Balthazar POV

We had discussed years ago what the kids would and wouldn't know and to Lara and Dean their pasts were on the not to know list. I fought them on it but in the end I sided with them, they are their parents after all. I get it, who wants to tell their kids that they sold their souls and went to hell? Who wants to tell their kids that demons whored them out and they contracted HIV? Who wants to tell their kids that they used to torture souls? Not me that's for sure but I knew better than to not tell Daphne, we have always told each other everything since the beginning.

I am not the best at following the rules and hell I have broken them already too much with Daphne but I kept the one golden Vegas style rule, "What happens in the soul temple stays in the soul temple." I have never shown her what her life was like there for the 1000's of years she was there. We aren't supposed to influence their lives on earth with the promises and lives they lead there. I broke the rules about grace and souls blending. That was impossible not to though. I would sit with her for hours over thousands of years and our essences acted on their own and blended together. I didn't even notice it at first it felt so natural. Then on the human plane I even left a chunk of my grace in her to keep her safe, Gabriel could have killed me for that if he wanted. It's against the rules to blend your grace with a human. They aren't meant to be manipulated by us like that. There was an angel that I knew, we weren't close but I knew her, and she left a piece of her grace in her charge when he was possessed by a demon after he was exorcised and Michael had her executed. He did it publically and violently. I can still hear her screams in my head when I think about it. The part that stuck with me the most was that she didn't scream for herself but begged for the protection of her charge. Michael dragged her out into the most public square in heaven and first ripped her wings out then removed her grace and beheaded her. Her grace was then destroyed and her human was killed on earth. That's the only time I ever heard of an angel blending with a human. If Michael knew that Daphne and I blended in heaven I would have meet the same fate but not before Michael would have destroyed her soul to hurt me. He would have ripped her apart in front of me so I would have broken apart before he even had to raise his sword to me.

How could I not have blended with her though? If she knew the truth it would change her time on earth and quite frankly I am pretty sure Dean would find a way to kill me. We had fallen in love. It was as easy and as difficult as that. We were smart about it once we realized it. For the first few hundred years we grew accustomed to each other and she was always in her child like state. Over the centuries though she aged and only Lara ever seemed to notice it. She would give me knowing glances and reassuring hugs that it was alright with her.

The first time we kissed I knew that despite it being wrong she was my mate. That was an amazing and alarmingly scary moment for me. Angels don't often mate it's not in our make up to fall in love like that, but when we do it's for life. To angels in their grace state it's not just about sex it's about companionship and an unbreakable bond. Daphne had a favorite garden in heaven that I would come into the temple and sneak her out to whenever I could. We were just relaxing and dipping our feet in the pools that filled that particular garden. We were laughing about something Rick and Luke had done with Gabriel earlier and were so carefree. Looking back I can see that were skirting around each other decades. We had found excuses to touch and to be alone. There was a slight breeze that blew through the garden at just the right moment and it swept her hair around her face. My hand just brushed it out of her eyes and before I could get control of my body I was leaning in and our lips were meeting. I would never act on it here on earth, it would be wrong, and it would be unfair to her but I know what she is to me, my perfect and totally unattainable mate. In heaven she knew it too and swore herself to me even though I refused to accept her oath. Before I knew it though we were blending and we were on our way to being a type of soul mate. I let it go too far but in reality I don't regret any of it. I found any excuse I could to be with her and we spent 100's of years sneaking out and being alone together. Our lips touching, our heavenly bodies grazing each other softly, our essences blending. My grace and her soul are smart though. They keep this hidden from anyone but us. She doesn't even know she is doing it. When it is just us the veil drops from her soul and I can see how we have perfectly woven together, then the moment someone else enters it comes back up and we are protected. It's also why I act the way I do. If everyone in heaven thinks I'm a playboy they would never think I would be with Daphne. So I crafted this image of myself that helped keep them off our scent for years. Because in reality I a completely faithful to Daphne. I have been since the first moment our lips touched.

When I had to give her the news that her mom went missing on earth I didn't lie to Lara and Dean about it. She stopped speaking she really did but with me she didn't need to speak. By that time her soul and my grace were so mixed that we didn't need words, in reality we didn't even need to touch, we just knew what the other was thinking. I knew her pain and her thoughts and she knew my efforts at comforting her all without words. I would spend whatever time I could comforting her and wrapping my blended grace around her like a blanket trying to keep her safe. If she wanted to and we practiced a bit we could communicate like that on earth. Souls and grace are to powerful not to.

It wasn't until Zachariah found out about us that I was kept from her. I still don't know how he figured it out he wasn't allowed near the souls so how would he have seen how different her soul was from say her brothers? I had become a pro at hiding my grace and showing it has pure and whole to everyone but her. With her I never hide myself and neither did she. The moment we were alone we dropped all illusions and were truly free and open with each other. He cornered me and threatened us both. Told me if I didn't cease my visitation he would make sure she was torn apart first, slowly over centuries while he chained me up and forced me to watch. I managed to sneak in just once to let her know that I didn't want to leave her but was forced too. She fought me over it. I could feel her want but I had to protect her. The day Dean killed Zachariah I returned to her and she wept in my arms broken from the 20 human years we were separated. After that though it became too dangerous for me to be in heaven. It was well known that I sided with Castiel and the Winchesters and I even stole every weapon I could find to stockpile incase I ever needed them to break in and get Daphne out. If any of the remaining angels had known about the sway Daphne had over me they surely would have used her against me but thank my father they didn't and she was safe with her brothers.

In all of the years I have known Daphne she has been mad at me, happy with me, in love with me, dependent on me, just about any feeling a human could have but right now she is something she hasn't been before, disappointed in me. She is disappointed that I never told her the truth about her parents and her family. Maybe I should have but it was her parents decision in the end. I promised myself that I would never change her earthly experience and this was part of it.

A part of me is thrilled she is an adult now and another part of me is devastated by it. While she was a baby and a little girl it was easy to put the romantic love aside and just be her protector and care giver. I could sit with her and play dolls with her for hours and just be content with the fact that she was alive. My grace recognized it's mate but also realized she was a child, an innocent to be protected and nurtured. With her grown up though it is torture. My grace wants me to fully mate with her to claim her as its own and my heart, that angels aren't even supposed to have, wants to hold her close and kiss her senseless but my mind knows I can't. I vowed to let her have a normal human existence to someday meet a nice normal man and to have a normal life with him despite the fact it will surely kill me. Once she is back in heaven I hope she will remember me, want me with her again but if not I will step aside and focus on her children left on earth.

I don't mean to be a nuisance but I can't stop pestering my brother about Daphne. I have to know she is alright. I send wave after wave of question to Castiel hoping to get just a glimpse of her and how she is doing.

Since the moment Daphne was born I have never been separated from her like this, because she doesn't want me. I have given her space and allowed her to do what she wants but it just happens she wants me with her just as much as I need to be with her. I haven't even spent a night away from her since she was born and here I am sitting in her parents' home like a lunatic at 10 am just hoping she can forgive me and calls me back to her.

Lara and Dean have long since stopped their love making and are sound asleep. I am so jealous of them. To be human and to meet your soul mate is a sacred and protected thing. All the angels can respect it and will to an extent begrudgingly protect it. What I have is forbidden and could be a death sentence.

Come on Castiel stop fucking with me! What is going on with her and will she forgive me? Is she alright? Is she still crying? I need to know it is cruel to keep this from me.

"Balthazar? If you can hear me you can come now." I hear over angel radio. Daphne is calling for me. I don't wait even a minute before zapping myself to her. I need to make sure she is alright.

I am not prepared for the sight before me. I know Castiel is my brother but somehow I wonder how it is even possible he is just so well strange to be honest. He is standing there in a pair of red footed pjs tapping his foot at me. "If you want to join our party you have to wear the uniform." He tells me dryly. I look behind him at a slightly drunk Daphne smirking at me in her own pair of pink pjs.

This is bullshit but if it gets me to be near her I will wear a duck costume. I snap my fingers and I am in a pair of blue flannel pjs just like my brother and Daphne. "Happy?" I ask him sarcastically. He just chuckles at me and falls back in the bed next to Daphne. I shift on my feet at the end bed awkwardly waiting for Daphne to speak to me. Even if it just to yell at me.

"I don't forgive you yet." She directs at me. I drop my eyes to the floor hoping she can't see the pain in them. "But I know I will so get your ass in bed and I'm going to sleep." She doesn't have to tell me twice! I jump in the bed next to her and sit as close to her as possible and watch has her eyes start to drop and she falls asleep. In her sleep she moves closer to me and grabs on to me.

"How mad is she?" I ask Castiel once I am sure she is asleep. He shrugs his shoulders and looks at her. "She's mad enough to have wanted my company but she has forgiven you enough to want you here. Give her time and it will be fine. She knows deep down inside that the lies were for her safety and happiness."

I can only hope that he is telling me the truth. I need her to forgive me, I need the disappointment to go away. It feels like a boulder pulling me down. All I want is for her to be happy that's it. And when she's not happy it hurts me. It nearly destroys me when I realize I'm the reason she's not happy.

Over the years Dean and I have mended our fences. I finally had the chance to explain the issues I had with him and in a way he could understand them. When I first meet him he was living a careless and reckless life and I had been separated from her for 15 years already. Physically I could see her in him. They have the same mouth and smile. Every time he gave me one of his cocky grins I wanted to rip it off his face. I was grieving something he didn't even know he was missing. At the time I thought I would never get her again. Zachariah was alive and Lara was still missing. I didn't have a lot of hope and seeing him just rubbed the wrong way. Later on when Lara was taken I was so furious with Dean for not letting me bind with Daphne right away that it ate at me. It put a dark mar on my grace for awhile how consumed with rage I was. Not even that stockpile of weapons I had stolen could help me locate her, I was useless to her and it was partially their fault. If I had bound with her I could have found her anywhere despite the warding. But then she came back to me and over the years Dean and I have formed a sort of friendship I guess you would call it. Despite our friendship though if he ever got wind of what is running through my head about his daughter he would find a way to kill me. Or if she doesn't forgive me and wants me gone he will make sure it happens as well. I'm not cocky enough not to accept that a Winchester is a deadly rival to make even if they are just mortal. They may be unlucky in some things but finding a way is not one of them.

a/n let me know what you think . This will be a shorter story more like Breaking Free around 20 chapters or so but there will be some exciting things comings up.