Big thanks to everyone who reviewed, and my awesome Beta Angel. Dont forget to check out her stories which are under my favourites along with TCL and VPJ's stories too. They are all awesome!

Next update will depend on how many reviews I get, so possibly Friday/Monday - its up to you :)

14. Broken Promise

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BPOV

I have to admit I was rather excited as I sat in the car with James. I had no idea where we were headed--he told me it was a secret—but it only added to my excitement. All I knew was I hadn't felt this truly happy in a while and I didn't want that to change. For once I wasn't worried about everyone and everything, for once things were looking up.

I looked over at James who smiled back at me, taking my hand in his as he drove. I marvelled at him, this was the old James, this was my James. I felt completely relaxed and rested for the first time in a while. For once the smile that was plastered on my face was genuine. I didn't forget about Jess or how things were with Jake; I couldn't, but for now I was completely at ease, because right now James had given me hope. I now truly believed that things could go back to how they used to be, that we could be the people we used to be. If James could become my James again maybe Jake once again could become my Jake, my best friend.

I knew Jess could never be exactly the same Jess; a part of her has been forever changed because of Laurent. All I could hope for was to see her smile again, to hear her laugh. I just wanted her to be the same happy, go lucky, high on life girl she used to be. I wanted her and Mike to be happy and in love again like they used to be. It was a lot to hope for, I knew this, but if I was going to have any chance at a normal life, I had to hope that she could get better, that Laurent would pay for what he did. I had to believe that we could move on, put it all behind us, if we were going to have any chance, all of this craziness had to be reigned in; we had to re-regain control of everything. All I could do was keep faith.

I knew I was being optimistic; James still had a lot of making up to do. I couldn't just instantly forgive him for his behaviour over the last couple of days. I couldn't forget that he had hit me, that he had hurt me, but this was a start; there was hope for our relationship yet. If I was going to be completely fair to James, I had to make some changes too. I had to be able to ignore the connection I felt with Edward, I had to forget his charismatic crooked grin; I couldn't let my feelings for him develop into anything. I had to prove myself as James's girlfriend. For the moment these goals seemed simple enough, sitting here with my James on this perfect day as things were starting to fall into place I truly believed I could get past what I felt for Edward, that I could forget it and him.

If James and I were going to make a real effort in our relationship, I would have to respect his feelings and he would have to with me. The worst part was that as much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't have a friendship with Edward. It was probably a good thing that I cut all ties with him, that I didn't allow even the simplest of bonds to form between us; at least no more than they already had begun to.

James gave my hand a little squeeze, bringing me back to reality. "Away with the fairies are we?" he laughed. My eyes took a little while to focus on his face, I had really zoned out.

"Mmm yeah..." I mumbled smiling at him. "Just thinking about what a lovely day this is, how nice this feels," I spoke honestly. He smiled widely and brought my hand to his lips, kissing it gently.

"I told you I would try," he whispered, his breath brushed my knuckles as he continued to hold my hand to his lips. "I love you Bella, don't you ever forget that. I would do anything for you." He took his eyes off the road and stared at me intently as he spoke. The seriousness of this last statement made me feel uneasy. It should have comforted me, but the way he said it—the possessiveness in his voice—I couldn't help but think that there was some kind of underlying threat. I smiled at him and tried to hide the uneasy feeling I had.

"I love you too silly," I joked trying to lighten the mood. He looked at me still serious for a moment until a grin spread across his face, bringing out his dimples.

"Good," he laughed, returning his focus to the road in front of us. "We are here," he said. I hadn't even noticed that we had stopped. I quickly took in my surroundings and a little gasp escaped my lips when I realized where I was. It was very green, surrounded by trees and wild flowers.

It was a small meadow that I had only been to once or twice. It was where Charlie had proposed to Renee, when they were seventeen and Renee was four months pregnant with me. At that point they were crazy in love. My dad had brought me here when I was little, but I hadn't been here since my mother left. I loved the place but it had a lot of pain associated with it. I remember telling James about it and how I wished I could go back but I wasn't entirely sure where it was and had never had the nerve to ask Charlie for fear it would upset him.

"You remembered," I gushed smiling at James and giving him a quick peck on the cheek before I hopped out of his car. James hopped out too and came to stand next to me slipping his arm around my waist.

"Of course, this place is special to you," he said as he leaned over and kissed me on the forehead and then the lips, he took me in his arms and gave me a tight hug. I returned the gesture taking in all of his warmth and his smell; he was wearing the cologne I had got him earlier this year for his birthday.

"Now," he said excitedly as he leaned back from our embrace. "Picnic before the weather changes?" he asked, I nodded enthusiastically, his excitement rubbing off on me. I watched him bounce around to the back of the car and open the trunk grabbing out a large basket and blanket. I tried to help him carry something but he wouldn't let me. I had to admire the effort he was going to; he was really trying to be the perfect boyfriend.

He grabbed my hand tightly dragging me out to a spot he deemed perfect, he unfolded the blanket placing it gently on the ground; I watched it as it floated softly into place. I always loved it when blankets did that, especially sheets; I loved the air they flicked up in the process of finding their place in the world and the smell they sometimes blew into your face – clean and fresh. James sat down and began to unpack the basket; he motioned for me to sit down with him and smiled broadly when I complied. The unease I had felt due to his earlier comment long forgotten.

James had obviously gone to a lot of effort; there were sandwiches, fruit, cheese and crackers, chips, soda and dessert. On further inspection there appeared to more in the basket but James closed the lid before I could see. "That's for later," he laughed, pretending to scold me for peeking.

"What more could there be," I gushed my eyes wide, taking in the small feast James had brought along. I wanted so badly to know what was in there, it made me anxious, I hated surprises and James knew it. He laughed as I pouted.

"You'll see," he winked, pouring me a glass of fizzy and handing me a sandwich. I grumbled out loud as I stuffed the sandwich into my mouth, forgetting that talking with my mouthful was something I shouldn't do around my boyfriend. I quickly shut my trap, trying to be more ladylike and enjoyed the rest of the meal in silence, only speaking to tell James to tell him how wonderful it was and to ask for more.

The entire meal James barely spoke a word either. He complied silently with my requests and smiled when I complimented the food. He didn't eat nearly as much as I did and I was beginning to feel like a pig. He just sat on the blanket and watched me intently; his watchful gaze began to make me feel uncomfortable and self conscious, causing me to feel uneasy again. He was being really intense, watching me like a hawk as if analysing my every movement and every expression. He kept opening his mouth as if to speak but then would close it again obviously thinking better of it. It got to the point where I couldn't eat any more.

"Something bothering you?" I asked as I put down my drink and turned my entire body to face him. He looked quickly away before he answered.

"Nope," he answered, before sighing; turning to face me. "I was just thinking about how beautiful you looked today, absolutely breathtaking." I could feel myself blushing deeply at his words, I wasn't used to these compliments, and they made me feel even more uncomfortable. I looked away unable to meet his expectant gaze.

"Thanks," I murmured, embarrassed. He took my hand in his and took my chin in his other, turning my face towards him.

"It's true," he whispered. I tried to avoid his gaze once more, trying to look at the ground but his hand on my chin stopped me; I settled for closing my eyes instead. Not one to be discouraged James leaned in and kissed me in full on the lips. His needs quickly became urgent has he pushed my back against the ground, his hand searching my body, his lips hard against mine. The intensity of his need overwhelmed me and I felt myself fighting for air when our lips parted, he pressed his body hard against mine as his hands continued to search endlessly underneath my clothes.

I wasn't comfortable with this level of affection in public, and although I knew that we were unlikely to be seen it still made me nervous. I lightly put my hands on James's shoulders to signal that we should stop, but he groaned and pressed himself harder against me, his wandering hands becoming rough as they sought their purchase; my breasts. He grabbed and squeezed them roughly, bringing about a tiny cry of pain which he then interpreted as a cry of pleasure, pressing himself harder against me while moaning heavily.

"Stop," I breathed in his ear, trying again to push him off me. He ignored my trials and continued to press his lips against mine before moving down my neck and along my collar bone. I was beyond uncomfortable now, all I could think about was that someone could be watching and it creeped me out. He moved his hands from my breast and began a slow decent down my waist, tracing lines on my stomach along the way, stopping only when he reached the top of my pants. James wasn't a virgin, but he knew I was and he knew how I felt about sex--I wasn't ready.

Ignoring my feelings towards sex James reached for my pants, unbuttoning them. I couldn't help it; my body froze as he began to pull them down. I felt sick, there was no way I was ready for this and no way I was about to lose my virginity in a meadow, regardless of how romantic the afternoon had been. When he had my pants to my knees and began to reach for my underwear I reacted – violently.

"James STOP!" I screamed at him, shoving against his chest harder this time my fists clenched, tears springing in the corner of my eyes. I didn't stop struggling with James until he finally took notice.

He lifted his head inches from mine, looking inquisitively at me and for a moment I thought I saw anger in his eyes but it disappeared quickly. "I'm sorry," he murmured. He hopped off my body and I couldn't help but feel a little bit sorry when I took in his heart broken expression, but my own hurt and anger were much more powerful.

"What the hell James?" I screamed at him, my body was shaking from the experience. I couldn't tell if it was because I was mad or because he had scared the shit out of me.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" he whispered. I shook my head quickly pulling up my pants; re-buttoning them. In truth he hadn't hurt me at all, if we had of been anywhere else but out in the open I probably would have enjoyed what he was doing me – apart from the last part when things got a little out of hand. I just couldn't shake the feeling that we could be, or were being watched. More than that I was upset that he thought I would be ready to just do it in a park, without discussing it first. The more we sat there looking awkwardly at each other, the more I really wanted to get out of here.

"I didn't realise you weren't enjoying it," his voice hitched as he spoke, probably feeling a little rejected. My anger subsided a little at his words and the shaking slowed, he didn't mean it, I told myself.

"No it's not that...it was nice, it's just I don't like being out here in the open. Anyone could be watching," I explained, taking a quick look around, nothing but trees and open empty meadow surrounded us. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself feeling a little vulnerable even with James sitting next to me. He looked at me unsure and confused.

"No one's here," he whispered.

"I know," I conceded, feeling a little stupid. I sighed before I spoke again looking at the blanket as I did, hoping I wouldn't hurt him with my next words.

"Why didn't you stop when I asked?"

He shrugged, "Caught up in the moment I guess. I wanted you so badly; don't you ever get like that?" he asked. I wasn't sure I knew what he meant; yes there were times I felt like jumping him, pressing myself against his firm body. But there is no way I wouldn't stop straight away if he had asked and I wouldn't have gone as far as he had, or pushed as hard as he had.

"I'm not ready for that yet James," I whispered, answering his question indirectly.

"I didn't scare you did I?" he asked dropping his head slightly trying to meet my eyes which were still focused on the picnic blanket; panic was evident in his voice and his hands were shaking slightly.

Yes, I thought. I couldn't help it, but by the final time I had asked James to stop I was terrified, all I could see was the nightmare I had had on Friday night. When James reached for my underwear the image of Laurent had wormed its way inside my head, causing my insides to contract and my body to shut down. If James hadn't of stopped when he did and if my pants hadn't been around my knees restricting them I probably would have brought one of them to his groin. Poor Jess, I cried internally. If this was what was going to happen to me every time I got hot and heavy with a guy, just because of a lousy nightmare I couldn't imagine how much worse it would be for her having actually lived through it.

I just shook my head in reply; I didn't need to tell James this it would just hurt him. No one needed to hear that when you were making out with them it reminded you of a dream you had in which you were raped. Maybe I was crazy, why couldn't I just be happy. Why did I think of that stupid dream, why couldn't I be with my boyfriend, the way he wanted me? We had been together for awhile now, I was probably being unfair by this time in a relationship it's almost expected, why couldn't I live up to that expectation? Maybe there is something wrong with me - I continually think about Edward when I know I shouldn't, I take a perfectly romantic afternoon and ruin it just because I couldn't reciprocate the passion my boyfriend felt. I was a pathetic excuse for a person; I couldn't truly give myself to the person that loves me, the person I was meant to love also.

"Can we just leave?" I asked. I didn't want to be here anymore, I felt uncomfortable and the picnic was pretty much ruined. James didn't respond to my question, instead he silently began to pack up the picnic.

I looked up at James to meet his gaze; his face was a mix of emotions, hurt, despair and fear. I couldn't look at him and not feel sick and guilty. I dropped my gaze to the basket he was repacking and remembered that there had been something hidden in there, hoping this could alleviate the situation I asked if now I could see its contents. He looked at me undecidedly obviously not sure if he should show me anymore.

"Um... maybe later," he mumbled, his face screwing up into one of pain. "I kind of ruined the moment." I grabbed his hand in an act of reassurance – I couldn't stand to see him this way.

"I want to see," I begged, I began to pout in the hope of making him smile. It worked, he looked eagerly at me and then at the basket.

"Are you sure?" he asked doubtfully. I nodded with as much enthusiasm as I could muster; bouncing up and down on the picnic blanket. It was mostly an act, I still felt a little off and uneasy, but I wanted to fix the situation; I felt I owed it to him - he had planned this perfect day and now it was all messed up; partly because of me.

"Ok," he nodded, still smiling. He reached his hand into the basket, making sure to keep its contents hidden from me and pulled out two Champaign flute glasses, along with a very expensive looking bottle of bubbly. I looked at him slightly confused, not sure what this was all for.

"Drinking in the middle of the day?" I questioned him, holding the glasses as he poured the bottle. "What are we celebrating?"

James looked at me dumbfounded, a frown creased his forehead. "It's the tenth isn't it?" he asked, looking at the date on his watch for reassurance.

"Yea..." I had no idea where he was going with this, yes it was the tenth but the date bore no significance to me. I couldn't help but wonder if I had completely missed something, it wasn't James' eighteenth yet that wasn't for another month, or was it? James interrupted me as I was trying to figure out if I had let a whole month go by and it was actually his birthday.

"It's our six month anniversary Bella," he whispered looking at the Champaign glass in his hand disappointedly. I had totally forgotten that six months ago to the day he had asked me out at a party he had thrown. I felt really bad now. How had I let that slip my mind? Of course this was why he had taken me up here, packed a picnic and was being so candid. It was a date to celebrate being together for half a year. With everything that had happened lately, I had been too caught up in all the drama to realise what date it was.

"Oh my god," I whispered in horror. "It totally slipped my mind, I'm so sorry James. Everything has been so crazy." He nodded slightly in understanding, still not meeting my eyes, the look of pain and sadness was back; causing my stomach to twist with guilt.

"Happy anniversary James," I grimaced at him trying to convey how sorry I was. I took his hand in mine and gently squeezed it. "This is really sweet you know," I said indicating to the picnic and our surroundings. He half smiled half grimaced in return.

"I understand how you forgot, I haven't been much of a boyfriend lately," he offered squeezing my hand back. Although I couldn't agree more with his last statement I didn't want to think about, I just wanted to enjoy what was left of this day, and try to forget everything else.

"Well I'm being a pretty shitty girlfriend," I shook my head.

"Naw Bells, you are perfect, I couldn't ask for more. That's why I brought you here," he sighed. "It's special to you, like you are to me." He shifted uncomfortably, not meeting my gaze as he spoke next.

"I wanted to ask you something," he whispered, nervously he even appeared to be sweating a little.

"What is it?" I questioned, his behaviour was making me a tad apprehensive.

"Na forget it," he said grabbing my empty plate, placing it in the basket. He hesitated with his hand inside, his expression unsure. He seemed to be contemplating something.

"What is it James?" I asked again, I was anxious now, something was bothering him. "You can ask me," I reassured.

He took a deep breath before he pulled out a small blue jewellery box from the basket, tied around it was a pink bow. I froze and completely stopped breathing as he placed the box in my hand. Oh no! I thought, this can't be good. I looked down at the box in my shaky hand.

"James what is this?" I whispered staring at him, still shaking.

He indicated to me to open the box, watching me cautiously as I did. Very slowly I pulled back the lid snapping it shut again when I caught a glimpse of what was inside. Goosebumps rose on the back of my neck and my eyes grew wide before I closed them tightly, willing the ring to disappear. Please don't do this, I willed him silently.

When I reopened my eyes the closed box was still in my hand, and even though I couldn't see inside the image was burnt into my mind. The ring was large, very large, silver and encrusted in diamonds. I didn't know much about rings, I wasn't that type of girl, I knew nothing about cut or carats or clarity; all I knew was that those were words that girls used and I had no idea what they meant. But I did know this that ring in that box looked expensive and it scared the shit out of me.

James took the box out of my hand and reopened it, taking my left hand in his. He looked at me seriously for a moment before he spoke."Bella you are the most important person to me, I don't have a farther, I barely have a mother. All I have is you. I don't want to lose you, and yesterday I realised that more than ever." He took a deep breath before continuing. "That's why I want to keep you, forever."

I could feel my mouth drop open at his words and my head started to shake back and forth. "James, I -", I started only to be silenced when he held up his hand. He closed his eyes tightly before he spoke next, only opening them one at a time as he did, gauging my reaction.

"Bella... Will you marry me?" My head was shaking back and forth furiously now, my eyes tightly shut. I didn't want to believe what he was saying; I didn't want to hear it. There was no way I was ready for this, no way had I even expected it. It felt like we sat there for an eternity in silence. I could not respond to his question, so I kept my eyes closed while I tried to figure out a way to react to his insane proposition without hurting him. And it was insane, completely and utterly.

It must have taken a lot of guts for James to pluck up the courage to do this; either that or he was completely nuts. Just yesterday we had been on the cusp of a breakup. I had to admire him though, if it wasn't insanity that made him do this then he had balls. There was no way I was ready for marriage, or even being engaged.

Even if I was sure I had found 'the one', I wouldn't even contemplate it, not at my age. Nobody got married at seventeen unless they were pregnant - not in Forks. I didn't want to hear people whispering behind my back, I didn't need to see their disapproving glances. Regardless I didn't want to marry James - not yet anyways. Charlie would never approve he would go ape-shit, immediately jumping to conclusions assuming I was pregnant just as everyone else would. There was no way this would ever get his approval. College was another reason to not get married so soon. James was leaving at the end of the school year, what was he thinking? That he would stay here, or that I would up and leave school to follow him? Had he even thought this through?

I sighed opening my eyes slightly taking in James's anxious expression as I answered him. "No," I spoke softly.

"Why?" he asked his voice hitching as he spoke, hurt and despair becoming evident in his expression.

"Oh a million reasons James," I moaned. "We are only seventeen - we are just too young," I explained.

"You're parents were only seventeen when they got engaged," he reasoned, desperation evident in his voice. If he was trying to convince me that this was a good decision to make he had failed miserably by bringing my parents into it.

"And pregnant," I added. "Besides look how well that turned out for them." My parents were the reason I didn't really believe in marriage, if it didn't work for them I didn't really think I would have a chance.

"You love me don't you?" he asked, I nodded in response. "And you want to be with me?"

"Right now I do, but who knows how we will feel about each other in a year from now, you might not even like me anymore." He looked at me shocked.

"I will always love you Bella, there is no one like you. There is no one else out there for me," he pleaded. "You promised you wouldn't leave me," he reminded me.

I sighed, "I know I did James, but we are young, who knows what the future will bring." I took his hand in an act of reassurance. "Now's not the right time, not after everything that's happened lately."

"Because I hit you?" he asked. I nodded slowly but also shook my head slightly.

"There's more to it than that James. We are only just getting things back on track; I don't know how things will turn out. I don't know if I completely trust you yet or anything for that matter," I added in a soft whisper, that was going to hurt him and I knew it.

I predicted correctly as he winced at my words. "I'm trying to fix it," he whispered on the verge of tears.

"I know James, and this is really nice. But it's only been three days. I'm not sure of anything yet."

"Please," he begged, wrapping his arms around me pulling me into his lap. I shook my head and looked down at the ring, there was no way I was changing my mind. I didn't want to marry James, and I didn't want to get married fullstop. I touched the ring softly with my hand.

"How did you afford this?" I asked gently – changing the subject slightly. I couldn't bear his begging it was too much. He shifted uncomfortably with me in his lap.

"Actually its mom's," he mumbled. Wow, I thought internally, his mom's? Why would he give me his mothers ring? I felt ill at the prospect, had I wanted to get married there is no way I would want a ring that belonged to a woman had left her husband because he was abusive. I don't think any normal person could not feel a little weirded out by that.

"Oh," I replied. I wasn't entirely sure what to say to that. Was I meant to feel happy about it? I couldn't even understand why James would even want to give me that ring. Especially after what happened on Friday, the ring symbolised a broken marriage and he hated his father. Every time he would look at the ring would he not see what his father had done to his mother? How could he want to that kind of bearing on our future?

"If you want a different ring I could get you one," he offered, it was as if he could read my mind. "I know it might be a little weird after everything that has happened."

"It doesn't change a thing James, my answer will still be no," I sighed. Was he ever going to let this go?

He groaned out loud closing the ring box. "I'm sorry this was a stupid idea, Victoria tried to tell me not to."

"Victoria knows about this?" I asked an edge of anger was evident in my voice. I didn't like Victoria; to put it plainly she was a manipulative and vindictive bitch, not to mention she had been trying to sink her claws into James ever since I could remember. Of course she would be against James and I getting married, I'm just surprised she didn't try and get him to ask her.

"She kind of found out because I told Laurent," he grimaced as he realised that he had jumped gun and would now have to tell them that I hadn't accepted. It kind of made me feel sorry for him, but it was a really dumb idea. What would ever give him the impression that I would want this and now of all times?

"Maybe we should leave," I suggested for the second time. It was pretty late in the afternoon and it was starting to get cold and dark. As I hopped up from James's lap a shiver ran up my spine, I hadn't brought anything warm with me to wear; I rubbed my arms in an effort to warm myself up.

"Kay," James mumbled, obviously defeated. We hurried to pack up the rest of the things, folding up the picnic blanket and picking up any rubbish we had created. I noticed when James slipped the ring box back into his pocket; a deep anguish was set in the features of his face.

What a disaster, I thought helplessly to myself. To think that at the start of this picnic I had some real hope that everything could go back to being drama free, happy and normal. But instead the day had just been filled with more torment and anguish than I could bear. We made the short walk back to James's '72 Mustang in silence. He took the blanket out of my hand and placed it along with the basket back in the boot (trunk). James then turned to face me, his expression calm and decided.

"It's ok Bella, it was a silly idea, forget I ever asked," he sighed as he kissed me on the forehead taking me in his warm embrace. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I hoped it would be as simple to forget as he had said. It felt like our relationship would be forever changed because of this. I would always be wondering about where he thought we were in our relationship, it would always keep me on edge.

"I'm sorry that I'm not where you want to be," I whispered gently in his ear, my eyes still closed. I could feel the heat of the evening sun on the back of my neck, but it wasn't enough to keep the rest of me warm. It was time to head home; Charlie would be expecting me soon and would probably send out the entire Forks police force if I wasn't back soon - all four of them. Not to mention I needed to start dinner soon, not that I was hungry given the meal I had just enjoyed – for the most part anyway.

As I began to pull myself out of James's embrace I became suddenly aware that someone was approaching us, their footsteps becoming quiet audible as they connected with the gravel path. With my back to the person, it was James's expression that gave me my first clue as to who it was. He groaned slightly as the person got closer, it was obviously someone he knew. I turned quickly to face whoever it was, my body becoming rigid as I laid eyes on him.

....