disdain.
"Men don't have monthly visitors. Women risk their lives being pregnant, and they get fat, and I assume the tummy will feel heavy, while on the other hand you guys will feel nothing of those things – you only have sex in order to have babies. And is sex painful? No! Women need to feel the burden! Sure, the sex is good, but you know what they say, pleasure before pain." She lifts her head and puts it between her hands, making her hair more ruffled. "Why is the world so unfair? I hate men."
Breda covers his mouth as he tries his best not to laugh. Kain Fuery looks very uncomfortable in his seat right now as Riza speaks. Vato Falman looks like he wanted to point that there are times when sex is painful but he did not want to be on the receiving end of Riza's anger. Roy just smiles at her. Jean thinks it is because he is already used to seeing her like this since they have known each other since childhood, or maybe he is just too head over heels for her.
"Um, L-lieutenant?" Kain's small voice echoes in the silent room. Riza looks at him, her eyes still narrowed. "I can take half of your work, if you want. I already finished mine."
There goes Kain trying to be her knight in shining armor, Jean thinks. Maybe he is being the compassionate man he is, but with his not-so-secret little crush on Riza, he could be doing this to earn points from her, which will simply not happen because there is a man who will burn those points with a snap of his fingers.
But Roy does not do anything to stop Kain. Of course he would not volunteer to do her paperwork; he hates those with as much passion as he hates the rain. Riza also does not accept help from everyone, trying to be an example that an officer has enough loads of paperwork to survive the day if it is diligently done. Roy probably thinks that asking that is a lost cause, which is why Jean is surprised to hear Riza's reply.
"Okay, thank you Fuery." There is a small smile evident on her face; Riza must have realized that she was under the spell of her mood swings a while ago. "At least Fuery here is kind enough to help me." Probably not.
"Know what, Lieutenant?" Roy suddenly speaks. "Since it is Saturday, we all should head out to Madame Christmas' later. You need to alleviate your stress," says Roy, putting an emphasis to the last three words. He is probably just looking for an excuse to hang out, what a very poor excuse.
"It doesn't actually work that way, Sir." Jean confirms that Riza also thinks the same way. "The monthly visitor makes us want to stay home instead of drinking with a bunch of guys at a bar."
"I agree with Hawkeye," Jean finds himself speaking. "Rebecca prefers to stay home than date, and usually she eats a whole tub of ice cream as if she's pregnant."
Roy frowned at him. "I'm not asking for your relationship status with Catalina, and are you on my side or not?" he demanded.
The corners of Breda's mouth quirked up as he slammed his fist unto his desk. "I'm on the boss' side!" Turning to Riza, he grins. "Come on, Hawkeye. You know you want this."
"You are just using my condition as your petty excuse." Riza snaps, but the look on her face says otherwise. She looks like she is contemplating.
"I don't know how this will help Hawkeye but I'm on board." Falman speaks up, and Kain just nods, still focused on the paperwork that Riza gave him. Like Falman, Jean also does not know how this will help, but if this means booze, then they should go for it. "I'll go with the chief," he smirked. "Hawkeye, you're the only one remaining. Say yes!"
Riza sighed. "Okay, fine." The men cheer.
There is a booth on Madame Christmas' bar where they always choose to stay. It is far from the entrance, on one of the corners of the bar. The bar is jam-packed; business is bustling for the Madame. The glass window enables them to see the view of the streetlights from inside. The booth is circular, enough to fit eight people, which makes it spacey enough for the group. As Jean looks outside the bar, he couldn't help wonder at how Central can be very beautiful at night.
Riza, he notes, smells like honey. He prefers Rebecca's strawberries and cream. While the men headed to the bar right away after work, Riza went home for a change of clothes. She took some sweet time before heading to the bar that the men thought she already ditched them.
"New drinks!" Breda announced as he came back from the counter, holding a tray full of booze. As Jean reaches for his drink, Roy faces Riza. "That would be your last drink, Hawkeye. We don't want your mood swings going berserk."
"I am not going berserk, I can control myself thank you." She points at Kain. "He is the one who should slow down his drinks; he's still a little kid."
Oh, they are totally getting tipsy, as he and Breda are laughing as if it's the funniest joke in the world. Is she even joking, what if that is what she really thinks of Kain? Poor guy.
Roy is about to speak when one of Madame's girls, Madeline, approaches their table with another girl. Jean taps Breda on his shoulder, remembering his little crush on Madeline. The redhead straightens his sitting position. Madeline winks at him before speaking, which made Falman snicker. "Hello Roy! Have you met Kimberly? She's our new girl."
Before the chief could actually say a word the new girl, Kimberly, grabs him and gives him a tight hug. "So you must be the Flame Alchemist? You must be so good with fire you are making me feel hot." Roy tries to remove her arms from him, but to no avail.
"I may be the Flame Alchemist but I am sure as hell not playing with fire to make you feel hot now so if you could please-" He is cut off by Kimberly kissing him on the cheek, which makes him very uncomfortable, especially since Riza is present.
"I may have forgotten to mention that she has this thing for the Colonel," Madeline muttered, as she looked at Riza. "Sorry, Ri." Jean does not know whether to laugh, because of the Colonel's situation, or to be frightened, because of the dark aura coming from the blond woman sitting beside him. He glanced at Riza – she sits frozen, her drink long forgotten in her hand, and she is looking straight ahead, trying not to look at Roy and this Kimberly. She draws her lower lip between her teeth, as if it is stopping her from releasing curse words.
What a very perfect timing. "She has her… you know, today." Breda says to Madeline. Madeline mutters an "oh" before saying "Whenever I have… that, I usually get pissed off when I see my boyfriend with a woman. Maybe Riza is different from me," she tries to laugh, but fails.
"YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?!" Breda exclaims; Madeline's cheeks are turning pink from embarrassment, the remaining men turning red from laughter. Kimberly still has her hold on Roy, and Riza cannot take it any longer.
She stands up, and using her strength she removes Roy from Kimberly's grasp. Jean finds it very, very funny.
"You need to loosen up your hold on him, new girl, or I'll shoot you." One new thing Jean learned about Riza Hawkeye - mood swings plus too much alcohol equals more than the usual bitchy Riza. And again, he finds it very, very funny. She might not remember this but she will never live this down, he will make sure of that.
The four men and Madeline roars into laughter.
"Just because she is inebriated and moody, it does not mean that you all should laugh at her." A professional tone is hinted at Roy's voice, but Jean can see it in his face that he also finds this hilarious.
"Who are you to speak to me like that?" Kimberly eyes Riza with contempt.
"I'm so glad you asked," Riza grabbed Roy's hand. "My name is Elizabeth, the current – and last – girlfriend of the man you are just molesting a moment ago." Roy, being the dork, intertwined their fingers. He is totally using the situation to his advantage. The four men and Madeline cheered for Elizabeth, clapping their hands while at it, and Kimberly shushed them off.
"You're the infamous Elizabeth?" she gasps, surprise evident in her face, then eyes Riza from her head to her feet. "You're so… plain." Kimberly's all dolled-up – her brown hair is curled, her face is caked with make-up, and her red dress is so short than the usual, appropriate dress. But compared with Riza's hair, which is not tied up, and her usual black turtleneck and jeans, Jean thinks she is prettier than Kimberly.
Roy must have sensed that this situation is about to get out of control. "At least she doesn't look like a clown," he gently pushes Riza to the couch, and Jean offers her another drink which she gladly takes. "You see dear, I'm taken. And even though you are a very beautiful woman, I still prefer her." Roy flashes Kimberly his famous womanizing smirk then sits down and hugs his queen, and Riza is drunk enough that she does not push him away.
"What is all this ruckus all about? It was a good thing people here are so busy that you didn't create a scene." Madame Christmas suddenly appears out of nowhere behind the new girl. Kimberly's face pales in horror as the men, excluding Roy, all pointed at her. "Your talent may be very useful to me, but I don't want anyone making these people uncomfortable, especially my nephew and Elizabeth." She turns to Madeline, "Girl, escort her outside. She's fired."
As the two girls leave, the Madame faces the group, who begins to laugh. She rests her gaze on the couple. "Ah, you two are very touchy tonight." Roy smiles at her and shrugs while still holding Riza. The Madame looks at the whole group. "Why is it that whenever the six of you come here, something always happens?"
"We don't know Madame, all we know that Mother Moose saves the day once more!" Jean exclaims as he raises his glass and clinks it with the three men.
Madame Christmas scoffs before lowering her face to Jean's level. "If you think that it is funny because you derived it from Mustang and that it rhymes with Mother Goose," Jean gulps, "you're wrong." The Madame smirks before standing up straight again. "You can crash in the rooms upstairs for the night, but before you leave tomorrow make sure it's clean." The group replies with a "Yes, Ma'am" before she leaves them alone.
"Why didn't Madame tell me that Madeline is already taken?" Breda ponders aloud. Jean scoffs at him before turning to Riza. "I know that you are badass at combat, Hawkeye. But I never knew that you could also be badass while drunk!" The five men laughs, but Riza does not say a word.
"Hawkeye?" Roy shakes her awake. "Hawkeye?" He pulls himself away from her… and she already passed out, falling asleep in Roy's arms. "What the hell," Roy mutters, "Funny, she still talks a while ago when Madame came."
"What did she say?" Jean is curious. Roy raises an eyebrow at him. "Oh. For your ears only, eh?" Breda taunts him, and it makes Kain uncomfortable again. Poor kid.
Roy stands up and carries Riza in a bridal-style. "I should take her to bed; I'll be right back." As he leaves, Falman suddenly says. "I bet he isn't coming back."
And he is right. They find them in one of the rooms later, the Colonel holding his subordinate tight as the sleep. The next day they tell Riza what happened, and she does not believe every word they say. Her mood swing is not as worse as the day before, and Jean makes a mental note that they should do this again next month.
I hope you like it! Reviews, please? :)