12. Beautiful Angel
....
I half hopped/half stumbled down the stairs not entirely awake. Each step I took I had to steady myself on the railing; being severely uncoordinated can make even the simplest of daily activities dangerous, especially when you were not good friends with gravity.
It was seven am and usually I wouldn't be up this early on a Sunday but someone was making an ungodly amount of racket in the kitchen – my guess was Charlie. I had spent the last twenty minutes in bed listening to whoever it was bang about, dropping pans and slamming cupboards all the while cursing to themselves. Finally I had had enough when a loud crash shook my entire room, followed by an extremely deafening 'GOD DAMN IT!' – I wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep.
"Dad?" I called out as I reached the bottom stair. I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus on the scene in front of me. Charlie had his head in a cupboard and was emptying its contents obviously searching for something. The kitchen floor was covered in pots and pans and the bench was covered in an equal amount of dishes and food; the fridge door stood ajar.
"Um...Charlie?" I called a little louder this time. Charlie must not have heard me at all the first time because when I spoke it startled him. He jumped, still with his head in the cupboard smacking it on the upper lip on the way out.
He stood and turned to face me, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. He winced when he saw me. "Sorry Bells...Hope I didn't wake ya." He smiled and then frowned as he took in the mess he had made. "Well crap," he moaned.
"Are you looking for something Dad?" I asked as I stepped over the rice cooker, the bread maker and various other unidentifiable cooking instruments, finally making it to the kitchen sink. I didn't even know we had all this stuff. I grabbed a clean glass from the bench and proceeded to pour myself a glass of water.
Charlie shook his head. "I can't seem to find the dam waffle maker," he cursed, opening and slamming another kitchen cupboard.
"It broke, remember? Last Christmas...when you decided that you could wash it by putting it in the dishwasher." I rolled my eyes – I had told him not to do it. But apparently 'it could clean anything.' Needless to say, electrical equipment didn't really fit into the 'anything' category.
"Oh yea..." he replied with a sheepish grin. "Stupid dishwasher," he griped. I downed my glass quickly, the cool water wetting my dry and sore throat – I hope I'm not getting sick. I poured myself another downing it too.
"You want me to make pancakes instead?" I offered, trying to console Charlie who had begun to sulk.
"You don't have to do that dear, go back to bed. I can clean up this mess," he looked around the kitchen doubtfully. I wasn't buying into that, Charlie was in way over his head. If there was one thing I knew, Charlie, cooking and cleaning didn't go well together. I often wonder how he would've coped if I had of moved away with Renee; there is only so much fish one could eat and only so many times you could wear the same clothes. The thought reminded me that I hadn't yet heard how his fishing trip had gone yesterday. I walked over to the fridge and inspected its contents, there didn't appear to be much in there.
"Did you catch much yesterday?" I inquired, Charlie shook his head.
"They weren't biting at all; we already ate what we caught," he sighed, clearly disappointed.
"I'll get something from the supermarket later," I promised, checking the cupboards and making a mental note of things we were low on. I reached into the cupboard and pulled out a carton eggs, waving them at Charlie. "I'll make breakfast, you clean," I bargained.
He grinned. "Deal."
Charlie made just as much noise cleaning up the mess he had made as he had creating it. He huffed and grumbled to himself as he haphazardly re-stacked the cupboards, cursing every now and then when a pot or panned failed to bend to his will and stay put. I giggled as I watched him and smiled when he turned to face me proud of himself for keeping up his end of the deal. He really was like a giant child sometimes which was probably the reason why Renee was first attracted to him. She was a free spirit and definitely a child at heart. I missed her terribly, she was always up to something new and her excitable attitude was very contagious. She had never failed to make Charlie smile.
Charlie continued to hover around, hopping from one foot to another in anticipation as I flipped each pancake and then stacked each one on top of the other. Occasionally I had to slap his hand away as he tried to sneak some before I was ready. I ended up ordering him to go pick some lemons off the tree so he would something to do instead of harass me.
When he re-entered the kitchen he looked at me appraisingly as he put the freshly picked lemons on the bench. "Why do you always insist on wearing those ratting old things to bed," he questioned pointing out my old holy sweats and torn singlet. I wore them religiously, they were the only items of clothing I would wear to bed and I loved them. I admit that it would be embarrassing to wear them to friends or around James but I had another set of pyjamas for such occasions.
I shrugged. "They're comfortable." Charlie was always on about them, he even tried to make me go buy a new pair, always handing me some money when he saw me wearing them. When I didn't, he took it upon himself to go and get me some, which turned out to be and an embarrassing experience that he in return refused to talk about.
"You make it look like I can't afford to dress you," he moaned.
"Honestly Dad, no one sees me wearing them," I laughed. It's not like I was wearing them in public or to school—or like I would ever consider it.
He grumbled but then laughed, "You are so stubborn Isabella Swan, just like your mother." He had the twinkle in his eye he usually got when he spoke about Renee, as per usual it was followed by a small frown and then a great sadness would reach his face. Poor Charlie, he still loved Renee, even after all this time. He was devastated when she left and I knew he still pined for her return, he would do anything for my mother and that fact only made me angrier with her.
I served the pancakes and joined Charlie at our small breakfast table. We ate in silence for a while all that could be heard was Charlie's approval as he devoured the entire stack. He wiped his mouth on a tea towel and then stared at me for a moment as I continued eating, not even half way through my own stack. He appeared to be thinking.
"You and Jake don't seem to be getting on much better," he commented, obviously referring to my spat with Jake last night. I avoided his gaze and kept eating only offering him a slight shrug in response.
"You want to tell me what that was all about then?" he questioned, not willing to let it go. I shook my head; no I do not want to talk about that stupid immature ass.
"Oh come on Bells," Charlie groaned. "Whatever it is you guys need to get through it, he's your best friend."
"Was," I corrected with a mouth full of food. Charlie hated it when I spoke with food in my mouth; I would always do it when I was mad with him and wanted to piss him off. It was childish but I really didn't want to talk about Jacob Black. We glared at each other for half a minute, before Charlie hopped up to clear the table, realising he had better drop the subject. I swallowed my mouthful, pushing away the rest of my pancakes; not really in the mood to eat them anymore and stood to help Charlie clear the table.
Once we had finished clearing the table and cleaning the kitchen I headed upstairs to shower and get dressed. It was only nine am – I should still be asleep, I groaned internally. When I re-descended the stairs I saw that Charlie had made himself comfortable on the couch watching an old replay of some sports highlights. He turned in his chair as I approached.
"What are you going to get up to today?" he asked.
"Probably get some washing done and then homework," I shrugged.
"It's a nice day outside shouldn't you be out with your friends?" he questioned, he was never satisfied with my loner lifestyle. I had my close friends, I went out and did things often, I just preferred my alone time as well.
"No one is up this early Dad," I moaned. He laughed in agreement; he knew how long I could sleep in on a Sunday.
Talking about friends made me realise I hadn't talked to either Mike or Jess in a while. I grabbed the phone off the bench and dialled Mike's number first, forgetting how early it was. I headed up to my room so Charlie couldn't eavesdrop.
"Hello?" croaked Mike.
"Hey Mike, its Bells," I answered.
"Hey, what time is it?" he groaned.
"Nearly ten."
"Argh, why the wakeup call?"
"Sorry, I forgot how early it was, what you up to? How did things go with Jess yesterday?" He groaned again at my question.
"That bad, huh?" I asked.
"Let's not even go there," he moaned. "She doesn't want to press charges, she won't talk about it, and she will barely even talk to me at all."
"That sucks," I agreed. "But she probably has her reasons Mike, she will come around." I thought about the likelihood of that – it wasn't looking good. Jess's way of coping was not healthy, she needed someone to talk to and I believed she needed professional help. Even though I was trying to convince Mike that everything will be fine, I didn't half believe it myself.
"I dunno Bella," he sighed, knowing better. "She's pretty messed up."
"Are you going to see her again today?" I half hoped that he would, it would be good for her to have him stick by her through all of this. She needed everyone she could get; she needed to know we were there for her no matter what. She needed to know that she was worth it, that we still loved her, that Mike still cared.
"She said she wanted to be alone, and I have a shift later today." He sounded disappointed like he wanted to be able to do more, but he also sounded exhausted at the prospect. I understood, Jess was hard work, but then again it wasn't her fault.
"Maybe I should go see her?" I didn't really want to, I know how bad that sounds, but it was hard seeing her go through all this. I know it would be ten times harder for her, but I didn't really know how to handle the situation. I was terrified of saying something wrong and making things worse.
"Mmm maybe...." He hesitated momentarily. "You should probably call her first though." He was right that was probably a good idea, if she didn't want anyone around, if she needed to be alone then we should probably give her that. But I had to know she was ok, that she wasn't hurting herself and I wasn't entirely sure that leaving her alone with herself was the best idea.
"Kay," I sighed. "I'll let you get back to sleep." Mike moaned, remembering how early it was.
"See ya later Bells."
I hung up the phone; and decided to check my emails and Facebook before calling Jess, it was still too early. I had one short email from Renee that was of no interest, I quickly typed her a standard reply. Facebook was more interesting; Alice had added me as a friend and had uploaded some photos of the day before. Who took photos when we were just watching a movie and pigging out? She sure was weird, but a lot of fun, I could see us easily becoming close friends.
Alice had nearly a thousand friends and I spent the next hour or so checking out her photos. Finally I came to some of her family photos; her parents were young and very attractive. Her dad was handsome in a sexy movie star kind of way; he would undoubtedly cause numerous girls to swoon. She had told me he was a doctor and that was why they had moved to Forks; because of a job offer. Her mum was beautiful also, with a heart shaped face and green eyes; the same green eyes that Edward had.
The next photos were of Edward and I felt myself looking at them for longer than necessary. In one of them he had Alice in a headlock; he was smiling triumphantly the same crooked grin I had grown to like intensely. He was gorgeous. I was about to add him as a friend but then thought better of it – I really shouldn't push James more than I already had. I stared intently at the next photo of him and a girl, she was also gorgeous with long brunette hair and perfect features. The caption read: Edward and Heidi – Sophomore Prom. He was looking down at her smiling crookedly as always and she wore a similar grin as she looked back up at him. They were dressed up in formal attire which only made Edward look even sexier.
I could feel the jealously growing in my insides as I stared at this girl who quiet obviously held all of his attention, I felt myself unjustly hoping she didn't mean anything to him. As usual I began to feel guilty, my thoughts and hopes were unfair to James and they were stupid. I didn't know Edward from a bar of soap and yet I couldn't deny that I felt something between us, there was a definite connection, a connection I should avoid, one I shouldn't be feeling when I already belonged to someone else. I shut off the computer quickly and shook my head trying to dispel the un-loyal thoughts.
Edward was someone I had let in, someone who had comforted me and made me feel safe. But he also had an annoying habit of making situations with James worse than they had to be. I wish that he would back off sometimes, but then again a little part of me liked that he seemed to want to protect me. It was sweet and caused my feelings for the handsome bronze haired boy to grow. I didn't want to feel this way, it felt wrong; but so very exciting at the same time. I can't believe someone as sweet as this guy appeared to be would show and interest in me. But then again James had and when things started out he was just as sweet, kind and loving.
It was now eleven thirty Jess was sure to be up by now. I hesitated slightly before I called her, taking deep breath as the phone rang and sat down on my bed waiting for her to answer. It was awhile before she finally did, and she sounded exhausted.
"Hello?" she croaked.
"Jess, it's me, Bells," I replied all the while thinking that this had been a bad idea, she was still asleep.
"Oh hey Bella," she sighed.
"You ok Jess?" I asked, she sounded upset.
"Mmm... yea, just tired that's all." As if to emphasise her point she yawned.
"I was thinking about coming around today... if you don't mind?" I hesitated before adding the last part, I was kind of intent on going to see her whether she wanted me to or not. I wanted to check in on her, make sure she wasn't doing anything stupid. I also wanted to get her to open up to me, or convince her to talk to her mum. I wanted to make sure she was still eating that there was a way to bring her back; more than anything I wanted the old Jess back. I played with the cord of the phone as I waited for her to reply, she was taking her time; if I couldn't hear her on the other side taking deep breathes I would have thought I had been disconnected.
"Jess?" I prompted. She sighed deeply before answering, the pitch in her voice rising a note or two as she spoke.
"Uh, I kind of need to be alone. I already had a lecture from Mike yesterday Bella; I just want to be by myself for a bit while I figure things out." Her voice was shaking like she was on the verge of tears. I berated myself internally for calling her, I should have just gone over, I was a coward. I should've been there to comfort her. I am a lousy friend as well as a crappy girlfriend, I criticized myself.
"Jess you can talk to me if you want, or I can come around and we can do something else. We don't have to bring it up at all if you don't want to. I'm not coming around to lecture you." It was true, unlike Mike I didn't really want Jess to report Laurent if she didn't want to. I could tell it was the reason why she didn't want me to come around; she didn't want someone else to try and pressure her into talking to the police. I wanted Laurent to pay as badly as Mike did, but I could think of other ways to punish him, ways that wouldn't hurt Jess anymore in the process. I wanted Jess to feel safe and I wanted her to get better, talking to the police and dragging everyone through this, having to relive her nightmare with strangers wasn't going to get her back.
I could hear Jess breaking down on the other end but she collected herself before she answered. "Right now I want to be alone," she stated firmly. I was conflicted between giving her what she wanted and forcing my company upon her. I tried to look at it objectively, would I want to be left alone? But I couldn't put myself in her situation there was no way I could possibly understand her pain. I knew I liked to be alone when I was upset, but unlike Jess I hadn't ever thought about hurting myself, I wanted to give her what she wanted but for my own piece of mind I had to know she wouldn't do anything stupid.
"I will leave you alone Jess, only if you promise me one thing," I hesitated before continuing waiting for her reply. I was unsure of how to word my request but I knew I had to convey to her the importance of what I was asking.
"OK, what is it?" she breathed.
"Promise me you aren't going to do something stupid, that you're not going to hurt yourself again."
"Kay," she replied nonchalantly.
"No Jess," I replied forcedly, anger filling my words. I know it was unfair to get angry at her, but she wasn't the only one that was hurting. I had to think of my other friend, I had to think of Mike. It will crush him even further if she continues down the self-destructive path she had already carved herself. "You have to promise me you won't. I will come around tomorrow to check on you and if you break the promise I will never let you out of my sight. I will talk to your mum." It was an empty threat, I wouldn't talk to her mum without her permission, I didn't actually like her mother she was too self absorbed to notice her own daughters pain.
"Okay," Jess replied exasperated. "I solemnly swear not to off myself today." The last comment was laced in sarcasm and I could almost hear her eyes rolling on the other end of the phone.
"I mean it Jess, think of what it will do to Mike or your mother." The line went silent and I could hear Jess struggle for a breath, she had begun to cry again.
"Ok, I'm sorry. I won't Bella, I promise."
"Good, I'll be around tomorrow before school." I reminded before I exchanged goodbyes with her and hung up the phone. I sat on my bed for a few more minutes with my head in my hands, I rubbed my face tiredly. I still didn't have a grip on anything; I still had no way of knowing if I could ever fix everything, if I could ever get my old drama free life back. It was unfair, everything had been so good.
I got up from my bed and deciding to be more productive with my day I collected up all mine and Charlie's dirty washing and headed downstairs to put the wash in. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I noticed Charlie was at the front door talking to someone. Hearing me approach Charlie spoke.
"Bella, you have a visitor," he said gruffly. What I hadn't noticed was that Charlie was talking to James, who was standing in the doorway holding a bunch of flowers. James wore an uneasy smile and his cheeks were flushed red with embarrassment or anger, I couldn't tell. When he caught my eye his face light up and his mouth spread into a coy grin. He was wearing a clean collared white shirt and dark wash jeans; he usually didn't dress so smartly so I couldn't help but feel confused with the scene in front of me.
"Hey sweet stuff," he smiled. "I brought these for you." He motioned to the flowers offering them to me, he began to take a step inside but Charlie blocked his path, clearly still upset with the prospect of his only little girl dating even though James and I had been together for months. He glared at James an act of intimidation, his face flushed slightly with anger; James ignored Charlie and continued to smile from behind Charlie's broad frame.
I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face or the blush I could feel making its way up my neck. James looked adorable and when he caught my expression he winked causing me to giggle like a little school girl. Charlie turned to look at me, his expression horrified at my reaction.
"I was hoping I could take Bella out for a picnic, of course, only if that is alright with you Chief Swan." James's tone was formal but slightly mocking, a cheeky smile spread across his face as he continued to look at me from over Charlie's shoulder. His expression quickly turned to one of pure innocence when Charlie turned back to face him.
Charlie moaned and stepped out of the way, motioning with me to go with James but silently pleading with me not to. "Don't be home too late," he sighed as he trudged back into to the lounge.
James stepped into the foyer and then followed me as I went to dump the load of dirty washing I was still holding. He handed me the flowers and I put them into a glass of water; we didn't have any vases in the house. I quickly said goodbye to Charlie, kissing him on the forehead in an act of reassurance before I grabbed a set of house keys and headed outside with James to his Mustang.
Once in James's car I turned to him questioningly as he leant over and kissed me on the forehead. This was definitely how things used to be, I felt a bubble of hope grow inside of me; maybe we could go back. "What brought this on?" I questioned. He continued to smile at me in mock shock as he answered.
"It's a beautiful day can't I spend it with my beautiful angel?"
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Not a very exciting chap I know, but EPOV next and then some drama with Bell and James on the picnic trip. – what do you think James does?
Sorry this took awhile to update but I've been really busy, so if I get a lot of motivation you will get another update on Saturday and an update on Wednesday - Otherwise just a normal update on Wed.
As extra incentive to review, I'll send each reviewer an extract from chp 14 – which you should get on Wed. (stole the idea from TCL) :)
So review and you shall recieve - 2 updates and a sneak preview :)