The next thing I remembered was waking up in my coffin, Mistress leaning over me, worry fading to relief. I shook my head and soon wished I hadn't when the room started spinning. Eventually, I felt stable enough to sit up. Alucard was leaning nonchalantly against the wall next to my weapons.

"Nate! You're awake! You had me worried!" Mistress threw her arms around me and I grunted in discomfort.

"I can leave, if you two want to be alone," Alucard offered with mock innocence.

Mistress sprang back, embarrassed. I looked down and discovered that the only thing preserving my decency was a white sheet. Why am I always naked when I wake up here?

"I helped Walter patch you up. You've got an impressive bunch of scars from that fight," Alucard told me.

I examined my chest and right where I had been impaled was a puckered scar about the size of my fist; smaller scars adorned my stomach and legs. Man alive, how did I survive this? I put my left hand over my eyes and exhaled. I touched my left eye again. Yet another scar ran from my forehead to my cheekbone, over my eye. I looked at the monitor and smirked. Kewl, I look tough now! I likes this.

"It's been three days since our fight with Anderson. Walter managed to save your eye, but he couldn't do anything about the scars," Mistress informed me.

"No problems, I think they look cool," I smirked.

"That was some shot, shattering Anderson's bayonet like that," Mistress praised.

"I was actually aiming for his head."

Mistress gulped nervously. "Are you crazy? Shooting with blurry eyes like that?"

"If I hadn't you'd be a head shorter about now."

"Ah, a lovers' first fight; how sweet," Alucard teased.

Mistress and I glared daggers at him.

"Police Girl, let's go so he can get dressed. Unless of course..." He trailed off.

The implication hung in the air. Mistress blushed and sped away, trailing smoke. I hurled my pillow at Alucard but he sidestepped it easily. I swear, this guy lives to torment me. He faded through the wall and I donned a fresh uniform. I threw my old one in the dustbin, shredded and stained. There's no saving that one. Glad I'm still in one piece, though.

I stepped out of my chambers and headed for the stairs. Alucard was waiting at the top, and he motioned me towards him.

"Freshmeat, I'd like to have a few words with you," he began.

"Sure, what's on your mind?" I asked.

"I'd just like to hear about your last mission; my Master won't tell me anything and Police Girl just clams up when I ask her."

"Well, there must be a reason Sir Integra doesn't tell you anything; I probably..."

"That just makes me all the more curious. Spill it, Freshmeat." He punctuated his order by chambering a round in his Casull.

Feeling suddenly talkative, I told Alucard everything. When I was finished he nodded and grinned.

"Anderson's one of the few worthy opponents I've met in quite a while. Going toe-to-toe with him is no small feat; but what did you think of it?" Alucard asked expectantly.

"Well, if I had to use one word, I'd say... Exhilarating."

"O-ho! Care to elaborate?"

"It was absolutely incredible! The ring of my blade against his, my pulse racing, even though I was outmatched, I've never had a thrill like that in my life."

Alucard's grin widened and he chuckled with delight.

"Way to go, Freshmeat; one of the signs of a true Midian is a love of battle and bloodshed. Why couldn't Police Girl be more like that? I think I'm starting to like you."

"I don't know whether I should be flattered or terrified."

"Anyhow, my Master thinks it's time for you to move into the mansion."

I wondered what he was talking about for a moment and gasped when I realized that I hadn't been back to my flat in more than three months. Oh man, I hope they haven't thrown out all my stuff! My mail, the rent, oh man this sucks.

"When you were reborn, my Master took care of your finances but now she's decided to have you bring your things to the mansion. I'll give you a hand, along with Police Girl."

"Kewl, which way to the truck?"

"We don't need a truck."

"Come again?"

"You'll see."

We found Mistress and Alucard rubbed his hands together and cracked his knuckles until the backs of his hands touched (causing both Mistress and myself to cringe).

"Freshmeat, Police Girl, we'll be using portals to reach our destination. Don't wander off, or things will be... unpleasant," Alucard instructed.

I nodded fiercely, not having any desire to know what Alucard would consider unpleasant. Alucard about-faced and spread his arms wide. The wall rippled and Alucard stepped inside. When Mistress and I didn't follow, Alucard's hand popped back out and beckoned us forward impatiently. Gulping hesitantly, I reached for Mistress' hand and felt her clutch mine. We stepped in and I immediately wanted to jump back out.

Alucard was standing ahead of us in a narrow tunnel that was encompassed in flames. My eyes swept over an endless expanse of barren stone and raging flame. Screams of agony assaulted my ears while the reek of sulfur pounded my nostrils.

"Welcome to Hell. This is how vampires travel long distances quickly. Don't leave the tunnel no matter what; the inhabitants are reluctant to let guests leave." Before I could ask any of the dozens of questions I had, Alucard was off again.

We hadn't gone far when I heard a voice croon softly to my left. I glanced over and my eyes met a creature of indescribable beauty.

She floated in midair next to the tunnel, her hands pressed against its outer wall. She looked like she had been designed by a man; long legs, slender waist and further up... just big. Her clothing was scant, where there was any at all.

"Come closer; it's all right," she cooed, "I'm so frightened and lonely in this horrid place. Take me with you and you'll be rewarded."

I gulped in disbelief and took a step towards her when a gunshot echoed through the tunnel. A large hole appeared in her left shoulder and she screamed in agony. I looked to my left and Alucard was holding a black pistol, larger than the Casull, its barrel smoking.

"Freshmeat, you listen like a hole in the head! Don't wander no matter what! You were this close to being taken in by a succubus. Once you left the tunnel you would have been torn to shreds or worse," Alucard fumed.

The succubus shrieked in frustration. She sprouted batlike wings and flew away, clutching her wound. The remainder of the trip was blessedly uneventful. I felt pretty stupid for falling for the trick after I'd been warned about such things.

We exited the tunnel in the alley next to my flat. A wino looked at the three of us and ran off, throwing his bottle against the wall. I fished my keys out of my pocket and opened the door to what felt like a stranger's home after so long.

"Is this a flat or a junkyard?" Mistress asked quizzically.

Her assessment was understandable. I hadn't ever bothered to clean up after I'd moved in so everything stayed pretty much where I put it.

"Well, home sweet hole," I announced sheepishly. I looked over at my television and rushed over to hug it. "Oh, T.V. how I've missed you!"

Mistress and Alucard sighed and shook their heads. Sensing the awkwardness, I clapped my hands and started shoving things into the boxes I still had left from my move. Alucard kept the portal open and the three of us walked the boxes through and deposited them in my quarters.

"What's this?" I heard Mistress wonder from the other end of the portal.

Oh no. This is not good; if she's found my secret stash...

I dropped the box I was carrying and sprinted back through. Mistress was bending over next to my bed, examining something. I leapt forward, trying to grab the item, but Mistress stood up suddenly. We collided and Mistress tried to keep her balance, but my speed was too much and we toppled onto the bed, Mistress looking up at me wide-eyed.

Alucard walked back through the portal. "What did you want me to do with your T.V. Fresh..." Alucard trailed off. "Well, you two seem to be enjoying yourselves so I'll be going."

"Ack! No, no, no, it's just that I didn't want Mistress to..." Alucard snatched the item from Mistress' hand and flipped through it.

"Didn't want her to see all your dirty books? I... what the heck is this?" Alucard snorted. I stood up, reddening steadily. No, it's worse than that; much, much worse. He shoved the mattress aside to reveal my entire collection; rolling Mistress off the other side in the process. "These aren't nudie mags, these are... romance comics?"

I snatched the copy of Ai Yori Aoshi out of Alucard's hands. "What's it to you? So what if I like 'em?" I stammered. Geez, it's bad enough that Mistress saw, but Alucard's gonna have a field day with this.

"Alucard," Mistress began, "don't you say a word or else I'll tell everyone about Mr. Waffo."

Alucard gulped and tugged at his collar. "No, no, that's fine; I'll behave."

"Mr. Waffo?" I said in disbelief.

"Oh it's the cutest little teddy bear..."

"Shut up!"

"He's holding a little waffle in his paws and..."

I covered my mouth with both hands to stifle my laughter; but my shoulders wouldn't stop quaking. Alucard's teeth were grinding audibly seconds before a tremendous blow caused me to face-plant to the floor. I rolled over just in time to catch the next blow on my forehead. As soon as my eyes uncrossed, Alucard spun his black pistol on his finger and stowed it in his jacket.

"Alucard, that was rather excessive don't you think?" Mistress scolded.

"No."

"Did you have to use the Jackal?"

"Yes."

When the last box was finally through the portal I heard my phone ring. Mistress answered, but soon handed me the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Son? Is that you? Who was that woman on the phone! Why haven't you called in three months! Why don't you at least send an e-mail! Do you even care that your father and I have been worried sick!" my mother's frantic voice erupted from the earpiece.

"Mom, it's ok; I'm fine. I've been really busy."

"Too busy even for your own family? When we heard about that massacre in downtown London three months ago we were terrified! It didn't help that we haven't heard from you since then!"

"Mom a lot's been happening. I got a new job and I'm moving today..."

"Nate; it's time to go," Mistress called.

"Coming, Mistress!" I shouted.

"MISTRESS? What exactly do you mean by that, young man!" Mom demanded.

Oh, crap.

"Oh, it's not what it sounded like at all, I swear! I'm just moving into the mansion with her today!"

"WHAT! Moving in? Mansion?"

This was going from bad to worse.

"Bad CKCKXKCCX connection. Losing XXCKCKXKCC signal." I did my best fake static noises and hung up. There's gonna be a LOT of awkward questions at the family Christmas party this year.

Back in my quarters, Alucard was rummaging through one of my larger boxes. I cleared my throat loudly and he straightened up, clutching several DVD's.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Hey Freshmeat, I'm gonna borrow these for a bit." Alucard held up my Berserk box set in both hands.

"Wha...why?"

"Dinner theater."

The image of Alucard in front of the T.V. sipping a blood pouch like a Capri Sun popped into my head. The image was just too funny to say no.

"Go ahead." I gave him the thumbs-up and he phased through the wall.

Who knew moving would be such a pain?

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